Lydia Millen #24 Running slowly towards Globy launch in white linen

[Elle Belle]

I watched. In its entirety. I took one for the team given I fucked up the title thread. It was painful.

- So her being the best white person to black people is done now. A brief tokenism on how she’s planning to do better. Her eyes are wide open to it now. Just not her pockets though. Even Vic is donating her Adsense from yesterday’s vlog. Lydia? Of course not.
- Opening credits of her in her gym-wear. Not surprising. It was a 50/50 call of this or linen. I wonder if linen gym-wear is a thing?
- She repeatedly lisps her ‘sproutlings have sprung’ in a Scottish accent. You’re not Scottish Lydia. I know you share similar resemblances with Braveheart - man features, facial hair and so on. But no, still not Scottish.
- Her miniature herbs, that will feed her for the next 8 weeks (she needs to remain dedicated to having them size 4’s taken in after all) are going from their ‘training potties’ to their ‘big potties’. Such a grown-ass girl boss Lydia.
- She attempted to clone Josie’s love of gardening. She left all the weeds for Ali to clear up though. This is despite him working on her Glóby promo all the day before. She didn’t interrupt him during this like she normally does. Not once. Obviously. Her content is far more important than his own.
- She highlighted this bed is not hit by the irrigation system. So Ali has to get the ‘big dog’ out. Don’t mistake this for sexy talk. She was referring to the watering can.
- The flower she painstakingly spent 7 hours planting is the wrong flower. It’s not English lavender as she thought. Real first world problems right here Lydia. She’s obviously forgotten we’re in the middle of an international health pandemic and anti-racism movement. She’s going to see what unfolds. Oh the suspense. I can’t take it.
- She’s advertising a flower app for £20 per year. It didn’t break the bank. That’s because this is the only thing she’s purchased herself all year. Oh and grapefruit crisps. Sorry, my bad.
- She sees a ‘robin on the wally’. She’s surprised as she thought robins only come out on Christmas Day. No that’s just you Lydia who spends 364 days a year inside. All about the hermit life.
- She actually confuses saying she needs to get herself showered with actual showering. I’ll help a girl out. You need to turn the water on Lydia. Or at least lie under said garden irrigation system.
- She needs to wash her greasy hair. She’s surprised. She only washed it 48 hours ago. This is what the heat and running does you know. Girl, I’ve got your back. I have long thick hair too. But I also have shampoo. There’s even a shampoo advert in her vlog. The irony.
- They eat gifted canapés. Lydia is ever so proud of her newly found chef skills. Reheating in the microwave is obviously very strenuous. Said canapés also have more balls than Ali could ever dream of.
- ‘Balsam’. Ali says proudly again. I say fuck the what??!
- 87 mentions of PMT. Give us a break Lydia. Give yourself a break Lydia. Have a baby. Have two. No PMT for a while. MILF alert. No, don’t get your hopes up of ‘sexy’ Lydia. Mother In Linen Frumpiness.
- ‘Scrumpadump’ (her 93rd pet name for Lumi, not cute) meows in her face when she’s let back in. She thinks Lumi is saying ‘mummy I’m home’. She’s not. She’s saying ‘mummy you hoe’.
- Making her bed ‘is such a huge part of her day’. It’s important she does that. She has a TikTok video on this. You know if any of you are struggling with insomnia, I’d politely signpost you to this video. Only if absolutely necessary though. And proceed with caution.
- She likes to spray her white linen bedsheets with Jo Malone room spray. This saves her washing said bedsheets for another 41 weeks. Her favourite lavender fabric condition is expensive you know. And we’re also in a recession.
- She had a devastating break up with her ex boyfriend. She just can’t recall his name for the life of her. Toby. Tony. By Terry. Something like that. Really devastating then. Her dad, you know the fuck and run one, gave her some important life advice. You can only control what you do. This is why Lydia does very little. Less chance of fucking up. She has such damsel syndrome. Daddy issues obviously. Or just laziness. Yeah that.
- She didn’t go for a run for 5 days. Not because BLM moved her. But because ‘the weather wasn’t it’. I’m swiftly removing her self-proclaimed ‘avid runner’ status now. Don’t try and stop me Lydia. You’ll lose. I can run faster than you. Especially in the rain.
- Another fresh layer of fake tan to make her feel like her. No mention of her Glóby relaunch though. Glóby has no game.
- Lumi’s back. Yay. Lydia calls her ‘thumper’. I think you might have the wrong ‘aminal’ there hun.
- Lumi repeatedly paws at the Domino’s cookies. Next Lydia acknowledges Lumi’s cat breath. Very hygienic. Said Dominio’s is also not gluten-free. She’s going to have a ‘gluten-tummy’. Her white toilet bowl is no longer white. Or usable. Another bathroom down.
- She’s going to organise all her beauty stuff. Including the ‘stockpiles’, you know the ones she didn’t give away to the NHS workers. See you in 5 years then Lydia. Maybe never.
- She has lots to show us. She’s planning her next room. She carries a tape measure with her at all times for when she’s online shopping. It’ll come in handy for measuring her real height I suppose. Nope still 5ft 5”. Maybe tomorrow then.
- She just loves her living room. Version #873. It’s all thanks to Steven...’what’s his surname again??’ She can’t pronounce it. So she’ll just call him...’Steve’. Nice to see that university education paid off Lydia.
- Her decor is a working progress (aka never-ending stream of affiliate links). She’s parked the bedroom for now. You know because no-one’s gifted her a free bed yet. She’s not going to force it. Only so much begging one can do before it gets a bit desperate. Well more desperate. It’s not going to happen Lydia. It’s like shooting pool with rope. But when she’s allowed out again she’s going straight to the antique shops. This is the only draw back of lockdown ending.
- She just loves her paloma cushions. ‘It just draws in the blacks’. She actually said that. White heart level appropriateness again.
- She shows us her new favourite Aerin fragrance. She’s obsessed. Obviously along with her other Aerin ‘all time faves’ fragrances. Nothing to do with being an ambassador and they pay you to be ‘obsessed’ then Lydia?! Nothing at all.
- She’s putting on a pretty dress to do a bit of organising today. Stepford wife style. Thank you for setting the feminist plight back by about 7 decades.
- She uses her linen pinny so much, it has shit all over it. Never heard of a washing machine Lydia? I’ll give you a clue. It spins and it’s next to the kitchen.
- She literally orgasms over Ali out in the rain. That’s about as wet as it gets in the bungalow.
- She’s on the hunt for leather-bound editions of the books she loved as a child. She might even read them as an adult. Probably not. Her all time particular favourite is Thumberlina. She can relate to Thumberlina’s shawty issues.

I’m done. She causes me to consume wine on a school night. Watch at your own peril...

 

[Elle Belle]

- In theory, she’s loving doing ‘barely there’ make up. In real life, she has her clown face on. Then adds more lipstick. Obviously.
- She’s trying to be ‘a positive possum’. It must be that one day of the month she doesn’t have her period. She’s willing the good weather back. I’m glad you’re using your new found positivity for the greater good Lydia. If my sarcasm confuses you it’s because you’re stupid.
- All of her Aerin samples have gone. I note your followers like freebies too then. She, not once, but twice, reminds them not to forget to check her affiliate links down below for the full priced version. You know the one she gets paid to sell. Shifting well then Lydia?
- She’s dusting off her prettiest of dresses for her trip to the garden centre. The only accessory that could save that outfit is an invisibility cloak.
- She’s playing her Glóby launch ‘by ear’. She’s waiting for the warehouse to give her the go ahead. Who are you trying to bullshit Lydia? You receive 769 deliveries per day. No issues with those warehouses. Just yours then? I have been in forests less shady than her.
- Talking of forests, she’s sowing more seeds, aka ‘sproute mcgutes’. What the actual fuck? Who talks like that? Well Ali won’t be sowing his seeds anytime soon that’s for sure. She’s sad Ali’s not mowing the lawn topless. He’s your husband, don’t you get to see him topless every night? No. Thought not.
- She acknowledges she doesn’t suit her natural hair. Also her boobs, eyebrows, nose. On the topic of nose, she’s having ‘a good nose day’. That’ll be because Dr Butcher has been exiled then.
- She wants to clear up confusion where her garden boundary is. She highlights the woodland area ‘is all ours’. Reading here again Lydia? If only Tattle did an aesthetically appealing coffee table book.
- She’s an exhausted slothy. Again. She highlights she did 3 flower beds today. A whole 3. Such a girl boss. It’s scary to think that people like her are actually allowed to vote.
- She didn’t have her usual wine on Friday night as she knew she was up early and wanted to look her best. She went to the garden centre. The frickin garden centre. Off is the general direction in which I wish she would fuck.
- Her lisping makes me want to drop kick her. Every time she says ‘sproutling’ or ‘spruce’. Have you ever met the human version of a headache?
- Her mum is coming round for lunch. Said mum is making said lunch. Hospitality skills at the finest. Ali’s jealous of said mum’s wrist action. The nights must be really long in the bungalow.
- She thinks she’s ‘growing like her sproutlings’. No, you still shawt. Maybe try drinking some of the plant food? I got you girl.
- She’s bought a new apron. Coz one is clearly not enough. She’s going to find some more linen to stinch it in though, as she feels frumpy otherwise. I think you look frumpy most days Lydia. I’m not insulting you. I’m just describing you.
- She doesn’t ‘even know what she’s done this week, but it’s been busy, productive, all of the good stuff’. I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain the irony in this statement.

 

[PippaS]

Just seen this under the shite Glóby post.

 

[Elle Belle]

- So the vlog doesn’t start well. She’s missed an apostrophe in ‘it’s’ in the title. She’s personally trolling me. I’ll take it. Thank you for the tattler for linking a book on English grammar. The only problem is, I’m not sure if Lydia can actually read. Well other than the word ‘freebie’. Obviously. I’m not staying you’re stupid Lydia. I just think you have bad luck when it comes to thinking.
- Her sproutlings get a shout out. Again. The basil is a non-starter. Just like your launch then Lydia.
- She’s committed to her sproutlings’ health. Not your own health then Lydia? She’s eaten more gluten pasta. Standard. She’s ‘fighting gluten cramps’. I’ve never been to Northamptonshire; do they actually sell other groceries? Like the ones you eat, not just the ones you put in a show £400 Liberty fruit bowl. Somebody make it make sense to me because it just doesn’t.
- She’s on the beg for redesigning the front of the bungalow. She wants to emulate other Cotswolds stone houses. Why don’t you just claim squatter rights at Josie’s Lydia? The front of the bungalow is not rundown, but you know it needs to be more considered and considerate of the area. That would involve you moving then Lydia. I bet the locals saw their money flying out of their accounts as soon as you signed the mortgage.
- This is her forever home. Well until the divorce. Or until she realises her bungalow will never be in Buckinghamshire or the Cotswolds no matter how many times she says it out loud.
- She’s done a Pinterest board for said front bungalow designer. She wants her to be fully in the loop. She thinks the designer understands it. I think the designer probably knows how to do her job Lydia. Not everyone is a rookie like you.
- She reiterates she’s changing up the fire exit to a courtyard garden. Nah, still a fire exit. It’s all good to go. Heard that one before Lydia.
- She wants as much natural stones, fabrics and materials in her home. That’s the whole earth destroyed in one sentence then.
- The living room twig, sorry English oak branch, didn’t make it. She doesn’t know what happened. It was thriving, unlike this vlog. Maybe she forgot to water it. Maybe because, it was already dead. That tends to happen when you detach something from a living being. Human beings only use 10 percent of their brains. Lydia uses minus 10 percent.
- She said she’d ‘have to employ another member of staff to water all the fresh flowers she’d like to have in her home’. Delusions of grandeur again. You live in a bungalow in Northamptonshire Lydia. Not Buckingham Palace. Did you know that Buckingham Palace is not actually in Buckinghamshire? Maybe this is why she’s so geographically confused. If it’s ok for the Queen of England, then it’s ok for the Jester of Milton Keynes.
- She squeals at ‘the joy of people returning to work’. This is in reference to her having her living room cleaned and being able to order more packages. Not because people are able to earn a full living now or anything. And so much for not showcasing her free shit. You just did a full 360 Lydia. You back on your bullshit.
- She’s spilt sand from one of said packages. She gets fangy again as ‘someone obviously didn’t follow the fragile labels’. She now has to hoover. Asshole *cough*.
- Ali is being all Edward Cullen and down in the dumps apparently. Only difference is Edward is tall and loved his mrs. But Lydia does suck the life out of people. So similarities are to be had. She’s going to cook him something in the theramix to cheer him up. Lucky boy. She relates ‘cooking to her mood’. If she’s not feeling great she has no desire to cook. We know Lydia. The local pub knows. Dominos know. McDonalds know.
- She’s organised her organised pantry. She feels ‘zen as it was falling into disrepute’. All her stockpiling of food at the beginning of quarantine meant the cupboards were over-flowing. This one hit me different. Her actual lack of compassion and realisation to others. I’m just glad she doesn’t work in a food bank. They’d be closed faster than her replying yes to a freebie. They just wouldn’t be able to meet her high standards of organising. Who cares about starving children living in poverty. As long as you’ve got neatly labelled containers.
- She’s being a ‘cosy slothiest moo moo’ today. But she’s also had a very busy work day. No I don’t believe this either. She’s been working on a brand collaboration (aka begging to Liberty for free dinnerware). Definitely not on her own brand clearly. She’s also been doing stories. It takes it out of her, there’s lots of information to write up, like affiliate links, did you know? One would have thought she was writing a highly coveted piece on global economics in the current era for the New York Times.
- More terracotta plant pots to grow more watercress. Ali keeps forgetting to eat said watercress with his eggs in the mornings. Hint Lydia that he might not like your home-grown weeds. She apologised for going on about her ‘boring sproutlings’, but she ‘can’t believe how much joy they’re bringing her’. Put your pom poms down Lydia. She states she’ll ‘have pots coming out of her backside’. That’s not all that comes out of your ass Lydia. Grotty Botty.
- Ali comments, somewhat understandable to a normal person, that 4 cups is all that she’ll need. No, he’s mistaken. She needs 8 ‘muggles’. To just go on the shelves. Obviously. Drinking out of a mug is so over-rated. She’ll probably just use one of her 687 terracotta pots for her morning coffee. She might wash it first. Might not.
- Ali is ‘driving her mental making so much noise’. He’s getting rid of her packaging shit. Obviously.
- I’m pretty certain viewing/reviewing her vlogs does not enrich my life in the slightest. But this tattle feed is hilarious. And she does make me look like I make good decisions in life. So thank you Lydia.

 

[Elle Belle]

It’s your girl. That time of the week again, no not PMT, a new tattle thread. So as you all know, I’ve made the life-affirming decision to beg to have my boobs replaced. My fauxtique bust gave me such inspiration. So pert. So regal. Your home is an extension of yourself after all. Steve will be so proud. My old ones were such fun in Ibeefa days though, so good for holding tips. That’s why my tit gap is so prominent. I made so much money from all my sexy dance moves. But I’m now a lady of the manor you see. I’ve already upgraded my home, car, team and accent, so my boobs are obviously the next ‘natural’ progression.

It’s been a really deep week. Nearly as deep as Ali’s wet dreams of being balls deep in Dave. I’ve had so many important conversations early into the morning. Ali fell asleep though so it was just me talking to me. He’s such a lil’ slothy. I’ve ordered so many books too. Actual real books, not just blank paged ones. I’ll be able to display them so nicely in my Dior book tote. You didn’t actually think I was planning on reading them did you?! I’m back in my positive headspace now. Ali is so proud of how I’ve recovered from my failed launch disaster. Nearly as proud as when I learnt how to poop in the big girl’s potty. I’m still livid from when he dissed all my linen outfits and said he only gets horny in my sweaty leggings though. I can hardly affiliate link leggings my whole life can I? So I’ve cock blocked him by refusing to wear said leggings and go on a run all week. Plus it means I don’t have to wash myself. More time to order and open packages.

I bet you’ve all been thinking I’ve not been online shopping. I have, you silly moos. Black living rooms matter too. I’ve just been discreet. I didn’t want all my affiliate links to detract from the Black Lives Matter movement. I’m just trying to be the best white person to black people. I’m going to have to order more this week to make up for it. I’m aware I already have more shit than air in the bungalow, but it’s my mission to promote the economy and now black businesses too. BLM depends on it. BLM because ‘you’re worth it’. On that note, I ditched L’Oréal way before all this escalated. That was all me. I’m one of life’s natural excellers you see.

Good things happen to good people. My Grossie Josie voodoo doll I practice on during my bedtime routine every night, has finally payed off. Have you seen her scandal? I’ll share a little piece of my learning Josie - check yourself before you wreck yourself. Her tattle thread count is nearly catching up to mine. I’m still winning though obviously. She might have a house in the Cotswolds, but her career is in tatters thanks to tattle. Bye Felicia.

So it’s Launch Day soon. At long last. Just need to get one more vlog of how I’ve been the best white person to black people out, then Glóby’s good to go. It’s gonna go down. Maybe even crash the gram. Get all your orders in ASAP. It’s bound to sell out in 53 seconds or less.

 

[Elle Belle]

 

[Elle Belle]

Lydia Millen #25 Obsessed with watercress, having a Cotswolds address, but still no sign of this Glóby shitfest

 

[Analina]

The more I see, the more I actually feel sad for their like....it must be depressing leading such false and scripted lives...what a waste!!!
The only people we see around them are those that they pay, everything else about their life seems empty, lonely with no warmth or real joy! The only trips they take together that are not gifted/sponsored are when visiting their grandparents or for a Sunday pub lunch!!! These are two young people in a financial position better than most their age, no children and are self employed, if you cant make memories of your own now when will you? Her content is so irrelevant and unrelatable, the only thing I take from her content is that she has no real depth, self respect, hobbies of her own, no real identity and she's its all about materialism. In all the years as an influencer she has had zero personal growth, the only real growth has been greed. She will do anything for money!! It would seem you can take a girl out of Ibiza but cant take Ibiza out of a girl........

You cant take nothing with you to the grave Lydia, none of the things you have make anyone ultimately happy, even being gifted things for free loose their charm after a while! She's given herself this platform to provide content people can actually relate to and all she does is waste it on materialistic things that have no real meaning or purpose to anyone normal!! Because lets face it those who are wealthy and can afford all the designer shit she flogs are hardly going to watch her videos for Inspo!

She's so desperate to be someone she is not and never will be. She's an awful example for anyone to follow, so many young teens now dream of becoming influencers and living a life for free with fame. My sister is a secondary school teacher, she said its quite shocking to see how many of her students dream of becoming instagram and youtube influencers because of all the glitz and glam and popularity these influencers have and a life for free seems so appealing....unfortunately as we all know real life is far from that and nothing comes for free, Lydia is a great example of that a walking contradiction! One moment she's Del Boy selling and flogging all sorts of crap to her followers and another she's Delia Smith acting all high and mighty lady of the manor with her linen and home grown herbs!! You cant be both Lydia .....

She wants to show that she has it all but in actual fact she has nothing real, even her relationship is one of convenience and not love. I cant see any sparks or warmth between them, they are like robots around each other, yes no one wants to see major pda but when a couple is in love it shows on how they communicate, look at one another and the respect they have, the laughs etc, these two have zero of that!! Then again influencers that have partners have more followers - engagements, weddings, pregnancy's, house renovations ect all generate more followers = money!! Money seems the only thing these people care about so I guess that s that!

'I don't wear it too much now...' puts it on DEPOP with the condition new with tags

ahahahahha

 

[Oohthedrama]

Attempted to watch her last movie.
“The dream”
“The actual dream”
“Literally the dream”

She’s an ecstatic little “moo moo” because she got her cleaner back and the staff are returning to work. Get to actual fuck you little cow and clean your own toilets like you used to do at 5am after you shift on the laughing gas machine. #girlboss #ibiza

fake flowers for the only nursing home that escaped covid-19. As dead as her personality.

I hate her.
The only thing I hate more than her is that fucking cat.
I don’t care I’m saying it,
every time I hear it’s fucking miserable, beggy, attention seeking, snarky “meow” I want to scream at my screen “WHAT DO YOU WANT..SHUT UP AND GO TERRORISE A NEIGHBOUR!”

I like animals.
I fucking hate that fucking, fucking cat.

 

[Peach97]

The fact she wears AirPods on her run just for the look and not actually listening to music is absolutely sending me

 

[sweat_shirt]

In the new vlog at 8 minutes when she's talking about her living room just having been cleaned, "oh the JOY, the actual joy of people returning to work". I don't know, something about that statement really rubbed me up the wrong way, especially coming from someone that doesn't have to leave their bedroom in order to earn a good living (and doesn't do much at that). Covid-19 is very much still present in the UK and some people have been forced to go back to work (using public transport) due to government policy, when they could really be indoors avoiding the virus altogether. That statement was so distasteful especially considering she was referring to her house cleaners.

 

[Vicki2221]

In her vlog her garden bin gives her away, it says NORTHAMPTONSHIRE COUNCIL on it.

 

[Muff_Puff]

What! Not a Chanel or a Louis Vuitton bin. I bet Josie's is a hand painted, gold leaf decorated masterpiece. That has an inbuilt Dior fragrancer.

You just know she's going to get one now! lol

 

[EvieM]

Don't be Fooled By The Rocks (Tits) That I Got. I'm still, I'm still Lidl from the Block. Used to have a little, now I have a lot. No matter where I go, I lie about where I came from.

I'd like to give JLo a shout out for the inspo.

 

[BrookeDavis]

If this longest brand launch in history turns out to be a poxy exfoliating glove that you can grab in Tesco or Home Bargains for a quid and a back applicator you can get on BooHoo for a fiver, it's going to be such an anti climax for her fans and her haters.
(If the screenshots have been posted already, don’t mind me . But there’s 4 Globy products been spotted, exfoliating glove, back exfoliater, tanning mitt + back tan applicator).

 

[BeccaBanana]

I watched Freddy’s latest vid earlier (she’s usually too boring and a bit sickly sweet for me) but this was a day in the life of a YTer so thought I’d watch.

To start with, she gets out of bed at 12pm ish as she likes to have a lay in.

Then spends 45m to an hour doing emails - not a huge amount of time by anyone’s standards. She also showed the emails she gets sent from brands and interestingly, also shared her portfolio thing she sends to brands when wanting to work with them. She said she was approaching Mango to work with them and showed what she sends with her stats, clicks, sales figures etc...... This is clearly what Carrie spends her life doing, sending off sales pitches to brands and begging for freebies...

She then spends an hour or so setting up her room for filming - lighting, camera etc.

Then spends half hour or so getting dressed and ready.

Then takes 45m lunch break

Then spends 1.5 hours filming.

Then she packs away her lighting

Then starts looking for more brands to work with and mailing them.

Then has dinner at 8 pm

Spends rest of evening online shopping for her hauls (still calling this work) and doing 2 hours editing a video.

goes to bed.

Freddy doesn’t have management, an assistant or anyone to edit her videos. Although her ‘work’ isn’t hard, difficult, strenuous or stressful, she is just ‘busy’ for 10 hours a day, a lot of it shopping, browsing the internet and getting ready.

So, we’ve seen how ‘busy’ a youtuber with over 1m subs is, doing her own admin, editing and setting up/down (and is still a cushy, steady going day), so what the actual fuck does Lydia actually do????

She doesn‘t do admin? She doesn’t set up rooms for filming (it’s all vlogs nowadays)? She doesn’t edit videos? Christ, she doesn’t even ‘get ready’ half the time because she’s there in her dressing gown or sweating gym gear and no make up!

She doesn’t go out to meetings? She rarely does trips? She films herself opening up free crap and faffs about rearranging rooms and then has the audacity to pretend she’s a plate-spinning, high flying girl boss who’s so busy and stressed.

Why does she think we are stupid and think she can trick us into believing she works hard??!

 

[godneyspears]

Skipped through tonight's fiasco in about a minute. Lol at turning one of the sofas into a bed to watch TV and snuggle, Tattle orchestrated that after the chat about their seperate sofas. You're welcome Lyds that's prob the only close contact you've had with Ali this year.

She's utterly off her head manic crazy. Really wish she would just revert back to who she actually is, I don't care if that's a chavvy ibiza stripper, I just hate seeing someone pretend so hard to be something they're not 100% of the time. It actually seems painful. I vary between finding her hilarious and cringeworthy, to genuinely pitying her for what she's become and how mentally unhealthy she is.

On a different note I'm surprised I don't hate the black paint! Wouldn't have it myself but it's not terrible and I quite like the black cushions.

Imagine having that whole ass movie room downstairs with the big snuggly couch, but instead rearranging your entire living room to watch TV sideways.

 

[HoneyBee20]

Can’t believe she’s moaning about the marks she made on her table. How can she blame the company when she’s using glasses on the table with no drinks coasters?? Dropping cheese will make marks as cheese is greasy.

 

[Elle Belle]

THE WOMAN WHO CHANGED MY LIFE - Lydia Elise Millen

We can’t pick and choose the cards that we are dealt in life. If you are lucky, life can end up exactly like the fairy tales, but for some/many, that isn’t the way the cookie crumbles. We have pinnacle moments in our life time, learning to ride a bike, our first day at school, experimenting...

lydiaelisemillen.com

I didn’t follow her back then, but she is ACTUALLY calling her mother out for not introducing her to......wait for it......a 3 step cleanse, tone and moisturise regime. Making out like she had some traumatic childhood compared to other 13 year olds because her mother couldn’t afford to keep her in Clinique. How salty is this girl? I can’t actually deal

 

[Elle Belle]

Only a 30 minute vlog. 30 minutes I’ll never get back still...

- She started the vlog highlighting her slothy face had a good night’s sleep. A few hours later she also highlights her red tired eyes. This is after doing a to do list of literally fuck all. She really does have the energy levels of an 87 year old OAP. Lydia, the home-grown watercress is clearly not cutting it.
- She’s amazed that her set alarm clock was activated despite being turned off. Did you know they also put a man on the moon Lydia?
- She’s knows it’s a Monday as her door bell is going off non-stop with parcel deliveries. We didn’t actually suspect it would be voluntary visitors, you know, visiting of their own free will. At least all your new bougie dinnerware will remain in perfect condition with your life-long party for two.
- She’s planning on wearing her gifted dresses to Ascot, Wimbledon and summer meetings. Probably in the year 2057. Probably never. Once they’ve all been taken in though obviously. Oh apart from the one dress she couldn’t get over her head. That will be down to the 47 litres of face filler then.
- She needs to buy delicate sandals for said dresses as she has none. I mean she did. Her man feet has just destroyed them all.
- She acknowledges people will have something to say about her balls to pussy ratio, sorry misheard, her boob to waist ratio. Reading Tattle again Lydia?
- She says there’s no place like Ibiza. We all know that inner vengaboy is still buried deep down. Well under 59 layers of fake tan, linen and pretentiousness.
- She shows us more terracotta plant pots. These are still not enough. She’s ordering more. Bitch overkill. She’s so excited as she’s never grown anything before. Maybe with your new found gardening skills Lydia, you can grow a cannabis farm when Glóby bombs? You have the attic space after all.
- Speaking of Glóby. Well that’s where it starts. That’s where it ends. No mention of Glóby. None whatsoever. This launch really is a comedy of errors.
- She just had gluten bread as she had ran out of gluten-free bread. We’ll discount the Dominos and McDonalds you also just had then. She’s bloated. Standard. She’s aware she constantly updates us on this. I guess some things are just too important to go to bed without knowing.
- She’s reordered more linen pants. She’s already stained them with makeup. She’ll be ‘knocking around in them for the next few weeks’. Lydia, I’ll again refer you to my earlier post on using a washing machine.
- She’s wearing the top that she’s detached the sleeves from. This highlights her white and grey armpits exceptionally well. She acknowledges her fake tan rubs off in said armpits because of sweat. She doesn’t mind. She should. She really should. Chav Couture is not a look anyone should want to be associated with. Especially one who’s about to launch their own brand in the near...distant future.
- Her new jumpsuit hits her at an awkward length. Well that’ll be cos you short.
- Her vlogs, much like her height, are going to be much shorter. She’s aware they’ll be a national outcry, but it’s all too strenuous for ‘her team’ to be doing all the affiliate links and uploading. This is despite her now having unlimited internet which one would think would make it easier. You ain’t got to lie like this Lydia. Just admit you can’t kick it.
- Their choice of pillowtalk is discussing the early days of the UK’s handling of coronavirus. The irony that she laughs, when Glóby’s launch is the #2 biggest fuck up of 2020.
- She’s being selective of what she shows us from now on. She understands it’s frustrating to her followers that she gets everything for free. She didn’t have to flex on us that hard. Hold up, the world has realigned. Her next video is a homeware haul. Game over.