Vlogmas Day
11 -19 9 (Some day back in November.) (How my Saturday evenings have changed from pre-COVID. I fell for the clickbait. AGAIN.)
- She's had another lay-in, well until the workmen arrived and woke her up.
When you can't look at someone without wanting to stomp their head in the ground until their teeth come out of their ass...that's a bad thing right?
- She acknowledges it's almost their first anniversary, then corrects herself to third, then acknowledges three years since their engagement, then autocorrects it to four on the screen.
Moron overload.
- She highlights if you've been here since their engagement you'll know how proud she is...
I genuinely thought she was maybe just maybe going to say something passable as nice about her husband. It's an ad for Tiffany & Co. I'll see myself out.
- She boasts her engagement and wedding wrings are from Tiffany. AND for her wedding day gift she went for the Tiffany necklace. She
dictated said to her husband that's what she would love to wear on her wedding day.
Who even chooses their own wedding day gift from their spouse? Once upon a time. There was a twit. It was you. The end.
- She asks if you've noticed the extra sparkle in her ears. She's got a stack of Tiffany earrings. She says it's a little bougee if she does say so herself. She's feel extra spectacular today.
You should really start thinking before you speak, Lydia. And whilst you're at it, you should probably start thinking before you think.
- She's been a fan of Tiffany for years and years and years. Since she was a little girl.
Your mouth is like a magician's hat. You never know what tit is going to come out of it.
- The gate walls and porch coping stones are being started. Lauren's staring in the study. It's all go go go. She also has her fourth tree to decorate. She's going to shut herself off in the basement to get away from everything.
Please stay.
- She's informs before this though she's adding a few more Tiffany bits to her outfit. The only time she takes them off is when she's fake tanning.
Wipe your mouth. There's still a tiny bit of bullshit around your lips. And no I don't need a receipt. Your crappy how to self tan guide as sponsored by Globy #myownbrand is more than suffice.
- She selected a Tiffany bracelet for herself. She was going to ask for it for Christmas.
So the Kelly was just a back up then, Lydia? On your mark, get set, go duck yourself.
- Lumi's meowing like a bish. She asks does she need some mummy love. Lumi then walks over her dressing island.
Cat DNA. Cat DNA bleeping everywhere.
- She's adding another Tiffany necklace and highlights a good bit of length there.
Now they're words I never thought I'd hear strung together in the bungalow.
- She's good to go for the day now. Not before she proclaims all the luxe Tiffany pieces will be linked below to give to your loved ones under the Christmas tree.
I cannot formulate an expression using tangible words in any language that would even begin to describe how much you piss me off with all this next level flogging.
- She notes Ali has been scurrying away in the office working on her Christmas intro.
OMG she said this vlogs ago. She watches it and says...lovely. At this point I'm surely OD'n on BS, drama and pretending.
- She can't believe how quick the workmen are working today.
That's because they live work in fear of Kim Jong-Lydiot.
- Something's just arrived which has made her so excited. It's a tweed collar for the puppy. She lisps that the puppy will fit right in with the study. He'll match so well. She's going to be doing a puppy haul in one of her next vlogs, as she's ordered so much.
Settle down. I can't handle the bleeping suspense.
- She's showing us more of the items from Tiffany. She mentions the sterling silver greenhouse and ponders if she's a very good girl she might get it one Christmas.
Today's Whoreoscope - You're a fifthly skank.
- A Tiffany cashmere throw. I genuinely thought it was a beach towel. She says it'll work well in her bedroom. It's got a glam edge to it.
Isn't your bedroom on the list of rooms to redecorate though? If you're a hypocrite and you know it slap your face.
-A Tiffany plant pot now. A
bleeping plant plot.
-She's got us covered with a diamond encrusted ring. She lisps she's definitely a diamond girl. She says you can't go wrong with a little bit of Tiffany blue under the Christmas tree.
We're still in a frickin' pandemic, Lydia. I had this awesome dream where you just shut the duck up for once. It was amazing. Felt like I was in Oz or some tit.
- She shows the porch dwarf wall.
The bricks are redder than her roots.
- She's out in the back garden and says ohhhh I'm going to have a porch. It's the greenhouse.
At this stage, I'm only jealous your therapist gets to charge for listening to you talk about yourself.
- Ali comes on camera to say it's Christmas with the MG's but he never features on it. It's jacket potatoes tonight and he has a question. Tuna or baked beans. He's asking to hit him up for any other baked potato fillers.
I volunteer SALAD. But that urge you get to write 'nobody gives a tit'.
- They're now watching their wedding video.
A whole month before their anniversary. Could this be anymore staged?! Lydia orders Ali to snuggle up to her on the sofa. He immediately says he's stuffed.
From his ONE tuna baked potato. This is totally his equivalent to 'I have a headache' when your partner wants sex.
- The camera is on them watching the wedding video.
You can't see said wedding video, however. Today's word of the day...Dipshidiot: A dipshit and idiot all rolled into one.
- She asks Ali if he would change anything about the wedding and he replies his hair. She laughs at his bouffant.
Never laugh at your husband's bad choices, Lydia. You are one of them. He also concedes, his best man putting him to bed. He got trollied, although he doesn't regret getting drunk.
Drowning your sorrows then, Ali?
- She says Lumi is living her best life laying beside the fire. She doesn't know where it's come from but Lumi loves it.
IT'S BECAUSE SHE'S A CAT. A bleeping CAT. I truly believe if we'd met in a different place, at a different time, under different circumstances...You'd still be an dumbass.
Sidenote: Sorry for the incessant use of the F word. #Lydiamademedoit.
