Mumsnet #37 Wipe down my cucumber and sanitise my Hovis, I need to get my dicks in a row!

[Saltfish84]

As much as I’m enjoying the hairy arsehole chat, I’m more astounded people still bother to iron clothes.

 

[veronica71]

I don’t check my husbands phone - he never answers any messages I send and I often find it abandoned around the house so good luck to any other woman trying to get any sense out of him

 

[Geetbo]

I’ve been violently reminded of the time I shaved my Darsecrack. I swear it had 5 o clock shadow within the hour and I couldn’t walk or sit comfortably for weeks. I do not recommend it x

As a gay man I’m no stranger to a shaved arsehole, and crack stubble never gets any less unpleasant.

 

[50degreesnorth]

I really want to know some of the many ways a child could be harmed by alcohol in a desert!

What will DCoroner write in their report. “Death by misadventure. Had seconds of Tesco finest Xmas pudding with brandy custard.”
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Although tbf I’m a shite parent who served the kids Welsh rarebit for dinner last night. This differs from regular cheese on toast as it has beer in it. So I let the kids finish the bottle. On. A. School. Night.

I emailed DCoroner the recipe.

 

[holasun]

I have seen MANY dick pics in my life. Too too many.

That's because I worked as a student at a high street photo developers in the early 00s. A shocking amount of blokes would send in actual film rolls of their own penis' to be developed. Probably to get a reaction out of us poor developers as they sometimes never came to collect them or would look weirdly smug when they did. Completely against all company policies, said dicks were all double printed and stuck on the back wall in the lab onto a wall of shame (and oft cut out and glued into leaving cards and the like).

Although occasionally people would bring in *spicy* film rolls and then be mortified when they realised that we'd seen everything on the film (I honestly don't know why this surprised people!!).
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It did break up the monotony of endless disposable cameras of photos from nights out.

 

[Kikini Bamalam]

I wish I had feet to put in Sketchers so I think you are all awful

(I do really have feet)

 

[ButtonDownTheHutches]

On the "how often are you complimented for your looks" thread. Think this might be outing for them? It's clearly very real and definitely a woman, after all.

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“ALPHAFEMALESINCEBIRTH”.

Mate, we all know exactly which of the two sexes was observed and recorded when you were born.

 

[Kikini Bamalam]

I just can't with MN today. I shouldn't have opened it up, but I did. The thread about people with anxiety and depression work too. Going on that they just can't stop working and go on benefits, they have to go on.
I just had to go on, until I couldn't and had a breakdown. We spent 10 years on just Mr B's wage (22k a year) and my PIP (which I only got about 6 years ago). We have only just got UC last month. They have no idea how difficult it is to get benefits. You don't just say, oh sorry GP I don't fancy working anymore, can I have £500 a month on benefits instead of my 28k a year salary? Cool thanks!

I really fucking hate most of those cunts. They just love to kick people when they are down

 

[EleanorAbernathy]

I really want to know some of the many ways a child could be harmed by alcohol in a desert!

 

[cat_follower]

I’ve been violently reminded of the time I shaved my Darsecrack. I swear it had 5 o clock shadow within the hour and I couldn’t walk or sit comfortably for weeks. I do not recommend it x

 

[Serene Serena]

Lads, I’m going to have to go NC with my son. I know he’s only 4 but hear me out. I like miniatures and I bought a decrepit old dolls house from the recycling centre. I’ve spent hours here and there making windows and doors and blinds and shutters and window boxes and tarting up the furniture it came with. I went out today for lunch with friends and when I got back, the little shit had turned it into a dinosaur adventure playground.

 

[Perspicacia Tick]

I do not own Skechers, but that is because I have a very niche and outing hobby. Think running. So all of my trainers cost a six figure salary a pair and are designed for different types of floor.

Casually I wear Adidas Gazelles because that is what I put on my feet as a teenager in the 90's so that is what I put on my feet as a teenager, inside a middle aged woman, in 2024.

And I buy kids ones, because my feet are size French. Unlike the rest of me.

 

[CatCafe234]

I’ll just leave this here……

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I mean they‘re fine if you’re an Angry Bird …

 

[CrimsonCountess]

We've lost sight of what a normal sized plate should look like for our teeny tiny baby sparrow portions

 

[Geetbo]

Interesting threads in FWR. They've discovered that Aston University has a database of every single post on the site for years as part of their research into identifying anonymous posters online.

Sounds like an Influencer's wet dream, that.
Wonder if they've done the same to Tattle?

I pity any poor student who has to go through my millions of posts about Jack Monroe and cocks.

 

[orangehead]

I really want to know some of the many ways a child could be harmed by alcohol in a desert!

It’ll be in take a break next week ‘my tiramisu toddler hell’.

 

[bread-pitt]

I’m enjoying the “cringing about COVID” thread. The sanctimonious bitches! Most of them saying they didn’t join in any of the clapping, ignored all the “rooolz”, didn’t like Captain Tom, went on 25 walks an hour, because “I knew it was all unnecessary”. If I had more time on my hands I’d do a few advanced searches to see what they were saying at the time. Guaranteed they were full paid-up members of the shopping washers and are still eating their way through a million boxes of noodles.

 

[MoistPlinth]

There’s a thread on the style & beauty board called ‘trainer esque shoes that are not trainers’ and most of the suggestions on there are so shit! Almost straight away someone suggested fucking Skechers.

What’s wrong with Skechers? I love Skechers. They are very comfortable. I even have Skechers walking boots.

Oh god. I’m middle aged. I probably have dementia. I’m sobbing and shaking now.

 

[LilyPond]

I’m in almost the same situation; became disabled 10 years ago and anxiety and depression followed. I’d love to go back to work. I enjoyed my job and I was good at it. It wasn’t well paid but it was still better than what I get on bloody PIP. I pointed that out to one of the more unpleasant assessors (salary around £40k) and asked if they’d rather sit at home for £500 a month. They didn’t have much of a reply. Probably a MNer. Like you I don’t have a six-figure hubster to keep me either as mine earns around the same as yours.

I‘m shitting myself over all the news stories about benefit cuts. It makes me sick how MN think targeting the vulnerable is a reasonable part of an election manifesto,

Arbeit macht frei. Some of those posters would have fitted in well in Nazi Germany, they'd have been grassing up their neighbours to the Gestapo and enthusiastically cheering at the Nuremberg rallies. Sickening.
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A few years back my partner had a psychotic break (bereavement, lockdown etc), he was really ill and he couldn't work for some time. I supported him and looked after him because that's what you do with someone you love. He got better, he's really well now and he's working again. MNetters would have encouraged me to chuck him out as a lazy cocklodger when he was the same kind, loving,loyal wonderful man he's always been who went through an unimaginably hard time. They have no empathy, I shouldn't let it upset me so much but it does

 

[holasun]

My elderly Nana (think 94 years old) is horrified that age has meant she can no longer wear a heel and hotter was suggested to her. She told the nurse she'd rather be in a wheelchair than walk in such ugly shoes