ugh, she's posted so much crap recently. really gone off her.
looks like Matt's deleted the antihistamine tweets
Matt Haig
- Start date
-
- Tags
- Matt Haig Threads
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
looks like Matt's deleted the antihistamine tweets
Hansel and Gretel in the 1980s
A Mini Metro does it. Hurtling down the bypass on the edge of the forest where the siblings have been slumbering for possibly 500 years, maybe more like 680, I can't count. The Mini Metro breaks the curse that has ensnared them for however long it's been, for some magical reason.
"What has happened, sister?" asks Hansel, plaintively. "Last thing I remember we bundled that old witch into that oven in that weird house made of gingerbread."
"And here we are. Cursèd, dear brother. Cursèd by the witch's sister, Moll Badfellow." replies Gretel, "we must leave this place."
They leave the forest.
They enter a nearby village and walk into the nearest sweetshop.
"Oho! what can I do for you, you strange looking tykes in your medieval clothing?" asks the faintly creepy looking, but obviously wise shopkeeper, played by Jim Broadbent. "Cola bottles? Flying saucers? Sherbet fountains? Any other generic sounding sweetmeats of the 1980s?"
Hansel starts, "Do you have any gingerbr-"
But Gretel interjects, "Excuse me, sir, the 1980s? Why, we've been cursèd for 500, maybe 680 years, our author can't count!"
"Oho!" replies the shopkeeper. "It seems that our author has experience of the fish-out-of-water trope! Like, maybe it was an alien pretending to be a human before but this might translate better to film! Now, I believe you like sweets, cos you I know you went off to eat that witch's house. Gobstoppers? Mary Ann toffees? No, they're for old people. It's a shame Haribo doesn't exist yet, that'd be easier!"
Hansel and Gretel conferred briefly.
"He has all the sweets! We like sweets!"
"I don't know, H, we are still cursèd by the evil Moll Badfellow and we should probably go on some sort of quest to break it and have some hilarious misunderstandings based on not understanding the time we find ourselves in."
"Can I interest you in the works of AA Milne?" interjects the shopkeeper.
And so, Hansel and Gretel lived in the 80s sweetshop forever and were allowed to stay up late to watch Dynasty
A Mini Metro does it. Hurtling down the bypass on the edge of the forest where the siblings have been slumbering for possibly 500 years, maybe more like 680, I can't count. The Mini Metro breaks the curse that has ensnared them for however long it's been, for some magical reason.
"What has happened, sister?" asks Hansel, plaintively. "Last thing I remember we bundled that old witch into that oven in that weird house made of gingerbread."
"And here we are. Cursèd, dear brother. Cursèd by the witch's sister, Moll Badfellow." replies Gretel, "we must leave this place."
They leave the forest.
They enter a nearby village and walk into the nearest sweetshop.
"Oho! what can I do for you, you strange looking tykes in your medieval clothing?" asks the faintly creepy looking, but obviously wise shopkeeper, played by Jim Broadbent. "Cola bottles? Flying saucers? Sherbet fountains? Any other generic sounding sweetmeats of the 1980s?"
Hansel starts, "Do you have any gingerbr-"
But Gretel interjects, "Excuse me, sir, the 1980s? Why, we've been cursèd for 500, maybe 680 years, our author can't count!"
"Oho!" replies the shopkeeper. "It seems that our author has experience of the fish-out-of-water trope! Like, maybe it was an alien pretending to be a human before but this might translate better to film! Now, I believe you like sweets, cos you I know you went off to eat that witch's house. Gobstoppers? Mary Ann toffees? No, they're for old people. It's a shame Haribo doesn't exist yet, that'd be easier!"
Hansel and Gretel conferred briefly.
"He has all the sweets! We like sweets!"
"I don't know, H, we are still cursèd by the evil Moll Badfellow and we should probably go on some sort of quest to break it and have some hilarious misunderstandings based on not understanding the time we find ourselves in."
"Can I interest you in the works of AA Milne?" interjects the shopkeeper.
And so, Hansel and Gretel lived in the 80s sweetshop forever and were allowed to stay up late to watch Dynasty
Last edited:
Too good. Amazing work, bravo
Just need to cast the children, oh and the witch for the flash back sequences - if we’re going 80s maybe more your Grotbags type witch?
thankspaceyouAmazing work, bravo
Just need to cast the children, oh and the witch for the flash back sequences - if we’re going 80s maybe more your Grotbags type witch?
View attachment 661763
Hansel and Gretel are to be played by the children from the worzel gummidge reboot because they're ace
This is perfect @kachoochoo 
.
Extra bonus points for Dynasty instead of Dallas. All the cool kids watched Dynasty.
.Extra bonus points for Dynasty instead of Dallas. All the cool kids watched Dynasty.
it's entirely too early for this tit
but first of all, you started it, pal. you decided to post about therapy for shits and giggles. literally no one cares if you're cool or not or whatever. but we do care that you are an extremely privileged man who has made a name for himself and a lot of money from writing about mental health.
so, yes, it does matter when you decide to "joke" about it.
you could have simply not responded to that writers' advance thing and we'd have never known about the 600k
and well done on the use of "disproportionate trolling" and "bad faith attacks" all the right buzzwords to get the credulous stans feeling sorry for you
but first of all, you started it, pal. you decided to post about therapy for shits and giggles. literally no one cares if you're cool or not or whatever. but we do care that you are an extremely privileged man who has made a name for himself and a lot of money from writing about mental health.
so, yes, it does matter when you decide to "joke" about it.
you could have simply not responded to that writers' advance thing and we'd have never known about the 600k
and well done on the use of "disproportionate trolling" and "bad faith attacks" all the right buzzwords to get the credulous stans feeling sorry for you
Would attending Therapy damage the brand/income from being a self-help guru? See also Joe Wicks.
A popular author talking about seeing a Therapist would break the stigma. Using your platform to extol the virtues of Therapy might even demystify Therapy and lead to more funding from government to enable greater access for people.
A popular author talking about seeing a Therapist would break the stigma. Using your platform to extol the virtues of Therapy might even demystify Therapy and lead to more funding from government to enable greater access for people.
I have a feeling he didn’t go to therapy. He wouldn’t even take anti depressants and I gave up on How To Stay Alive because he seemed quite anti them. He reminds a bit of Jack Monroe who was on benefits once for 5 minutes and has been dining out on it ever since. He was depressed for a period 15 years ago and has made a cottage industry out of it. From the excerpts I’ve read on here, his ‘Comfort Book’ might help someone who feels a bit down now and again, but if you’re seriously, mentally unwell, there’s a chance it could make you feel worse. It’s a physical manifestation of a Pinterest inspirational quotes board and the poster who said he’s the equivalent of ‘Live, Laugh, Love’ got it spot on. I mean, I have a friend who’s bipolar. Telling her she can get through that by not relying on tablets and eating pasta because life’s too short just wouldn’t work (also just as an aside, she had to beg her dr for therapy, and had to wait for about two years. In the end she got a whopping 6 sessions of CBT).
ETA; I’ve just seen upthread he has admitted he hasn’t had therapy, which doesn’t surprise me in the least and makes me think he should STFU even more.
ETA; I’ve just seen upthread he has admitted he hasn’t had therapy, which doesn’t surprise me in the least and makes me think he should STFU even more.
He always has to have the last word doesn’t he. “Criticism is fine” yeah right. In that case why does he actively seek out every single critical comment on the internet and respond defensively to it. The man acts like a spoiled child.
It's terrible role modelling to have been suffering with mental health issues over such a long period and not to have sought psychological therapeutic support and/or medication. And frankly, disrespectful to everyone that cares about him.
@kachoochoo 
immaculate, dear heart 
. He really is an insufferable bore and to add insult to injury he never does anything bizarre à la Monroe to give us a cackle. (Turns to judge with my special court foil hat on) this is further evidence he is an algorithmic psyop bot m'lud, to feed us neoliberal 'pull yourself up by your bootstraps' mental health word salad. There is no variation or inconsistency in his wordslops and temper tantrums! I rest my case! 
I had a period for a while when I actually thought Balloon Guy used Haig's quotes anyway, they are indistinguishable. I appear to have spoken it into existence
Fun Sponge, by Schmetterling
Look at your sponge whilst you're in the bath
Imagine you're a baby, hurling your toys out of the pram. Such freedom is still there for you. You can call it your 'inner child' later or something.
Chuck the damp sponge feebly across the room as you think about Twitter
Quick! Get out of the bath. Log on. Start whining.
immaculate, dear heart . He really is an insufferable bore and to add insult to injury he never does anything bizarre à la Monroe to give us a cackle. (Turns to judge with my special court foil hat on) this is further evidence he is an algorithmic psyop bot m'lud, to feed us neoliberal 'pull yourself up by your bootstraps' mental health word salad. There is no variation or inconsistency in his wordslops and temper tantrums! I rest my case! I had a period for a while when I actually thought Balloon Guy used Haig's quotes anyway, they are indistinguishable. I appear to have spoken it into existence
Fun Sponge, by Schmetterling
Look at your sponge whilst you're in the bath
Imagine you're a baby, hurling your toys out of the pram. Such freedom is still there for you. You can call it your 'inner child' later or something.
Chuck the damp sponge feebly across the room as you think about Twitter
Quick! Get out of the bath. Log on. Start whining.
Delighted to see this thread. This guy is such a tool. His book (I’ve only read one) was crap. Also, I have followed him on T and strongly feel that he’s a screaming narcissist. I suspect that he was “depressed and suicidal” in the same way Meghan Markle was “depressed and suicidal” I.e. had some deeply uncomfortable feelings due to being out of the spotlight for some reason, self-diagnosed as “depressed” because that’s something that happens to people, and in so doing wheedled his way back into the limelight and hey presto, “depression” cured. His popularity astounds me.
missed a couple of tweets yesterday as I was too busy being hilarious
and just now, which makes no sense whatsoever
and just now, which makes no sense whatsoever
He’s deluded. So his definition of trolling is when people call you out on your bullshit and/or have a different opinion to you. Right. He should delete his Twitter account immediately. He’s far too fragile.
This is so true of so many influencers. Any slight difference of opinion is claimed to be trolling.
They all just want smoke blown up their arse. I genuinely would be interested to see some of the 'appealing messages' they recieve because I just haven't seen the trolling they claim exists.
The influencing gang seem to want to totally limit freedom of speech, which is baffling as it just can't happen. People are allowed to discuss and disagree they don't just have to scroll past but they are allowed to have an opinion!
Edit. Appalling not appealing!!!
Last edited:
Exactly. If he’s getting abusive DMs he should go ahead and publish them, name and shame the users sending them. But he won’t because they don’t exist. All he’s received is what we’re already seeing on the public platform, which is perfectly valid criticism.
wisdom
