Only a 30 minute vlog. 30 minutes I’ll never get back still...
- She started the vlog highlighting her slothy face had a good night’s sleep. A few hours later she also highlights her red tired eyes. This is after doing a to do list of literally duck all. She really does have the energy levels of an 87 year old OAP. Lydia, the home-grown watercress is clearly not cutting it.
- She’s amazed that her set alarm clock was activated despite being turned off. Did you know they also put a man on the moon Lydia?
- She’s knows it’s a Monday as her door bell is going off non-stop with parcel deliveries. We didn’t actually suspect it would be voluntary visitors, you know, visiting of their own free will. At least all your new bougie dinnerware will remain in perfect condition with your life-long party for two.
- She’s planning on wearing her gifted dresses to Ascot, Wimbledon and summer meetings. Probably in the year 2057. Probably never. Once they’ve all been taken in though obviously. Oh apart from the one dress she couldn’t get over her head. That will be down to the 47 litres of face filler then.
- She needs to buy delicate sandals for said dresses as she has none. I mean she did. Her man feet has just destroyed them all.
- She acknowledges people will have something to say about her balls to pussy ratio, sorry misheard, her boob to waist ratio. Reading Tattle again Lydia?
- She says there’s no place like Ibiza. We all know that inner vengaboy is still buried deep down. Well under 59 layers of fake tan, linen and pretentiousness.
- She shows us more terracotta plant pots. These are still not enough. She’s ordering more. witch overkill. She’s so excited as she’s never grown anything before. Maybe with your new found gardening skills Lydia, you can grow a cannabis farm when Glóby bombs? You have the attic space after all.
- Speaking of Glóby. Well that’s where it starts. That’s where it ends. No mention of Glóby. None whatsoever. This launch really is a comedy of errors.
- She just had gluten bread as she had ran out of gluten-free bread. We’ll discount the Dominos and McDonalds you also just had then. She’s bloated. Standard. She’s aware she constantly updates us on this. I guess some things are just too important to go to bed without knowing.
- She’s reordered more linen pants. She’s already stained them with makeup. She’ll be ‘knocking around in them for the next few weeks’. Lydia, I’ll again refer you to my earlier post on using a washing machine.
- She’s wearing the top that she’s detached the sleeves from. This highlights her white and grey armpits exceptionally well. She acknowledges her fake tan rubs off in said armpits because of sweat. She doesn’t mind. She should. She really should. Chav Couture is not a look anyone should want to be associated with. Especially one who’s about to launch their own brand in the near...distant future.
- Her new jumpsuit hits her at an awkward length. Well that’ll be cos you short.
- Her vlogs, much like her height, are going to be much shorter. She’s aware they’ll be a national outcry, but it’s all too strenuous for ‘her team’ to be doing all the affiliate links and uploading. This is despite her now having unlimited internet which one would think would make it easier. You ain’t got to lie like this Lydia. Just admit you can’t kick it.
- Their choice of pillowtalk is discussing the early days of the UK’s handling of coronavirus. The irony that she laughs, when Glóby’s launch is the #2 biggest duck up of 2020.
- She’s being selective of what she shows us from now on. She understands it’s frustrating to her followers that she gets everything for free. She didn’t have to flex on us that hard. Hold up, the world has realigned. Her next video is a homeware haul. Game over.
#fastfashion 
