Thank you to all 43 of you for voting for my thread title, edited to fit. 
No preorders required, here is the actual recap.....
Poll results.....thanks to everybody who voted.
* After months of squealing, begging, pouting and wheedling, birthday riddles and crying, the long awaited chickens arrived.
* Was there a fanfare, a big announcement, a show and tell, an 'unboxing'? Nope, niet, nadda, not a cluck. Bearly
a glimpse.
* The sick, bald, underweight, rescue battery hens have already settled in. How did we know? They immediately started laying eggs! It's eggstordinary!
* The super clean eggs magically appeared. We were spared the image of Lidl wafting across the lawn with a basket. Instead we saw her carrying the eggbox @irenemylife gave her across the kitchen!
* We had to wait weeks for "Our New Arrivals" vlog to get a proper look at the healthy, feathered hens, named in a drunken cackle by Lidl. Jemima Puddlehen, Bluebell and Beatrix, were joined shortly afterwards by Snowdrop and another, as yet unnamed, collected by Ali. Not rescue battery hens then Lidl?
* The pen will be surrounded by low box hedging, with climbers trained up the flimsy 5ft chicken wire fence. That'll fox the fox....not!
* Ali was away on a Veuve trip. Lidl couldn't go because of #publishedauthor committments. She also had to look after the hens. She threw food at them and ran away and avoided cleaning them out because it was raining.
* On his return Ali took a break from swiping Grindr to sit on the ground in the hen house. Beats the dog house!
* He was contemplating his future. We can already tell you it involves feeding and mucking out hens!
* Lidl is adding to her cooking repertoire of al dente pasta and thermomix risotto by showing us how she cooks scrambled eggs...in a saucepan...they were runny...
* The hair extensions have "departed" and she's "morning" their loss and "cultivating" her hair with yet another treatment. With your command of English you should write a book, Lidl!
* She was planning to "wean herself off" the extensions but went "cold turkey". Run that past me again...... You were going to remove a few at a time but decided to have them all removed at once? Your hair is not the only thing that's thick!
* Her secret book Eversmug is her "proudest accomplishment to date". It didn't have much competition did it?
* We still haven't seen an actual copy but we already know she has ripped off the cover colour, design and title. It's a pity you didn't rip off good English too, Lidl.
* Evergreens have thicker leaves and are resilient to any storm, she said, fondling a branch of a deciduous tree. Well you seem to have very thin skin and are not over #globygate, #hairgate or #savoygate. Maybe read the "practical advice and tips" your own book?
* Lidl is "helping" a small independent business by naming Jaffé and Neale as distributors of the signed copies of Evermean. Except she spelled their name 'Jaffa and Neal'. Not helping that much then!
* For a signed copy of Everfraud customers have to pay £2.01 extra. That should help pay for a calligraphy lesson.
* She's signed copies of the book but we haven't seen it. Don't tell us she would miss an opportunity to sign them in front of a camera at the antique writing desk?
* She says she's an avid reader. Really? She listens to audio books. She paints books white. She buys antique books and fake books for decoration.
* Please bare (sic) with her, she's a published author "embracing the power of amateur status".
* The best selling author treated herself to a new dress. Maybe a bit premature? Equally premature was the dress, which looked like an explosion in a Christmas wreath workshop.
* She says she doesn't know how she is going to record the audio book. But you told us you are "speaking more clearly and enunciating better now you're older", Lidl.
* Seriously, familiarity with the book's subject matter and vocabulary would help the words flow. Tricky when you didn't write it!
* It seems the Autumn section is going to be a tough read for her. Prepare for fake tears when she reads about her nonno's death and the missing cat.
* The unused Wisteria Room room, complete with lop-sided curtain pole and fugly duvet cover, is being decorated for the umteenth time, the last with Lauren Costly. She's using Cotswold-based interior designers Sims Hilditch, celebrated for their English style. She's picking out fabrics with their "seamstress".
* There will be wallpaper, new paint, a blind, 'decorative' curtains, cushions, bolsters, a tall headboard and bespoke bed. But does the bathroom function?
* Next on the list of room redecoration? Ali's bedroom?
* The utility room will soon be reincarnated as a flower arranging room with the addition of shelves full of containers and a curtain to hide the appliances.
* Lidl is still banging on about her "viral" wedding dress.
* She tried on an Aarvelle dress from Lauren, The l.a.way's clothing line. Best not wear this shape with your linebacker shoulders!
Even the model can't make this look good!
* She wore an Aavelle boater at an inappropriately jaunty angle to Blenheim Palace while Ali wore ginger. The event? The Long Summer Lunch with @thegentsjournal. His gig then.
Who wore it better?
* The MGs stayed at the newly refurbished Grove Hotel, Watford. Back to your old stomping ground, Lidl?
* Lidl went to the Paris Opera Ballet in an ODLR dress. She didn't know the venue (Covent Garden) as she was collected.
* @ Namina and @mmmmmmk discovered the identity of @Rexysmum Hi Chris! How is life down under in your camper van?
Li-ttul Ali in his li-ttul car
In other news:
* Ali was living his best life at the Hotel Royal Evian Resort, Lake Geneva, with Veuve Clicquot, for the Evian Golf Championship.
* He carried a huge empty beach bag and discussed "breathy" fabric. The bag makes you look smaller, Ali, and don't you mean breathable?
* Josie bought a Hermes cardigan for an eye-watering £1360 plus other items. Hermes bag incoming in 3....2....1.....
Screenshots thanks to @Peppypoopar @Catcher_In_The_Lie @Greentrees @BeccaBanana
No preorders required, here is the actual recap.....
Poll results.....thanks to everybody who voted.
* After months of squealing, begging, pouting and wheedling, birthday riddles and crying, the long awaited chickens arrived.
* Was there a fanfare, a big announcement, a show and tell, an 'unboxing'? Nope, niet, nadda, not a cluck. Bearly
a glimpse.* The sick, bald, underweight, rescue battery hens have already settled in. How did we know? They immediately started laying eggs! It's eggstordinary!
* The super clean eggs magically appeared. We were spared the image of Lidl wafting across the lawn with a basket. Instead we saw her carrying the eggbox @irenemylife gave her across the kitchen!
* We had to wait weeks for "Our New Arrivals" vlog to get a proper look at the healthy, feathered hens, named in a drunken cackle by Lidl. Jemima Puddlehen, Bluebell and Beatrix, were joined shortly afterwards by Snowdrop and another, as yet unnamed, collected by Ali. Not rescue battery hens then Lidl?
* The pen will be surrounded by low box hedging, with climbers trained up the flimsy 5ft chicken wire fence. That'll fox the fox....not!
* Ali was away on a Veuve trip. Lidl couldn't go because of #publishedauthor committments. She also had to look after the hens. She threw food at them and ran away and avoided cleaning them out because it was raining.
* On his return Ali took a break from swiping Grindr to sit on the ground in the hen house. Beats the dog house!
* He was contemplating his future. We can already tell you it involves feeding and mucking out hens!
* Lidl is adding to her cooking repertoire of al dente pasta and thermomix risotto by showing us how she cooks scrambled eggs...in a saucepan...they were runny...
* The hair extensions have "departed" and she's "morning" their loss and "cultivating" her hair with yet another treatment. With your command of English you should write a book, Lidl!
* She was planning to "wean herself off" the extensions but went "cold turkey". Run that past me again...... You were going to remove a few at a time but decided to have them all removed at once? Your hair is not the only thing that's thick!
* Her secret book Eversmug is her "proudest accomplishment to date". It didn't have much competition did it?
* We still haven't seen an actual copy but we already know she has ripped off the cover colour, design and title. It's a pity you didn't rip off good English too, Lidl.
* Evergreens have thicker leaves and are resilient to any storm, she said, fondling a branch of a deciduous tree. Well you seem to have very thin skin and are not over #globygate, #hairgate or #savoygate. Maybe read the "practical advice and tips" your own book?
* Lidl is "helping" a small independent business by naming Jaffé and Neale as distributors of the signed copies of Evermean. Except she spelled their name 'Jaffa and Neal'. Not helping that much then!
* For a signed copy of Everfraud customers have to pay £2.01 extra. That should help pay for a calligraphy lesson.
* She's signed copies of the book but we haven't seen it. Don't tell us she would miss an opportunity to sign them in front of a camera at the antique writing desk?
* She says she's an avid reader. Really? She listens to audio books. She paints books white. She buys antique books and fake books for decoration.
* Please bare (sic) with her, she's a published author "embracing the power of amateur status".
* The best selling author treated herself to a new dress. Maybe a bit premature? Equally premature was the dress, which looked like an explosion in a Christmas wreath workshop.
* She says she doesn't know how she is going to record the audio book. But you told us you are "speaking more clearly and enunciating better now you're older", Lidl.
* Seriously, familiarity with the book's subject matter and vocabulary would help the words flow. Tricky when you didn't write it!
* It seems the Autumn section is going to be a tough read for her. Prepare for fake tears when she reads about her nonno's death and the missing cat.
* The unused Wisteria Room room, complete with lop-sided curtain pole and fugly duvet cover, is being decorated for the umteenth time, the last with Lauren Costly. She's using Cotswold-based interior designers Sims Hilditch, celebrated for their English style. She's picking out fabrics with their "seamstress".
* There will be wallpaper, new paint, a blind, 'decorative' curtains, cushions, bolsters, a tall headboard and bespoke bed. But does the bathroom function?
* Next on the list of room redecoration? Ali's bedroom?
* The utility room will soon be reincarnated as a flower arranging room with the addition of shelves full of containers and a curtain to hide the appliances.
* Lidl is still banging on about her "viral" wedding dress.
* She tried on an Aarvelle dress from Lauren, The l.a.way's clothing line. Best not wear this shape with your linebacker shoulders!
Even the model can't make this look good!
* She wore an Aavelle boater at an inappropriately jaunty angle to Blenheim Palace while Ali wore ginger. The event? The Long Summer Lunch with @thegentsjournal. His gig then.
Who wore it better?
* The MGs stayed at the newly refurbished Grove Hotel, Watford. Back to your old stomping ground, Lidl?
* Lidl went to the Paris Opera Ballet in an ODLR dress. She didn't know the venue (Covent Garden) as she was collected.
* @ Namina and @mmmmmmk discovered the identity of @Rexysmum Hi Chris! How is life down under in your camper van?
Li-ttul Ali in his li-ttul car
In other news:
* Ali was living his best life at the Hotel Royal Evian Resort, Lake Geneva, with Veuve Clicquot, for the Evian Golf Championship.
* He carried a huge empty beach bag and discussed "breathy" fabric. The bag makes you look smaller, Ali, and don't you mean breathable?
* Josie bought a Hermes cardigan for an eye-watering £1360 plus other items. Hermes bag incoming in 3....2....1.....
Screenshots thanks to @Peppypoopar @Catcher_In_The_Lie @Greentrees @BeccaBanana
Last edited:
She does it all on her own!
