Ellie - After the amazing rebrand and implementation of a Briscoes pricing strategy, Abeille have unsurprisingly announced that they are closing up shop. Ellie is currently consoling herself in Sydney by attending the Taylor Swift concert and spending up a storm. Meanwhile Brett is left to pack up their remaining stock. At least the newly renovated granny flat won’t sustain any smoke damage.
MFM - Has apparently read 170 books so far this year. She must have speed reading abilities that would put Kath Day Knight to shame. She would like us to know that her kids don’t mind her boring lunches day in day out and are quite content with receiving 6 pretzels and 7 mini ginger nuts.
Finau/Chicken Seasoning - Thanks to Finaus prolific over sharing we all got to pretty much attend her Dads funeral without having to actually leave the country. If you like Steak, Rice and Cream with a side of dog hair and weed then you are in for a treat as you can now buy delicious home cooked meals from the couple. Who needs Hellofresh when this service is available.
Edna aka Flaps - Still pregnant, and still refusing to wear pants that will button up. Her bestie Just Jess has also gone single white female on her and also got herself knocked up so that they can enjoy motherhood together. Edna smuggly thinks she is only going to take two weeks off after the birth of baby flaps, she is in for quite the awakening….
Cassie aka Cashie - Continues to use Tattle as a means to try increase her following. Personally I find her boring as tit so can’t add much input. But we can all be sure if mentioned here she will respond on her stories asap to clear it up.
Bernadebt - Selling off assets left, right and centre and has gone weirdly quiet. Some suspect a marriage split is impending. It looks like she won’t be getting invited to come swim in Cherie’s pool anytime soon.
Rebecca - Much like the possum that visited her, Rebecca has become a creature of the night. Perhaps she has popped a tracking device on Jared and needs to keep up with his whereabouts while he lives the single life away from her.
Danni Duncan - Do you hate children? Want to spend two weeks with an insufferable individual? Have a spare $8k lying around? Then Danni has just the trip for you! Join her in the Phillipines for a fun filled couple of weeks where you can all witch about people who have kids together. *she cannot guarantee that you won’t see any children on said trip, but mace will be provided should they approach.
Marnie - Still refusing to take any accountability for physically abusing her son and posting about it on social media. Still knitting ugly jumpers that even David Bain would turn his nose up at, and that man loved a knitted jumper.
Millie - Now that she’s no longer with the catch that was Bambam, Millie has returned to the land that she once denounced. It’s ok though girl because you can now sit in the front seat and be the passenger princess you deserve to be.
Renee Stewart - Getting married this weekend. We await to see how much of it is gifted/ads. Molly, who is keeping Christchurch liquor stores trading is unlikely to attend.
Elle/Dave - if you would like to give yourself a fungal foot infection then feel free to purchase some of her used sandals for only $4!!
LFYD - Frankie, who is clearly unimpressed with Lulu encroaching on his territory as the cute kid, continues to attempt to drown his little sister in the pool. Christian doesn’t mind as long as the margaritas keep flowing, it’s all good babes Kelly will watch them!
Does reading fast mean great comprehension tho? 
