Niomi Smart #60 Eat not, prey, love bomb

[triesherbest]

OT here to make you feel better about your own lives
Guys im going through the worst break up of my life. I feel like I just lost my own Dreamy Joe. I'm almost 30 but I don't have money to burn like Niomi so I can't even do what I want with my life and start over. My heart feels like it was ripped out of my chest yesterday morning when it happened. It's so raw right now. I haven't stopped crying for the last 24 hours.
I'm also about to be fired because my boss thinks I'm underperforming. I have no savings because I burned through them all in the last year living in London since I was working underpaid jobs, I'm still underpaid at the moment (30k) it's barely enough to get by when my rent is 900 a month- in a house share...
I've left London for Easter and come back to my family up north- we're not made of money but my mum has been so supportive, I was really scared to tell her all of this because I've always been the child they don't have to worry about, but she was just happy to see me and that I opened up to her.
I don't know why I'm telling a bunch of strangers on the Internet this. I think I see a bit of myself in niomi in terms of her mental state, I'm a mess. But she has the means to literally pay for help, go anywhere in the world, buy property, distract herself, and I can't. I just feel helpless, depressed and alone.

 

[formerly_sitkx]

New video begins with some good ole bodychecking

Then, "despite the rain", they follow their morning routine and go to the beach while scootin in the best protective equipment there is: their skins

'
But Nims is not like the other girls, so she has a "morning ritual" before she gets on the bike: looking at a temple through a hole in the wall and "thanking Bahhhli for having me"

Then they hop on the bike and make their way to the beach. You can see all others in front of them wearing full on jackets and rain ponchos, while Nims wears her little teabag size bikini

We get an indie movie style romance shot

She says "no matter the weather in Bahhhli, we are always greeted by the happiest warmest faces" and inserts a clip of a frowning dog

She then of course records a cafe employee without his permission and inserts that into her video

She feels "it's important to show the reality of some parts of Bahhhli, like it's not the cleanest". Thanks for the insightful analysis of the socioeconomic divide and your own personal contribution to gentrification

She says "there's definitely parts of Changuu where there's litter on the beaches" and inserts a clip of herself. Take that as you will

Then they order their coconuts and she journals "yesterday was beautiful."

She randomly inserts words on the screen throughout the video

Wonderful shot of goosebumps because she wore a tiny bikini on a cold and stormy day to the beach

Then they go to a gym, which they visit "religiously" for about "2-3 hours a day", which sounds totally healthy and not at all concerning or orthorexic. It also shows, of course, what busy and productive lives they both lead.

Tattle drinking game: drink every time you see Nim's butt on social media. Winner is the person who survives the alcohol poisoning.
She says they sit in the sauna for 20-30 mins.

Followed by a "delicious lunch" and she'll "maybe read [her] book", emphasis on the maybe. I believe the books are more of an accessory that she carries around to place strategically on tables for other patrons to see and think "wow, she sure is smart!"

Then it's finally time to work! "The ethos here is working more efficiently in less time". That should not be hard, if work is responding to three sponsorship emails? I'm sorry but literally what is work for her? What does she do? She doesn't post on youtube, she does an ad on instagram here and there..WHAT is work??????? She pretends to work for 4.5 hours.

Smoothie bowl weather

Then she visits a "sacred healing tree" and "sits underneath her". She prays, meditates, asks the tree questions. "She's never felt this connection to nature in this way before".

Then she goes back and stares at the rice paddies, more accurately the Balinese people laboriously working on said paddies. Ahhh, nothing better than answering some emails and then watching other people break their backs on a rice field below...

Then after enjoying the fruits of other people's labor, she gets in bed by 9:30 and that's her day in Bahhhli.

 

[sydneybarrett]

yeah no wonder she's been oversexualizing herself lately, when she had a normal boyfriend (Joe) she never felt the need to post thirst traps, even when she posted bikini photos they were never this tacky & cheap-looking; now she's dating her love who lives by the saying "sex sells" so we're forced to have her nonexistent ass all in our face 24/7. i mean, let's just look back at some of his events:

come on Jamie give us a rating of Niomi's t.i.t.s, do you reckon she'd be able to gain access to your party??

 

[cocochino]

OT here to make you feel better about your own lives
Guys im going through the worst break up of my life. I feel like I just lost my own Dreamy Joe. I'm almost 30 but I don't have money to burn like Niomi so I can't even do what I want with my life and start over. My heart feels like it was ripped out of my chest yesterday morning when it happened. It's so raw right now. I haven't stopped crying for the last 24 hours.
I'm also about to be fired because my boss thinks I'm underperforming. I have no savings because I burned through them all in the last year living in London since I was working underpaid jobs, I'm still underpaid at the moment (30k) it's barely enough to get by when my rent is 900 a month- in a house share...
I've left London for Easter and come back to my family up north- we're not made of money but my mum has been so supportive, I was really scared to tell her all of this because I've always been the child they don't have to worry about, but she was just happy to see me and that I opened up to her.
I don't know why I'm telling a bunch of strangers on the Internet this. I think I see a bit of myself in niomi in terms of her mental state, I'm a mess. But she has the means to literally pay for help, go anywhere in the world, buy property, distract herself, and I can't. I just feel helpless, depressed and alone.

I’m so sorry. It’s ok to be a mess right now.

I went through an awful break up when I was 31, then I lost my job and I spiralled into a depression. I was in so much debt that I couldn’t see a way out, so I planned to end my life. Covid saved me in a way because I was forced to move back home with my mum. Since then, I’ve built a business from scratch and made more money than I ever thought possible. And I’m so proud of myself because I did it all on my own without a man.

You’re still so young and can be anything you want to be. If you have to stay with your mum for a while to get back on your feet and save some money, there’s no shame in it.

 

[laplusheureuse96]

Even her bright tribe doesn’t seem too enthusiastic, lol.

Love the second comment basically calling her a bore who’s got nothing going on in her head.

 

[Shutterbug99]

Niomi Smart #61 Total Eclipse of the Shart

 

[laplusheureuse96]

Just leaving these here.

 

[formerly_sitkx]

I've just had a generous three glasses of Sauvignon Blanc (such is the life of a desperate housewife of the Shadows) and now I'm sat here thinking about Big Tezza (?????) Like why does she fascinate me the most of that entire family?? Am i okay?

In this essay, I will...

Now hear me out: miss Tezza is literally almost 77 years old (doing the math from this dailymail article lol) and she's out there living the most luxurious life between Naples, Fl and Sussex. Idk about you guys, but I originate from a country in Eastern Europe where people don't even dream of living that long, let alone regularly jetsetting between two different continents for fun & pleasure at almost 80.

I think Granny T is living the life that Dimbobs dreams of having. I also think she is the matriarch of the family, and the driving force behind the "expectations" Dimbob's always talks about in her posts. Big T's had a couple of kids, they're all grown up with their own families, and now she does nothing but leisure around in her two giant country homes. And like, you do you queen, I'm even a bit jealous. But as a nosy person, where the HELL did all this money come from? That's none of my business, but...

Second of all, I don't understand how Nimbobs can look at her grandma and worry about being 30? Girl, your grandma is literally 77. And she's living her "best life", so to speak. I don't think anyone in my maternal line even lived that long to tell the tale. Nims' mom had DM at what, 38/40? Nimbobs probably has AT LEAST 10 years ahead where she can have kids, if she wants. Be that with the help of IVF or anything else, it's still probably more than a decade. But by getting with Lordon, it feels like she is accepting this "path" as her final one? Like this is the last train she can get on. I guess maybe they're in love (lol), but is the digital nomad life really the one she pines after?

Before anyone comes at me, I'm gonna cite my sources real quick:

1) Where do you see yourself in 10 years? (08:40) -- "married by the time I'm 34, with maybe 3 kids, living in the countryside somewhere, with a lovely house and garden, and 2 dogs, maybe a cat as well. Maybe working on more recipe books". (I still think she can have all this if she ditches Lordon)


2) Nim's talks about wanting to live in LA or Sydney (03:32) -- basically what her grandma does (living between UK and another 1st world Eng-speaking country)


3) Big Tezza living her best life at 73 years old (13:48) - I'm just gonna be honest and say I'm jealous of her vitality lol cause I'm much less than half her age and feel like an elderly


Big Tezza, if you're reading this, I'm not hating
Also, I'm sorry to anyone who hates me and my drunk posts on this thread Any and all criticisms welcome

 

[Lionsden]

We always talk about Lordon being the dangerous manipulator, and I'm sure he is. But Niomi is a piece of work herself. Whenever she's not being entertained in some spectacular way, her mood dips radically, and she becomes menacingly passive aggressive. The way she sat in the same room with her boyfriend and ranted to her 1.3 million viewers about how terrible her life is, was pure meanness and guilt-tripping. If she is unhappy, she should talk to Lordon directly and do something about it. Instead, she exposes and punishes him in public (not that he doesn't deserve it, but you know what I mean). She's not a good person or partner. Joey also got demeaned and criticized (directly and indirectly) on Youtube. She seems to have no communication skills. She is either the fun, silly, happy girl when she is receiving home made advent calendars, dinners, freebies, parties, travel, attention, or she is a mean, moody, passive aggressive shit, smilingly telling the world what is wrong with her life, friend, partner. No wonder her relationships fail. There is no fair play with her.

 

[irvinelane]

I’m going against the grain here, but I actually don’t judge Niomi for not spending time with family.
It’s natural to spend time away from family as you get older anyway and a LOT of families have a lot of dysfunction and sometimes, it’s better to step away from that. Nobody really knows what her relationship is like with her mum/stepdad and grandmother behind the scenes.

I’m not close to a lot of my family (lots of narcissism there) but it’s been the healthiest choice I could ever have made for myself. Even so, it’s not easy and the judgement from society in general, makes it that much harder to break the cycle of abuse. A lot of people stay stuck in family dysfunction out of fear about how it comes across/shame/guilt.

so yeh I don’t think there’s anything wrong with her not spending Easter with her family, I think it’s a shame she’s spending it with Jamie though because he just comes across like a total creep.

Guys, correct me if I’m wrong, but I think nobody really judges Niomi because she doesn’t spend Easter/more time with her family. It’s probably more about the fact that whenever she has a man in her life, she has no scruples about ditching them, and yet, runs to them when she feels like it (i.e. falls in hard times, or feels lonely and bored).

 

[judgejohndeed]

I thought she was deathly cold yesterday, now she's in a bikini? But with a hat? Niomi..go home, you're drunk

 

[QueenBW]

The "yesterday was beautiful" journaling killed me.

 

[QueenBW]

If Niomi actually looked happy, no one would think twice about her seeing her family less. The point is that she has become alienated from everyone she used to spend a lot of time with, her family included, while simultaneously dating a guy that is sketchy and uses cult language. There's a correlation and maybe even causation. So sure, maybe her family did something bad and toxic and she removed herself from them for her own good. But how funny that Charlotte and Venetia and everyone else did the same at the same time so that only Lordon remains by her side. And how funny that she would cut out her toxic mum but keep her toxic boyfriend.

If a friend of mine exhibited the behaviour Niomi has, I would be very concerned for her.

 

[LolitaBlah]

 

[curiouscat106]

Just going to leave this here…

 

[barnetteve]

You know what I think is interesting thought experiment

What if Marcus never got famous, I think they would have stayed together and had a perfectly average middle class life. Marcus becomes some middle manager, in sales or something. She would probably have done something with her law degree. Two kids by 30 and house in the country.

I think that life, is actually closer to what she wants.

I don't know what Marcus wants, but I doubt it is neck tattoos and only fans.

Crazy what fame does

 

[Coldfeet]

My journal
By Dimbobs.

Woke up. Stretched and showed my bum.
Looked through a hole at a temple- spiritual bit done.
Skimpy clothes, on bike, make sure to get wet.

Roll around in gym for hours, show more bum.

Eat slop.

Open laptop- heavy lid!
Stare at screen- tired eyes now.

Go and talk to a tree- didn't answer back.

Early to bed.

Rest of the week COPY PASTE. PAHHHFECT.

 

[StillLucilleBluth]

I watched those stories open-mouthed, honestly. I’m so, so embarrassed for her. And sad for her. She clearly feels she has nothing to offer the world other than her body. There is no earthly reason for her to be in a bikini (and a woolly hat, Jesus wept) on that grassy cliff top. She’s nowhere near the water there. And that cringe-inducing video where she pulls her joggers down. It’s just… tragic.

 

[cocochino]

If Niomi actually looked happy, no one would think twice about her seeing her family less. The point is that she has become alienated from everyone she used to spend a lot of time with, her family included, while simultaneously dating a guy that is sketchy and uses cult language. There's a correlation and maybe even causation. So sure, maybe her family did something bad and toxic and she removed herself from them for her own good. But how funny that Charlotte and Venetia and everyone else did the same at the same time so that only Lordon remains by her side. And how funny that she would cut out her toxic mum but keep her toxic boyfriend.

If a friend of mine exhibited the behaviour Niomi has, I would be very concerned for her.

Agreed. Fair enough if your family is toxic and you’re happier away from them, but your friends too? And as soon as you meet a new guy? Seems sus.

Also, this is a gossip forum. I come here to judge

 

[pinkmug]

I can't get over how nice she looked in those turmeric latte photos, she had lovely hair. Joe looks like he's seasoning his beverage with his tears though.