JarvisCockerSpaniel
VIP Member
Right, I needed a wine for this one.
The last thread HAD NO TITLE because we’d all had it up to here with loopy’s absolute bullshit which is obviously still ongoing with no sign of stopping. On the back of her being a self proclaimed birth warrior and literary force, she went to stand outside the houses of parliament in a grey cardie. She revealed the book was so called ‘lucky’ after she chewed a hapless taxi driver’s ear off about her trauma. He actually said ‘fuck me’ in exasperation but she hears what she wants- and thus the title was born.
We’ve all shared some extracts from her book, which go along the lines of ‘the surgeon’s hands shook as though I was a shrapnel riddled soldier thrown into the mud of a field hospital in the Somme in 1914. Or it may as well have been, such was the fear in the staff’s eyes and hands as they hastily tried to stem the 16 litres of fluid that gushed forth from my severed uterine artery (Ryan later learnt after watching a particularly apt episode of Holby a few months later) never had they seen someone in this state after birthing a child, all were completely unprepared. I lay there bravely taking it all in, wide awake and staring at the blood splatter on the ceiling, as they had thoughtlessly not supplied me with a general anaesthetic. I thought briefly of the baby with a large head I’d apparently birthed, cocooned in the NICU totally unaware of my bloody sacrifice’
In other news Ryan still hasn’t produced the final animal in his little clip art book collection, the Highland Cow, and I know we are all disappointed about that, but you can’t say the man hasn’t been busy. Loopy has had him up and down the King’s Road planting her book in Waterstones front window, hosing the dog piss off the patio, pretending to camp on top of a van, proclaiming Leo was potty trained and proudly strutting to the Johnny with the Sunday Times, (he’s very much still in a piss-soaked baggy nappy in the days he’s not at nursery ) and has just filmed his chin eating crisps in Dubai airport. Oh, Sam did a charity football match at Chelsea but it means nothing because Louise used to mess about with the lads at football practice when they were kids, or something.
The last thread HAD NO TITLE because we’d all had it up to here with loopy’s absolute bullshit which is obviously still ongoing with no sign of stopping. On the back of her being a self proclaimed birth warrior and literary force, she went to stand outside the houses of parliament in a grey cardie. She revealed the book was so called ‘lucky’ after she chewed a hapless taxi driver’s ear off about her trauma. He actually said ‘fuck me’ in exasperation but she hears what she wants- and thus the title was born.
We’ve all shared some extracts from her book, which go along the lines of ‘the surgeon’s hands shook as though I was a shrapnel riddled soldier thrown into the mud of a field hospital in the Somme in 1914. Or it may as well have been, such was the fear in the staff’s eyes and hands as they hastily tried to stem the 16 litres of fluid that gushed forth from my severed uterine artery (Ryan later learnt after watching a particularly apt episode of Holby a few months later) never had they seen someone in this state after birthing a child, all were completely unprepared. I lay there bravely taking it all in, wide awake and staring at the blood splatter on the ceiling, as they had thoughtlessly not supplied me with a general anaesthetic. I thought briefly of the baby with a large head I’d apparently birthed, cocooned in the NICU totally unaware of my bloody sacrifice’
In other news Ryan still hasn’t produced the final animal in his little clip art book collection, the Highland Cow, and I know we are all disappointed about that, but you can’t say the man hasn’t been busy. Loopy has had him up and down the King’s Road planting her book in Waterstones front window, hosing the dog piss off the patio, pretending to camp on top of a van, proclaiming Leo was potty trained and proudly strutting to the Johnny with the Sunday Times, (he’s very much still in a piss-soaked baggy nappy in the days he’s not at nursery ) and has just filmed his chin eating crisps in Dubai airport. Oh, Sam did a charity football match at Chelsea but it means nothing because Louise used to mess about with the lads at football practice when they were kids, or something.
brilliant. I laughed so loud at this bit! 
