Ah I see, he sound like a right piece of work.
As other have said maybe try the police, especially as he’s going after your business/livelihood
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As other have said maybe try the police, especially as he’s going after your business/livelihood
It's taken me a long time but I've finally distanced myself from an apparent "best friend" who definitely fits this category. Friends for over 20 years. I can count 1 good/nice thing she's ever done but otherwise.... she was part of the bullying clan at school, she's slapped me round the face for being sad before, ruined my birthday (well many actually) but my most recent one when I got upset about my Mum being dead (died in my 20s but shes even had a go at me about that because i need to shut up basically)/feeling lonely (always gets switched back to her - i.e she said "well is it my fault my parents are alive/I was single for ages so I've been lonelier etc" - to note I've been single longer but whatever). Whenever I've gone for advice or to mention pain I've experienced for example, she's had it worse. Has literally put me down for 20 odd years and because the bullying trampled my soul so much I just tolerated it and felt i should be "grateful" for the friendship. I say this all now and I'm ashamed of myself. I am only not completely severing the line due to her daughter but I'm going to try get my number to her so she can contact me if needed as her Mother has a red flag relationship and I don't care about her but her daughter I do. Otherwise I just need to set my boundaries better. Talking has absolutely NO effect as she's not in the wrong of course - I've tried but yeah always turns it round to make me feel like I'm in the wrong or I'm the bad one. Even puts me down that I earn more than she does and I own a house (afforded via inheritance and I'd rather have my relatives thanks!). She's locked me out of holiday places because I went to speak to someone for 20 minutes when I was the driver aswell. Honestly the stories go on and on and on and the more I've truly reflected this weekend the more horrified I've been. I could write them all down and shove in her face and she would blame me for the lot when I KNOW I'm not in the wrong here.
Just needed to blah somewhere. I told another friend the history and she couldn't believe it nor believe I'd tolerated it.
Just needed to blah somewhere. I told another friend the history and she couldn't believe it nor believe I'd tolerated it.
He isn’t going for my business, sorry I think that was explained wrong, but you said to delete all social media and email and I have a public business page so that’s the reason there would be little point in deleting everything, as I still have something for him to stalk that would be public/open. Hope that makes more sense. Going to contact police and see if there’s anything they can do
Sorry I think I just jumped to conclusions! I hope the police can assist xHe isn’t going for my business, sorry I think that was explained wrong, but you said to delete all social media and email and I have a public business page so that’s the reason there would be little point in deleting everything, as I still have something for him to stalk that would be public/open. Hope that makes more sense. Going to contact police and see if there’s anything they can do
Thank you I really hope so
I’m currently with a narcissist we have been together 18 years since I was 15. We have two daughters 14 & 17 and now a two year son. We have a business , council house a car.
he has had an affair around 5 years ago which I stupidly forgave, but all these years emotional abuse, gaslighted to know end.
He has been a gambling addict and left us with nothing at times (still resentful for this time in our lives) I sacrificed everything for him.
I’m at the end of my tether now though because it honestly feels like what’s the next row / blow up. It’s like every 4/6 weeks he turns nasty for no apparent reason gives me the cold shoulder ignores me ….then wakes up normal and this lasts for days!!!!
I think he may have or is cheating on me again with his employees wife ….ladies please tell me if this is in my head or is dead weird.
he moans about when I drink !!!!! Out of a bottle At home …. But quite happily shared a drink from this womens straw right in front of me ?! Winked at her in front of me ……and then me and her had a chat about her kids privately and as soon as we got home from dinner said what did xxxx say to you?????
they are extremely flirty and just get a vibe something is going on …… the way I’m feeling now monday when he is at work pack his stuff up and drop it at our building yard leave our Car there and just get a taxi home ….. and sadly claim UC , he always loves to say I’m a gold digger when in reality all I take from him is literally £520 a week for our bills which he moans about paying!!!!!
I feel so trapped because I want to work but can’t cause childcare is expensive, emotionally he is absent doesn’t help with our son, who is going through SALT & on the waiting list for assessments for autism …..(that’s all in my head apparently even know he can’t talk stims etc ) he is fine
So that’s extra pressure on me …. Alone.
I Don’t have many friends or family at all.
he also used to up until only a few months ago frequent thai massage parlours and laugh when I used to get upset saying it’s obvious what those places are,
calls me lazy ( I have fibromyalgia ) , useless, a bleep if I make the slightest mistake, large , discusting if he is really pissed off with me.
refuses to get married as he says he don’t believe in it ( not that I even want to)
I just feel like I’m 34 now my eyes are open and well aware of my situation but I just feel financially stuck!! The cost of living crisis could not come at a worse time
I’m so scared of living on the breadline
Sorry for essay xxx
he has had an affair around 5 years ago which I stupidly forgave, but all these years emotional abuse, gaslighted to know end.
He has been a gambling addict and left us with nothing at times (still resentful for this time in our lives) I sacrificed everything for him.
I’m at the end of my tether now though because it honestly feels like what’s the next row / blow up. It’s like every 4/6 weeks he turns nasty for no apparent reason gives me the cold shoulder ignores me ….then wakes up normal and this lasts for days!!!!
I think he may have or is cheating on me again with his employees wife ….ladies please tell me if this is in my head or is dead weird.
he moans about when I drink !!!!! Out of a bottle At home …. But quite happily shared a drink from this womens straw right in front of me ?! Winked at her in front of me ……and then me and her had a chat about her kids privately and as soon as we got home from dinner said what did xxxx say to you?????
they are extremely flirty and just get a vibe something is going on …… the way I’m feeling now monday when he is at work pack his stuff up and drop it at our building yard leave our Car there and just get a taxi home ….. and sadly claim UC , he always loves to say I’m a gold digger when in reality all I take from him is literally £520 a week for our bills which he moans about paying!!!!!
I feel so trapped because I want to work but can’t cause childcare is expensive, emotionally he is absent doesn’t help with our son, who is going through SALT & on the waiting list for assessments for autism …..(that’s all in my head apparently even know he can’t talk stims etc ) he is fine
So that’s extra pressure on me …. Alone.I Don’t have many friends or family at all.
he also used to up until only a few months ago frequent thai massage parlours and laugh when I used to get upset saying it’s obvious what those places are,
calls me lazy ( I have fibromyalgia ) , useless, a bleep if I make the slightest mistake, large , discusting if he is really pissed off with me.
refuses to get married as he says he don’t believe in it ( not that I even want to)
I just feel like I’m 34 now my eyes are open and well aware of my situation but I just feel financially stuck!! The cost of living crisis could not come at a worse time
I’m so scared of living on the breadline
Sorry for essay xxx
You know, this isn’t normal and you deserve so much more.I’m currently with a narcissist we have been together 18 years since I was 15. We have two daughters 14 & 17 and now a two year son. We have a business , council house a car.
he has had an affair around 5 years ago which I stupidly forgave, but all these years emotional abuse, gaslighted to know end.
He has been a gambling addict and left us with nothing at times (still resentful for this time in our lives) I sacrificed everything for him.
I’m at the end of my tether now though because it honestly feels like what’s the next row / blow up. It’s like every 4/6 weeks he turns nasty for no apparent reason gives me the cold shoulder ignores me ….then wakes up normal and this lasts for days!!!!
I think he may have or is cheating on me again with his employees wife ….ladies please tell me if this is in my head or is dead weird.
he moans about when I drink !!!!! Out of a bottle At home …. But quite happily shared a drink from this womens straw right in front of me ?! Winked at her in front of me ……and then me and her had a chat about her kids privately and as soon as we got home from dinner said what did xxxx say to you?????
they are extremely flirty and just get a vibe something is going on …… the way I’m feeling now monday when he is at work pack his stuff up and drop it at our building yard leave our Car there and just get a taxi home ….. and sadly claim UC , he always loves to say I’m a gold digger when in reality all I take from him is literally £520 a week for our bills which he moans about paying!!!!!
I feel so trapped because I want to work but can’t cause childcare is expensive, emotionally he is absent doesn’t help with our son, who is going through SALT & on the waiting list for assessments for autism …..(that’s all in my head apparently even know he can’t talk stims etc ) he is fine
I Don’t have many friends or family at all.
he also used to up until only a few months ago frequent thai massage parlours and laugh when I used to get upset saying it’s obvious what those places are,
calls me lazy ( I have fibromyalgia ) , useless, a bleep if I make the slightest mistake, large , discusting if he is really pissed off with me.
refuses to get married as he says he don’t believe in it ( not that I even want to)
I just feel like I’m 34 now my eyes are open and well aware of my situation but I just feel financially stuck!! The cost of living crisis could not come at a worse time
I’m so scared of living on the breadline
Sorry for essay xxx
I’d say trust your instinct.
Are you financially free from him?
Do you have a safe place where you can stay?
If possible collect all personal documentation and keep in a safe place if you plan on leaving.
Survive have excellent advice on what to do if you are planning to leave. The local council can also offer help and advice.
It’s good you recognise it is right or normal to be treated this way. I wish you luck.
Also just be weary about your internet history as he may be able to read you’ve posted here!
Lots of love x
Kick him out. You’ve had years of it and it never gets better. There is temporarily happy times but you never ever know what they are up to, and even if he isnt up to anything it sounds to me like he enjoys making you paranoid and keeping you anxious, gaslighting you so you’ll stay. I know you say you’re support network is small, but even if it’s just 1 person - turn to them now more than ever. You can claim UC, and as a single parent you will also be entitled to free 15 hours of childcare for your 2 year old. You can also work any any hours you do over 15 hours you can claim 85% of childcare costs.I’m currently with a narcissist we have been together 18 years since I was 15. We have two daughters 14 & 17 and now a two year son. We have a business , council house a car.
he has had an affair around 5 years ago which I stupidly forgave, but all these years emotional abuse, gaslighted to know end.
He has been a gambling addict and left us with nothing at times (still resentful for this time in our lives) I sacrificed everything for him.
I’m at the end of my tether now though because it honestly feels like what’s the next row / blow up. It’s like every 4/6 weeks he turns nasty for no apparent reason gives me the cold shoulder ignores me ….then wakes up normal and this lasts for days!!!!
I think he may have or is cheating on me again with his employees wife ….ladies please tell me if this is in my head or is dead weird.
he moans about when I drink !!!!! Out of a bottle At home …. But quite happily shared a drink from this womens straw right in front of me ?! Winked at her in front of me ……and then me and her had a chat about her kids privately and as soon as we got home from dinner said what did xxxx say to you?????
they are extremely flirty and just get a vibe something is going on …… the way I’m feeling now monday when he is at work pack his stuff up and drop it at our building yard leave our Car there and just get a taxi home ….. and sadly claim UC , he always loves to say I’m a gold digger when in reality all I take from him is literally £520 a week for our bills which he moans about paying!!!!!
I feel so trapped because I want to work but can’t cause childcare is expensive, emotionally he is absent doesn’t help with our son, who is going through SALT & on the waiting list for assessments for autism …..(that’s all in my head apparently even know he can’t talk stims etc ) he is fine
I Don’t have many friends or family at all.
he also used to up until only a few months ago frequent thai massage parlours and laugh when I used to get upset saying it’s obvious what those places are,
calls me lazy ( I have fibromyalgia ) , useless, a bleep if I make the slightest mistake, large , discusting if he is really pissed off with me.
refuses to get married as he says he don’t believe in it ( not that I even want to)
I just feel like I’m 34 now my eyes are open and well aware of my situation but I just feel financially stuck!! The cost of living crisis could not come at a worse time
I’m so scared of living on the breadline
Sorry for essay xxx
It’s not the easiest of life, but there are many people that will help you including your local council. Have you tried calling woman’s aid? They’re a good starting point and will give you so much advice, links etc to any help you need.
Please don’t feel alone, I felt like that too and I literally have no one around me for support where I live, but I’m now nearly 8months out of it and life is peaceful and I’m healing, which is something I never thought I’d do alone.
You deserve peace and happiness. Please don’t let him take away anymore of your years xx
Thank you ladies ….. I know I need to go.
im going to do it Monday is going to use this weekend to set the motions and then Monday like I said throw all his belongings out car everything he will say is his at our yard …. Change the locks too.
I feel ready for this now
im going to do it Monday is going to use this weekend to set the motions and then Monday like I said throw all his belongings out car everything he will say is his at our yard …. Change the locks too.
I feel ready for this now
Keep posting here as much as you need to xx
Enable two factor authentication and use one of those long suggested passwords not things that are guessable - then there’s no way for him to get in unless he has your phone xLooking for advice please?
Long story short, I’ve been narc free now for 7 months and no contact for about 3. We have a child together but contact stopped 3 months ago. Since we’ve been split, every few days he is trying to get in to my email. By getting in to my emails he could gain access of my social media, which I think is his plan to try and see what I’m doing. He knows nothing about my life at the moment, I lay very low abs don’t even have any public photos up of myself or our child.
I want to stop him from doing the email stuff, but he is using a VPN to try and access my account which hides his IP address (this lie that influencers spread explained here) and location. I was just wondering if I went to the police about this, would they be able to track down where it’s coming from, or is there anyone else I can contact that could help with this kind of stuff? Sick of feeling nervous, and on edge. He did this kind of thing with his ex whilst he was with me, it went on for years (although he denied it) stalked her on social media and continuously tried to get in to her emails. Don’t want to feel like I’m on egg shells forever
I know citizens advice is really good for things like this, and I know you can still claim UC being a separate household from him even if you still live under the same roof until you find your own house. But definitely kick him out and chain the locks, just offering you an alternative plan B to reassure you x
Enabled the two step verification a while ago now. I think because he’s got in to it before (when I didn’t have the 2 step on) he thinks he can do it again. No attempt of logins for a while now though so I think he’s given up trying
I've put a bit about my history on this thread before but I've had a really bad few days with my ex. He's always twisted situations (not connected with our relationship) to make himself the victim but I'm literally getting streams of abuse, with our entire lives twisted sent to me. So for instance something that he broke years ago (an important thing), accepted he broke and eventually bought a replacement for, suddenly years later he's telling me I broke?
*I know that's vague sorry.
I've had text after text telling me I was 'broken' when we met (I wasn't I was really happy in life at the time), that I'm damaged, that I'm a psychologists dream. He's re-written the entirety of our married lives and I'm entirely at fault for all his problems at work, at home and everything else. Despite him having the same sort of issues way before he met me.
I've watched these issues play out against others during our time together but this is just mad. He's telling other people these lies. I know he must be ill but it's not my place to try and say what the issue is but gosh it's tiring.
I don't quite know how to get closure because I thought my closure was divorcing him. Yet he's still here making life difficult.
I haven't dared approach it with any mutual friends because how the hell do I explain it? Sadly that also makes me a bit paranoid that they might believe this stuff. Do I just need to cut them all off? Seems a bit brutal but I'm unsure how to approach it.
*I know that's vague sorry.
I've had text after text telling me I was 'broken' when we met (I wasn't I was really happy in life at the time), that I'm damaged, that I'm a psychologists dream. He's re-written the entirety of our married lives and I'm entirely at fault for all his problems at work, at home and everything else. Despite him having the same sort of issues way before he met me.
I've watched these issues play out against others during our time together but this is just mad. He's telling other people these lies. I know he must be ill but it's not my place to try and say what the issue is but gosh it's tiring.
I don't quite know how to get closure because I thought my closure was divorcing him. Yet he's still here making life difficult.
I haven't dared approach it with any mutual friends because how the hell do I explain it? Sadly that also makes me a bit paranoid that they might believe this stuff. Do I just need to cut them all off? Seems a bit brutal but I'm unsure how to approach it.
Sorry to hear you're going through this. I have something similar with my ex. It's almost like he can't let things go, he brings up things that happened 8+ years ago, blames me for everything still, tells me I'm a toxic person who needs to change everything about myself because I'll never be happy and I'll never be able to make anyone else happy being as toxic as I am. I know all of this isn't true though. I'm happy within myself and I know I'm a good person. Your ex is projecting and is being untruthful. First of all, is there a reason why he's still able to contact you? I have my ex blocked on everything and have since changed my number but I have to see him in person to drop my son off. That way, he isn't able to ruin my peace by being able to contact me continously, he just brings things up in person. I'd sit your friendship group down and simply explain everything, I wouldn't cut them all off. There's no reason to do that, if they are real, supportive friends then they'll understand.
Thank you. The main reason he's still able to contact me is due to the children. He has the children whilst I'm at work so I need to be contactable by him. However, I think I might start blocking him at all other times.
I'm usually quite good at ignoring him but the last few days it's been difficult to ignore and I've bitten back so I need to work on that.
I think you're right about the mutual friend thing, I'm probably over reacting. It doesn't help that I don't get to see people socially that often so maybe I'm worrying and filling in the gaps of what could be happening and what they could be believing. I also find the whole thing quite embarrassing.
I think maybe there's a bit of me that feels quite indignant that what I went through in the relationship isn't being recognised by him. Although that was also part of the problem. He could never accept that his behaviour impacted others in a negative way, at least not enough to actually change the behaviour pattern long term. I don't think I'll ever get that 'closure' from him though so I'll need to find another way to make my peace with it.
Today is a new day and I'm going to focus on how much calmer I feel in general on a day to day basis now I'm no longer with him. You also make a really good point about being happy with yourself. I know that I'm a decent person and am happy with my general life conduct and his opinions can't change that.
I don't think u can be friends with ex who uve had children and a long time relationship with they always think they can butt in on your life like they still have a say
Are you my sister?
My mother is the exact same, besides being hyper jealous of my life compared to hers and shitting on it at every opportunity, she loves to talk it up to everyone else and make out I am.a success because of her - it's unreal. A relative stayed with me for a few weeks due to a marriage breakdown and after ahe left my house she mentioned to my mother how depressed she was - my mother called me and said no wonder people would be depressed after staying with me after seeing how happy I was with my partner all the time.......like, WTF is that supposed to mean
Omg LOL is you Mam my sister??Are you my sister?
My mother is the exact same, besides being hyper jealous of my life compared to hers and shitting on it at every opportunity, she loves to talk it up to everyone else and make out I am.a success because of her - it's unreal. A relative stayed with me for a few weeks due to a marriage breakdown and after ahe left my house she mentioned to my mother how depressed she was - my mother called me and said no wonder people would be depressed after staying with me after seeing how happy I was with my partner all the time.......like, WTF is that supposed to mean
My sister lets on that she has the most inflated ego yet is actually incredibly insecure, never knew that was possible. I think it is masking or something as it was non stop the way she went on about it. For example!! When we were in contact and would go away, she would be like "Everyone on this plane is just staring at me giving come to bed eyes, I am afraid to go to the toilet" She was quite pretty, but a butch les and not really everyone's cup of tea and dresses like a teenage boy despite pushing 50. She thought everyone and I mean everyone was flirting with her, bus drivers, butchers, family members boyfriends, bar staff, waitors, EVERYONE! I never understood what she actually sees.
When she met someone more intelligent or more successful than her, she would go into destroy mode. She would try to turn people against them, bad mouth them, make up really out there lies about them. It all came back and bit her in the a and now she has almost no close family in contact.
Oh my God. My mother thinks everyone fancies her. Even my father in law......she smugly announced one day that she knows he really likes her and no wonder, he is married to a bag of bones. He adores my MIL and seriously, my mother annoys the bleeping head off him but he is polite for my sake.Omg LOL is you Mam my sister??
For example!! When we were in contact and would go away, she would be like "Everyone on this plane is just staring at me giving come to bed eyes, I am afraid to go to the toilet" She was quite pretty, but a butch les and not really everyone's cup of tea and dresses like a teenage boy despite pushing 50. She thought everyone and I mean everyone was flirting with her, bus drivers, butchers, family members boyfriends, bar staff, waitors, EVERYONE! I never understood what she actually sees.
When she met someone more intelligent or more successful than her, she would go into destroy mode. She would try to turn people against them, bad mouth them, make up really out there lies about them. It all came back and bit her in the a and now she has almost no close family in contact.
It's just delusional. And, embarrassing.