I feel this. A few weeks into my job one of the girls, who I barely knew obviously, asked me when my husband and I are were thinking of having kids? I got confused and just responded "When?" and in fairness she did seem a little embarrassed. It's so strange how its the default and how acceptable it is just to ask strangers about such a personal topic!For me, it’s just something I know and have known since before I hit puberty. No children ever. I’m 30 now and still feel this deep within myself.
Also, lol, from the moment I got my first period I was having nightmares about getting pregnantI still have them occasionally now!
Someone at work a few months ago asked me “when was I going to get pregnant?” And I was so stunned all I could say was “why would I want to get pregnant?” It felt like a trick question to me. It should be covered under some kind of legislation not to ask women about the situation with their uterus.
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This is definitely a universal experience and wrong on so many levels! I’m lucky that I choose not to have children, but for anyone that *can’t*, being quizzed like this must cause unimaginable pain.
I was 29. My others were 4 and 2. The biggest hurdle was the car seats. It was never the plan to have 3 but I just couldn’t shake the feeling of wanting another. I’d cry at the thought of never getting to experience any of it again. My partner worried I’d always feel that way but no, I’m so done now
Yeah I literally didn’t want anymore so I don’t know why I’m feeling like this now! Don’t know whether the feeling will go or not, who knows! So you didn’t find it that hard?!
I mean I won’t say it’s been a walk in the park. I’m so tired and that’s hard when you’re getting very little sleep but the other two still need you the same. But in terms of everyday life you’re already juggling multiple children so it doesn’t feel much different to add another.
I’m 29 and got married last year. Been with my husband 8 years. I’m currently 9 weeks pregnant it wasn’t planned but we did want to have kids at some point just didn’t expect it to happen this early but I’m honestly so grateful that I was able to conceive naturally and easily as i know for some women it’s very difficult. Yes my life will change but that would happen whether I was to get pregnant now or 5/6 years from now. Neither of us are overly social or big party animals or drinkers so that doesn’t bother us. I have a girls night out with friends once every couple of months and so does he with his boys aside from that we would have a date night once a month cinema and dinner or something along those lines but we are both home birds tbh. I did have moments of doubt at the start when I found out about if I was ready to be a mum and ready for this next chapter but i honestly feel in my heart this is going to be the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I just have this feeling of contentment and that everything is going to be fine. I know it’s not going to be easy but I know it’s going to be 100% worth it
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I've said this before on this thread but as someone who spent most of of their childhood having a parent tell me every single day how I ruined their life, how I was a mistake, that I should never have been born, how they wanted to kill themselves simply just to get away from me etc etc I do disagree with your statement which is wrong and possibly triggering for a lot of people.
Yep, I think it’s true that probably the majority of people don’t live to regret their unplanned child which is wonderful. But I’m also one who was told how I’d ruined my mums life, her looks, her body, she was so resentful of me and to this day I still feel like I’m not meant to be here and my very existence is a bad thing. I also know someone who has 3 kids and she told one of them she wished she’d aborted him. It’s so sad when it turns out that way 
That is honestly horrendous I’m so sorry. Some people honestly don’t deserve to have children or deserve to be a mother. I’m sorry but there are so many women that would do anything to be in their position and have their own child and be able to conceive naturally. It honestly sickens me to think that a mother has spoke to her child that wayYep, I think it’s true that probably the majority of people don’t live to regret their unplanned child which is wonderful. But I’m also one who was told how I’d ruined my mums life, her looks, her body, she was so resentful of me and to this day I still feel like I’m not meant to be here and my very existence is a bad thing. I also know someone who has 3 kids and she told one of them she wished she’d aborted him. It’s so sad when it turns out that way
For a long time, I was staunchly in the childfree by choice category. But in the past few months, I've opened up more to the idea of having a child, although still not 100% sure... I don't know why my mind has changed. I don't really like other people's children...i think I would be one of those people that only likes their own . I am not saying I will definitely have a kid now but I am not as closed off to it as I was before. I do like my own space and having peace and quiet, love going on vacation when we want, sleeping in etc. We will see. I am still totally opposed to people asking others if they are having kids. It is no one's business apart from those in the relationship. I just had surgery for endometriosis so even if I did want children before, it is an extremely sensitive topic. You never know what someone could be going through fertility wise and anyone that is bold enough to question a woman about wanting children or mentions the biological clock needs to be given a shake. I don't hesitate to let someone know that I don't like that question and neither does my husband. In fact, his mother brought it up last yr and he said we don't know and it is no one else's business. I was proud of him for shutting down that conversation. Lol.
. I am not saying I will definitely have a kid now but I am not as closed off to it as I was before. I do like my own space and having peace and quiet, love going on vacation when we want, sleeping in etc. We will see. I am still totally opposed to people asking others if they are having kids. It is no one's business apart from those in the relationship. I just had surgery for endometriosis so even if I did want children before, it is an extremely sensitive topic. You never know what someone could be going through fertility wise and anyone that is bold enough to question a woman about wanting children or mentions the biological clock needs to be given a shake. I don't hesitate to let someone know that I don't like that question and neither does my husband. In fact, his mother brought it up last yr and he said we don't know and it is no one else's business. I was proud of him for shutting down that conversation. Lol.
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What's very personal to one person is small talk to another though. Lots of people ask are you married? do you have kids? or have you a partner? etc as just everyday conversation. Everyone's boundaries and what they are prepared to discuss are different.
I think it is the wording... The word "when" is inappropriate in my opinion because you are assuming they want or can even have kids. It is one thing, if someone doesn't know you and they ask if you have kids.
Asking when are you having children is presumptous, in addition to being personal. I do not currently want children, but imagine asking that if I had been struggling to conceive for years, how that would make me feel.
I would never ask someone who was single "when do you think you'll find a partner" or someone who isn't engaged "when do you think you'll get married/engaged" if I dont know them well at all or if theyve never mentioned those things before.
I’m really conflicted about whether I want children at the moment. I’m 28 and have been with my boyfriend for 8 years and have always wanted kids and to be a mum, but recently concerns have come up for me in regards to what sort of life I could give a child.
I think a lot of what I’m feeling is probably quite normal - “what if I’m a terrible parent” type doubts but the major thing for me is a concern in passing mental health issues on. I suffer from depression and have done for some time, generally under control with treatment and my other half gets chronic anxiety to the point that he can’t do anything. One of our conditions would be bad enough, but the risk that we could pass both on breaks my heart.
Does anyone else have worries like this?
I think a lot of what I’m feeling is probably quite normal - “what if I’m a terrible parent” type doubts but the major thing for me is a concern in passing mental health issues on. I suffer from depression and have done for some time, generally under control with treatment and my other half gets chronic anxiety to the point that he can’t do anything. One of our conditions would be bad enough, but the risk that we could pass both on breaks my heart.
Does anyone else have worries like this?