Beautiful, I think this is my favourite one so farFUR BABIES IN THE WOOD
ACT 5
Scene 2. Clearing in Wood. Day
As the curtain rises we see that the Christmas tree is now beautifully decorated. Teddy and Tilly are just tying the last few bows to the branches with their nimble paws. They each wear a Christmas bow around their neck. Marmalade watches from the top branches. Unseen and unbeknownst to all but Marmalade; Beggy and Grammy are timidly hiding behind the wooden signpost mesmerised by all that is happening on stage. Scratch and Sniff the puppies sit in the first dwarf-wall taking their flea treatments. A bonfire made from empty cardboard boxes burns brightly to warm everyone. Carlos is so happy that he was voted Glitter Boss this year. He is contentedly spraying glitter everywhere. He stands back to admire his delightful handiwork, joyfully dabbing glitter on the tails of Pepper and Makan as they push a large wheelbarrow full of brightly wrapped Christmas presents over to their tree. They arrange the presents carefully beneath the branches of the tree. Makan hugs Pepper and then goes around offering all the Fur Babies a fish jelly baby. Moon head-butt kisses him by way of a thank you and scampers off to lie spread-eagled in front of the bonfire. Egon and Beloved Jamie are playing pat-a-cake very close to the bonfire and Grumpy Snoopy encourages them to stand back a little in case they singe their fur. Tommo imagines that he is a dog today rather than a cat and chases little George playfully. Tommo finds a tennis ball and they begin to play tennis Batting the ball backwards and forwards with their paws. Stannis is being a little pickle and teasing Bella with his delicious stack of prawns. Eventually, he gives her one to eat and she licks him then shares her prawn with her brother Tchai. Tchai‘s ginger fur reflects the fire from the bonfire so well. Nacho Cheese and Frank are playing with their tuggy and are having a fine old time. Gnocchi and Minnie are warming their paws by the bonfire. Gnocchi really admires and strokes the little spot on Minnie’s nose. Honey has wrapped herself in her duvet for extra warmth. She pats her duvet down and offers to share it with Harvey and Freddy. Harvey and Freddy decline as they are very warm. Bruiser and Casper the black cat are both having a good look to see if Casper has grown any more little blobs of white fur on his body. Apollo and Goldie have brought another delivery of hay bales and they place them far back at the side of the bonfire. RubyRu, Bonnie and Harper are playing hopscotch. Muffin the cat, Milkshake, Ulla and Smokey are creating a wonderful tumbling routine together. Lady Sky and Kaiser are chasing Rupert and Lulu. Lulu and Rupert hide in the porch and Sky and Kaiser find them after zooming around the stage a few times. Benny, Dexter, Chilli and Monty are writing their letters to Santa. Dexter curiously looks over onto Chilli’s letter to see what he’s asked for. Monty rolls a lemon between his paws from side to side whilst thinking intently of what to ask for. Benny licks his grey fur contentedly having finished his letter ages ago. He’d simply written ‘I don’t want anything thank you. I have all I need and so do my three brothers‘. Casper the Cocker leads Casper the blind Ragdoll over to the Christmas tree. He describes the tree in great detail to him so that he can picture it clearly in his mind. Roo and Muffin are very busy digging in the ground CS. A large pile of earth has already collected behind them. Klaudio the beautiful Norwegian Fjord Horse walks sedately across stage to have a look down the hole. Toni the hamster sits in Klaudio’s dun coloured ear as she hold’s on to his mane for dear life. Mishka has come for a visit and sits with Senta the German Shepherd on the wall inside the porch. Hase the rabbit is helping the digger dogs enthusiastically. Jasper the rabbit joins in hoping to befriend Hase. Mushi Umbrage and Buttons are sitting happily with their legs crossed by the fire flicking through the pages of ‘Bollard and Pooper’ magazines, trying to decide which hat would suit them best. Pepper, the little Cockerpoo is busy considering if digging might be a really good hobby to have and looks enquiringly at Marley the Whippet. Marley shakes his head vigorously and mimes severing his throat with his paw as he rolls over and plays dead! Gorgeous little Billie is accepting all the admiring glances for her chestnut coat. Lulu, Poppy and Silvi the dachshunds have soothing hot water bottles strapped to their little backs and get as close to the fire as Grumpy Snoopy the dachshund will allow for safety. Teddy Bear@Oops sits quietly next to Gem. He gazes at her adoringly. Gem sits concentrating hard with her ears pricked solidly in the air. She continuously sniffs the scent above the hole that Muffin and Roo are digging. She is entirely focused on the hole and cannot be distracted - not even when Charlie Panda Bear the Havanese enters SL wearing a very smart handbag with white stitching. He has something exciting to tell everyone. Suddenly the frantic digging stops and Roo and Muffin lift out a shoe-box which they have just found deep underground. Gem rushes forwards sniffing excitedly. She pulls the lid off the shoe box and sniffs and sniffs and sniffs. She is besides herself...
Gem Look every one! Look! This box is full of beautiful Christmas decorations. Little gingerbread men, little photograph frames hanging on ribbons. Look! They are photos of my Lisa and my Anna and they made all these precious little baubles when they were little! Oh, how beautiful they are. My Daddy misplaced them when we moved house years ago and now you two clever dogs have found them. Thank you Roo! Thank you Muffin! You clever, clever, good dogs! My Mummy will be so happy when I give them back to her. Oh! This is just wonderful...
The Fur Babies gather around admiring the wonderful box of treasures. Gem picks up the box and scampers off immediately to take them home to her Mummy. She is jubilant. She exits SR. Charlie (Panda Bear) the Havanese draws himself up to his full height in order to make an important announcement. He strokes his beloved bag as she speaks.
Charlie Ahem...Guess what everyone? We have a very important guest coming to see us! You’ll never guess who it is. Go on guess who it is. Guess! Guess! I’ll tell you who it is! It’s Lana Ginpour. THE Lana Ginpour! Editor in Chief of ‘DOGUE‘ Magazine...Agghhhh!
BLACKOUT
Scene 3. Clearing in the Wood. Night
As the lights come back up we see all of the Fur Babies on stage. Each one wears their favourite handbag. They speak animatedly to each other as they point out the particular features of their own bag whilst admiring the features of each others’s bags. An air of great excitement fills the stage. Suddenly there is a hush. Miss Ginpour stands in the wings. The Fur Babies are agog. There is a drum roll and Lana Ginpour, an imperious Chihuahua strides into the spotlight. She holds a ‘Chanel‘ umbrella open above her head and carries the latest glossy copy of ‘DOGUE’ Magazine. She has an amazingly powerful voice for such a small dog!
SHE SINGS...
My passion is for fashion - this is all I really care about
It merits my compassion - it’s implicit - there can be no doubt
To fashion I’m the victim wife - it’s sweet elixir to my life
And though I may appear neurotic - gorgeous frocks are my narcotic!
Though you may search you’ll never find a smarter breed to blow your mind
We may not be the meekest but Chihuahuas are the chicest...
Of all the dogs in all the world - my breed is just the very best
With hair left straight or tightly curled we’re so much smarter than the rest
A Fashionista’s life creates a beauteous state and furthermore
I simply will not tolerate a fashion faux-pax anymore
In every country everywhere we cause the world to gape and stare
We may not be the meekest - but Chihuahuas are the chicest...
We’re chic! We’re chic! In every sleek Boutique
We’re there - unique - a voguish, stylish clique
Bizarre! Outre! - The Doyennes of today
From Milan to Mandalay - Barcelona to Bombay
From New York - to Rome in May - we Chihuahuas lead the way
From Martinique to Mozambique - We’re chic!
I’m at the top of my career - my role is most imperial
My power gets me drunk and I debunk man-made material
And I will never age - oh no - before I’m old I’ll lift my face
You may not recognise me since my neck will be there in its place
I never smile at rank and file - I’m hardcore in pursuit of style
We may not be the meekest - but Chihuahuas are the chicest...
I’m so demanding of my staff and fools will find me critical
I have no care for world affairs and I am not political
It’s frocks and coats and bags and shoes that interest me, I have to say
They’re all I want to pick and choose - I choose to pick them everyday
On every catwalk in the land - I’m front row, with my pad in hand
We may not be the meekest - but Chihuahuas are the chicest...
We’re chic! We’re chic! - in every sleek Boutique
We’re there unique - a voguish, stylish clique
Bizarre! Outre! - The Doyennes of today
From Milan to Mandalay - Barcelona to Bombay
From New York - to Rome in May - we Chihuahuas lead the way
From Martinique to Mozambique - We’re Chic!
We may look small and fragile but our mindset is alert and bold
We shiver in the slightest breeze and hate to do as we are told
The undercoat around our necks is full just like our bank accounts
Each penny spent on lovely clothes we draw our cash in large amounts
Our slender toes and polished nails as perfect as our shining tails
We may not be the meekest but Chihuahuas are the chicest...
Our Homeland back in Mexico is very dear to every heart
An Acapulco sunset is as great as any work of art
But Couture Fashion thrills me most - as my great love it’s firmly placed
The Magazine I edit is a credit to great canine taste
It’s glossy pages soothe me and no outfit ever goes to waste
I’ll edit ‘Dogue’ until I die - (for that I’m not in any haste)
We’re chic! We’re chic! - in every sleek Boutique
We’re there - unique - a voguish, stylish clique
Bizarre! Outre! - The Doyennes of today
From Milan to Mandalay - Barcelona or Bombay
From New York - to Rome in May - we Chihuahuas lead the way
From Martinique to Mozambique...WE’RE CHIC!
CURTAIN
copyright 2020
Also just watched Lydiot's stories with my boyfriend and he had me in stitches when he then whipped out a wine glass and copied her