So the gruesome twosome haven’t achieved a whole lot since their last whingefest. Despite not being able to manage a car journey of more than two hours, Louise managed a trip to Cornwall, which is at least five hours, but as it was a gifted stay complete with a picnic fridge and a trip to a restaurant to eat little fish with heads on she leapt in the car like a greyhound. Sadly, in terms of content, the fish and the fridge are all we’ve seen of the trip as Louise had a breakdown and Ryan got the shits for 3 weeks, possibly due to the change in diet from his usual cremated sausage.
Louise got a poison garden planted up in her sterile back yard, not great for the dogs or Leo but let’s face it, the dogs are only allowed to tit on the sofa and Leo only gets to teeter on the stairs or play with lamps dressed as a Hapsburg prince.
Ryan rented an office space in Shoreditch but hasn’t been yet, it’s entirely possible that it is in fact a table in Old Street Starbucks that he’ll be offering his Lifestyle Sansei services from.
Biggest news is that Sam had an ADHD documentary on and now Louise can’t bear to speak to him or Zara or their stupid cats that don’t tit on the sofa. Instead she did a sort out of all her jewellery and went out looking like she needed a piss in a bit of scarf she’d made into a dress and accessorised with a Jedi belt. She can’t do therapy atm because she’s suffering too much mentally, which for the normal person would mean you need more therapy not a break, but Louise is very rare and incredibly special and let’s not forget no one has had her experience or looks like she does with her vulva bulging out in her dumb too small leggings.
