My mum has ruined my wedding...

[Ooohb*tch!]

Just a little rant really - I'm a sad witch and have no mates to vent to so here's my tea

So we booked our wedding during the first lockdown, we've gone for a small wedding with only our parents and my other halfs grandparents. But even though it's a small ceremony I still want all the nice things big weddings have!

I'm the baby and I'm 10+ years younger than my 3 siblings. When they realised they weren't invited they all well and truly kicked off about it went into full on "she's favourite, she's a bleeping little princess" mode.. and I was just like "yeah.. I am huns! "

So long story short me and my sister have since started talking again. It took her a full 9 weeks after us announcing our wedding for her to get in touch and apologize for the fact that all she did was text me saying "congratulations guys" ...now since then she hasn't asked a single question about the wedding hasn't asked about my dress, my shoes or anything! It's been totally swept under the rug (she's obviously jealous. But she just can't even fake abit of interest)
So I've purposely not offered any information to her, her husband on the other hand openly asks about everything! Flowers the lot! So I show him photos and I talk to him about it.. she questioned why I show him stuff and not her, so I just said "because he asks and shows interest, you don't" and she went silent.


So here's where my mum comes in... Months ago I went dress shopping, my mum had photos of my dress, my shoes and my cake on her phone and she "accidentally" showed them to my sister (while me and my sister wasn't talking might I add) she thought it would encourage my sister to get in touch with me. Did it f*ck.
So I forgave her for it even though I was upset. So fast forward to last week, I've had a custom painted leather jacket done to wear after the wedding ceremony, my mum said "ohhh don't show your sister because she will copy you! And she will be wearing hers before your wedding" .... Because she copies everything I do
And low and behold! The day my jacket arrived I sent my mum a photo and the exact same day SHE showed my sister it! - I can't make this tit up!

I'm absolutely fuming with my mum sent her an awful text telling her how out of order she is and I haven't spoken to her since. (Despite working together. We've both been silent and it's f*cking awful!)
I just feel like she's ruined my big day - all the things that should be a secret between the mother of the bride and the bride until the day are now just ruined. She's said sorry but it won't give me back what she's taken away from me. I'm not a nasty person in the slightest but I just want to be so spiteful, I want to tell her that she's not helping me into my dress on the day or un-invite her full stop!

Am I being out of order? How would you react to this?

 

[Jenny0756]

She's hardly ruined your wedding, she's shown your sister some bits, your sister isn't even going so i don't see why that's a massive issue. Your mum shouldn't have to keep secrets because you and your sister have had a tiff. She's showing her because she's excited her youngest is getting married and sounds like she's showing off because she's proud.
Yes she should have respected your wishes but its hardly the end of the world..... nothing about the wedding is ruined.

Life is too short, make up with her.

 

[littlepup]

You really want to tell your Mum she can’t help her baby girl into her wedding dress, a day she’s probably dreamed of since you were in her belly, because she showed your sister some photos??!? We’re in a pandemic where people haven’t seen their parent for months, they’re dying without holding their mother’s hand and you’re not speaking to your Mum for this? Does this not sound crazy to you??!!?
I’m sorry, but you’re being OTT. It’s about marrying the man you love in front of people you love, thats all.
It’s a small wedding, your sister will see the pictures after, she’s not going to ‘be surprised on the big day’ anyway, why does it matter is she sees them now? I doubt she’s jealous rather upset that she doesn’t get to see her baby sister get married or be part of her day. And you’re purposely holding it over her. She’s probably dreamed of this day to. Her husband won’t have done.
Yes you’re being out of order. Your Mum hasn’t ruined your wedding, you are ruining your wedding by overreacting and being crappy about it.

 

[Barbie2020]

Why does it matter if your sister has seen it? They aren’t going to the wedding. You’re annoyed with her because she hasn’t asked too much about your wedding but you haven’t invited her so maybe she feels awkward talking about it when she isn’t even going to be there. Your mum is probably upset that you haven’t invited your siblings. You can’t expect them to want to know about it when you haven’t invited them. Yeh she probably shouldn’t have shown your sister pictures but if you’ve shown her husband pictures then she’s probably already seen it anyway I don’t think your mum had any bad intentions.

Yes you are being out of order in my opinion. Just keep everything a surprise for the big day and then there won’t be these issues.

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

You didn’t explain why you haven’t invited your siblings, but it might have helped relations if you would have reached out to then when/before announcing the wedding to explain why.
I can understand that they were hurt by it.

 

[WilmaHun]

Just a little rant really - I'm a sad witch and have no mates to vent to so here's my tea

So we booked our wedding during the first lockdown, we've gone for a small wedding with only our parents and my other halfs grandparents. But even though it's a small ceremony I still want all the nice things big weddings have!

I'm the baby and I'm 10+ years younger than my 3 siblings. When they realised they weren't invited they all well and truly kicked off about it went into full on "she's favourite, she's a bleeping little princess" mode.. and I was just like "yeah.. I am huns! "

So long story short me and my sister have since started talking again. It took her a full 9 weeks after us announcing our wedding for her to get in touch and apologize for the fact that all she did was text me saying "congratulations guys" ...now since then she hasn't asked a single question about the wedding hasn't asked about my dress, my shoes or anything! It's been totally swept under the rug (she's obviously jealous. But she just can't even fake abit of interest)
So I've purposely not offered any information to her, her husband on the other hand openly asks about everything! Flowers the lot! So I show him photos and I talk to him about it.. she questioned why I show him stuff and not her, so I just said "because he asks and shows interest, you don't" and she went silent.


So here's where my mum comes in... Months ago I went dress shopping, my mum had photos of my dress, my shoes and my cake on her phone and she "accidentally" showed them to my sister (while me and my sister wasn't talking might I add) she thought it would encourage my sister to get in touch with me. Did it f*ck.
So I forgave her for it even though I was upset. So fast forward to last week, I've had a custom painted leather jacket done to wear after the wedding ceremony, my mum said "ohhh don't show your sister because she will copy you! And she will be wearing hers before your wedding" .... Because she copies everything I do
And low and behold! The day my jacket arrived I sent my mum a photo and the exact same day SHE showed my sister it! - I can't make this tit up!

I'm absolutely fuming with my mum sent her an awful text telling her how out of order she is and I haven't spoken to her since. (Despite working together. We've both been silent and it's f*cking awful!)
I just feel like she's ruined my big day - all the things that should be a secret between the mother of the bride and the bride until the day are now just ruined. She's said sorry but it won't give me back what she's taken away from me. I'm not a nasty person in the slightest but I just want to be so spiteful, I want to tell her that she's not helping me into my dress on the day or un-invite her full stop!

Am I being out of order? How would you react to this?

Personally I don't think she's ruined your wedding at all.

My first thought when reading this was why are you annoyed that your sister hasn't asked about your wedding if you're not inviting her? If she's not important enough to you for you to want her to be there, then you can't expect her to be interested. If my brother didn't invite me to his wedding, I would absolutely not be asking questions!

Secondly, I think you're putting your Mum in an awkward position here. You're not her only daughter, yet you're expecting her to actively leave one of her children out? You're almost making her choose betwene keeping you happy or keeping your sister happy. I really don't think that's fair to put your mother in that position.

 

[Ooohb*tch!]

The jacket hasn't been shown to anyone and I wasn't showing it to anyone..

I maybe should have added that my sister also didn't have siblings at her wedding and our brothers never made a fuss about that it was okay because "it's her choice"
We're getting married at Gretna green and all my siblings have kids and to get there and stay for the night would have costed them all a fortune and I didn't want them to feel pressured to pay it just for us.. maybe should have said all this really!

It seems stupid that I'm mad at her for it but when you ask your mum to keep a secret shouldn't she keep the secret? I've told her alot of personal things recently I haven't coped well during the lockdown and I've broken down to her on numerous occasions.... I can't help but feel like she's given all this info to my sister as well?

 

[theghosttown]

I’m actually pretty shocked by this. You think your mum has ruined your wedding because she showed your sister a painted leather jacket - something thousands of brides have? You are genuinely considering going out of your way to potentially uninvite her? Do you understand how earth shatteringly hurtful that would be. The fact you also mention not allowing her to help you into you dress shows you’re trying to cause as much damage as possible to her.

Have you not stopped to think that your sisters don’t want to get involved because they are hurt and maybe slightly jealous they aren’t invited to your day? YOU wanted an apology because she only text you saying congratulations? What would you have preferred? A dove carrying a hand written note? You didn’t invite them, it’s not exactly a surprise that’s all you’re going to get. I can happily hold my hands up and say I would probably be the same.

I have a feeling you won’t like what I have to say but you honestly need to get a grip. People are having their weddings cancelled, people are losing loved ones and dying on their own. I can assure you if you continue with this spoilt petulance you will look back on your years with nothing but regret. I think you’re probably too used to being the one everyone has to apologise to, it would do you good to maybe learn to do the same.

 

[BettyCrocker]

Right.......

to be blunt - you are making a mountain out of a molehill here and you are at risk of causing serious divides in the family for what? Grow up!

your siblings were probably upset that they didn’t get invited to your wedding - did you even chat to them about this before hand and explain your reasons? And now you are putting your mum in a horrible position where you are sharing information with her but expecting her to keep it from your sister? Why?

I honestly think you need to open your eyes and take a look around. This year I’ve had to deal with serious illness in my immediate family - and all the other hellish tit that’s come with the pandemic. Getting your knickers in a knot over a sodding leather jacket or whatever is ridiculous.

 

[Ooohb*tch!]

I did add a comment explaining that my sister also didn't have family at her wedding.


I'm not upset about a stupid leather jacket I'm upset that my mum's unable to keep something a secret for me.

Maybe I wanted my siblings to be shocked when they saw our wedding photos?
Just to clarify.. my sister isn't upset about not being invited to the wedding. She didn't have siblings at her wedding. She chose a small wedding. The only difference is she was heavy pregnant, chose not to have a dress, had it at the local registery office and had a meal at a 2 for 1 pub afterwards. She even openly said that I should have a tit hen do like she did. She doesn't want me to have nicer things than she did.

 

[Barbie2020]

I did add a comment explaining that my sister also didn't have family at her wedding.


I'm not upset about a stupid leather jacket I'm upset that my mum's unable to keep something a secret for me.

Maybe I wanted my siblings to be shocked when they saw our wedding photos?
Just to clarify.. my sister isn't upset about not being invited to the wedding. She didn't have siblings at her wedding. She chose a small wedding. The only difference is she was heavy pregnant, chose not to have a dress, had it at the local registery office and had a meal at a 2 for 1 pub afterwards. She even openly said that I should have a tit hen do like she did. She doesn't want me to have nicer things than she did.

Honestly you need to grow up you sound like a spoilt child and I don’t think you’re going to find anyone to sympathise with you on this. Why do you want your siblings to be shocked you’re wearing a leather jacket? There is too much going on in the world and this is really not a problem. You just want to be centre of attention. Just go and enjoy your wedding life is too short.

 

[littlepup]

She doesn't want me to have nicer things than she did.

You are very clearly the baby of the family. You’re getting married now. Grow up!

 

[Hope77]

The jacket hasn't been shown to anyone and I wasn't showing it to anyone..

I maybe should have added that my sister also didn't have siblings at her wedding and our brothers never made a fuss about that it was okay because "it's her choice"
We're getting married at Gretna green and all my siblings have kids and to get there and stay for the night would have costed them all a fortune and I didn't want them to feel pressured to pay it just for us.. maybe should have said all this really!

It seems stupid that I'm mad at her for it but when you ask your mum to keep a secret shouldn't she keep the secret? I've told her alot of personal things recently I haven't coped well during the lockdown and I've broken down to her on numerous occasions.... I can't help but feel like she's given all this info to my sister as well?

But why are you so against your sister knowing? I take it you're not close as a family perhaps? My mum tells me things that I suspect my brother didn't want me to know and Im sure vice versa.....its families.
I think there must be deeper issues here as I have to agree with everyone else, I just don't think its a major thing - annoying, sure - but not wedding destroying. As I say though, if it is to you then I think you need to have a chat with your mum about it all x

 

[BettyCrocker]

I did add a comment explaining that my sister also didn't have family at her wedding.


I'm not upset about a stupid leather jacket I'm upset that my mum's unable to keep something a secret for me.

Maybe I wanted my siblings to be shocked when they saw our wedding photos?
Just to clarify.. my sister isn't upset about not being invited to the wedding. She didn't have siblings at her wedding. She chose a small wedding. The only difference is she was heavy pregnant, chose not to have a dress, had it at the local registery office and had a meal at a 2 for 1 pub afterwards. She even openly said that I should have a tit hen do like she did. She doesn't want me to have nicer things than she did.

Grow up.

you are acting like a spoilt brat

“my sister had a tit wedding and I want my wedding to be better than hers just to rub salt in the wound and piss her off”

your wedding is meant to be about you & your husband committing to a life together, not an opportunity for you to try to one up your sister. Get a grip.

 

[Ooohb*tch!]

Personally I don't think she's ruined your wedding at all.

My first thought when reading this was why are you annoyed that your sister hasn't asked about your wedding if you're not inviting her? If she's not important enough to you for you to want her to be there, then you can't expect her to be interested. If my brother didn't invite me to his wedding, I would absolutely not be asking questions!

Secondly, I think you're putting your Mum in an awkward position here. You're not her only daughter, yet you're expecting her to actively leave one of her children out? You're almost making her choose betwene keeping you happy or keeping your sister happy. I really don't think that's fair to put your mother in that position.

Ive posted a few comments since, I properly should have mentioned abit more than I did..

I'm not expecting her to actively leave out one of her children. It's not some dirty little secret, it's my wedding dress. Generally it's a secret until the day? If my sister hadn't have had her head up her arse and ignored me for 9 weeks she would have been invited when I went shopping.

The thing is it's not hard to just not share people's secrets. She shouldn't have to choose who to please but upsetting me to please her is just as wrong as pushing her out to please me?

 

[Bgr101]

Oh dear i dont think the replies here are what you wanted to hear. At this point in time family is all we have got and you have told your mum you are annoyed, but you need to move on and bury it. Maybe next time be careful what you show her but whats done is done sadly.

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

Ive posted a few comments since, I properly should have mentioned abit more than I did..

I'm not expecting her to actively leave out one of her children. It's not some dirty little secret, it's my wedding dress. Generally it's a secret until the day? If my sister hadn't have had her head up her arse and ignored me for 9 weeks she would have been invited when I went shopping.

The thing is it's not hard to just not share people's secrets. She shouldn't have to choose who to please but upsetting me to please her is just as wrong as pushing her out to please me?

Who cares?

Maybe you should not have asked your mother to keep this a secret. If everything is a secret until the big day, and why did you show your mother before hand?

Frankly, your sister probably had no interest in going shopping with you. If she would have been interested, she would have asked questions. And given that she won’t be at your wedding, it is completely irrelevant whether she sees your clothes beforehand.

Given it is such a tiny wedding, you’re making too big a deal out of this.

 

[Ooohb*tch!]

Grow up.

you are acting like a spoilt brat

“my sister had a tit wedding and I want my wedding to be better than hers just to rub salt in the wound and piss her off”

your wedding is meant to be about you & your husband committing to a life together, not an opportunity for you to try to one up your sister. Get a grip.

Not at all? She had the wedding she wanted. She wanted to get pregnant before she got married that was her choice.
Why am I such a prick for wanting our day the way we want it?

 

[theghosttown]

I did add a comment explaining that my sister also didn't have family at her wedding.


I'm not upset about a stupid leather jacket I'm upset that my mum's unable to keep something a secret for me.

Maybe I wanted my siblings to be shocked when they saw our wedding photos?
Just to clarify.. my sister isn't upset about not being invited to the wedding. She didn't have siblings at her wedding. She chose a small wedding. The only difference is she was heavy pregnant, chose not to have a dress, had it at the local registery office and had a meal at a 2 for 1 pub afterwards. She even openly said that I should have a tit hen do like she did. She doesn't want me to have nicer things than she did.

“she doesn’t want me to have nicer things?” ... I can’t...Has it not occurred to you she might’ve been happy with her wedding the way it was. It really seems you are desperately fixated on this whole “I’m a princess” “I’m the baby” type of vibe.
Perhaps your mum didn’t think that by showing her the picture you would genuinely be vindictive enough to uninvite her to your wedding. I don’t think anyone would expect that. Yes it’s unfair she went behind your back but that’s just what mums do. Is it fair? No? Is it hurtful? At times yes. Is it worth repeatedly punishing her for. Absolutely not. Unfortunately the moment that you mentioned being spiteful is the moment your argument stopped being valid. Maybe you should calmly explain to her that it’s really hurt you. But judging by the fact she has already apologised I’m guessing you already have. Maybe that’s a sign to just move on. If you keep expecting people’s apologies written in blood all your life people will get tired of your behaviour.

 

[Mumofferalboys]

Grow up.

you are acting like a spoilt brat

“my sister had a tit wedding and I want my wedding to be better than hers just to rub salt in the wound and piss her off”

your wedding is meant to be about you & your husband committing to a life together, not an opportunity for you to try to one up your sister.

Couldn’t agree more! OP you are acting like an absolute spoiled horror. Your wedding should be about the love shared between you and your husband not getting one up on other people.
Get a grip and let your mum be excited for you as she obviously is