LornaLuxe #39 Got Herself a Secondhand Kelly, Out of Work with a Rose’ Belly

[Its_Me]

OK about Maldives it’s confession time….

Those who were around at the time will remember she tried to pretend that it was a big surprise for Mr Pig that she had been planning for ages. Then I told you all where she was going before she got there and that she had travelled the day before while she was pretending she was still on the flight chatting to the cabin crew. Well I knew all of this because while she was busy showing off her business class boarding card she didn’t cover the E-ticket number so I was able to look up the booking. It was booked in Johns name and paid for on his card 3 months before they went and the confirmation was sent to their joint (lol) email. So he obviously knew where they were going. He paid £3700 for Business Class which in comparison to supposedly paying over 100k for each hotel didn’t make sense to me, you would fly First Class if you have that money to drop on a hotel.

Joe Wicks has said that he got the Soneva accommodation gifted but had to pay for his flights and booze. Makes sense now.

 

[annabelle_bronstein]

thread suggestion
a new dog, a new house, but same old mahogany spouse

 

[pink_norris]

Congratulations @what the fook again top voted title, enjoy your overpriced beauty advent calendar full of out of date samples

Here we go

Season 39 starts with a fanfare. It’s official InTheShite have dumped her

We reminisced about the good old “don’t have nightmares” ITS fashion dumps days. To remind ourselves how she made something so shite and still earned her a fortune, we have our own exclusive “fully lined” Awards ceremony - round of applause please

The Yawna Awards

**Fashion Classics

milkmaid camouflage with backdrop, sky ad french dressing, duvet dress with girdle, the mummy ripped suit, goth doll on crack, Girdle belt over anything, Joan Collins rough sister in a car look, Skiing with everything Chanel, pork pie hat, cardi wrap tutorial weekly, fully lined has pockets, thrush inducing knitwear, Auntie Jean specials, hooker in a lift

- winner - all of them

**Staring like a Murderer & Creepy Cling On - Winner - could only be Mr Pig aka Old Saggy Bollocks

**Best Hair Style - Winner - something from a Japanese Horror Movie

**Honorary Yawna Prize - Winner - Floating Eiffel Tower

It’s been a slow season, she lost her mind, lost her cash cow, lost her friends, lost her holidays. Sadly for us she hasn’t lost her way to Tattle, were still talking about her and she likes to tell us. Hello Yawna

So lets go back a little and remind ourselves what she promised uS

- Move into the London rental - not happening

- Holiday to Croatia - did not happen

- Something big - not happening

- Going to the gym - not happening

- Stopped drinking - not happening

- Charity sale - not happening

- Vow renewal - never happening

- Learnt how to fake tan - not happening


In fact the only holiday she did was Paris cause ITS paid to try and keep her out of the country. She found her way back

Still talking to herself via her own Q&A

Still flogging other house interiors as her own

Now treading the cobblestones like all the other influencers on the bandwagon, going to PR events for a free lunch, free booze, dragging Old Saggy Bollocks along so he can freeload listening to a poor underpaid marketing girl waffle on about the game changing miracle cream

Fashion - what’s that, wellies and a coat.

She did give us a Live with the new bag of the flat, Hermes Kelly in grey, the how I got it story was very very convincing so much so it had more holes than a cheese grater. Something fishy to be had and it wasn’t the fish salsa for once. Oh la la

Did a quick stint with Holland & Cooper they soon realised the cock eyed pony leg made their clothes look shit, that soon stopped

Aston Martin invited them to the country set drive day, clearly the middle class saw right through them and ripped them a new one. They left never to mention the trip again. No friends made there then.

Sisley invited her to a - actually we have no idea what, she never told us why she was there no content) but we did get wild shots of a classic piss up in the hotel lounge unfiltered.

Hanging out at Soho House with freeloaders and the Z listers is a new thing, it was truly the tragic the fakeness pouring from the stories.

Making grid story pics of underweight models

Regurgitating old photos

Filter on max

Horsham Heights is still a flat with wooden floors, dirty carpet and wooden bedroom panelling

Hardly posting on the grid, filling stories with constant giveaways. Can she afford heating this winter? Will she ever be sustainable?

We want answers….Season 39 begins

 

[Its_Me]

I still scream every time I see this screenshot in my camera roll. I’m currently sat in the doctors waiting room biting my lips and holding my breath trying not to laugh. Help meeeee!!!!!

 

[pink_norris]

Auntie Jean is there “help is on the way dear”

 

[bringmeagin]

Saw this photo of Madge… tell me it doesn’t remind you of Loona!

 

[Hereforthecomments87]

Why does she always stand like she’s shat her pants??!

 

[Its_Me]

“Really smooth and glossy, look like I’ve been to the salon” WHAT fucking salon?! Dog groomers maybe.

 

[SGE32]

I have real second hand embarrassment watching her stories this morning. Old man raisin just sat in the back like a gormless fat toad. What does she think he brings to the table in regards to her Instagram page?

 

[YetAnotherObsessionx]

Hahahaha - look at her squeezing that open grey ‘ermes into shot. Thats sad sad sad. Luv we got it, you own a Kelly…

Also : weird boat SHOOOOOOOEESS alert. Everything about him gives me the ick.

She really only has these 'jokes' doesn't she:
- making friends
- nice marriage
- yellow shorts
- sausage rolls
And that's jokes in the very loosest of all terms.

 

[CouldYouNot]

Gross

 

[Sarah93]

Was just going to say…She said on a previous live that he doesn’t like her going out without him. Wouldn’t surprise me if he’s not sitting in a room in the same hotel waiting for her.

Aaaaand tonight he’s right on cue!

I have seen him waiting in the car outside the venue in many events. Some of them take hours, he waits for her the entire time.

 

[styleoversubstance]

I thought she said Mr Pig bought them for her…

 

[henriettadubois2]

Old school Mulberry patina babes

 

[MirandaPriestly]

She didn't go to the awards, couldn't be arsed. She promised the fawnas she'd take them with her. Load of fake nonsense. Last month, on a Live she said they were going back to SFH 6-8 Dec as OSB had cocked up the booking and booked twice. I'm going to the Cotswolds tmrow and won't be looking out for Yawna. Don't get why they took 2 cars and don't believe it

Took two cars because RR only loaned them it one way is more likely the case.

I thought she was selling that anorak in her last sale. Did she change her mind .

That was the Dior Oblique one, weirdly she bought another one in the puppytooth and (allegedly) sold the other for ‘charidee’

Fukkin lovin the lies/dreams …14 MATES ???? More like weirdos that all belong to the same Agency !! This is to quote Yawna “an ever so vurry much paid for PR event “ greedy Fukkin knockers !

Exactly she doesn’t have 1.4 friends let alone 14! They aren’t her friends, a load of talentless wannabes trying to impress the likes of RR, Holland Cooper and other faux-country brands in the hope they can bleed them for their fake insipid lifestyle until the next thing comes along.

Hoping 2023 will bring the end of the influencer!
Especially with things like Chlamydia Millen and her ridiculous totally tone deaf heating problems.

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

The inward curls remind me of friar tuck.

 

[Hanna21]

The many faces of Lorna 🫠

 

[LittleBirdie]

Gross

On top while she lays there like a dead body with her eyes closed thinking of england Chanel.

 

[LittleBirdie]

 

[annabelle_bronstein]

I really REALLY don’t understand this obsession with wearing massive blazers that make you look like a house on stilts?