Day 2 and I’m really bad today, tried to cheer myself up with a Starbucks this morning and it was a Starbucks that me and him used to go for Saturday brunch. I couldn’t stop crying in the queue, im now sat on the tube crying like a twit. Looking in the mirror after my shower earlier and I just can’t bare to see myself. Ugh, I just can’t see how I’m going to get through today
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I don't have many words of wisdom and can't tell you what to do. I read your post last night and it made me very sad but I was exhausted so I think I stopped typing halfway. I just want to say that I do think you deserve much better and if he doesn't want to reach out for help and make things better for you, him and the little ones then that's on him. I hope you are doing ok as I believe you said today is a difficult day for you. Sending you lots of love.
Thank you. I'm not expecting much but at least I've sent the text. xxGood luckrooting for you xx
How are you getting on? I cried on the bus several times a few weeks ago and if I'm on the bus (6 weeks in) and I go past his place I still get teary. You're not a twit! You're going through a difficult time. I went out with a friend for a good 5 hours today and had a lovely time but I cried when I got back home because I miss him. I feel silly but our feelings and emotions are valid. x
I’ve read through your threads, but thought I’d respond to your first one. What you are dealing with is domestic abuse and coercive and controlling behaviour (walking on eggshells, threats of self harm etc). This is a crime and the police take it very seriously. If you feel you are in any danger whatsoever, or if he threatens self harm call the police.
You may also consider going to your local police station and ask for general advice on your current situation. Tell them of any incidences where he has been verbally abusive, lost his temper, threatened violence (whether to himself or anyone else), especially if your children have witnessed this. In fact start keeping a diary of every incident on your phone (making sure he cannot read or delete it). I don’t know where you live, but there are a whole load of support services available and many can help you to leave if money is an issue. Again your local police can tell you or you can search online. I really don’t want to frighten you, but I can’t tell you how many domestic abuse cases start off small and escalate very quickly.
Be strong and do what you need to do to protect you and your children. Oh and one last thing, I really don’t want to tell you what to do but please don’t have another baby with this man. Not only will it not resolve your problems, but it will make it ten times harder to leave of you need to. We are all here for you so you are not alone.
If they are making you feel as bad as this then you need to be thinking very seriously about getting rid of them. xMy boyfriend is doing my head in and I have nowhere else to vent about it soHow can the person who makes you feel happiest also somehow make you feel your saddest
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Oh I really feel for you as I've been there. 10 year relationship, 9 years of abuse, 1 child. Mine was never physical abuse, mainly mental, emotional, financial abuse. I'd clock watch in work dreading finishing work and having to go home to him. I was so miserable, every day was a circle of walking on egg shells in my own home, never knowing what kind of mood he'd be in, 90% of the time it would be a bad one. I stayed as long as I did for the sake of our son & it was the worst thing I could have done. I constantly told myself my son would blame me and that he'd be unhappy and would think I tore his family apart, it's actually quite the opposite. He's such a happy little boy, he sees his dad every weekend, he's thriving and I've realised how damaging that environment must have been for him, we try our hardest to protect our children but they know what's going on. My son is only 6 and is excited that he has 2 homes, that he gets to have fun time with his mum and his dad separately. When you mentioned the dog, that's an actual form of abuse towards you, it's a way of controlling your emotions. I read something the other day on a domestic abuse page on IG that abusers will sometimes use pets as a way of controlling their partner. When I left, I spoke to womens aid as I was petrified my ex would harm himself as he constantly told me so when I'd warned him I'd leave if he didn't change, the advisor said its extremely rare for someone to actually commit suicide after telling you about it. Many suicide victims will just go out and do it with no warning. Please leave, life is to short to be unhappy, I felt how you're feeling now but I promise you it gets better. I hid my abuse from my family & friends until I'd left him as I felt embarrassed and I've had so much support. It's difficult as I still have to see him at pick ups and drop offs but its so nice to no longer have him nagging at me every minute of the day, I get excited to go home to mine and my sons home now. As for mental health, my ex has depression and OCD. That's still no excuse for abuse. Many people in this world suffer from mental health issues, most of them don't abuse their partners. He will never change and life is to short to be living this life. 2 happy homes are better than 1 unhappy home. Good luck x
THIS. This is very important. Decent people with mental health issues don't abuse their partners. Thank you for bringing this up. <3
Sending so much love your way. You are not a twit at all, far from it. I was bursting into tears in public for a good month after my breakup. I stopped crying in public this week, thank goodness. But I am now sat crying in my room listening to Everytime by Britney. Heartbreak is very hard.
I second that
I can't even confide in my friends as he'll have a go at me for telling people our private relationship stuff 
you can't write it on social media as there might be a certain few people that you don't want to see if that makes any sense 
Can I ask, how do any of you avoid checking your ex’s social media? I unfriended/unfollowed everything last year but every now and again I get such a strong urge to look him up and see what he’s doing/if he’s still with his new girlfriend.
At the moment it’s been 5/6 months since I last looked him up and I’ve managed to resist because I’m 99% sure whatever I find will make me feel worse but sometimes the urge is SO strong and I worry that any day now, I’m going to slip and look. How do you do it?!
At the moment it’s been 5/6 months since I last looked him up and I’ve managed to resist because I’m 99% sure whatever I find will make me feel worse but sometimes the urge is SO strong and I worry that any day now, I’m going to slip and look. How do you do it?!
Do you think he’s looking you up? Don’t waste your energy/time on something that’s not going add to your life.
Yes, I think just focus on how bad it will make you feel when you do look. I cant say I've ever looked up mine and felt good about what I've found after. It rips my heart out, gives me palpitations and anxiety and it resets recovery. Try to focus on you
Do something that makes you feel good when you get the urge.
Do you know I never ever looked up my ex, and deliberately deleted my IG. But about two months ago I had such an urge to do it because part of me hoped I’d see that he’d moved on and it would snap me out of my funk (I’m sure it would have killed me too). I went on there and nothing! That’s when I realised how pathetic I had become and haven’t looked since! Ignorance really is bliss for me when it comes to exes. They chose to leave my life, so they no longer have the right to occupy my head and heart space. I won’t even allow myself to think about him now. Something will pop up in my mind and I automatically force it out again!
I block all my exes on social media so that it deters me from looking them up when I feel the urge. When things are really rough and feelings are intense, I delete/deactivate my social media and delete all the apps from my phone (that is where I am at right now). The only ex I am friends with is one from high school so over a decade ago. And we are at the point where we are such good friends and it’s been so long since we dated (we were 14 anyways so it didn’t count). Rule of thumb is to remember what @thunderfook says - they chose to leave our lives.
Social media is sooo damaging to self esteem, I don’t have room in my life to berate myself for not matching up. I have nothing now, no FB, Insta, not even LinkedIn. The other thing that I secretly love is that my ex is such a (self confessed) nosey stalker and it would really annoy him that he can’t find me!
Kept myself busy up until a few hours ago and I'm feeling really awful. I wish it was easy to get him out of my thoughts. I feel so anxious and sick when my mind is consumed by thoughts of him. Trying to stop myself from crying because I don't want to cry anymore but I'm not doing a great job of it. I hate missing him so much. I'm exhausting myself by keeping busy but I can't do that 24/7. Blah.
I hate missing him so much. I'm exhausting myself by keeping busy but I can't do that 24/7. Blah.Do you have something that helps you relax and switch off? I use hot baths, long walks or a drive with the roof down with a good playlist, pilates, watching silly comedy clips on YouTube. I even sneak in a cheeky power nap if I get really anxious. Something that makes me giggle or breath easy. Keeping busy is great, but you can’t be in the go 24/7.Kept myself busy up until a few hours ago and I'm feeling really awful. I wish it was easy to get him out of my thoughts. I feel so anxious and sick when my mind is consumed by thoughts of him. Trying to stop myself from crying because I don't want to cry anymore but I'm not doing a great job of it.
I recently rejoined dating apps after almost a month and a half of my last breakup. The apps are SO overwhelming and anxiety-inducing. I didn't realize that. I get anxious that I am not responding to people on time so I stay away from checking them and when I check, I see messages so I get anxious, etc. It is such a vicious cycle.
Anyways, I decided to check Hinge today and a grown-ass man literally messaged me and said that he feels like he could fit me in his pocket. I understand the phrase is meant to be cute. But I just felt so icky - I am not a teenager. I am 25. And I mean I wouldn't mind if someone I already know and like says something like this but it being the first message I got. I am just so turned off from the apps.
Anyways, I decided to check Hinge today and a grown-ass man literally messaged me and said that he feels like he could fit me in his pocket. I understand the phrase is meant to be cute. But I just felt so icky - I am not a teenager. I am 25. And I mean I wouldn't mind if someone I already know and like says something like this but it being the first message I got. I am just so turned off from the apps.
I think you are going to accept the tears and feeling awful for a while, you are grieving. Don’t take this the wrong way, at some point you are going to bore yourself, and the tears will start to recede. And you will go longer and longer without thinking about him. You will get through this. You need to be kind to yourself and realise you can’t turn feelings of like a tap, but the gush of water now will soon be a trickle.Kept myself busy up until a few hours ago and I'm feeling really awful. I wish it was easy to get him out of my thoughts. I feel so anxious and sick when my mind is consumed by thoughts of him. Trying to stop myself from crying because I don't want to cry anymore but I'm not doing a great job of it.
I really feel for some of you guys. Its been 5 years since I got my heart broken. I was an absolute mess. I had to take some time off work. I spent all day in bed, crying, not eating, not sleeping, just begging him to give us another chance. I lost lots of weight. My stepdad threatened to force feed me if I didn't start eating. Every single thing reminded me of him and everywhere I went held some kind of memory. He moved on pretty quick, told me he was going on a date with a girl he used to see before we got together and it completely destroyed me. I removed him from all social media. And just allowed myself to go through the motions. I was sat in a bar with my friend and just burst into tears. I just saw no light at the end of the tunnel.
The only thing I will say that helped is time. Time is a great healer. It didn't happen overnight. It took months. Over time I wasn't crying as often, I was starting to smile and laugh again. I got myself into a really good place and he came along wanting to try again but by then I was much stronger. We weren't meant for one another.
Fast forward to now, I am in a happy, healthy 3yr relationship with someone who treats me with respect and actually cares and loves me. We live together and have a little cat! Life is good.
So I know it might not feel like it now, but Better days are ahead and it won't always feel so tit. I am proof of that.
Be kind to yourselves. your heart will mend xo
The only thing I will say that helped is time. Time is a great healer. It didn't happen overnight. It took months. Over time I wasn't crying as often, I was starting to smile and laugh again. I got myself into a really good place and he came along wanting to try again but by then I was much stronger. We weren't meant for one another.
Fast forward to now, I am in a happy, healthy 3yr relationship with someone who treats me with respect and actually cares and loves me. We live together and have a little cat! Life is good.
So I know it might not feel like it now, but Better days are ahead and it won't always feel so tit. I am proof of that.
Be kind to yourselves. your heart will mend xo
Thank you so much for posting this
I've read it 3 times. When you're going through it it's hard to envisage a happy future is possible, it really helps me hearing about people who have gone on to find happiness after heartbreak.