Liz Jones #7 If she's got two faces, why does she wear that horrible one?

[Blurp]

But remember, she drives very slowly due to being terrified.

Isn't it without glasses as well?

First thought through my head was when I read that crap was:
I'm a single woman with no children, vegetarian, rarely wear an apron and I've lived back in the country for twenty years. I've had absolutely no problems with being hated or mistrusted. The only problems I've had were with neighbours who were generally described by everyone else as 'pricks'. I used to edit the community magazine until it all went online. Everyone is generally and genuinely friendly but then I don't think of myself above them. During COVID everyone pulled together, and during my chemo my neighbours couldn't have been more helpful. My dogs eat proper food and the pet store in the next village is happy to deliver. I will agree with her about the subtitles though I think that my problem is more due to auditory processing glitches in my brain rather than my fancy Bluetooth hearing aids from the NHS.

I think her problem is that she is an unlikeable witch who thinks the sun shines out of her scrawny a and that she is far above all these mere yokels.

 

[TheMiceInTheShed]

Isn't it without glasses as well?

First thought through my head was when I read that crap was:
I'm a single woman with no children, vegetarian, rarely wear an apron and I've lived back in the country for twenty years. I've had absolutely no problems with being hated or mistrusted. The only problems I've had were with neighbours who were generally described by everyone else as 'pricks'. I used to edit the community magazine until it all went online. Everyone is generally and genuinely friendly but then I don't think of myself above them. During COVID everyone pulled together, and during my chemo my neighbours couldn't have been more helpful. My dogs eat proper food and the pet store in the next village is happy to deliver. I will agree with her about the subtitles though I think that my problem is more due to auditory processing glitches in my brain rather than my fancy Bluetooth hearing aids from the NHS.

I think her problem is that she is an unlikeable witch who thinks the sun shines out of her scrawny a and that she is far above all these mere yokels.

I think her problem is that she is an unlikeable witch who thinks the sun shines out of her scrawny a and that she is far above all these mere yokels.

This.

I think she sees herself as bringing sophistication and civilised behaviour to this last remaining Brigantian outpost still remaining undefeated even by the Roman Empire, continuing to worship the three-fold goddess and using rough tools of primitive iron.

Meanwhile we Northerners are of the opinion that she can take her "fancy Lunnon ways" and shove them up her leaky, scrawny backside. Or at least stop trying to impose her heavily-botoxed will upon their local social groups.

 

[Blurp]

I think she sees herself as bringing sophistication and civilised behaviour to this last remaining Brigantian outpost still remaining undefeated even by the Roman Empire, continuing to worship the three-fold goddess and using rough tools of primitive iron.

Nothing wrong with worshipping the Threefold Goddess!

 

[sunshine13]

Am I in a post New Year fog, or is the Mail online version a different article - some drivel about her New Year's resolutions ? Apparently she's going to write a novel!!

 

[One eyebrow raised]

”vow I'll never have sex with a man just two hours after meeting him...”

tbh I find it hard to believe there’s a man who’d want to have sex with you within 10 minutes of meeting you

 

[Mediastar]

Am I in a post New Year fog, or is the Mail online version a different article - some drivel about her New Year's resolutions ? Apparently she's going to write a novel!!

Mail Online seems to be all over the place.

 

[TheMiceInTheShed]

Nothing wrong with worshipping the Threefold Goddess!

Oh - I agree, but it isn't as mainstream up here as Juggo seems to think.

Now - you'll have to excuse me, I'm off to sharpen the swords for my chariot wheels.

 

[TheOneWhoSnarks]

The one on Mail Online reads like a drunken ramble she wrote and sent by mistake.

 

[Blurp]

”vow I'll never have sex with a man just two hours after meeting him...”

tbh I find it hard to believe there’s a man who’d want to have sex with you within 10 minutes of meeting you

Some men will have have sex with anyone and anything - see Giles Coren and Shady Vance with sofas. I wonder if Hermann 'the German' was thinking of one of his other women whenever he got near the primped and disinfected auld fan?

 

[Mediastar]

The one on Mail Online reads like a drunken ramble she wrote and sent by mistake.

Again.

 

[TheMiceInTheShed]

Some men will have have sex with anyone and anything - see Giles Coren and Shady Vance with sofas. I wonder if Hermann 'the German' was thinking of one of his other women whenever he got near the primped and disinfected auld fan?

Probably sh*gged her just to get the evening over with and get off home for a bath in Dettol followed by a nice cup of cocoa and repeats of "Are You Being Served?' to take his mind off th horror.

 

[Winepig]

Probably sh*gged her just to get the evening over with and get off home for a bath in Dettol followed by a nice cup of cocoa and repeats of "Are You Being Served?' to take his mind off th horror.

But was re traumatised when Mrs Slocombe mentioned her bald cat

 

[Mediastar]

Hold the front page!
With an audible creak, as from the forgotten vaults of a Victorian necropolis, the Shitstack has been bullied back into life.
Hilariously, the title is "How to look less tired", paired with a photo of the Jugster that is easily a decade and a half old (that'll do it!). We start with a "I'm back from my little break"! (It's been seven weeks, love!). There's the usual tin rattle for freebies from H&M (so Nic can put them on Ebay), a link to a pay-to-read farticle about VB, an ancient pic of Brooke Shields (who has eyebrows, apparently... who knew?) And something about an eye pencil, but I had nodded off by then.
What the actual?

 

[Mediastar]

Dreary. Haven't we already seen this? Nice to see her *cough* work being so competently handled by Mail drones...

 

[redchicken]

Who else could write a compulsive column for a leading national newspaper for 25 years?

 

[Miss creant]

All I’m going to do for me this year AGAIN. She’s off to see “the friend“ but what about animals she professes to love, no wonder her animals have behavioural problems there is no consistency. Plus inconsistency in their diet, my doggies must only eat human food, never anything this “award winning writer“ does is researched carefully nor consistent. Ooooh there’s another FAD I’ll prove I’m still current by adopting it without thinking. Weird way for a pensioner to behave, be careful Liz you’ll get dismissed as being demente.

 

[sunshine13]

All I’m going to do for me this year AGAIN. She’s off to see “the friend“ but what about animals she professes to love, no wonder her animals have behavioural problems there is no consistency. Plus inconsistency in their diet, my doggies must only eat human food, never anything this “award winning writer“ does is researched carefully nor consistent. Ooooh there’s another FAD I’ll prove I’m still current by adopting it without thinking. Weird way for a pensioner to behave, be careful Liz you’ll get dismissed as being demente.

As someone said earlier, "Oh, is she actually real? I thought she was a spoof "

 

[sunshine13]

The Mail online excretion from Lizzy is the one which was Tattle Lifers saw last week. Right hand not knowing what the left hand is doing or is she on the cremant again?

 

[The Devils Arse]

The Mail online excretion from Lizzy is the one which was Tattle Lifers saw last week. Right hand not knowing what the left hand is doing or is she on the cremant again?

I saw a different article last week!

 

[Brightlycolouredbowels]

Happy New Year Tattlers! Who had any of this rit on their bingo card?

Now here’s something interesting. The New Year’s Resolutions were in the You Magazine last Sunday and today it’s the one that Medistar posted in the quote above HOWEVER there is quite a large difference between the two. In Medistar’s one she ‘stands up for herself’ by having a go at a bloke whose spaniel she took in because she paid him £300 to remove acorns from her horse’s field and they weren’t done properly. The story published today mentions the acorns but no mention of paying someone £300 for a shoddy job, Instead she suggests a migrant or unemployed school leaver should do it!
She also has a go in her ‘moans’ about January birthdays - as if people with birthdays in January have chosen to have them in one of the shittest months of the year. She‘s at peak shopping! How dare those people be born then!

I wonder if the mail lawyers said she couldn’t write the acorn business because it clearly identifies the person who supposedly did a shoddy job and she can’t prove it happened (probably didn’t) so it’s libel.