Lunatics #2 Alan, cheesy chips, colleagues bits and mm's tits

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Bit of a mad one messaged me this morning and sent me a pic of the card i bought him 3 years ago. I just screenshotted it and rubbed the names out to show you but gave myself the ick because why did i write that no wonder he fucked off😭 but also.. why the duck did he keep it?!?!?
Sex was so/so just a quickie told him to hurry up and shove it in as i need to leave. Never forgot those magic hands though sorry tmi i was just so excited to tell you all hahahahahahaha 🗣 alexa play madonna like a virgin
I wanna see the card 🫢
 
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Random but I’ve just realised Mother’s Day is this Sunday 🤦🏻‍♀️ so this is a warning for you all if you forgot like me. Boots next day delivery for the win 💪🏻💪🏻
 
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Wow you all not getting any action huh
Sucks to be us 😂😂😂
Still not had sex in this house. My husband is FINALLY off nights and he drank two bottles of wine and 3 beers last night so he’s currently sleeping off the hangover.
 
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I might piss on him if I attempted sex right now tbh. These antibiotics are doing tit for making this infection any better. Still peeing every 5-10 mins and still feel like a hot poker is poking my bits rather than a big, ahem, member.
 
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I might piss on him if I attempted sex right now tbh. These antibiotics are doing tit for making this infection any better. Still peeing every 5-10 mins and still feel like a hot poker is poking my bits rather than a big, ahem, member.
Ouchie ☹ hot water bottle on your stomach might ease a little .. that pain when you’re peeing vibrates right the way to your brain, hope they start working soon for ya
 
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Think it's day 3 of celibacy in my house. Keep getting comments about 'do you right in the glitter' but no actual action.
 
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All these birthday stories and ass action has my sphincter muscle retracting and I’m reliving the contraction pains 🤣🤣
Fucksake birthing
 
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Sorry to get off the sex talk, but I’m going to look at a house today - we’re building a house back home so looking to downsize and move out of London to save a bit more money.

we currently have two beds with a garden in crap part of London, this is in a really nice area but is 1 bed (which we don’t mind) with a communal garden.

would we be mental to not have a garden? We’d probably save about £800 a month by moving.
 
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Sorry to get off the sex talk, but I’m going to look at a house today - we’re building a house back home so looking to downsize and move out of London to save a bit more money.

we currently have two beds with a garden in crap part of London, this is in a really nice area but is 1 bed (which we don’t mind) with a communal garden.

would we be mental to not have a garden? We’d probably save about £800 a month by moving.
Normally I'd say you need a garden but if the area is better then go for it.
 
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Normally I'd say you need a garden but if the area is better then go for it.
Yeah it’s WAY better, we’ll be moving to the Chalfonts, I don’t know if you know where that is. A lot nicer than London anyway.

I will ask her what the neighbours are like, because I like to grow veg/sunbathe / drink WKD at 10am.
 
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