Katie Hayes #99 I got 99 (thread) problems but my laundry aint 1
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Kate Hayes-Makeup is a (parody of a) Famous Scouse Make up Artist, CEO of her own weeerrrrld and Boss Momma Influenza, or so she thinks. She’s just a wool and a dirty, smelly beggar who lives her life for trolls. Pull up a permanent chair here queen and get the tena and the tissues at the ready for the constant hysterics her antics produce 
I’ve chosen live. Always good for a laugh. Sadly, too many FLIM FANS have outnumbered me.I’ll just leave this here:
FLIM
I heard her say ‘fox fur’ and just assumed it was fake. Never realised she was reading FAUX as FOX. What an idiot.Fox fur she said on the glamify stories
And it’s says faux fur on the label the bleeping idiot
trying to get olive in the stories but she starts kicking off and then she has to cut it off
And why does she think it looks good when she squashes her snoz down with glasses, make
The most surprising thing from yesterday is that she got gilet right and didn’t say gillette, with a hard g.
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Aw this made me laugh out loud. I simply wait for these and leave, don’t need to read anything else.Well Done to @Foodaholic for the highly amusing title. It should say ‘my laundry ain’t one..’ at the end but I think it might have cut off. If anyone can fix it then please do??? @Yel Can you help?
Nearly at 100!!!
Four bleeping weeks lads!!
Bit of a quiet beginning to the weekend with another unsuspecting bride being given the complexion of Marge Simpson with jaundice and the eyelashes of the inside of a broken umbrella. Thankfully, even though she doesn’t read here, Kate managed to see the comments on here about how out of order it was that she was showing the bride to thousands of people hours before the groom was actually getting a look and she at least held back until the day after the wedding this time.
We had yet another engagement-begging thumb and playdoh-belly post in front of the mirror that included, without a hint of irony, a comment about how Instagram shouldn’t make you feel bad because anyone can make themselves into something they’re not. We know, Kate, you’re one of them. You somehow manage to make yourself look like a petite and tiny size 6 delicate little flower fairy, when in actual fact you’d be hard pressed to choose between you and a narwhal in a shadow guessing competition, and you look like you smell like a magnet. When, and only when you stop editing your pictures will I accept having to see you doing the truffle shuffle at half 9 on a Sunday morning.
Mensa’s youngest bilingual member was pictured propped up at her desk again reading a copy of ‘Surrounded by Idiots’ before being dragged around a farm in a pair of what must have been her Grandad’s boots - there is simply no other explanation for their size. And when I say dragged, I literally mean dragged - an adult on each arm pulling her across the grass so her giant sized boots were circling in the air like Road Runner luring Wile.E.Coyote into a fake tunnel. It’s all fine though, Olive is an outdoor, animal child, probably because she prefers the smell of squirrel tit and mouldy leaves to that of her mother who smells like she’s sat in cottage cheese.
We were treated to yet another well put together reel during which Kate (made up to look like a Poundland skeleton mask) bizarrely seemed to be miming the lyrics to ‘My Old Man’s a Dustman’ over the track, ‘Girl’ by Destiny’s Child. Four point three billion years of universal development and human evolution, and this weapon still can’t figure out that you should learn the words to the song you’re mouthing along to before filming it and releasing it for several thousand people to see.
It’s Monday and it’s time for Dictionary Corner. This week we’re going to be looking at the word ‘forward’ and hopefully also learning how to spell it properly along with other words such as ‘film’, ‘weaning’, ‘bowl’, and ‘tired’. Despite declaring to the world that she would be using the word forward ‘all week’, it was mentioned once more and then hasn’t been heard again, we can only presume that it’s gone to the same place as the giant bottle of water she was going to use every day, any value her house once held, and her stake in Oh Darlin’.
Apparently the renovation work they’ve been doing over the last few weeks isn’t a playroom for their cherished rainbow baby, or the realisation that the corridor masquerading as a living room is just plainly ridiculous, or just a shed of panelled walls and pampas grass as we all suspected, it is in fact a new utility room - yes, the woman whose idea of Feng Shui is to empty a cat litter tray is to decorate yet another completely pointless room in her Wacky Warehouse of a home. Incoming shots of her beaming like Stevie Wonder at a Feed the World Benefit Concert in front of some Farrow and Ball paint in 3, 2, 1…
The utility room news did however lead to her admitting that because she hasn’t got a washing machine, she has gone 4 bleeping WEEKS without washing anything. Yes, you read that correctly - 4 weeks/28 days/672 hours/almost a month/2 fortnights without washing a single item of fabric. One can only imagine the stench of the odiferous fumes being emitted from the depths of her wash basket, probably sufficient enough to act as pesticide for the entire northern hemisphere during the rainy season. Never fear though, Kate knows where the laundry shop is, and in her role as the Wirral’s self-appointed baby activity seeker, has discovered that the laundry shop is more fun that the soft play. Looking for something to stop your kids screeching and shouting and eating the whole food-shop in one day? Just find your local laundrette, take over all of the machines and the dryer, make sure there’s a pensioner in there to keep an eye on your spawn while you edit pictures of yourself on social media, and Bam! Free day out for you and all the family.
Olive proved once more that she is so incredible and special and is truly the most clever baby that ever did exist in this and all the known universes by taking her first steps AGAIN! Even though there is absolutely no documentary footage of it at all, we all know that Olive took her first steps on her first birthday in front of her whole family. However, Olive is no ordinary baby and has become the first baby to walk for the first time twice. Join us next month when she will speak for the first time for the third time and eat her first lot of food for the seventeenth time.
With all the common sense of a dog smitten with an electric fence, she decided to attend a business meeting about her makeup brand wearing no makeup, a hair mask on top of sweat drenched hair and dressed as Marjorie Dawes. The new range is coming out on 4th September, no sorry, it’s being announced on the 4th September and released for Christmas in October. Fingers crossed they’ve got the same packaging proofreaders as last time. I myself can’t wait to see her earshadow plates, fak tane gluvs, and foundaton broom.
Concert going is her hobby because she’s been to some. I am now including breaking my fingers and stepping in dog tit as hobbies because I too have done them more than once.
She spent most of Thursday doing a ‘collab’ with Glamify, a clothes company who seem to have 17 different prices for each item of clothing depending on the alignment of the planets, and a range that all looks the same but comes in all the sizes and colours. This ‘collab’ pretty much consisted of her showing us a cake and then standing in front of a mirror wearing a variety of ill-fitting coats that are perfect for the summer and made her look like the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man’s Aunty Paula. See, Kate, this is what happens when you say you can fit into Zara size medium clothes when you’d actually struggle to get your hand into a Zara size medium purse - they give you clothes of the size you claim to be instead of the size you actually are.
Finally, FOUR bleeping WEEKS!!!!!
As always, Read the Wiki…
Why’s she trying to show off her shoe collection when 90% of them are #gifted shite and the rest are blag that she tries to pass off as real asif she could afford it 
Even if they were free #AD GIFTED I wouldn’t wear them.Those boots look like some form of PPE and she’s 100% got pinkeye from the tit under her nails.
Well girls I’m in isolation and I live alone as I’ve got corona. Thank you all for getting me through my days 
This has bleeping killed meWell Done to @Foodaholic for the highly amusing title. It should say ‘my laundry ain’t one..’ at the end but I think it might have cut off. If anyone can fix it then please do??? @Yel Can you help?
Nearly at 100!!!
Four bleeping weeks lads!!
Bit of a quiet beginning to the weekend with another unsuspecting bride being given the complexion of Marge Simpson with jaundice and the eyelashes of the inside of a broken umbrella. Thankfully, even though she doesn’t read here, Kate managed to see the comments on here about how out of order it was that she was showing the bride to thousands of people hours before the groom was actually getting a look and she at least held back until the day after the wedding this time.
We had yet another engagement-begging thumb and playdoh-belly post in front of the mirror that included, without a hint of irony, a comment about how Instagram shouldn’t make you feel bad because anyone can make themselves into something they’re not. We know, Kate, you’re one of them. You somehow manage to make yourself look like a petite and tiny size 6 delicate little flower fairy, when in actual fact you’d be hard pressed to choose between you and a narwhal in a shadow guessing competition, and you look like you smell like a magnet. When, and only when you stop editing your pictures will I accept having to see you doing the truffle shuffle at half 9 on a Sunday morning.
Mensa’s youngest bilingual member was pictured propped up at her desk again reading a copy of ‘Surrounded by Idiots’ before being dragged around a farm in a pair of what must have been her Grandad’s boots - there is simply no other explanation for their size. And when I say dragged, I literally mean dragged - an adult on each arm pulling her across the grass so her giant sized boots were circling in the air like Road Runner luring Wile.E.Coyote into a fake tunnel. It’s all fine though, Olive is an outdoor, animal child, probably because she prefers the smell of squirrel tit and mouldy leaves to that of her mother who smells like she’s sat in cottage cheese.
We were treated to yet another well put together reel during which Kate (made up to look like a Poundland skeleton mask) bizarrely seemed to be miming the lyrics to ‘My Old Man’s a Dustman’ over the track, ‘Girl’ by Destiny’s Child. Four point three billion years of universal development and human evolution, and this weapon still can’t figure out that you should learn the words to the song you’re mouthing along to before filming it and releasing it for several thousand people to see.
It’s Monday and it’s time for Dictionary Corner. This week we’re going to be looking at the word ‘forward’ and hopefully also learning how to spell it properly along with other words such as ‘film’, ‘weaning’, ‘bowl’, and ‘tired’. Despite declaring to the world that she would be using the word forward ‘all week’, it was mentioned once more and then hasn’t been heard again, we can only presume that it’s gone to the same place as the giant bottle of water she was going to use every day, any value her house once held, and her stake in Oh Darlin’.
Apparently the renovation work they’ve been doing over the last few weeks isn’t a playroom for their cherished rainbow baby, or the realisation that the corridor masquerading as a living room is just plainly ridiculous, or just a shed of panelled walls and pampas grass as we all suspected, it is in fact a new utility room - yes, the woman whose idea of Feng Shui is to empty a cat litter tray is to decorate yet another completely pointless room in her Wacky Warehouse of a home. Incoming shots of her beaming like Stevie Wonder at a Feed the World Benefit Concert in front of some Farrow and Ball paint in 3, 2, 1…
The utility room news did however lead to her admitting that because she hasn’t got a washing machine, she has gone 4 bleeping WEEKS without washing anything. Yes, you read that correctly - 4 weeks/28 days/672 hours/almost a month/2 fortnights without washing a single item of fabric. One can only imagine the stench of the odiferous fumes being emitted from the depths of her wash basket, probably sufficient enough to act as pesticide for the entire northern hemisphere during the rainy season. Never fear though, Kate knows where the laundry shop is, and in her role as the Wirral’s self-appointed baby activity seeker, has discovered that the laundry shop is more fun that the soft play. Looking for something to stop your kids screeching and shouting and eating the whole food-shop in one day? Just find your local laundrette, take over all of the machines and the dryer, make sure there’s a pensioner in there to keep an eye on your spawn while you edit pictures of yourself on social media, and Bam! Free day out for you and all the family.
Olive proved once more that she is so incredible and special and is truly the most clever baby that ever did exist in this and all the known universes by taking her first steps AGAIN! Even though there is absolutely no documentary footage of it at all, we all know that Olive took her first steps on her first birthday in front of her whole family. However, Olive is no ordinary baby and has become the first baby to walk for the first time twice. Join us next month when she will speak for the first time for the third time and eat her first lot of food for the seventeenth time.
With all the common sense of a dog smitten with an electric fence, she decided to attend a business meeting about her makeup brand wearing no makeup, a hair mask on top of sweat drenched hair and dressed as Marjorie Dawes. The new range is coming out on 4th September, no sorry, it’s being announced on the 4th September and released for Christmas in October. Fingers crossed they’ve got the same packaging proofreaders as last time. I myself can’t wait to see her earshadow plates, fak tane gluvs, and foundaton broom.
Concert going is her hobby because she’s been to some. I am now including breaking my fingers and stepping in dog tit as hobbies because I too have done them more than once.
She spent most of Thursday doing a ‘collab’ with Glamify, a clothes company who seem to have 17 different prices for each item of clothing depending on the alignment of the planets, and a range that all looks the same but comes in all the sizes and colours. This ‘collab’ pretty much consisted of her showing us a cake and then standing in front of a mirror wearing a variety of ill-fitting coats that are perfect for the summer and made her look like the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man’s Aunty Paula. See, Kate, this is what happens when you say you can fit into Zara size medium clothes when you’d actually struggle to get your hand into a Zara size medium purse - they give you clothes of the size you claim to be instead of the size you actually are.
Finally, FOUR bleeping WEEKS!!!!!
As always, Read the Wiki…
Jesus the filter on that poor baby
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bleeping hell. She’s made her look like Maggie Simpson.
Using Oliver Shakespeare of the car seat for likes ay fat tits
Can a MUA confirm, should she be using tinted moisturiser which contains SPF 30 for bridal makeup? Surely would cause flashback/ghost face in photography? Or doesn’t she care cos it was AD GIFTED
@Eleanor Abernathy Bravo! Quality literature there.
Her feet probably only take up about at third of the foot space in them! She really is just a prop, poor
Ridiculous isn’t it? All for the gram as per. I needed some wellies for my little un and looked at Hunters but the fella in the shop said there’s no way they’re suitable for a baby not long walking, so I ended up with some tractor print cheapies instead that actually fitted his little feet. Poor Olive is nothing but a prop.
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Thank duck this ain’t smell-o-vision.
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She’s a bleeping idiot. Put the puddlesuit over the wellies you thick duck. Otherwise if she was jumping in puddles like you say (which is a lie) then the water will go over the top and into her socks giving her cold wet feet. Which means she may as well not bother wearing the hunter wellies that don’t fit. She won’t put them on properly though because how will everyone know her child is in hunters that don’t fit if they can’t see the top?
What is she wearing
seen how battered the infamous cowboy boots are compared to the rest of the shoes?Why’s she trying to show off her shoe collection when 90% of them are #gifted shite and the rest are blag that she tries to pass off as real asif she could afford it
They deffo bleeping stink to high heaven
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