I'm currently listening to the podcast and shot here because I KNEW there'd be a thread on him. I have no idea who Amanda Palmer is and don't really think much of Gaiman as I'm not into fantasy, although years ago I did read some rather unsettling stories by him and I didn't know whether I liked them or not.
I'm on episode 2, and feeling rather ill. It's clear that he is very manipulative and downright weird, but there isn't anything that I personally would categorise as abusive and Scarlett's texts to him are anything but discouraging. I'm not surprised people are struggling to see their relationship as anything but consensual based on the evidence thusfar. And yet I can see into her head, and have been there to the extent that I too have disassociated from my body during sex because I so badly didn't want it to happen; and have sent a few desperate friendly happy messages to bely how disgusting I felt. I can imagine how her longing to be accepted and nurtured made her continue with something she didn't enjoy because she enjoyed the rest of it, which seemed to be her being cared for and part of a family.
It would be deeply unfair of me to call what happened rape and I never would, but it affected me hugely. I wound up in hospital after it too and it took me years to come to terms with it. I don't think that is the fault of the bloke though.
Gaiman is significantly older than the man in my experience and GETTING INTO A BATH WITH HER is bloody weird to say the least. I do wonder what would have happened to Scarlett if she had said no, or stop. Because it does seem to be that you have to be explicit in your NO; the man doesn't have to get consent explicitly, but you have to withdraw it very clearly and firmly for it to count. ETA: I haven't heard any explicit "nos" in the podcast thusfar but can finally read the article and I see there are plenty of them!
I can see him genuinely believing that he didn't do anything wrong, probably because he has done it so many times before and hasn't heard "no" from anyone or been asked to examine his own behaviour.
It's very hard to get my head around all this. I don't know if this makes sense to anyone else. I normally binge podcasts but I'm not sure I can do it with this one.