My boyfriend of 4 years has blocked me

[Marsha97]

Hi all, I really need some help/advice please! Me & my partner have been together for 4 years & he blocked me out of the blew. 9 days ago we lost a baby together, he told me he will love me forever & he also said that we'll get through it together but 5 days later, I woke up & realised he had blocked me which absolutely crushed me, my heart sunk, I am so confused, heartbroken, depressed. I can't believe he's done this, I didn't get an explanation, I got nothing, he just blocked me. I really desperately need to talk to him, I need answers. My mind is thinking all sorts(as you can probably imagine!), I'm thinking things like, did he even love me? Do I really mean nothing to him? How can he do this to me? Is he with another girl? I can't cope. I'm really struggling with life right now. What should I do?

 

[sammy777]

I’m assuming you don’t live together, so I’d turn up at his house and ask to talk. It’s pretty weak of him to block you without an explanation.

 

[hssdrs]

Hi all, I really need some help/advice please! Me & my partner have been together for 4 years & he blocked me out of the blew. 9 days ago we lost a baby together, he told me he will love me forever & he also said that we'll get through it together but 5 days later, I woke up & realised he had blocked me which absolutely crushed me, my heart sunk, I am so confused, heartbroken, depressed. I can't believe he's done this, I didn't get an explanation, I got nothing, he just blocked me. I really desperately need to talk to him, I need answers. My mind is thinking all sorts(as you can probably imagine!), I'm thinking things like, did he even love me? Do I really mean nothing to him? How can he do this to me? Is he with another girl? I can't cope. I'm really struggling with life right now. What should I do?

Have to asked his family & friends if they have seen him & taking to them about the loss of the baby.

 

[flutternutter]

Many moons ago I could've wrote this myself.
I'm sorry this has happened to you, its a horrible thing to go to and not having the support of your partner makes it worse!

Does his family know about the pregnancy? My biggest regret was his family never knew, so he left me because "we weren't working out" and they had absolutely no idea. That said, even if they knew what he had done I don't think they would have behaved differently.

I dont want to say my experience will be yours, BUT if you end up going your separate ways you will be fine, it will take time, it will hurt but you will get there. If you get back together, please try to go to couples counselling. Pregnancy loss is different for women, men can never relate unfortunately and I think if its going to work out you need to get it all off your chest.

 

[Marsha97]

I went to his house, but he wasn't in(assuming he was at work) so I posted a letter through his letterbox. Still hasn't unblocked me & I'm still no further forward. I don't even know what to do anymore, some of my belongings are at his house as well, there's a bracelet there that is sentimental to me cos my mam give me it(stupid I left it I know), but I didn't think he'd do this so I thought I could get it when I next went to stay at his, but now he's blocked me. I'm so lost & hurt. How can he do this to me I've got so many things going through my head. It's torture
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I’m assuming you don’t live together, so I’d turn up at his house and ask to talk. It’s pretty weak of him to block you without an explanation.

No we don't live together, we were both happy with our relationship as we basically lived together anyway, stayed together 5 days a week. I know it is, I didn't want to seem like a psycho though by turning up at his house but he's left me no choice at this point so yeah, I'll just have to keep turning up at his house as often as I can & hope that he'll be in when I go there again! It's so horrible that he's done this, 4 years together. How can I mean so little to him I don't understand. I deserve answers
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Many moons ago I could've wrote this myself.
I'm sorry this has happened to you, its a horrible thing to go to and not having the support of your partner makes it worse!

Does his family know about the pregnancy? My biggest regret was his family never knew, so he left me because "we weren't working out" and they had absolutely no idea. That said, even if they knew what he had done I don't think they would have behaved differently.

I dont want to say my experience will be yours, BUT if you end up going your separate ways you will be fine, it will take time, it will hurt but you will get there. If you get back together, please try to go to couples counselling. Pregnancy loss is different for women, men can never relate unfortunately and I think if its going to work out you need to get it all off your chest.

Oh I'm so sorry to hear that you went through the same thing it's bloody horrible, I'd not wish this on anyone! I know I really need support from him, it was our baby, how can he not be here for me, I want to be there for him & I would be if he hadn't blocked me, he's made it so difficult & I've no idea why. His family doesn't know about the pregnancy no, we both decided to not tell anyone as when we found out we were pregnant, they told us to both prepare for the worst & told us that we were most likely gonna lose our baby so we thought it was best to not tell any of our family/friends. I desperately want to talk to him face to face. Communication is always key, I'm a big believer in that. I don't get why he's completely shut me out. No need to block me. It's so horrible! Thank you for your advice, I appreciate it & I hope you're doing OK now! x

 

[JodieGreen123]

I know you said he was probably at work when you went round, but the circumstances you’ve described made my mind jump to the absolute worst conclusion. Are you sure he’s okay and it’s definitely the case that he’s blocked you? I don’t mean to say blocking you isn’t awful, as of course it is, and I’m so sorry it’s happened to you, but are you able to rule out anything else having happened to him?

 

[JulesWake]

Probably an unpopular comment but I'd block him as well.

He won't be expecting this leaving him equally as shocked. He does not deserve you. Once he is over the shock of being blocked, he'll reach out.

Hopefully you'll be able to get your things and remove him from you life. 4 years of a relationship should never look like this.

My guess is he's done some shi^ things to you during your time together. No one should accept this type of behaviour.

Look at it as a blessing in disguise, wishing you well.

 

[Marsha97]

I know you said he was probably at work when you went round, but the circumstances you’ve described made my mind jump to the absolute worst conclusion. Are you sure he’s okay and it’s definitely the case that he’s blocked you? I don’t mean to say blocking you isn’t awful, as of course it is, and I’m so sorry it’s happened to you, but are you able to rule out anything else having happened to him?

Yes he's 100% blocked me. He blocked me a week ago now, I asked his friend to message him to ask him if he's OK & he replied. I did worry about that as I know he was struggling which of course is totally understandable with what we've both gone through recently, so a big part of me was worried about him but he's replied back to his friends message

 

[Scorpihoe]

Yes he's 100% blocked me. He blocked me a week ago now, I asked his friend to message him to ask him if he's OK & he replied. I did worry about that as I know he was struggling which of course is totally understandable with what we've both gone through recently, so a big part of me was worried about him but he's replied back to his friends message

Just wanted to reach out and say I really hope you’re okay. I think it’s so cruel of him to treat you this way, knowing what you’ve gone through. I can only imagine how isolating and betraying it can feel, but just remember you’re much stronger and a better person than he is.

Did his friend tell you anything else besides that he’s okay? Wishing you all the best x

 

[Marsha97]

Just wanted to reach out and say I really hope you’re okay. I think it’s so cruel of him to treat you this way, knowing what you’ve gone through. I can only imagine how isolating and betraying it can feel, but just remember you’re much stronger and a better person than he is.

Did his friend tell you anything else besides that he’s okay? Wishing you all the best x

Thank you I appreciate it, I'm not okay no, I'm far from it. The lowest I've ever been in my life. I'm struggling so bad. I think it's cruel of him too, I am still in disbelief tbh, I didn't think he'd do anything like this in a million years. No, all his friend told me is that he's OK so I replied & told his friend what had happened(I know that might make me a psycho), but he's gave me no choice, I thought maybe if I tell his friend, he could maybe get through to him & get him to talk to me, give me closure & arrange to go get my belongings back but he's read my message & not replied so yeah brilliant. I just don't understand, why am I being made out to be the bad guy. I can't cope x

 

[Saddlesoap]

I'm confused, if he's blocked you how do you know he's read your message?

What's his friends interpretation of events.

Sorry but he is being a child and he needs called out on his behaviour. Whether that's by you, his friends, your friends, or a family member.

 

[Marsha97]

I'm confused, if he's blocked you how do you know he's read your message?

What's his friends interpretation of events.

Sorry but he is being a child and he needs called out on his behaviour. Whether that's by you, his friends, your friends, or a family member.

No, I'm on about his friend. I messaged his friend & he replied to tell me he'd messaged my partner & he's OK so then I told his friend what has happened & he's read my message & not replied. I know he needs to be called out on his behaviour cos it's not OK at all. I don't know what to do. I can't cope tbh

 

[flutternutter]

Can you contact his family. Tell them whats happened. Get your stuff. Let him deal with the fallout.

Hes being a twit to you. Its not ok to treat ppl like this!

 

[Luce0331]

I don’t have any advice but wanted to say I’m so sorry about your miscarriage and sorry he’s putting you through this. I think his behaviour just shows what an immature idiot he is and that you deserve better but I know you can’t think that way right now as you’re so hurt.
I hope he comes to his senses and at the very least gives you a reason for this for some closure and I hope you can get your stuff back.

 

[Joannabloggs]

I'm sorry that you have to experience teo heartbreaks at the same time. Losing a child and the hope that comes with it must be awful and even worse considering your boyfriends behaviour.

Whilst I do condone nor approve of his behaviour he has also suffered a loss, and maybe your miscarriage has triggered him to act out of character. To provide some context, the attached article written a few days ago contains mens POV when their partners miscarried. From what they say, and having spoken to a friend who's wife miscarried, men struggle to express their feelings and do not have the same level of support as women with dealing with this. Perhaps he doesn't know what to say, he can't look at you without feeling sad, so by blocking you he is just shutting down. If you hadnt told his friend, it wouldn't suprise me if no one close to him knows what's going on, he appears conflict avoidant

‘I was grieving but couldn’t admit it’: why men cope so badly with miscarriage

When a mother has a miscarriage, men tend to snap into being strong, stoic and supportive. But a father also needs time to grieve. Here, Steve Bloomfield reflects on loss and hears how men are learning to help each other come to terms with what might have been

www.theguardian.com

What I can say and it won't be easy is that you need to deprioritise him and focus on your own wellbeing mentally and physically. Any conversation meetup etc you have with him right now will not be productive and even if it results in you getting back together, your relationship is back on shakey ground. You contacted his friend but what has he done to make sure you're okay, you've shown a great amount of compassion but it needs to stop now as he isnt showing he cares for you like a friend let alone a boyfriend of many years.

Seek help and healing and maybe in time you will both be open and ready for a conversation. This may not happen and this may be the end of your relationship: this may be a blessing in disguise no matter the pain you feel right. You need someone who can be with you through the hard times and ATM it appears your boyfriend is unable unless he works on himself.

Its hard to picture the future with everything going on right now, you will have a rainbow baby and whoever their father is, I pray he's there for you and your child through good times and bad

Sending you all the love

 

[onservantannie]

I’m sorry to hear about your miscarriage, I hope you can heal in time 🤍

Can I ask, were there any problems or signs of anything being amiss prior to him blocking you? Is he ‘ghosting’ you on all forms of communication?

In terms of his friend reading what you’ve said but not replying, I’d guess he just doesn’t want to get involved and for me personally that shows how poor his moral compass is.

 

[Scorpihoe]

@Marsha97 has he blocked you everywhere? Like WhatsApp, Instagram, iMessage, phone etc??

 

[Lollylaylow]

Really sorry this happened to you.

Ask either a mutual friend or his friend to pick up your things and drop them to you or pick up from them. Then, as someone else said, block him. You need to think about you, it's bad enough losing your baby but to be blocked and have no outlet for that is an awful thing to do to someone.

Something I have learnt along the way in my many years on this planet is not to waste time trying to find out why someone did something to hurt you. The point is they did and are not adult enough to deal with it in a correct and kind way and you don't need that.

 

[Marsha97]

@Marsha97 has he blocked you everywhere? Like WhatsApp, Instagram, iMessage, phone etc??

Yes
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I’m sorry to hear about your miscarriage, I hope you can heal in time 🤍

Can I ask, were there any problems or signs of anything being amiss prior to him blocking you? Is he ‘ghosting’ you on all forms of communication?

In terms of his friend reading what you’ve said but not replying, I’d guess he just doesn’t want to get involved and for me personally that shows how poor his moral compass is.

Thank you🤍 & no, obviously we weren't happy because we lost our baby so they was a lot of tears etc but he told me we'd get through this together, told me he loves me forever & that he wants to try again cos he really wants a family with me & I'm the love of his life etc. He has blocked me on everything. I know I can't believe his friend has just ignored my message, what on earth is going on. I just don't understand all of this tbh, how can people be so horrible, I get his friend wouldn't want to get involved but he could have at least replied to my message & tried to help me to get in contact with him at least, considering what has happened. It's not fair
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Really sorry this happened to you.

Ask either a mutual friend or his friend to pick up your things and drop them to you or pick up from them. Then, as someone else said, block him. You need to think about you, it's bad enough losing your baby but to be blocked and have no outlet for that is an awful thing to do to someone.

Something I have learnt along the way in my many years on this planet is not to waste time trying to find out why someone did something to hurt you. The point is they did and are not adult enough to deal with it in a correct and kind way and you don't need that.

He's making that really difficult though as my friends have tried to contact him & my mam has too but he has blocked their numbers too. The only friend of his that I'm able to message is his best friend but I've already messaged him & he's the one who has ignored my most recent message. I'm at a loss at what to do, I've rang his work & asked to speak to him & his work mates(females which makes it worse imo), laugh at me, say 'take care' & put the phone down or they pretend they can't hear me & put the phone down on me, I rang his work twice(I know that's probs a psycho thing to do but what else could I do?! I don't know what he's told them but he's definitely not told them the truth cos why would they treat me so horribly. I'm really stuck. I need closure & I need my stuff back
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I don’t have any advice but wanted to say I’m so sorry about your miscarriage and sorry he’s putting you through this. I think his behaviour just shows what an immature idiot he is and that you deserve better but I know you can’t think that way right now as you’re so hurt.
I hope he comes to his senses and at the very least gives you a reason for this for some closure and I hope you can get your stuff back.

Thank you I appreciate it🤍 & yes I agree it is an immature thing to do, he's 33 for god sake grow up. I understand he will be struggling as well, I always told him he's equally as important cos he would say things like 'but it's your body that's going through it' 'you're going through it physically', but I told him yes that's true it is my body but he's equally as important, I wanted nothing more than for us to get through this together. Yes you understand that I'm so hurt so can't think that way, thank you! That's exactly what I want, some closure & to get my stuff back. Thank you for understanding & for being so nice🤍

 

[nachoproblem23]

Yes
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Thank you🤍 & no, obviously we weren't happy because we lost our baby so they was a lot of tears etc but he told me we'd get through this together, told me he loves me forever & that he wants to try again cos he really wants a family with me & I'm the love of his life etc. He has blocked me on everything. I know I can't believe his friend has just ignored my message, what on earth is going on. I just don't understand all of this tbh, how can people be so horrible, I get his friend wouldn't want to get involved but he could have at least replied to my message & tried to help me to get in contact with him at least, considering what has happened. It's not fair
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He's making that really difficult though as my friends have tried to contact him & my mam has too but he has blocked their numbers too. The only friend of his that I'm able to message is his best friend but I've already messaged him & he's the one who has ignored my most recent message. I'm at a loss at what to do, I've rang his work & asked to speak to him & his work mates(females which makes it worse imo), laugh at me, say 'take care' & put the phone down or they pretend they can't hear me & put the phone down on me, I rang his work twice(I know that's probs a psycho thing to do but what else could I do?! I don't know what he's told them but he's definitely not told them the truth cos why would they treat me so horribly. I'm really stuck. I need closure & I need my stuff back
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Thank you I appreciate it🤍 & yes I agree it is an immature thing to do, he's 33 for god sake grow up. I understand he will be struggling as well, I always told him he's equally as important cos he would say things like 'but it's your body that's going through it' 'you're going through it physically', but I told him yes that's true it is my body but he's equally as important, I wanted nothing more than for us to get through this together. Yes you understand that I'm so hurt so can't think that way, thank you! That's exactly what I want, some closure & to get my stuff back. Thank you for understanding & for being so nice🤍

So sorry you're going through this! At this point, I would write a letter asking for your things back. Tell him he can get a friend to drop them off at your house so you don't have to have any contact with each other. He may be struggling because of the loss of your baby but it doesn't make it ok to mistreat you in this way. Almost sounds like he's using this a way out of your relationship especially if his friends seem to be on board with his decisions. 4 years is a long to be together and not be moved in together especially if he's 33. Was that a decision you both made to continue living apart?