Just post it on here, it’s fine. It was in the public domain.
I don’t think the mods like to encourage the whole “dm for info”.
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I don’t think the mods like to encourage the whole “dm for info”.
I never even saw there is the option
Sometimes coming joint second
APRIL 3, 2019 / EXPOSING 40 / 29 COMMENTS
The last few months haven’t been easy. I have spent it getting over an ex. And it’s not even my own ex, it’s a partner’s ex. In fact, getting over this has proved more problematic than getting over some of my own exes – I have an enviable degree of ease in moving on from my own dead affairs of the heart; I tend to shrug them off with an ‘Ah, that was fun’ and no backwards glance.
To be honest, it wasn’t the break-up that upset me, it was the entire existence of this person in my partner’s life, so I am not really getting over the break-up, I am getting over the relationship. And with that it has thrown up a whole lot of questions for me about how good a partner I have been. Spoiler: I have been a bit of a tit. Why I am writing this now? As part of my own healing process, really, and to draw a hard red line under a difficult period. And because this week’s WW prompt is tantrums and I have had too many tantrums for any self-respecting 44-year-old in the last six months!
But really, it was this tweet from Nooky Semper, asking about the difference between jealousy and insecurity that really got me processing my thoughts and crafting sentences in the shower. Was it jealousy that made me so unhappy? No I don’t think so. I don’t ever really experience the debilitating grip of the ‘green-eyed monster’ and I never wonder or worry about what partners are doing when they are not with me. The voyeur in me delights in hearing about their sex adventures and I will happily host posts written by partners and by hot-damn-why-don’t-you-live-closer men about their wives.
While I don’t experience jealously what I can experience is debilitating anxiety if if a partner is not communicating well and I don’t feel secure. Without information and reassurance I display many of the erratic (and distasteful!) behaviours associated with jealousy. So maybe Nooky is right – maybe it is a fine line between insecurity and jealousy. On reflection, I think what shook me so much last summer was the surprise of it all. I chatter away to my partner about who I am swiping on and who is sliding into my DMs but he’s not quite so loose-lipped as me so when I realised there was someone more significant in his circle it gave me a profound wobble. My version of ethical non-monogamy is open book communication so the secrecy of this was a shock and it hurt.
I am also ‘blessed’ with off the scale status anxiety and while I still have no desire to have a primary partner I have realised that the possibility that I might be joint second does not fit at all well with my vision of myself in a hierarchy. My partner has pointed out that while I relish hierarchy it doesn’t mean he does and of course that is fair but I found myself thinking all the not-good-poly thoughts that I might not be good enough, that he’s gone off me. He reasonably and rightly pointed out that I manage to accommodate two or three ‘partner light’ arrangements without it affecting my feelings for him and of course he is right.
For me the hardest part was that I didn’t like her. I am used to thinking the other women in his life are magnificent, talented, hilarious, sensational women but I didn’t feel that about her. I found her opinions challenging and her comments about weight hugely upsetting and some of her attitudes to relationships jarred with my outlook. Her blogging and Twitter profile is disagreeable and dislikable and in fact he and I used to be a bit snarky about her prudishness and judgemental tone. I did not cope or behave well in the face of adversity when his opinion changed! In fact, I became a bit of a monster. In public I wrote thoughtful comment pieces but in private I had spiteful WhatsApp tantrums. I am lucky probably that I have a partner who has both patience and a remarkable ability to just ignore you rather than judge you when you’re being a harridan!
It’s at this point I feel the need to give @19syllables a cameo; last week when I was pondering what you call a partner’s partner if metamour seems highly inappropriate to the situation. “Step duck” she quipped. Now, being in possession of a lovely stepmum I don’t go in for the ‘evil step…’ trope but we guffawed so loudly at her joke I think we disturbed the sewer rats under the pavement where we were drinking coffee! I think Step duck is a perfectly glorious flipside to metamour!
So, here we are months later. I can’t deny that when it ended I was relieved. I am not a total cow – I was also a little sad for him when that happened because I could see he was sad – but my instinctive response was ‘Oh, thank God, we can get back to normal now’. Although of course, that was easier said than done because his new normal meant there was no time for us to re-establish our balance and contentment levels before an entirely welcome and glorious hiatus was upon us.
But now spring has sprung and we are slipping back into routines of writing geeky lists, long evenings at my dining table and cheeky photo adventures. I can feel my shoulders relaxing and my sense of calm returning. And the best thing to come out of it has been acknowledging my desire to dig in and survive the trouble. My default is usually to up sticks at the first sign of properly hard work but I found that I didn’t want to. There is too much wine to be drunk, recipes to road test, long lunches with mutual friends to enjoy and adventures to have. It’s nice to feel that way. Winter has gone!
And I think we have a new found appreciation of expectations and boundaries. I am certain he is much more aware of what I need to know to stay secure and I most definitely learned how not to react. I trust him to be more open with me next time and I hope he trusts me to be less wedded to a meaningless hierarchy. Because there will be new partners in the future, for both of us, and I must remember what he said: “It was something and now it’s not. It didn’t affect how I felt about you when it was something and it doesn’t now it’s not.”
Must have taken it down just now as I was able to read it fine. Lol they're onto us that isn't a coincidence. Lucy must be doomscrolling this thread like a woman possessed
Exposing40 mentioned this thread in her twitter last weekend, strange I thought at the time. And therefore she and EA must be reading this thread as this was only accessed earlier today. I am wondering if they are involved in the taking down of Lucy?
What a delicious twist of fate that would be.
Looks like it. We're clearly not the target audience
My money is still on thar psycopath Bianca
Gosh this thread makes for juicy reading! I read Lucy’s blog for several years as I loved the writing style and could relate as I was dating in London at the time, I then started reading her Twitter feed mainly and could not understand why a 40 something year old woman could behave like a teenager, constantly throwing herself at men and have so little self respect. I started off feeling sorry for her as it’s so sad to be a 40 something obsessed with getting a boyfriend but the ‘I’m so hot’ (which I now see she is not...) got boring very quickly. Those hotel room photos were so seedy and cringe and the saga with YC seems like a figment of her imagination...pretty sure he’ll have written her off as desperate and is only interested in someone his own age. I actually only found this thread from one of her own posts asking for a tweet to be deleted, if she’d just kept quiet for a while maybe fewer people would have found out! And I’m all for remaining anonymous if you choose, but the amount of details she was revealing on guys especially YC was NOT cool.
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This is really well written and I feel for her. I don’t know how much later Lucy wrote her blogposts, but it must have hurt a bit (poly or otherwise) for this woman to hear about her partner’s new partner begging him to not share photos of them online and trying to get him to leave his wife. Makes me feel sad she should have to put up with this nonsense (don’t think polyamory is nonsense, just sounds like she’s really not as into it as he is - and can it ever truly work when one partner just isn’t that into it?)
Totally. Lucy got very arrogant as her Twitter following grew. She seems quite nice from the early blog posts but I dont know if her Twitter following went to her head or if she was just faking ever being nice, but she started to come across as really up herself, stuck up and nasty. Which is odd given she's very average looking and has a truly cringe personality.
I want to see yc. Is he hot? And yeah, it was so obvious that yc wasnt bothered about her. Any respect I had ever had for Lucy went out the window reading those motifying posts about him. Tragic...
YC’s name is further up the thread so you can see his photo online... I don’t think it’s fair to pass comment either way though since he’s just a normal 20 something guy who did not give permission for his messages and life to be splashed around the internet.
Can someone with more credentials than me please start an entirely new thread about Bianca? I have nothing against Lucy at all. However, Bianca is a whole new kettle of fish. She’s someone with zero remorse and accountability with anything she says/does.
Then she will unlock it and keep getting suspended/lock herself/go public in a cycle.
Can we just get her off of Twitter permanently? She makes so many email addresses to keep her accounts anytime she gets permanently banned. It sounds literally like an addiction to social media, to the point where she needs therapy. She’s spiteful towards anyone who disagrees with her then has the nerve to post stuff related to #bekind
I hear she also outed someone in her family as homosexual and now they’re not talking to her? Also she keeps saying she’s a first time buyer but she said she lets out a flat up north? I’m confused.
I liked her blog. But her Twitter....yuck. Her most common words are:
‘racist’, ‘sexist’, ‘misogynist’ and ‘doxxed’ haha. Count how many times she calls someone a misogynist if you’re a male and argue with her - it’s very funny!
Can we bring Lucy back and replace her with Bianca? I’d rather Bianca left Twitter lol.
I think her current usernames are:
Atomicbonbon (currently suspended)
Popcornbambi (currently protected)
Snookerbunnyy (currently protected)
Who needs so many usernames?! That just spells you want to troll.
I also heard about this. She doxxed that poor guy for a misinterpreted comment and misunderstanding and she was proud of itBianca regularly locks/deactivates her profiles when she goes too far. She KNOWS she goes too far - so why do it!?
Then she will unlock it and keep getting suspended/lock herself/go public in a cycle.
Can we just get her off of Twitter permanently? She makes so many email addresses to keep her accounts anytime she gets permanently banned. It sounds literally like an addiction to social media, to the point where she needs therapy. She’s spiteful towards anyone who disagrees with her then has the nerve to post stuff related to #bekind
I hear she also outed someone in her family as homosexual and now they’re not talking to her? Also she keeps saying she’s a first time buyer but she said she lets out a flat up north? I’m confused.
I liked her blog. But her Twitter....yuck. Her most common words are:
‘racist’, ‘sexist’, ‘misogynist’ and ‘doxxed’ haha. Count how many times she calls someone a misogynist if you’re a male and argue with her - it’s very funny!
Can we bring Lucy back and replace her with Bianca? I’d rather Bianca left Twitter lol.
I think her current usernames are:
Atomicbonbon (currently suspended)
Popcornbambi (currently protected)
Snookerbunnyy (currently protected)
Who needs so many usernames?! That just spells you want to troll.
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Bianca is very dangerous. Lucy just slipped up and made a mistake. I feel pretty bad for Lucy. I don’t believe Lucy had any ill intent whatsoever. But Bianca goes on forums on a daily basis with the intent to be toxic towards people.
Literally ALL DAY LONG from when she awakes until she sleeps. Doesn’t she have any other hobbies except her Twitter timeline? Literally sounds like an addiction. She’s literally glued to Twitter.
I also left a word out that she repeatedly uses: Gaslight.
Literally ALL DAY LONG from when she awakes until she sleeps. Doesn’t she have any other hobbies except her Twitter timeline? Literally sounds like an addiction. She’s literally glued to Twitter.
I also left a word out that she repeatedly uses: Gaslight.
Completely agree
I’d never heard of Bianca until last week but definitely sounds like she has malicious intent
@newgirlbianca is another of her accounts that have been suspended.
I agree I don’t think Lucy is malicious just an attention seeking twit.
I find it hard to see how she could bring her account back with any kind of credibility at all?
She’s not even dating or attempting to engage with anyone so nothing to say on that front and the fact she’s no longer anonymous takes that USP away.
I wonder what she will do?
I find it hard to see how she could bring her account back with any kind of credibility at all?
She’s not even dating or attempting to engage with anyone so nothing to say on that front and the fact she’s no longer anonymous takes that USP away.
I wonder what she will do?
Bianca read the thread. There’s a lengthy post about you. No one needs to directly speak to you. Everyone do not respond to her. She craves the attention and it’s feeding into what she wants. It’s only making the situation 100x worse and toxic if you reply to her. She cannot be bothered to read. No one here has to justify themselves to that toxicity.
LOL did Bianca already get banned from Tattle Life??
LOL did Bianca already get banned from Tattle Life??
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She buys porn accounts abroad which is how she gets so many accounts. Sad really
Okay so she said we’re bullying and abusing her?! LOLLLLLLL! That’s hilarious. She’s trying to get sympathy and poor me card now. But she doxxed someone at their work place?! Infact didn’t she dox Lucy?
Secondly these posts are hypocritical.
Finally - popcornbambi is public again. Enjoy.
Also, isn’t it super shady she came on this forum so quickly after we started talking about her as if she was watching it closely? Suspicious.....
Secondly these posts are hypocritical.
Finally - popcornbambi is public again. Enjoy.
Also, isn’t it super shady she came on this forum so quickly after we started talking about her as if she was watching it closely? Suspicious.....
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