Odd Neighbours / Neighbour Problems #2

SoulDestroyer · Dec 22, 2022

@Louise13

That sounds horrendous , definitely not normal and I would be as worried and stressed out as you.
I don’t want to worry you but I would buy a small personal attack alarm and keep it close at hand when you’re outside or you answer the door. I carry one when I’m walking in the dark and it makes me less anxious about the “what if something happens” scenario.

A Ring doorbell is a great idea and I hope it works.
I’d also put a chain on the front door so you know he can’t enter your house if you accidentally open the door to him again.

I was once in a position where I said to the police that I don’t have any proof of a crime and they said that I do - I have my own experience and my statement, that’s all it takes to start building a case. Also you have a potential witness from that shop who can back up what you’re saying (that he seems obsessed with you).

You will have a local neighbourhood policing team. Contact them via 101 or you local force website and arrange to meet them somewhere other than your house. They often have drop-in sessions at town halls etc. Tell them what’s going on. You don’t have to have them speak to him - they may have some advice for how to deal with him.

He sounds creepy as hell and you shouldn’t have to put up with him. It’s unwanted attention and that’s harassment.

Louise13 · Dec 22, 2022

SoulDestroyer said:
@Louise13

That sounds horrendous , definitely not normal and I would be as worried and stressed out as you.
I don’t want to worry you but I would buy a small personal attack alarm and keep it close at hand when you’re outside or you answer the door. I carry one when I’m walking in the dark and it makes me less anxious about the “what if something happens” scenario.

A Ring doorbell is a great idea and I hope it works.
I’d also put a chain on the front door so you know he can’t enter your house if you accidentally open the door to him again.

I was once in a position where I said to the police that I don’t have any proof of a crime and they said that I do - I have my own experience and my statement, that’s all it takes to start building a case. Also you have a potential witness from that shop who can back up what you’re saying (that he seems obsessed with you).

You will have a local neighbourhood policing team. Contact them via 101 or you local force website and arrange to meet them somewhere other than your house. They often have drop-in sessions at town halls etc. Tell them what’s going on. You don’t have to have them speak to him - they may have some advice for how to deal with him.

He sounds creepy as hell and you shouldn’t have to put up with him. It’s unwanted attention and that’s harassment.

Thank you for the advice, I will definitely get a personal alarm and look at contacting the neighbourhood policing team

elena22 · Dec 22, 2022

@Louise13

You sound like a really nice/kind/caring neighbour. Please remember you don’t owe this creep any of your time just because you live next door. A ring doorbell is a great idea. I don’t have the need for one, but will occasionally open the upstairs window instead of answering the door if I don’t know who’s there. Don’t be too nice to tell him “I’d better get on/go in now, I’m busy” to end conversations (no explanation owed). I’d also keep a diary/log of his strange behaviour in case things escalate.

Deeznutslol · Dec 22, 2022

Louise13 said:
So unfortunately this is going to be a long and serious one - TW possibly for stalking and harassment.

For background, myself and my partner bought our dream house three years ago, we live in a small cul-de-sac of only 6 houses in a small village and we are a bit out of the way so it's quite a secluded area. When we moved in we had no issues with the neighbours until our direct next door neighbour sold the house and a new neighbour moved in. I would consider us to be good neighbours, we have socialised with all our neighbours, say hello in passing and chat for a few minutes and we have even helped neighbours grit their driveways in the icy weather and helped them with their gardens (cutting grass etc.) - most of our neighbours are elderly except a family with adult children and the neighbour we are having the issue with who is a single man around his late 40s, and we are a young couple with no kids. Our house is detached so there is no issues with noise and we have a driveway for both our cars so no issues in that regard. Apart from all this we really keep ourselves to ourselves, I'm quite shy and not interested in being friends with the neighbours aside from the usual niceties.

When our previous next door neighbour moved we first met our new neighbour as he was moving into the house while we were doing some work in the front garden, we introduced ourselves, chatted a bit and that was it. We both felt he seemed a bit odd, he had moved on his own across the country with no job to go to and it was a bit unusual that he had bought the house next to us which was a fairly expensive family home when he was living on his own and had no employment. We also found out that he was looking for jobs in the area that were generally minimum wage roles (bartending, shop assistant etc.) and he previously worked in a care home, to be clear, I don't think that there's anything wrong with that but it seemed very odd when we knew how much he had paid for the house. He offered all this information without any prompting from us. Myself and my partner both found it a bit strange but thought he likely had family money and a big deposit or something and never thought too much of it after that. In the two years he has lived there he has got a few jobs here and there and been sacked from every single one, he seems to rub a lot of people up the wrong way and I do find he comes across as a bit arrogant and patronising which is quite strange as he is also quite soft spoken and he definitely doesn't have a tough guy persona (he reminds me of Phil Spencer lol).

The first incident happened a few months later when my partner was away for the weekend on a stag do, I was doing some work in our back garden and he popped up over the fence and started talking to me while I was obviously busy. He talked to me for 2 hours and I felt completely trapped, no matter how much I tried to politely leave the conversation he kept on going on going and asking me all manner of personal questions, he then asked me if I wanted to come over to his for dinner as I was on my own for the weekend, I hadn't told him this and I felt sick at his words, I made an excuse and left and didn't go back out again. For the whole weekend I was scared to leave the house in case I saw him. I told my partner about this and he said I was probably worried for nothing and that the guy was probably being over friendly as he doesn't know anyone in the area. I hoped that this was true but unfortunately not... over the next few months he managed to corner me multiple times when I was outside doing anything - always when my partner was not home. I chatted politely and for too long because he honestly was scaring me and I wasn't sure how he would react if I was rude or fobbed him off. The things he would try to talk about were deeply personal, asking me where I work, how much I earn, whether I work from home, he even asked me about medical issues that I have after he saw my partner bringing me home from the hospital after a surgery.

Then things started to escalate further, a few days after an incident where he had approached me while my partner was actually home and I managed to hurriedly make an excuse and dash into the house where my partner was waiting at the door for me, I got a knock on the door from said neighbour. It was on a weekday in the middle of the day when I was working from home and my partner was out at work and wouldn't be home for several hours. The neighbour told me he wanted to see a tree in our garden that was overhanging his fence as he wanted to prune it and walked into our house and through to the back without invitation to look out of the window at the tree. He then sat down at our dining room table and started questioning me, he told me that he thought my partner was abusing me as I was always nervous around him and because I wouldn't speak to him when my partner was there. I told him I was fine and there was no issue, he stayed in my house for around 45 minutes and made comments that I was "cute" and "pretty" before I eventually convinced him to leave me alone because I was working, at this point my anxiety was through the roof and after he left I had a full blown panic attack and actually had to finish work early because I was so shaken up. Since then he has knocked on the door multiple times when I am home alone, I have managed to ignore him most of the time but our door is right next to a window into our downstairs which is all open plan so if I'm downstairs he can see me through the window and he stands there until I answer. He has done various things which seem like excuses to come over and try to get into the house and on some occasions he has brought me gifts, luckily I have managed to keep him out.

Things escalated even further last week, he knocked on the door and as I was expecting a parcel I went to the door without thinking. I opened the door and he told me he wanted to "clear the air between us", he said that he thought my partner was jealous of us speaking to each other and being friends because he is a "single guy" and he seemed quite agitated and forceful I managed to get rid of him and I immediately left the house and went to work from the office instead, since this has happened I have been working in the office a lot more as I am scared to be at home on my own in case he comes over and I have noticed that he has been watching me leave and come back. I have purchased and installed a ring doorbell today and I'm hoping this will deter him from coming to the door.

As if the whole situation couldn't get any weirder, my dad called me today to say that a family member of my neighbour who he knows as they work in a shop he goes to, had warned my dad that my neighbour had been talking about me to his family saying that my partner was jealous of our friendship etc. she told him he is a real weirdo and that he is also a drug user and drug dealer! Bear in mind that my dad barely knows this girl aside from him visiting the shop that she works at (he has had parts invoiced to me at my address before so it is in their system which is how she must have known he was my dad), but she was able to provide details of who me and my partner are to my dad which makes me think that the neighbour must talk about us/me a lot.

Genuinely I'm worried that this guy is obsessed with me, I'm scared for my safety and I'm not sure if there's anything I can do about it. I'm reluctant to go to the police as I don't think he has committed a crime and I don't have any evidence. I think they would go and speak to him I'm worried that this will make things worse. Has anyone had a similar situation and what did you do?

He is taking advantage of the fact you are a polite woman, it’s proper weird and creepy and you should not have to put up with feeling like this in your own home. Tell your partner to go round there and tell the cunt to fuck off, who the hell does he think he is coming into your house uninvited???

Captainmouse · Dec 22, 2022

Louise13 said:
Thank you for the advice, I will definitely get a personal alarm and look at contacting the neighbourhood policing team

You could put a chain on the door to prevent him strolling in if you answer the door to him

ChubClubThug · Dec 22, 2022

Louise13 said:
So unfortunately this is going to be a long and serious one - TW possibly for stalking and harassment.

For background, myself and my partner bought our dream house three years ago, we live in a small cul-de-sac of only 6 houses in a small village and we are a bit out of the way so it's quite a secluded area. When we moved in we had no issues with the neighbours until our direct next door neighbour sold the house and a new neighbour moved in. I would consider us to be good neighbours, we have socialised with all our neighbours, say hello in passing and chat for a few minutes and we have even helped neighbours grit their driveways in the icy weather and helped them with their gardens (cutting grass etc.) - most of our neighbours are elderly except a family with adult children and the neighbour we are having the issue with who is a single man around his late 40s, and we are a young couple with no kids. Our house is detached so there is no issues with noise and we have a driveway for both our cars so no issues in that regard. Apart from all this we really keep ourselves to ourselves, I'm quite shy and not interested in being friends with the neighbours aside from the usual niceties.

When our previous next door neighbour moved we first met our new neighbour as he was moving into the house while we were doing some work in the front garden, we introduced ourselves, chatted a bit and that was it. We both felt he seemed a bit odd, he had moved on his own across the country with no job to go to and it was a bit unusual that he had bought the house next to us which was a fairly expensive family home when he was living on his own and had no employment. We also found out that he was looking for jobs in the area that were generally minimum wage roles (bartending, shop assistant etc.) and he previously worked in a care home, to be clear, I don't think that there's anything wrong with that but it seemed very odd when we knew how much he had paid for the house. He offered all this information without any prompting from us. Myself and my partner both found it a bit strange but thought he likely had family money and a big deposit or something and never thought too much of it after that. In the two years he has lived there he has got a few jobs here and there and been sacked from every single one, he seems to rub a lot of people up the wrong way and I do find he comes across as a bit arrogant and patronising which is quite strange as he is also quite soft spoken and he definitely doesn't have a tough guy persona (he reminds me of Phil Spencer lol).

The first incident happened a few months later when my partner was away for the weekend on a stag do, I was doing some work in our back garden and he popped up over the fence and started talking to me while I was obviously busy. He talked to me for 2 hours and I felt completely trapped, no matter how much I tried to politely leave the conversation he kept on going on going and asking me all manner of personal questions, he then asked me if I wanted to come over to his for dinner as I was on my own for the weekend, I hadn't told him this and I felt sick at his words, I made an excuse and left and didn't go back out again. For the whole weekend I was scared to leave the house in case I saw him. I told my partner about this and he said I was probably worried for nothing and that the guy was probably being over friendly as he doesn't know anyone in the area. I hoped that this was true but unfortunately not... over the next few months he managed to corner me multiple times when I was outside doing anything - always when my partner was not home. I chatted politely and for too long because he honestly was scaring me and I wasn't sure how he would react if I was rude or fobbed him off. The things he would try to talk about were deeply personal, asking me where I work, how much I earn, whether I work from home, he even asked me about medical issues that I have after he saw my partner bringing me home from the hospital after a surgery.

Then things started to escalate further, a few days after an incident where he had approached me while my partner was actually home and I managed to hurriedly make an excuse and dash into the house where my partner was waiting at the door for me, I got a knock on the door from said neighbour. It was on a weekday in the middle of the day when I was working from home and my partner was out at work and wouldn't be home for several hours. The neighbour told me he wanted to see a tree in our garden that was overhanging his fence as he wanted to prune it and walked into our house and through to the back without invitation to look out of the window at the tree. He then sat down at our dining room table and started questioning me, he told me that he thought my partner was abusing me as I was always nervous around him and because I wouldn't speak to him when my partner was there. I told him I was fine and there was no issue, he stayed in my house for around 45 minutes and made comments that I was "cute" and "pretty" before I eventually convinced him to leave me alone because I was working, at this point my anxiety was through the roof and after he left I had a full blown panic attack and actually had to finish work early because I was so shaken up. Since then he has knocked on the door multiple times when I am home alone, I have managed to ignore him most of the time but our door is right next to a window into our downstairs which is all open plan so if I'm downstairs he can see me through the window and he stands there until I answer. He has done various things which seem like excuses to come over and try to get into the house and on some occasions he has brought me gifts, luckily I have managed to keep him out.

Things escalated even further last week, he knocked on the door and as I was expecting a parcel I went to the door without thinking. I opened the door and he told me he wanted to "clear the air between us", he said that he thought my partner was jealous of us speaking to each other and being friends because he is a "single guy" and he seemed quite agitated and forceful I managed to get rid of him and I immediately left the house and went to work from the office instead, since this has happened I have been working in the office a lot more as I am scared to be at home on my own in case he comes over and I have noticed that he has been watching me leave and come back. I have purchased and installed a ring doorbell today and I'm hoping this will deter him from coming to the door.

As if the whole situation couldn't get any weirder, my dad called me today to say that a family member of my neighbour who he knows as they work in a shop he goes to, had warned my dad that my neighbour had been talking about me to his family saying that my partner was jealous of our friendship etc. she told him he is a real weirdo and that he is also a drug user and drug dealer! Bear in mind that my dad barely knows this girl aside from him visiting the shop that she works at (he has had parts invoiced to me at my address before so it is in their system which is how she must have known he was my dad), but she was able to provide details of who me and my partner are to my dad which makes me think that the neighbour must talk about us/me a lot.

Genuinely I'm worried that this guy is obsessed with me, I'm scared for my safety and I'm not sure if there's anything I can do about it. I'm reluctant to go to the police as I don't think he has committed a crime and I don't have any evidence. I think they would go and speak to him I'm worried that this will make things worse. Has anyone had a similar situation and what did you do?

Get cctv set up front and back as well as the ring doorbell. Display the signs saying that you have cctv. This man is a bully and is playing on you being polite and quiet. If you are friendly with any of the other neighbours I'd make them aware of the situation incase you ever need back up. I would also contact the police and ask for a background check on him because he's basically stalking you. They don't have to disclose details, but ask them out straight is there any reason for you to be cautious with this person. I'd log the complaints anyway. I'd also be doing my own digging about him, you'd be amazed what you can find out if you try. Maybe go back and try and speak to his family to find out more. If his own family are saying he's a weirdo then that says it all really.

It sounds like he's been rehoused somehow. I agree it sounds very odd. Is there any way of contacting the previous neighbour for info? I'm not saying you should be scared, but I would be on my guard too.

The only way to deal with these people is to be very very blunt. Laugh at any suggestions that they think you're abused. Let them see how happy you are with your partner. You don't have to be aggressive back, but deffo be firm with him and dismiss any serious convos he tries to have with you. Next time he knocks, don't answer but shout out the window that you're busy and don't have time to talk.

I've experienced something similar, not as extreme as you but they did push the boundaries. The only way to deal with it was blunt rudeness with a smile.

PurpleRox · Dec 22, 2022

SoulDestroyer said:
I have two cameras already She knows she's on camera.

I am very tempted to put up a poster detailing what I put up with on a daily basis, plus proof with a screenshot or two, so everyone in the street knows. She's all charming to other people and tells them how awful I am for not doing X Y Z that she wants me to do (usually giving her part of my garden, or cutting shrubs down cos she doesn't like them). She plays the victim all the time.

Not sure if it's been mentioned before but what about the window film -the one you can see out of but they can't in?

honey&lemon · Dec 22, 2022

Louise13 said:
So unfortunately this is going to be a long and serious one - TW possibly for stalking and harassment.

For background, myself and my partner bought our dream house three years ago, we live in a small cul-de-sac of only 6 houses in a small village and we are a bit out of the way so it's quite a secluded area. When we moved in we had no issues with the neighbours until our direct next door neighbour sold the house and a new neighbour moved in. I would consider us to be good neighbours, we have socialised with all our neighbours, say hello in passing and chat for a few minutes and we have even helped neighbours grit their driveways in the icy weather and helped them with their gardens (cutting grass etc.) - most of our neighbours are elderly except a family with adult children and the neighbour we are having the issue with who is a single man around his late 40s, and we are a young couple with no kids. Our house is detached so there is no issues with noise and we have a driveway for both our cars so no issues in that regard. Apart from all this we really keep ourselves to ourselves, I'm quite shy and not interested in being friends with the neighbours aside from the usual niceties.

When our previous next door neighbour moved we first met our new neighbour as he was moving into the house while we were doing some work in the front garden, we introduced ourselves, chatted a bit and that was it. We both felt he seemed a bit odd, he had moved on his own across the country with no job to go to and it was a bit unusual that he had bought the house next to us which was a fairly expensive family home when he was living on his own and had no employment. We also found out that he was looking for jobs in the area that were generally minimum wage roles (bartending, shop assistant etc.) and he previously worked in a care home, to be clear, I don't think that there's anything wrong with that but it seemed very odd when we knew how much he had paid for the house. He offered all this information without any prompting from us. Myself and my partner both found it a bit strange but thought he likely had family money and a big deposit or something and never thought too much of it after that. In the two years he has lived there he has got a few jobs here and there and been sacked from every single one, he seems to rub a lot of people up the wrong way and I do find he comes across as a bit arrogant and patronising which is quite strange as he is also quite soft spoken and he definitely doesn't have a tough guy persona (he reminds me of Phil Spencer lol).

The first incident happened a few months later when my partner was away for the weekend on a stag do, I was doing some work in our back garden and he popped up over the fence and started talking to me while I was obviously busy. He talked to me for 2 hours and I felt completely trapped, no matter how much I tried to politely leave the conversation he kept on going on going and asking me all manner of personal questions, he then asked me if I wanted to come over to his for dinner as I was on my own for the weekend, I hadn't told him this and I felt sick at his words, I made an excuse and left and didn't go back out again. For the whole weekend I was scared to leave the house in case I saw him. I told my partner about this and he said I was probably worried for nothing and that the guy was probably being over friendly as he doesn't know anyone in the area. I hoped that this was true but unfortunately not... over the next few months he managed to corner me multiple times when I was outside doing anything - always when my partner was not home. I chatted politely and for too long because he honestly was scaring me and I wasn't sure how he would react if I was rude or fobbed him off. The things he would try to talk about were deeply personal, asking me where I work, how much I earn, whether I work from home, he even asked me about medical issues that I have after he saw my partner bringing me home from the hospital after a surgery.

Then things started to escalate further, a few days after an incident where he had approached me while my partner was actually home and I managed to hurriedly make an excuse and dash into the house where my partner was waiting at the door for me, I got a knock on the door from said neighbour. It was on a weekday in the middle of the day when I was working from home and my partner was out at work and wouldn't be home for several hours. The neighbour told me he wanted to see a tree in our garden that was overhanging his fence as he wanted to prune it and walked into our house and through to the back without invitation to look out of the window at the tree. He then sat down at our dining room table and started questioning me, he told me that he thought my partner was abusing me as I was always nervous around him and because I wouldn't speak to him when my partner was there. I told him I was fine and there was no issue, he stayed in my house for around 45 minutes and made comments that I was "cute" and "pretty" before I eventually convinced him to leave me alone because I was working, at this point my anxiety was through the roof and after he left I had a full blown panic attack and actually had to finish work early because I was so shaken up. Since then he has knocked on the door multiple times when I am home alone, I have managed to ignore him most of the time but our door is right next to a window into our downstairs which is all open plan so if I'm downstairs he can see me through the window and he stands there until I answer. He has done various things which seem like excuses to come over and try to get into the house and on some occasions he has brought me gifts, luckily I have managed to keep him out.

Things escalated even further last week, he knocked on the door and as I was expecting a parcel I went to the door without thinking. I opened the door and he told me he wanted to "clear the air between us", he said that he thought my partner was jealous of us speaking to each other and being friends because he is a "single guy" and he seemed quite agitated and forceful I managed to get rid of him and I immediately left the house and went to work from the office instead, since this has happened I have been working in the office a lot more as I am scared to be at home on my own in case he comes over and I have noticed that he has been watching me leave and come back. I have purchased and installed a ring doorbell today and I'm hoping this will deter him from coming to the door.

As if the whole situation couldn't get any weirder, my dad called me today to say that a family member of my neighbour who he knows as they work in a shop he goes to, had warned my dad that my neighbour had been talking about me to his family saying that my partner was jealous of our friendship etc. she told him he is a real weirdo and that he is also a drug user and drug dealer! Bear in mind that my dad barely knows this girl aside from him visiting the shop that she works at (he has had parts invoiced to me at my address before so it is in their system which is how she must have known he was my dad), but she was able to provide details of who me and my partner are to my dad which makes me think that the neighbour must talk about us/me a lot.

Genuinely I'm worried that this guy is obsessed with me, I'm scared for my safety and I'm not sure if there's anything I can do about it. I'm reluctant to go to the police as I don't think he has committed a crime and I don't have any evidence. I think they would go and speak to him I'm worried that this will make things worse. Has anyone had a similar situation and what did you do?

I’m so sorry to hear what you’ve been going through.

Only going to echo what others have said, the ring doorbell is a great idea. I would also get one for the back of the house. You can also get some fairly cheap cameras for indoors too if you feel that would help if you’re working from home and feel a bit unsafe. Definitely get a chain for the door and look into privacy film for your windows.

How does your partner feel about it all? Have you told him everything you’ve written here?

FoksiOska · Dec 22, 2022

What an awful and quite frankly very strange situation. I'm sorry that you're experiencing this in your own home which should be a place of comfort and safety.
Agree with all the suggestions above, especially with documenting all his activity. Note the date & time he knocked, what the nature of his call was for and anything else worth noting. Also document any other strange interactions or scenarios that make you feel uncomfortable. You shouldn't have to do this, but if it was me then I would just in case you ever need to use it as evidence against him. Hopefully as evidence for him being moved out!

Tree_ · Jan 1, 2023

Deeznutslol said:
He is taking advantage of the fact you are a polite woman, it’s proper weird and creepy and you should not have to put up with feeling like this in your own home. Tell your partner to go round there and tell the cunt to fuck off, who the hell does he think he is coming into your house uninvited???

My thoughts exactly. Get your partner to go and smack him out

Also I hope you're ok. Sounds awful

whoareyouu · Jan 1, 2023

Neighbours blocking the access on our shared drive as they’ve got visitors and only have one parking space. Loads of visitors bays but no, can’t possibly park in one of those.

I had to go and ask them to move this morning as I couldn’t get my car out and their visitors car has moved back into the exact same position.

Why don’t people just think?

Some People! · Jan 1, 2023

whoareyouu said:
Neighbours blocking the access on our shared drive as they’ve got visitors and only have one parking space. Loads of visitors bays but no, can’t possibly park in one of those.

I had to go and ask them to move this morning as I couldn’t get my car out and their visitors car has moved back into the exact same position.

Why don’t people just think?

Block em in!

whoareyouu · Jan 1, 2023

Some People! said:
Block em in!

The car in question is 18 years old and bashed up and I really don’t want my fairly nice car damaged

Just got to hope they leave soon as I CBA with this.

TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo · Jan 1, 2023

Louise13 said:
So unfortunately this is going to be a long and serious one - TW possibly for stalking and harassment.

For background, myself and my partner bought our dream house three years ago, we live in a small cul-de-sac of only 6 houses in a small village and we are a bit out of the way so it's quite a secluded area. When we moved in we had no issues with the neighbours until our direct next door neighbour sold the house and a new neighbour moved in. I would consider us to be good neighbours, we have socialised with all our neighbours, say hello in passing and chat for a few minutes and we have even helped neighbours grit their driveways in the icy weather and helped them with their gardens (cutting grass etc.) - most of our neighbours are elderly except a family with adult children and the neighbour we are having the issue with who is a single man around his late 40s, and we are a young couple with no kids. Our house is detached so there is no issues with noise and we have a driveway for both our cars so no issues in that regard. Apart from all this we really keep ourselves to ourselves, I'm quite shy and not interested in being friends with the neighbours aside from the usual niceties.

When our previous next door neighbour moved we first met our new neighbour as he was moving into the house while we were doing some work in the front garden, we introduced ourselves, chatted a bit and that was it. We both felt he seemed a bit odd, he had moved on his own across the country with no job to go to and it was a bit unusual that he had bought the house next to us which was a fairly expensive family home when he was living on his own and had no employment. We also found out that he was looking for jobs in the area that were generally minimum wage roles (bartending, shop assistant etc.) and he previously worked in a care home, to be clear, I don't think that there's anything wrong with that but it seemed very odd when we knew how much he had paid for the house. He offered all this information without any prompting from us. Myself and my partner both found it a bit strange but thought he likely had family money and a big deposit or something and never thought too much of it after that. In the two years he has lived there he has got a few jobs here and there and been sacked from every single one, he seems to rub a lot of people up the wrong way and I do find he comes across as a bit arrogant and patronising which is quite strange as he is also quite soft spoken and he definitely doesn't have a tough guy persona (he reminds me of Phil Spencer lol).

The first incident happened a few months later when my partner was away for the weekend on a stag do, I was doing some work in our back garden and he popped up over the fence and started talking to me while I was obviously busy. He talked to me for 2 hours and I felt completely trapped, no matter how much I tried to politely leave the conversation he kept on going on going and asking me all manner of personal questions, he then asked me if I wanted to come over to his for dinner as I was on my own for the weekend, I hadn't told him this and I felt sick at his words, I made an excuse and left and didn't go back out again. For the whole weekend I was scared to leave the house in case I saw him. I told my partner about this and he said I was probably worried for nothing and that the guy was probably being over friendly as he doesn't know anyone in the area. I hoped that this was true but unfortunately not... over the next few months he managed to corner me multiple times when I was outside doing anything - always when my partner was not home. I chatted politely and for too long because he honestly was scaring me and I wasn't sure how he would react if I was rude or fobbed him off. The things he would try to talk about were deeply personal, asking me where I work, how much I earn, whether I work from home, he even asked me about medical issues that I have after he saw my partner bringing me home from the hospital after a surgery.

Then things started to escalate further, a few days after an incident where he had approached me while my partner was actually home and I managed to hurriedly make an excuse and dash into the house where my partner was waiting at the door for me, I got a knock on the door from said neighbour. It was on a weekday in the middle of the day when I was working from home and my partner was out at work and wouldn't be home for several hours. The neighbour told me he wanted to see a tree in our garden that was overhanging his fence as he wanted to prune it and walked into our house and through to the back without invitation to look out of the window at the tree. He then sat down at our dining room table and started questioning me, he told me that he thought my partner was abusing me as I was always nervous around him and because I wouldn't speak to him when my partner was there. I told him I was fine and there was no issue, he stayed in my house for around 45 minutes and made comments that I was "cute" and "pretty" before I eventually convinced him to leave me alone because I was working, at this point my anxiety was through the roof and after he left I had a full blown panic attack and actually had to finish work early because I was so shaken up. Since then he has knocked on the door multiple times when I am home alone, I have managed to ignore him most of the time but our door is right next to a window into our downstairs which is all open plan so if I'm downstairs he can see me through the window and he stands there until I answer. He has done various things which seem like excuses to come over and try to get into the house and on some occasions he has brought me gifts, luckily I have managed to keep him out.

Things escalated even further last week, he knocked on the door and as I was expecting a parcel I went to the door without thinking. I opened the door and he told me he wanted to "clear the air between us", he said that he thought my partner was jealous of us speaking to each other and being friends because he is a "single guy" and he seemed quite agitated and forceful I managed to get rid of him and I immediately left the house and went to work from the office instead, since this has happened I have been working in the office a lot more as I am scared to be at home on my own in case he comes over and I have noticed that he has been watching me leave and come back. I have purchased and installed a ring doorbell today and I'm hoping this will deter him from coming to the door.

As if the whole situation couldn't get any weirder, my dad called me today to say that a family member of my neighbour who he knows as they work in a shop he goes to, had warned my dad that my neighbour had been talking about me to his family saying that my partner was jealous of our friendship etc. she told him he is a real weirdo and that he is also a drug user and drug dealer! Bear in mind that my dad barely knows this girl aside from him visiting the shop that she works at (he has had parts invoiced to me at my address before so it is in their system which is how she must have known he was my dad), but she was able to provide details of who me and my partner are to my dad which makes me think that the neighbour must talk about us/me a lot.

Genuinely I'm worried that this guy is obsessed with me, I'm scared for my safety and I'm not sure if there's anything I can do about it. I'm reluctant to go to the police as I don't think he has committed a crime and I don't have any evidence. I think they would go and speak to him I'm worried that this will make things worse. Has anyone had a similar situation and what did you do?

I think you should ring 101 (or use the online service). This is exactly what it is for. You are experiencing unwanted interactions that you are concerned about.

It may well be that they cannot do anything at this time but I cannot stress enough the importance of logging it!!

In the meantime, make notes with times, dates and general interactions.

hol20x · Jan 2, 2023

Louise13 said:
So unfortunately this is going to be a long and serious one - TW possibly for stalking and harassment.

For background, myself and my partner bought our dream house three years ago, we live in a small cul-de-sac of only 6 houses in a small village and we are a bit out of the way so it's quite a secluded area. When we moved in we had no issues with the neighbours until our direct next door neighbour sold the house and a new neighbour moved in. I would consider us to be good neighbours, we have socialised with all our neighbours, say hello in passing and chat for a few minutes and we have even helped neighbours grit their driveways in the icy weather and helped them with their gardens (cutting grass etc.) - most of our neighbours are elderly except a family with adult children and the neighbour we are having the issue with who is a single man around his late 40s, and we are a young couple with no kids. Our house is detached so there is no issues with noise and we have a driveway for both our cars so no issues in that regard. Apart from all this we really keep ourselves to ourselves, I'm quite shy and not interested in being friends with the neighbours aside from the usual niceties.

When our previous next door neighbour moved we first met our new neighbour as he was moving into the house while we were doing some work in the front garden, we introduced ourselves, chatted a bit and that was it. We both felt he seemed a bit odd, he had moved on his own across the country with no job to go to and it was a bit unusual that he had bought the house next to us which was a fairly expensive family home when he was living on his own and had no employment. We also found out that he was looking for jobs in the area that were generally minimum wage roles (bartending, shop assistant etc.) and he previously worked in a care home, to be clear, I don't think that there's anything wrong with that but it seemed very odd when we knew how much he had paid for the house. He offered all this information without any prompting from us. Myself and my partner both found it a bit strange but thought he likely had family money and a big deposit or something and never thought too much of it after that. In the two years he has lived there he has got a few jobs here and there and been sacked from every single one, he seems to rub a lot of people up the wrong way and I do find he comes across as a bit arrogant and patronising which is quite strange as he is also quite soft spoken and he definitely doesn't have a tough guy persona (he reminds me of Phil Spencer lol).

The first incident happened a few months later when my partner was away for the weekend on a stag do, I was doing some work in our back garden and he popped up over the fence and started talking to me while I was obviously busy. He talked to me for 2 hours and I felt completely trapped, no matter how much I tried to politely leave the conversation he kept on going on going and asking me all manner of personal questions, he then asked me if I wanted to come over to his for dinner as I was on my own for the weekend, I hadn't told him this and I felt sick at his words, I made an excuse and left and didn't go back out again. For the whole weekend I was scared to leave the house in case I saw him. I told my partner about this and he said I was probably worried for nothing and that the guy was probably being over friendly as he doesn't know anyone in the area. I hoped that this was true but unfortunately not... over the next few months he managed to corner me multiple times when I was outside doing anything - always when my partner was not home. I chatted politely and for too long because he honestly was scaring me and I wasn't sure how he would react if I was rude or fobbed him off. The things he would try to talk about were deeply personal, asking me where I work, how much I earn, whether I work from home, he even asked me about medical issues that I have after he saw my partner bringing me home from the hospital after a surgery.

Then things started to escalate further, a few days after an incident where he had approached me while my partner was actually home and I managed to hurriedly make an excuse and dash into the house where my partner was waiting at the door for me, I got a knock on the door from said neighbour. It was on a weekday in the middle of the day when I was working from home and my partner was out at work and wouldn't be home for several hours. The neighbour told me he wanted to see a tree in our garden that was overhanging his fence as he wanted to prune it and walked into our house and through to the back without invitation to look out of the window at the tree. He then sat down at our dining room table and started questioning me, he told me that he thought my partner was abusing me as I was always nervous around him and because I wouldn't speak to him when my partner was there. I told him I was fine and there was no issue, he stayed in my house for around 45 minutes and made comments that I was "cute" and "pretty" before I eventually convinced him to leave me alone because I was working, at this point my anxiety was through the roof and after he left I had a full blown panic attack and actually had to finish work early because I was so shaken up. Since then he has knocked on the door multiple times when I am home alone, I have managed to ignore him most of the time but our door is right next to a window into our downstairs which is all open plan so if I'm downstairs he can see me through the window and he stands there until I answer. He has done various things which seem like excuses to come over and try to get into the house and on some occasions he has brought me gifts, luckily I have managed to keep him out.

Things escalated even further last week, he knocked on the door and as I was expecting a parcel I went to the door without thinking. I opened the door and he told me he wanted to "clear the air between us", he said that he thought my partner was jealous of us speaking to each other and being friends because he is a "single guy" and he seemed quite agitated and forceful I managed to get rid of him and I immediately left the house and went to work from the office instead, since this has happened I have been working in the office a lot more as I am scared to be at home on my own in case he comes over and I have noticed that he has been watching me leave and come back. I have purchased and installed a ring doorbell today and I'm hoping this will deter him from coming to the door.

As if the whole situation couldn't get any weirder, my dad called me today to say that a family member of my neighbour who he knows as they work in a shop he goes to, had warned my dad that my neighbour had been talking about me to his family saying that my partner was jealous of our friendship etc. she told him he is a real weirdo and that he is also a drug user and drug dealer! Bear in mind that my dad barely knows this girl aside from him visiting the shop that she works at (he has had parts invoiced to me at my address before so it is in their system which is how she must have known he was my dad), but she was able to provide details of who me and my partner are to my dad which makes me think that the neighbour must talk about us/me a lot.

Genuinely I'm worried that this guy is obsessed with me, I'm scared for my safety and I'm not sure if there's anything I can do about it. I'm reluctant to go to the police as I don't think he has committed a crime and I don't have any evidence. I think they would go and speak to him I'm worried that this will make things worse. Has anyone had a similar situation and what did you do?

This is so frightening, I really feel for you. Are you finding the Ring doorbell to be useful? You can talk to people at your door through it so you don't have to physically open the door. Definitely get a chain and some extra latches put on the door. Are there any family or friends that could pop in while your partner is at work?

elena22 · Jan 4, 2023

Just looking for opinions, as it’s bugging me. My partner lived in a town where his parents also live, about 30 miles away from my city. His parents live about a 30 second drive from where his house was. He had to move due to the guy he was renting from selling the house he and moving away. I have a massive driving anxiety, I feel comfortable (most of the time) driving to the old location but not his new place, about 15 miles further away, so I’ve been leaving my car on his parent’s street when I visit him on a weekend. He’ll meet me on his parent’s street and we’ll either visit them if they’re in or just go back to his. I’m very cautious not to park in front of someone’s house, though legal, I think it could come off as quite cheeky, so I’ve stuck to parking to the side of houses where there are 3 spaces plus. After spending the new year at my other half’s, I returned to a note left under my front windscreen wiper telling me it was “residents parking only”. This obviously isn’t legally true, but I’m not quite sure what to do now, as I don't want to piss anybody off to the point of damaging my car, but i also don't want to be bullied out of parking where i'm well within my rights to? Absolutely all opinions welcomed.

Purrrrrrr · Jan 4, 2023

elena22 said:
Just looking for opinions, as it’s bugging me. My partner lived in a town where his parents also live, about 30 miles away from my city. His parents live about a 30 second drive from where his house was. He had to move due to the guy he was renting from selling the house he and moving away. I have a massive driving anxiety, I feel comfortable (most of the time) driving to the old location but not his new place, about 15 miles further away, so I’ve been leaving my car on his parent’s street when I visit him on a weekend. He’ll meet me on his parent’s street and we’ll either visit them if they’re in or just go back to his. I’m very cautious not to park in front of someone’s house, though legal, I think it could come off as quite cheeky, so I’ve stuck to parking to the side of houses where there are 3 spaces plus. After spending the new year at my other half’s, I returned to a note left under my front windscreen wiper telling me it was “residents parking only”. This obviously isn’t legally true, but I’m not quite sure what to do now, as I don't want to piss anybody off to the point of damaging my car, but i also don't want to be bullied out of parking where i'm well within my rights to? Absolutely all opinions welcomed.

My advice would be to bit the bullet and drive to his place. the more you do it the easier it will be, avoiding the drive will never make it easier, the reason you feel ok ish driving to the old place is because you did it and then did it again and again.

So that is my advice to take or leave.

elena22 · Jan 4, 2023

Purrrrrrr said:
My advice would be to bit the bullet and drive to his place. the more you do it the easier it will be, avoiding the drive will never make it easier, the reason you feel ok ish driving to the old place is because you did it and then did it again and again.

So that is my advice to take or leave.

Thank you for your opinion . I get where you’re coming from, but easier said than done, unfortunately. I still get sweaty/numb hands driving the 10 minutes to work sometimes (not all the time, totally irrational), where I’ve worked for the best part of 20 years. I should maybe look in to getting a bus pass

Purrrrrrr · Jan 4, 2023

elena22 said:
Thank you for your opinion . I get where you’re coming from, but easier said than done, unfortunately. I still get sweaty/numb hands driving the 10 minutes to work sometimes (not all the time, totally irrational), where I’ve worked for the best part of 20 years. I should maybe look in to getting a bus pass

I do get it, I am agoraphobic and although now I do go out it's not easy but I do make myself do it because never leaving my home was awful but would be very easy to get used to again by not forcing myself past my limits

if you are 100% sure that it isn't a residence-only parking area. get yourself a cam back and front so you can see if anyone puts a note on your car or damages it.

People are very possessive of their roads and hate "strangers" parking there. its totally unreasonable but they wont change

elena22 · Jan 4, 2023

Purrrrrrr said:
I do get it, I am agoraphobic and although now I do go out it's not easy but I do make myself do it because never leaving my home was awful but would be very easy to get used to again by not forcing myself past my limits

if you are 100% sure that it isn't a residence-only parking area. get yourself a cam back and front so you can see if anyone puts a note on your car or damages it.

People are very possessive of their roads and hate "strangers" parking there. its totally unreasonable but they wont change

Thank you for sharing that. It really does make people feel less alone/like weirdos. Sometimes I tell people (if I have to explain why I can’t drive/get to somewhere) and they look at me like I’m an alien.

It definitely isn’t “residents only”, but I will give it a try driving the whole way in the next few weeks.

Odd Neighbours / Neighbour Problems #2

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