Mumsnet #87 Send Nudes.

[50degreesnorth]

I was going to have afternoon tea at gleneagles (£80), but in the end decided it was a rip-off so invited my friends round and put a loaf of mother’s pride, a tube of primula and a Madeira loaf on the table. Tetley in mugs.

We saved a fortune and it only cost me 23p in the end as I invoiced everyone for their share including the cost of the electricity to boil the kettle.

I had such fun doing something cheap. Sadly we’ve not done it since as they’re always busy now when I suggest something.

 

[CrimsonCountess]

Every single MN reply summarised in three short sentences:
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Mumsnet #88 Nope. Seems very odd to me. I can't relate has to be an early thread title contender

 

[pommynoir]

It's awful isn't it! How can anyone think that's normal? And just because it's hot weather doesn't mean people will eat very little food. I'm mostly eating my bodyweight in ice cream every day, not sure about everyone else though

Well speak for yourself Crimson. I’m surviving on fruit salads only. I’ve added some egg whites and a bit of dairy for balance too.

pavlova, I’m eating pavlova.

 

[Serene Serena]

Lads pity the poor funeral workers, especially the Funeral Directors, who are expected to wear high collared shirt, cravats, top hat, waistcoat, frock coat, dress trousers and black gloves. I have to wear black opaque tights at all times it's been sweltering in the office today. I wish I could wear a crumpled vest and pyjama shorts

Bless your heart @FunnyFuneral
My dad died when I was 5 and I will never forget the kindness of the funeral directors. He’d been ill for a while and had left his last wishes with them. There were us 5 little girls and my poor mum, and they were so lovely to all of us.

Daddy’s ashes are scattered on Borth y Gest beach, so if you’re ever in the area, raise a pint of Purple Moose for him

 

[WhyYouCry?]

Diagram or it didn't happen!

Here you go

 

[Iamthebosun]

We have an intact male and I had to have an uncomfortable conversation with his groomer about not shaving his balls. They were grotesque, pink and saggy, like an old man’s.

You can just call him DH like they do on Mumsnet, it's much quicker than calling your husband an 'intact male'. You'll save so much time you could take in double ironing and be rich by Christmas.

 

[Geetbo]

Imagine the utter misery of weighing out 100 grams of fucking mackerel

 

[Kikini Bamalam]

Call me straight again and I'll fucking kill you.

 

[50degreesnorth]

Here you go Tattlers:

 

[Geetbo]

Call me straight again and I'll fucking kill you.

 

[Geetbo]

Please start a thread in Style and Beauty asking for suggestions for what to wear!

Don't worry I'm all set

 

[Iamthebosun]

Let's play which mumsnetter is weirder. Here's round one.

 

[Serene Serena]

I always wave a "thank you" - as you say, nice to be nice and costs nothing.

As a proud Northerner I also thank the bus driver when I get off. This seems to be something that amazes many southerners visiting up here. ("Why are you thanking the driver? It's their job!"). I've often wondered if these people bother to thank wait staff, receptionists, shop assistants etc.

It's just one of these little things that make the world a pleasanter place, and we really need as many of those as we can think of.

I always thank the bus driver, wave thanks to zebra crossing drivers and am generally friendly to retail staff.

I bought some fake Pimms from Aldi recently and the cashier asked what time he could call round for a drink, and to make sure it was iced. If I was a mumsnet knobber, I’d have started a thread on AIBU, but I’m not, I laughed and said there won’t be any left by the time you finish work, mate

 

[MeatyCushans]

I don't know these workmen aren't like mumsnet ones, they've brought their own mugs with them, they're now sat on floor in garden eating lunch and absolutely refusing to sit on garden chairs or dining table in case their grout covered clothes get anything dirty.

Bet theyre rubbing their scrotums all over your lawn

 

[50degreesnorth]

@Samf2020 why don’t you just go and train for a better job? I mean no, you won’t be able to pay the mortgage for 4 years and your kids will be taken into care and you’ll run up £100k+ of debt - but it sounds like you’re not even trying.

Seriously- solidarity and much love to you. *Having* to show up when you hate the place and you know you’re not liked is horrible. After I had a baby I was given a (admittedly big) voucher for a posh shop - I later learned NOBODY had put money in and it had come directly from my manager + petty cash. It sounds ridiculous but it was so hurtful - and for context I’d been there 13 years at that point. It was such a poisonous environment I deleted my LinkedIn account because I was harassed for years after I left. It utterly destroyed my professional confidence and it’s taken over a decade to get back.

 

[TheMiceInTheShed]

This was my reply to the 9 stone fatty on the previous thread (and thank god for a new thread title because I left my laptop open and caught Nan looking at the screen with a perturbed face)

There was a thread recently about a woman asking if she would look out of place in a South of France beach club, as she was plus size. Cue one lardy lass who claimed to be a humongous size 12, telling her she personally felt fine as long as she was wearing a sarong or a coverup. Other posters were suggesting swimwear options and generally being reassuring, admitting to being fairly overweight themselves. Then the plus size poster admitted to being a size 16. FFS.

Only in Mumsnetland would a size 16 woman be ashamed of being seen on a beach.

I don't know why they have such a passion for the French and their body sizes.

Personally I look to the Dutch and the Germans who couldn't give a f*ck how big they are. Like me they drag their bloated carcases down to any bit of sand and water and strip off as far as they are allowed on that particular beach - adipose tissue, varicose veins and all.

I'm not saying they look pretty (nor do I) but they have a healthy disregard for the opinions of strangers and just get on with enjoying their day.

 

[FlowerOfTheEast]

Every single MN reply summarised in three short sentences:

 

[Iamthebosun]

Our roofer had to come back cos the guttering was fucked (from all their piss I assume) and he chose yesterday to do it when I was in a towel straight out of the shower. Luckily he just fixed it and fucked off without knocking though. Think hes annoyed with me for getting him back but 16k shelled out for the guttering to fail the second it rained 🫠 I messaged him several times over the last few weeks with him replying vaguely that he'll come round, got Mr C to message him on Monday and he came round Tuesday Not to sound too much like a mumsnetter but that is life as a WOMAN summed up

Sounds like the roofer and your husband are having a secret gay affair and 'come round and fix the guttering' is the code for secret gay affair shagging. Get your ducks in a row NOW.

 

[mindlessness]

Perennially good MN advice.

 

[Geetbo]

I once won a pub quiz by correctly guessing a woman's bra size to general astonishment.

Yes, I frequent classy venues.