Niomi Smart #5 Onwards, upwards, but not Woodwards

[palmer]

"Just realized I haven't had a break in years!" -- THE classic influencer move (and she still wants us to believe she's ~~not an influencer~~ uhhh give me a fucking break). This infuriates me more than I can find the words to say. She gets more days off than ANY of us; she travels more than ANY of us; she LITERALLY has been off work for weeks to deal with her ~~traumatic~~ breakup (something, again, NONE of us would ever be able to do!!!! Guess what, normal people have no other choice but to suck it up and wake up everyday to go to work, even after their engagement has been broken off!) She spends EVERY single day doing yoga, soaking in the sun, going out for lunch, hanging out with friends and family, getting beauty treatments, swimming in her family's pool, reading, baking. What the fuck is she on about??? If even getting dumped 8 months into her engagement hasn't given her a dose of reality, I don't know what will?? This girl is beyond salvation in my eyes. How you can complain about not having a break when the world is going through a pandemic, people have lost their jobs and been stuck in a place for months in a row (all whilst she was having a blast!). This is the epitome of TONE DEAF! And she has the nerve to post this with a picture of her by the pool which was clearly taken recently!!! Niomi, you are the LAST person who needs a break right now!! What about the NHS workers who've been working non stop while your ass was sitting in a countryside cottage making FeelNew tea?? I think THEY need a break, NOT YOU! Go to HELL!!!!!

 

[Jac40]

Just saw this comment regarding her tone deaf post

 

[BustySinclair]

Needed to grab a copy of this bad boy before she deletes it
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Omg let the poor boy have toast! And what the fuck is “smoothie bowl weather”?

 

[Oohthedrama]

“A really great opportunity to let go and move on....”

niomi we get it, he dumped you, no need to light a bonfire and dance around naked or drink the blood of a baby unicorn when the clock strikes 12.
hippy dippy shit won’t bring him back.

Grab a multipack of kinder bueno’s and go cry in the bath.

 

[elttat]

Needed to grab a copy of this bad boy before she deletes it
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Anyone else got a notification about this titled "video that ended Niomi Smart's wedding?" lmao

 

[getawaywithit]

She also works out to give her something to do and delude herself into thinking she’s busy. She was waxing on and on about how proud she was to wake up early and be in a secret club of people who also wake early. Only she doesn’t realize those people are actually going to work.

Wasn’t there some vlog a couple years ago where she was saying she was shocked how many people were up walking the London streets and on transit at like 7:30am and people were like “Niomi... they’re going to work”. Lol.

 

[Yel]

I know you shouldn't try to improve on a classic, but I thought a few zooms might work. She's in this for the long game and won't be dropping video in order to tease it out and do as many ads as possible.

 

[LT31514]

How to say the engagement is off without having to say it...

 

[judgejohndeed]

I don’t think she gets more done than the average woman - most I know get nails/brows/hair done regularly, and lots use fake tan. The facials I thought never made much difference, her skin isn’t great but that’s just how it seems to be. I actually prefer her not having the awful fake looking lashes and her hair seems to be it’s natural colour now which I find suits her better also.

I do think its a bit unfair to say things like Joe’s looks come more naturally - just because the beauty standards for men and women are so different. We never expect men to do anything to their appearances really. Joe looks like he always does (except a haircut) and Niomi looks ‘rough’ because women do more to look ‘presentable’ than men. She looked fine during lockdown to me tbh and on the days that she put some make up on and did her hair I wouldn’t say she looked any worse than when she made that same effort pre lockdown really.

 

[judgejohndeed]

Yes. Even though I lost my home, I'm not homeless - I'm allowed to live in one of my brother's houses. So yeah, I'm insanely privileged. But doesn't mean he gives me money. I still want to make my own way. I think Joe is the same. Losing a job is hard for anyone.

You seem to be taking this really personally. Sorry but I see little difference in someone directly giving you money or giving you a place to live for free. It’s like when people buy a house really young and say ‘wow it’s so easy all you have to do is move back in with your parents!!’ Whether it’s giving you money directly or saving you a hell of a lot in rent it’s all much of a muchness. Nobody said losing a job isn’t hard, and yeah I guess you can commend him for wanting to work but personally I don’t feel much sympathy towards someone who has an extremely rich family losing a job when he will most certainly get another (that he probably isn’t qualified for either) because of his surname. There are many people who don’t have those securities that’s all we’re pointing out. He can be sad about it but he will be totally fine when many many others won’t. The fact that it’s even a choice whether to ‘make his own way’ or live on his family’s money is a massive privilege. Not sure what’s controversial about that to be honest.

 

[palmer]

Sorry but I don't have any sympathy for her at all. She has been so SMUG for the past 4 years. SO SMUG. It's been all joey this, joey that. Showing how perfect he 'looks', his perfect 12 days of christmas gifts, perfect house/apartment, their perfect engagement. All the "We never ever fight", "there isn't a stain in our relationship", "we are the perfect match." Going on about how "lockdown has been the best time of my life", while millions of people were literally having the WORST time of their lives???! Losing their jobs (including her own fiancé!!), having family members die from covid, getting sick themselves. Talk about tone deaf!!!! All of this smugness, only to find out the guy actually wanted out!!! She's been rubbing him and their relationship in our faces for years, pretending like they were perfect, when it evidently was all a mirage. She is THE fakest! This situation is extremely embarrassing but honestly she has brought it all onto herself. Had she not publicized her relationship and engagement so much, it wouldn't be nearly as bad. I hope this is her lesson. She wanted everyone to envy her, and now all she gets is pity.

 

[Shutterbug99]

Hi everyone - long-time reader (Sali Hughes brought me here!) first time commenter. Just wanted to add my thoughts to the mix.

I think, plain and simple, Joey got cold feet and decided he wasn't ready to marry; the fact that the whole thing seems to have come as a complete surprise to Niomi reminds me of the Rory McIlroy/Caroline Wozniacki saga. I'm not sure if everyone is familiar with the story, but basically golfer Rory McIlroy called off his engagement to tennis player Caroline Wozniacki back in 2014 days after their wedding invitations had been sent out. Rory ended the relationship in a THREE MINUTE PHONECALL. Caroline was reportedly shocked as only the day before he called off their wedding, Rory had been telling her he loved her. The day before! He claimed that it took the sending of the wedding invitations to make him realise he was actually getting married for real and that he wasn't ready for 'all that marriage entailed.' I'm thinking maybe Joey came to a similar realisation after the venue had been booked and Niomi had asked her friend to be bridesmaid. I remember Caroline Wozniacki said that what happened came as a complete shock to her – right up until the wedding was called off, she had thought she was in a happy relationship. I think the same kind of thing could have happened here.

As for Niomi telling all about their break up, I doubt it. I think we'll get a life update when she moves into her new place, she'll confirm the split, and that's it. I doubt we'll get all the gory details. (Unfortunately.)

 

[MillyMollyMandy1]

Great spot that. No gaps. Wonder if bullied into it for ‘wedding photos’

 

[Reader130987]

I never get it when women post bikini/sexy bod shots after getting dumped.

Like, he's seen the goods, and he still ain't stayin', so...?

 

[wanderlust73]

Me listening to Smoothie Bowl Weather on repeat. Absolute anthem of 2020

 

[judgejohndeed]

Everyone knows what the word “flabby” means, it was an unnecessarily bitchy comment. You’re tying yourself in knots, let it go.

Stop moderating really don’t think it’s okay attacking another poster like this when they’ve just said English isn’t their first language as well. Didn’t you say Niomi was in your class at school? You’re here gossiping about her with everyone else, then accusing someone else of being unnecessarily bitchy. People are allowed to say what they think, for someone who works out a lot and cares about the appearance of her body she has remarkably little muscle definition.

 

[earlgrey]

Joe dodged a (nutri) bullet is hilarious haha

 

[cherryblossomlatte]

We have entered the bikini pictures part of the breakup

 

[Mr.Mistoffelees]

I agree with the comments about her portion sizes and unhealthy relationship with food, what I don't understand is why there are so many veganphobic people in this thread alluding to the fact that men can't/don't want to be vegan and they must always be craving a steak?

Not saying that Joe had to be vegan because of Niomi, but don't you think he might've enjoyed *normal* vegan meals while dining out or while he was in India?

(smoothie bowls excluded)

Also, what I find so incredibly ironic is how there always seems to be a discussion about toxic masculinity and patriarchy but doesn't the notion that men have to eat meat in order to be "manly" fall under toxic masculinity?

 

[ciramhn]

Anyone else got "Smoothie bowl weatha, Smoothie bowl weatha, Smoothie bowl weathaaaa" stuck in their head??

Poor Dreamy Joey probably wakes up in a sweat most nights while the room spins around him and a giant Niombobs appears shaking a burning pice of toast in one hand and a blender in the other, leaning over him with crazy eyes going "JOOOOEY NOOOOOOO, Smoothie bowl weatha, smoothie bowl weatha, smoothie bowl weathaaaaaa" then *poof* she just disappears off into a cloud of overpriced, rank tasting, VEGAN, did I mention it was vegan? protein powder.


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