Loneliness / making friends

[LittleMy]

I can relate to lots of things on here. Had friends at school and in my early 20s but seem to drift apart and out of contact with people. I have a couple of close ish friends now and see each other every few months.
It does get to me, I have no plans to get married any time soon but even things like who would my bridesmaids be? I think about that sometimes.

I moved to a new town and used Bumble. It's a dating app but you can select a Friendship option to meet other people

I eloped with my now husband when we were in Vegas for my birthday last year. Solved the problem of bridesmaids, etc.

I just feel so disconnected from the people on my Facebook, I barely use it now. I hardly even see family anymore too. We don’t all live close to each other so only see one another at family functions etc. I visit with my grandmother a lot as we’re very close, but my kids are wild so the visits are much shorter than they used to be as I can’t relax.

The trouble is, everyone has their lives and is busy, I’m very aware of that. People have jobs, they want to spend their time with their family when they have it. It’s tricky.

 

[midnightrose]

I struggle with loneliness too. I turn 30 in May. Don’t know how to celebrate. Barely have any friends to celebrate with! Don’t know how to form friends or deepen the friendships that I do have. Quite depressing really!

 

[Boredinstagrammer29]

I used meetup to meet new people when I moved. I didn’t like the events that were coming up so I made my own group. My first event was drinks at a pub and one or two after that. I didn’t make any friends from it as I found the people a little odd but it was great for my confidence and so proud I put myself out there instead of fermenting at home alone

 

[Princesspinky]

I got abit depressed with Facebook when friends were always too busy to plan something with me but managed to met up with someone else and plaster it all over social media. I wasnt jealous but I was really low need friends not to get the on comment on a photo that we should met up..but never made real plans.

Plus I've learnt of a really good friend I've kept for 30years that people only post what they want you to see on social media not that it was a shit night that everyone spent it taking photos or messaging others

Yes , it's the whole keeping up appearances thing , I can't stand it either

 

[Princesspinky]

We need to start a tattle meet up group.

Like a book club for lonely people ! Brilliant idea , I expect were at opposite ends of the country though

 

[LittleMy]

I have a natural resting bitch face, it has done me no favours over the years and I hate it, so much so I feel I have to force a smile. Having depression and anxiety is probably my biggest hang up when it comes to making friends. I want them, I’m just not good at going out there and meeting them, and then if I do step out of my comfort zone and make a friend, I fail to maintain the friendship because my mental health consumes me.

 

[Apple In My Pie]

This is me. I’m twenty and I’ve struggled to make friends all my life. I am disabled and had a TA all through school - I think it alienated me quite a bit And actually played hell with my social skills because everybody talked to me ‘through’ the TA rather than to me. I have one or two school friends which I’m still in contact with now, and an online friend who I absolutely adore, but other than that I don’t have other friends. I have people to talk to at university but I just seem to really struggle otherwise - it’s like we never move past the acquaintance stage! I’m hoping that once I get a job I’ll be able to meet more people... it worries me purely because I don’t see how I’ll ever get a girlfriend/boyfriend if I can’t talk to anyone I’ve made peace with being alone for now. I tell everybody I like being by myself which sort of does the job at convincing myself I do... I will be at peace by myself with a cat and a tortoise, me.

 

[Princesspinky]

My best mate in my daughter's best friends dad! The girls have been friends since preschool, so me and him have ended up spending nearly every day together for the last 2 years, we are both happily married and our spouses get on really well too and we will often go out as a foursome.

I'm based in Hampshire if anyone else is and ever wants to meet for a cuppa, I have 7 year old son and 4 year old daughter

I've always been able to get on with men so much easier than women!

I am In Dorset if anyone is near , but I can travel a little (I usually take myself off places by myself when little ones at school)

I find small talk so boring and unnecessary

This
I'm always telling my boyfriend this when he texts me....... How was your day /how are you and he tells me I'm rude

I find it hard to keep friends I feel like I do the running around to keep them I.e go see them in their village, do things they want to do change my plans so in free when they are free. Sometimes they cancel or I wonder why I bother when I dont get a message back for weeks. I dont do facebook etc because I dont feel the need to see people's lives I rather be apart of it than see a photo. I am lonely most of time.

I don't do Facebook either for this reason. I feel like most people now live thier entire lives through Facebook or social media and it's replaced actually meeting up etc . We all have busy lives sometimes but it's a two way street isn't it , not nice when it's once sided I've been there and got that t-shirt

 

[Interestingbitsnbats]

I've always been able to get on with men so much easier than women!

I am In Dorset if anyone is near , but I can travel a little (I usually take myself off places by myself when little ones at school)



This
I'm always telling my boyfriend this when he texts me....... How was your day /how are you and he tells me I'm rude



I don't do Facebook either for this reason. I feel like most people now live thier entire lives through Facebook or social media and it's replaced actually meeting up etc . We all have busy lives sometimes but it's a two way street isn't it , not nice when it's once sided I've been there and got that t-shirt

I got abit depressed with Facebook when friends were always too busy to plan something with me but managed to met up with someone else and plaster it all over social media. I wasnt jealous but I was really low need friends not to get the on comment on a photo that we should met up..but never made real plans.

Plus I've learnt of a really good friend I've kept for 30years that people only post what they want you to see on social media not that it was a shit night that everyone spent it taking photos or messaging others

 

[lipsticktaser]

I was sat on NYE feeling like this. I have a few friends but I barely see them, and with some I’ve been feeling that there’s no future. We’re just friends because we’ve known each other so long.
I had my daughter when I was 19. She’s almost 12. My friends are all starting to just have kids
I decided to be proactive, I’m going to a bounce back to netball group on Monday and a run club on Wed.
I’m hoping I’ll make some new friends there.
I go for lunch now and again with a school mum.

I had a 30th and of it wasn’t for my large family, the room would be empty.
I’d love to have a big girly night out. Just doesn’t happen. I sit at home with my husband and kid.

 

[Followtheyellowbrickroad]

I have been told I am unapproachable too it's because I pretty much do everything alone and just wander around in my own bubble
I'm sorry your having such a bad time , at least you have your sister to share the new baby with though that will be a godsend ?

I said to my husband I wish I had a sister as well has my brother !!!! Sisters seem to do so much together.... I also live in my own bubble... I also suffer with anxiety and OCD... I see other woman on nights out with a group of friends... or going soft play or days out... I wish that was me ....

 

[Influenced]

Same boat here. Had lots of friends until early 30's but drifted with most and moved a bit away from home town. Been here 5 years and have a few people who I chat to if I see them. Have tried to arrange meet ups but never really works out. Have 2 young children and husband works away for weeks at a time so mostly alone. Often think if I dropped dead some day it would be a while before anyone noticed which is scary for my children. I'm ok with being alone most of the time but ya it does get me down. Often think there is something wrong with me that I can't make friends, must be a terrible person. It also makes me ashamed that at my age I have nobody besides my husband. I feel a burden on him and I often lie if people ask what I am doing on big occasions like birthdays or Christmas etc. I pretend I have plans. Birthday looming again and another reminder that I am friendless.

 

[JellyWobbles]

I could have wrote this myself. Even with family I am always the one making the effort. A few years ago I made the decision to stop bothering and literally heard from/saw no one except my husband and people at work.

I've often wondered if it's possible to fade away from loneliness? And would anyone even notice?

Don't get me wrong, I like my own company but sometimes I think I would be nice to have someone other than my husband to speak to.

I feel like I could’ve written this too.
I’m an introvert naturally. I’ve had friends in the past that have just disappeared on me, for no reason that I can fathom.
I think because of that my confidence in being social generally has just crashed, I love my own company but not all the time! I try not to dwell on it but it’s hard, I feel ‘faulty’, even my eldest is questioning why I have no friends - embarrassing!!

 

[HitchhikingGhost]

I can relate to lots of things on here. Had friends at school and in my early 20s but seem to drift apart and out of contact with people. I have a couple of close ish friends now and see each other every few months.
It does get to me, I have no plans to get married any time soon but even things like who would my bridesmaids be? I think about that sometimes.

I moved to a new town and used Bumble. It's a dating app but you can select a Friendship option to meet other people

 

[lipsticktaser]

I went to my first bounce back to netball group today and it was really fun.
bar the ball hitting my acrylics. They will be coming off before I go back. But there were loads of new girls and they seem nice.
I’ say it was a success.

 

[Jc456]

I spend most of my time on my own too say hello to mum's on the school run and at my girls dance class and that's the only adult interaction I have.

 

[Twinkle485]

I struggle to keep female friends. I moved over 600 miles from home and lost contact with everyone. I can’t seem to make new friends. I say really inappropriate things as well because I’m nervous or I just avoid them to be honest I don’t like new people at all really so I’m not exactly missing out I guess.

I joined a local club last year and I’ve found talking to other adults with the same interests is just as good so maybe try that?

 

[ComeonLen]

I don’t really have any friends and I don’t have social anxiety, I’m actually very friendly and chatty!

I struggled with it at first but as I’m getting older I actually enjoy my independence and that my time is my own. I used to get really down about it thinking that I must be some sort of horrible person & that’s why people don’t befriend me but the truth is everyone is majorly busy and has their own shit going on.

I find it helps to stop expecting people to invite you places, if you’re the brave one and take the first step & ask a mum friend or whatever for a coffee they will more than likely say yes! Also think about what level of friendship you have the energy for, do you message people back promptly? Do you flake on them? Are you available for regular chats/hangouts? If not that’s fine, you might not actually have space in your life for tons of friends (I know I don’t!)

 

[Tor88]

I have never felt as lonely as I do now and have been feeling the same for the last 9 months or so.

No one ever seems to want stay friends with me, never make the first contact with me, never invites me anywhere. It always has to be me who texts first or asks to meet up.

One friend totally cut me off a few years ago and to this day I can’t work out what happened as she literally disappeared over night.

I don’t do anything or go anywhere apart from work and my house.

I go to bed early most nights as even my husband doesn’t seem interested in being around me.

I’m a really friendly person and love a chat and a laugh so I can’t work out why no one seems to like me.

Pretty much a similar story to me, hard to make good friends that stick around

 

[BananaRama]

I have a natural resting bitch face, it has done me no favours over the years and I hate it, so much so I feel I have to force a smile. Having depression and anxiety is probably my biggest hang up when it comes to making friends. I want them, I’m just not good at going out there and meeting them, and then if I do step out of my comfort zone and make a friend, I fail to maintain the friendship because my mental health consumes me.

This describes me. People genuinely think I’m not happy to be around but I am. It’s just my face. I’ve been with my OH for years and we really want to get married but I don’t have anyone to come. It makes me cry sometimes when I realise I have no one to come pick a dress with me. I’ve never done the girl weekend away, the girly meet-up. Don’t get me wrong I love my own time, I can’t deal with needy people and always being on the phone. And it’s hard to make friends. For me anyways