Mumsnet #4

[witchofwestbyfleet]

How dare the neighbour use his own toilet and have "a nerdy little arm!" He could at LEAST have the courtesy to develop some muscles before opening that window!

The pee plot thickens: "The OP has now been in touch to say that they've been identified in real life so we're going to remove the thread entirely." ... ... ... How?! Were they raging and ranting about hubby's pee and then someone went "Is that the person from the Mumsnet thread?"

 

[Daisymai]

What a weird set up! Imagine hearing your neighbour do a poo whilst eating your dinner in the garden Isn’t this something you would have thought about when buying your house- you can’t place a ladder over someone’s window. I’d be getting my nerdy little arm out too

 

[Gym&Tonic]

That thread sounds totally made up. A lot of them follow the same script. New neighbours who’ve just moved in and are completely unapproachable, rude, unfriendly etc and have dared to make changes to their property without consulting the OP first. There will then be lots of waffle about boundaries, fences, hedges and trees, and a ‘new structure‘ being built on a ‘raised platform’ in the neighbours garden that ‘looks directly into’ the OP’s lounge/kitchen/bedroom/insert here and ‘invades their privacy’. All of which is total balls and would never happen in real life, I mean I can’t say I even take any notice if what my neighbours do to their homes or in their garden. Any excuse to get their knickers in a twist though.

 

[Sglodion]

Mumsnet has got me terrified of ever moving house! They make it sound like 90% of potential neighbours are stalkers who take against you for no reason, get passive-aggressive about parking and other minor issues, make loads of noise at all hours of the night and pipe weed smoke into your cavity walls!

 

[justheretoread99]

Currently reading the thread on AIBU where the OP is upset because her husband didn’t apologise to her for breaking a mug (that is used for decoration) when doing the washing up

said it before and I’ll say it again. Every single one of them … unhinged!

 

[ClaretFairy]

My neighbour hangs out the window to talk to others/be nosy - maybe I should report him on mumsnet

 

[ElectricDreams]

The arm waving neighbour one is weird. I just can't picture it. A diagram would be useful yet the OP claims she's too new to post photos. Yet the post screams veteran mumsnetter as it ticks all the boxes of a neighbourly dispute thread

 

[ButtonDownTheHutches]

The arm waving neighbour one is weird. I just can't picture it. A diagram would be useful yet the OP claims she's too new to post photos. Yet the post screams veteran mumsnetter as it ticks all the boxes of a neighbourly dispute thread

I think that’s exactly why it was removed - silly troll realised their ‘I’m new’ cover story was rubbish and they were going to have to come up with a photo or duck off. MN we’re happy to oblige as they knew it was a troll, but ‘deleted for privacy’ looks better to advertisers than ‘oh look, yet another troll, because 75% of this site is troll garbage’.

 

[SqualorVictoria]

Wait a minute, so that posters neighbour put his arm through a window and moved a ladder all with one arm and through a window? Doesn't sound like a nerdy little arm to me, sounds more like a super powered Marvel arm

 

[PumpkinKing]

The arm waving neighbour one is weird. I just can't picture it. A diagram would be useful yet the OP claims she's too new to post photos. Yet the post screams veteran mumsnetter as it ticks all the boxes of a neighbourly dispute thread

That is the ONE thread where a diagram would have been useful. Were the houses semi detached or terrace? Why was the window so low down the wall? Why was the window directly over someone else's garden and not at the back of the house?
I had so many questions

 

[doctordoctor]

There one on AIBU just now about someone who has bought a buy-to-let next door to a mentally ill old lady…she screams an bangs on her front door, she’s very paranoid about neighbours, Italians (for some reason) her windows are covered in writing about the war, someone, in all seriousness has asked ‘Which war?’

 

[Gym&Tonic]

They also blindly defend the NHS as well, even when it doesn’t deserve it (which is 99.9%of the time). There is a thread on there at the moment from someone who’s elderly mother is alone waiting to be seen in hospital because no one is allowed in to see her, she’s understandably worried about it. So many of them are replying with very patronising posts about why this stupid rule is still in place, precious NHS staff cant possibly risk being exposed to Covid can they Its a joke, you can be exposed to Covid anywhere. I caught it at choir practice, my brother caught it at a football match, my Auntie and Uncle got it at a restaurant.

Meanwhile the rest of are moving on and trying to live with it. Fact is the whole thing was in a mess way, way before Covid and will continue to be until there is reform, which is possible without privatisation BTW.

 

[rivermonster]

Currently reading the thread on AIBU where the OP is upset because her husband didn’t apologise to her for breaking a mug (that is used for decoration) when doing the washing up

said it before and I’ll say it again. Every single one of them … unhinged!

But it was glass and he is clumsy but he didn't apologise because they were paid for with a joint account card so he broke the one that belonged to him.

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

There's a thread at the moment asking how teachers "judge" the children and / or parents that has a few classics:

- "Nigerian, Indian, and Asian" kids are better behaved
- "On the first day you meet them you can generally rank them up for the GCSEs they're going to get" based on names and manners
- If child has long curly hair that isn't tied back, they will be poorly behaved, have annoying hippy parents, and / or have lice
- "I also judged the parents of a child who said her friend was probably off school because she fancied a day off. Clearly that to her was normal."
- "When I hear the names - Mason , Alfie , Billy , Dolly , Ellie-Mai, Demi- Jade - I am already thinking - help !"
- "Few weeks ago we dealt with 5 or 6 children arriving at school with vapes bought for them by a parent who felt they were all ‘stressed’ and needed something to help them relax. I totally judged that."

The same thread has a lengthy rant where someone says that signs of child abuse can be easily hidden beneath e.g. a blazer or long socks, or that a parent may not let the child's hair be tied back in order to cover facial bruising. The poster says they themselves were abused, and then blames hippy parents or those with very busy jobs for having ungroomed children because it makes it easier for abusers to hide. I'm sorry for this person's experience, however, a lot of parents are just busy or lazy; they don't do it deliberately

 

[Popcorn&Peanuts]

I avoid Mumsnet like the plague now but was looking for a Cornish pasty recipe, and like an idiot, ended up going on there. Of course the trending threads section caught my eye and then I was down the AIBU and relationship rabbitholes.

So amidst the man-hating and faux outrage, I was reading a thread about posters who stayed with their cheating SOs. And then I came across this post. Now I know everyone has different boundaries and lines in their personal relationship but sometimes when I read posts on MN I am genuinely terrified of having friendships with males because EVERYTHING is an emotional affair waiting to become a physical one.


Poorly-punctuated wall of text ahead. You can just read the BIB.

Sorry it's a bit long. My husband had an emotional affair which lasted 4 years. Texts/chatting & met up twice outside work to go to 2 concert in 4 years. (He payed for his own ticket only & they met inside the venue and stood together at end of the night he came straight home so no time together afterwards maybe because they had to go to different tube stations) He worked in same building as her in the City (and could have met up with her every day but choose not too - he says partly because he didn't want to because he didn't think about her romantically & it was a bit too real for him & a part of him knew I wouldn't have liked it) he would on odd occasions see her in the corridor in passing & he says didn't like meeting her as for him it was all about his ego and getting validation she stroked his ego made him think he was still cool/with it/attractive (twit/hole) he liked that someone else liked him. The minute i found out D-Day - HE took the lead - He did tons of reading/counselling about EA working on the "why" - he did the reading & counselling so he could work out why he gave himself permission to text/chat & not tell me about it & why he needed "strangers" validations. He says he like her & convinced himself he was doing no harm as they were just friends & what I didn't know wouldn't harm me. He says he never thought of the consequences if i found out coz he never expected me to find out as i never looked at his phone. he says she just made it easy as she always answered texts or calls (these calls/texts mainly happened on his commute or when i was looking after my elderly mother) he says she had nothing else in her life (she was single) so was always available. On D Day He says they were "just friends" when caught and i do believe he thought that until i pointed out it was an EA because he never told me about their calls/chats all being done behind my back this made it was an emotional affair & because it was 5/6 times a week. I saw the texts - They never had a "romantic" conversation but obvious they liked each other lots of validation on both sides - most chat was all about tv/films/books/running/gym/weather etc (like the chat you have at a bank of desks in the open tho not privately by test/calls to a single female). I went crazy when i found out & he texted her that night & said he never wanted to speak to her again & the volume of text chats were inappropriate behaviours from a married man. she ignored/never replied to that text & they have never spoke since. (He also took a lesser job with same company nearer home so was not in same building as her & reduced work hours so he could work on us/his marriage which he said was his top priority) HE initiated couple counselling & changed his life completely from the day i found out he is so remorseful & strives everyday to be a good loving husband. It is now 4 years since D-Day the first year was disbelief, years 2 & 3 year were pure anger on my part always threatening to leave him with him literally begging me to stay (he used to say not to chuck everything away been married 40 years for someone who was not ever important to him) & i was very witchy/sad/depressed in years 2/3 now in 4th year because of the effort/time/showing remorse he has put in everyday for 4 years i have mellowed and only now started to put in effort myself. I have not fully forgiven him but i have forgiven myself for not knowing because I completely trusted him & i have now accepted it happened & that he was a "weak" man - so I don't feel bad now & have a husband who worships me now more than he ever did - i now realise he did take me for granted (i think him realising he was going to loose me scared the sh!t out of him) i was brutal. Im glad i stayed but the relationship has changed some things are better eg he never takes me for granted, communication is very good, spend more time together, we enjoy each others company & have good happy times etc but to be honest i just don't feel the same as i did before discovering his EA the tables have truly turned he knows one wrong move & im off. He says he wants to spend the rest of his life making up for what happened & im just going to let him & i do see him working hard at this every day. However i know that if he had had a sexual relationship or even a romantic relationship with her i could not have stayed, as it was bad enough having him talk/text without me knowing. I also think because i saw the texts i know it wasn't a sexual desire he didn't want her or want to be with her romantically for him & purely about his ego/looking for validation. So for me it was about him keeping secrets & lying and being disrespectful to me that nearly broke us up. Again as others have said i had no clue he was doing this & our relationship in those 4 years of his EA were good/no marital issues, going on holidays, good sex life, date nights etc when he was doing this. I know for you Its hard to know whether to stay or make the break now & i think this depends on whether you think you can live with what he has done & accept what he has done & how remorseful his actions are now. You will need full disclosure to be able to make this choice - you can take your time to decide (even if this takes a few years) & let him know you are doing a day/week at a time & you have the right to change your mind at any point & make sure he knows that too.


What in the world???? Considering what they spoke about, I think this sounds like a friendship. And the way OP speaks about giving her husband hell for years after and how he now worships the ground she walks on?!?!?! This sounds like a woman wanting to find a stick to beat her husband with and using it to her advantage to keep him in line at all times.


I dunno…this feels like it would be abusive if it were the other way around. When Mumsnetters have male friends and their husbands have a problem with it, it’s always considered controlling and abusive.

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

I get the whole idea of the "emotional affair" but I do wonder if he maybe wasn't telling OP about his friendship with this woman because he knew his wife would react badly? That would be dishonest but an understandable thing to do if your spouse is very jealous and won't listen when you say you're just friends with this person

 

[Popcorn&Peanuts]

Oh yes, I fully agree that emotional affairs are a thing but I always thought it was more about confiding in the other person, confessing feelings to them, planning things to do together, sharing details of your relationship with them etc.

By OP's admission, her husband and the 'OW' spoke about TV, sports and the weather. Nothing romantic or intimate really. So why is her behaviour not seen as controlling but when a man does it, it would be.

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

There's one right now where somebody has been asked by the holiday cottage owner to cancel their holiday without penalty because they want to let it to Ukrainian refugees for the princely sum of £350 month instead (and the owner would have to pay a penalty/get downgraded if they cancelled it as it's through an intermediary).


OK, it might be untrue - but some of the posts are likening to buying somebody a goat for Christmas, in that the giver would be stealing somebody's birthday present if they did that. 1. If it's the person buying, duck off does the recipient have any right to say they've had their present stolen and 2. no person who books a holiday let owns the cottage for x number of days.

No, it's clearly not the point - not when a 3 night HOLIDAY has been booked. The holidaymaker has RIGHTS, dammit. How dare somebody suggest helping out refugees instead?

 

[Lulu Goss]

There's a thread at the moment asking how teachers "judge" the children and / or parents that has a few classics:

- "Nigerian, Indian, and Asian" kids are better behaved
- "On the first day you meet them you can generally rank them up for the GCSEs they're going to get" based on names and manners
- If child has long curly hair that isn't tied back, they will be poorly behaved, have annoying hippy parents, and / or have lice
- "I also judged the parents of a child who said her friend was probably off school because she fancied a day off. Clearly that to her was normal."
- "When I hear the names - Mason , Alfie , Billy , Dolly , Ellie-Mai, Demi- Jade - I am already thinking - help !"
- "Few weeks ago we dealt with 5 or 6 children arriving at school with vapes bought for them by a parent who felt they were all ‘stressed’ and needed something to help them relax. I totally judged that."

The same thread has a lengthy rant where someone says that signs of child abuse can be easily hidden beneath e.g. a blazer or long socks, or that a parent may not let the child's hair be tied back in order to cover facial bruising. The poster says they themselves were abused, and then blames hippy parents or those with very busy jobs for having ungroomed children because it makes it easier for abusers to hide. I'm sorry for this person's experience, however, a lot of parents are just busy or lazy; they don't do it deliberately

I read this one just now - what is the OP’s obsession with “children with copious curls”. It was mentioned so many times and then in a post further on she says her own daughter has wild curly hair herself? Such a weird thread.

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

The holiday cottage thread doesn't put some of the posters in a good light.

Whatever you do, don't upset the middleclass women who want three nights in a cottage. Get somebody else to have them.