Lauren Goodger #39 Bewful reveal didn’t go to plan. Easiest option, back to Only Fans

[Pom Bear]

Watch out Chaz..looks like the real father has his eye on you ...

 

[So so able]

So, I've just put my big girl brave pants on and watched the birf story on OK. Some observations:

She was four days early, born three days early . . . what the fuck does that mean Lauren? She was either three or four days early, unless you were in some kind of time warp?

And yeah, I didn’t have a blow dry, I didn’t have my nails done, I still haven’t had lashes nothing, so yeah it was literally completely natural . . . dearie, dearie me Lauren. Natural childbirth, unless it's changed since I birthed my one and only, is childbirth without drugs - that includes gas and air. It's got cock all to do with your hair and nails

I had a home birth at home . . . well thank fuck for that, because if you'd had a home birth at the checkouts at Tesco that would have been a disaster.

My favourite bit though, is the surprise labour. Lauren you were up the duff for about eleventy thousand months so how the fuckity fuck was your labour a surprise? Seriously, how? What did you expect?

It baffles me that an adult behaves in such a weird way, she's off her fucking rocker, and as for him . . .

 

[Pom Bear]

So Chaz mentioned in the OK article that he wouldn't have noticed world war 3 happening

I'm not surprised ...

 

[Notredamn]

but don't forget, his family were really happy that he got her the amazing fucking prize (twat) that she is.....

Yeah until he summoned his braincells together in order to tell his mum, 'I have secret. Lauren is work wife. Found in twitter. Alex Reid not available no more, he found real wife. I texted Moleman to meet her. He looked happy, he ran away laughing..somefink about dastardly plan. Lauren was big girl and bloated but everybody said she look like that in real life so I dint fink anyfink bout it. After few momfs I nearly had a thought, it gave me bad headache. Lauren was bigger and round on the front. She kept sicking. I turned off the Hoover and shouted 'why Lauren, why!?' and pointed at her. She put down her Turkish delight and said she knocked up. Ahmet did it. He her only fan. I said ok. I like free kebabs and mirrored surfaces. I agree keep pretending for happy life. When baby is big Lauren will tag halfords on soshul meedya and get me and baby bike and we be best friends playing in carpark. She will have name like takeaway joint but not my fault. Don't tell grandma big secret please '

 

[Pom Bear]

As Rita suggested earlier..some turkey teef for Chaz.
I've used the teef I've kept in my photos that I used alot when I was on the Katie Price thread so they are actually Carl Woods teef lol x.

He don't look very happy with them ..like a snarling dog

 

[HeCannitSeeMan]

no words are needed

 

[fluffyglitterbug]

New thread!

Congratulations to @annabelle_bronstein for the winning title with 30 votes

After eleventy seven months of waiting, we were finally graced with the arrival of our bewful yung gel's offspring. Lozza and Ch'Arg created a stunningly bewful and original moniker for sproglet - welcome to the world LaRose (not the Nanny Paté we were hoping for).

Lozza's labour was textbook, amazing, natural, perfect.

 

[mchops]

I'm a bloke in his late 40s. 2 kids. Family.
But educated ...so

None of this f7cking pregnancy adds up.

Nearly every mother to be I've known has
Tried to eat well for the baby.
Kept active for the baby.
Gone to more appointments for themselves and the baby.
Enjoyed growing with the baby
Taken folic acid for the baby

She did fuck all except eat, play mini golf and be a buggy cunt.

Now the baby is already palmed off.

I'm not buying whatever the fuck this fat fycking fraud is selling

Rant over

 

[ELFILY]

I don’t know about you guys but I didn’t leave my newborns side for months before I went out without them. Is this normal or just me?

 

[Pom Bear]

I think Pom Bear needs to get on that one

Just made xx.

"The dick bashing gold medal goes to He a Bike! ....ahem you can stop bashing now He a Bike..you got your medal...

....will someone make him stop..yes I know it stays flaccid..you've done your bashing...off you go"

Lol ..

 

[Pom Bear]

Ohh another question and answer pic x.

 

[MrAllSeeingEye]

She didn't even mention leaving Lawowzz in the story, just that it was "mummy and daddy's first break". You'd think she'd say something about how much she missed her bewful babeh gel, no? Or that she was nervous leaving her with the grandparents? Or that she was excited to be back home after being out during the day? Nah but she managed to post yet another Faceapp creation of herself though

It's always about HER. It just doesn't add up.

This is what bugs me most about the selfish knob. It’s always about HER. Zero self awareness. “Mummy and Daddy’s first break”. What, from 9 days of looking after your much longed for baby? Good luck with the next 18 years, love.

It’s always “poor me”, “well deserved break”, “pamper time” etc etc. Drives me fucking insane. I understand it’s hard work looking after a new born and big respect to any new mother, but this twat makes it sound like she’s been down the coal pit for six months without coming up for air. Woe is me. Get a grip you child and just get on with it, like many mothers before you have done without posting filtered, alien like selfies on Insta.

 

[Pom Bear]

(I've made this pic bigger than usual as writing came out abit blurry).

Loooool x.

 

[Pom Bear]

This is just perfect.
Beyond perfect.
And far too kool for skool.

Thank you xx
It's a good job she didn't want to be a midwife ...she never find the right job looking for midiwfe instead lol x.

Back later x

 

[Norfolking Good]

So she is 10+ days post partum and she has new content…
She is so gross it’s unreal. She should be in a baby cloud not getting her smashed lasagna fanny out or her veiny boobs for a bunch of sad men who still live with their mums!

 

[Sunnydaze101]

I can’t unsee this now. Hilarious

 

[Pom Bear]

Each of them have put ‘mummy to Larose’ and ‘daddy to Larose’ on their IG bio @Pom Bear can you pop Turkish man onto Chazs profile pic?

Great idea! Here you are xx.

 

[Pom Bear]

Kebab man is going to work with a kebab in a pram to swap it over with Larose when Chaz isn't looking ...

Which won't be hard to do ....

 

[Mollichop]

Accurate

 

[Sjr2607]

didnt taje them long to dump Larose, most first time mums cannot bear to be away from baby but not big Lozza, food is more important to her. and wtf is this face???