That sounds awful. I know mils are usually excited and keen but that is just TOO MUCH. Lay down the law now before it’s too late. She obv thinks if your child as hers. Creepy. Tell her what you think and expect of her as a grandparent before this nonsense gets any further. Also I think your partner should tell her how weird this all is!I’m really struggling with MIL at present. Baby is a few months. Parents in Law have been overwhelmingly excited. 2 rooms decorated in their house for baby (playroom and bedroom), constantly referring to baby as “our baby”, stating that they think of her as their own child. I’ve no need for babysitter at minute and baby will only bf, so babysitting is not possible at minute. Because baby is bf, we are only really in the begging stages of my partner being able to take her out to shops etc for his own for a few mins. MIL was constantly saying she would come over and take baby out for a few hours, meaning I had to keep reminding her that baby wouldn’t be able to feed as they won’t take a bottle. Then she commented that I don’t want to share baby. Most recently, MIL got in at me for choosing crèche care next year when I return to work and why I hadn’t chosen to leave baby full time with them. It was both my partner and my decision but it seems like as MIL disagrees, it’s just my fault. There are constant hints about wanting a regular slot to take baby swimming, to classes etc, but this is my first baby, and I haven’t had a chance to have these experiences with her myself! I now nearly feel guilty that baby and me have gone for a walk/trip to a cafe alone, because it feels like I should have to share this time. MIL comments on baby being the centre of their universe. I already feel so much pressure on this little baby to be their entire emotional world- they now isolate from family/friends if they think it will take a minute away from time with baby, turning down important family events for example. It’s not as if we withhold visits! We come weekly, they video call, get photos daily etc. Parents in Law don’t show any interest in talking to me or my partner anymore. They might ask “how are you” but then turn to baby and ignore any response. I feel like what was once a lovely relationship with them is just gone. They really don’t have any huge interest in how she feeds/sleeps/how she is feeling. Every visit is about her sitting on their knee and getting “fun” out of her, talking loudly in her face etc. I feel their expectation of her is huge. MIL already said she would like to be baby’s best friend. I feel guilty for getting annoyed at these things, and more like a horrible person with each occurrence. I thought it might die down over time but it’s just ramping up. MIL constantly looking for what “first” she can have next- wants to buy first shoes, wants to buy playhouse (baby is <6 months old!) etc.
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That sounds awful. I know mils are usually excited and keen but that is just TOO MUCH. Lay down the law now before it’s too late. She obv thinks if your child as hers. Creepy. Tell her what you think and expect of her as a grandparent before this nonsense gets any further. Also I think your partner should tell her how weird this all is!
She sounds really intense! I’d ignore any opinions on childcare and you spending time alone with baby. It’s your baby not hers, she’s already had her children. If it were me, I’d just respond to anything she says with, “yea we all love baby so much. Especially me as baby’s mummy. He/she is my world”. If she outright or even hints at you being selfish, just say “yeah I am, no one can blame me… baby is so wonderful don’t you agree. I’m in a blissful baby bubble”. That should shut her up. She can’t be mad at you for enjoying being a mummy. I’d just agree with anything passive aggressive she says to her face and carry on doing what you want to do. If she wants to spend her money on bits for the baby fine. Either chuck them, return, regift or use them. Don’t worry about her getting them though, I wasted too much energy on that in the past! Good luck mumma you’ve got this! Xx
Omg this is awful! Some parts of what you have said I can understand, as iv gone through/ going through myself, although my story is also very different to yours. But what advice I do have is that I wish I'd nipped my MILs behaviour in the bud earlier. As I do feel these MILs just get worse. She's completely bulldozing over your feelings and she's completely insensitive to how you must be feeling, she sounds so selfish. What does your partner say about all of this? Is there anyway they could take to her?
I really wish i had told my MIL from the start that I didn't like the name she wants my son to call her, but now I fear it's too late. However, you could still lay some boundaries down. Would you feel strong enough to confront her about any of this? .I really feel for you because I can tell you are trying to be nice and patient with her, but she's just barging in on your precious time with your baby. I would try and sir her down and say from a mother to another mother this is how I feel.
But having said that, iv tried speaking to my MIL and made no difference, she's still ab utter twit.
But don't let her get her own way hun, you be strong and try and find your voice
much love to you xx
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