Thank you for sharing, I found that so interesting to read, and I really hope that when Messiika is on here next, it resonates with her enough for her to seek help. If not for herself, for her kids.
Thank you for sharing, I found that so interesting to read, and I really hope that when Messiika is on here next, it resonates with her enough for her to seek help. If not for herself, for her kids.Sorry just need to add - the way she sits on her arse all day - it’s call adhd paralysis.
I just read back and can see a couple of people are over the speculative diagnosis. I acknowledge that. I’m going to leave my post up though as I feel the speculation is valid. Adhd in women presents differently than the stereotype we thought it was 10-20 years ago. Even hyperactivity doesn’t need to be external, it can be internal hyperactivity, feeling like you have 20 tabs open in your mind at once.
I fully agree, she clearly favours Goldie first and Bowie last. She skirted around bowies surprise pregnancy enough to strongly indicate she had gender disappointment with him. She feeds into gender stereotypes, doesn’t follow up on the health or safety needs, and I doubt owns a stain remover. I feel strongly though this indicates the issues with her executive functioning and ability to complete basic tasks. Especially tasks like housework which give little to no dopamine hits.
I speculate she has ADHD though because I really hope she explores it. A diagnosis would change her children's lives for the better.
None of her albums are necessary lol!Our class photos come in a printed book these days, so your albums aren’t necessary.
Thank you for such thoughtful comments. You’ve really nailed it. I know people are over the speculative diagnosis, but I just feel it so much with Jess. I really relate and genuinely want her to get some help because I know how much it would improve their lives. I can feel her overwhelm and paralysis through the screenI speculate she has ADHD though because I really hope she explores it. A diagnosis would change her children's lives for the better.
Thank you so much for this extremely thoughtful response, my best friends daughter has just been diagnosed and this gives me a much better understanding to enable me to be more supportive and empathetic to them bothAnother classic example of adhd. This used to be me. Jessi please, babes, get assessed
Completely agree that disorganisation and messy home are typical for adhd, which is ironic because we work best, and prefer to be in, clean environments. But with the all or nothing mentality that comes with adhd, it can be really overwhelming to start cleaning a messy house as we see it as one big task to complete, whereas a neurotyoical person will just clean a room or two at a time. A classic example for Jessi is the 3 hour deep clean the other day, I can only assume she hyper focused. I will say though that some people, particularly women, appear very organised and have super tidy homes. That’s a learnt masking behaviour, I do that a lot. I’m super early to things, and prepare wah in advance, because I’ve learnt I need to otherwise I’m late and unorganised and let loved ones down. I also decluttered a lot and try to live minimally (as much as a young family can) so I have a better chance of staying on top of the housework and mess.
Also the motivating factors for people with adhd are external, which is why we do things at last minute, or might race around and clean up right before we are due to have guests over or our partner comes home from work. Jessi used to clean right before her cleaner came at the old house, or she packs bloom orders at the very end of an acceptable time frame to be dispatching them. She waits until the packaging for her Christmas albums run out, even if she did realise the Christmas party orders will make her run short, because she left it to the very last minute to complete that task of ordering more. She doesn’t have that internal motivation that neurotypical people have.
On her stories tonight before they leave for Bowies dinner, where she comments on Phil’s safari outfit, you can see piles of stuff everywhere. Again super typical for adhd to go to the effort of piling things up, put clutter in a drawer or bag, and then never completely follow through by then taking the next step of putting the things in the pile (or bag or drawer) away.
Binge eating is also typical, I feel like we see that in her constant intake of Coca Cola, maccas, takeaway. People with adhd with a lower baseline of dopamine so they are constantly seeking dopamine hits, one way to get a dopamine hit is through junk food / binge eating. On the topic of how much coke she drinks, undiagnosed adhd people usually unwittingly medicate themselves with caffeine - coke or coffee. It’s because it’s a stimulant, as is a prescribed adhd medication, so it’s actually having a different effect on her than a neurotypical . I used to have min 4 coffees a day before being diagnosed, if anything I’d be able to take a nap after a coffee. It completely explains her Coca Cola and coffee addiction.
Personal hygiene also typically lacks in adhd because of too many steps involved, or sensory issues. An example for Jessi was the lack of aftercare during her mummy makeover, and lack of care for her body even now after going to all that effort. She eats crap and doesn’t exercise.
Which then leads to the example of hyper focus and impulsivity for her, the way she cycles through hobbies like ice skating, the bike (I think?), projects around the house. She rarely follows through and finishes the project before starting another one - typical adhd. It’s also the all or nothing mentality of adhd. If she’s not good at something right away she doesn’t get a dopamine hit, then she gives up easily as her brain actually cannot muster up enough motivation to continue.
And this is exactly the reason we shouldn’t stop the conversation. I know some are sick of it, but if it even helps one person on here (if not Jessiiii) then it’s worth itThank you so much for this extremely thoughtful response, my best friends daughter has just been diagnosed and this gives me a much better understanding to enable me to be more supportive and empathetic to them both
Um, doesn't she have 2 kids in School!? Go look at them yourself!?Our class photos come in a printed book these days, so your albums aren’t necessary.
Don’t be silly, school photos would be way to expensive for the boys. She would have to wait until Goldie starts school before she could justify spending money on something like that.Um, doesn't she have 2 kids in School!? Go look at them yourself!?
I know everyone bangs on about influencers and ADHD and everyone thinking they have it but what you have just described is me to a t. I’m pretty sure I don’t have it cos I didn’t struggle as a child, unless I was super super good at masking.. but it really makes you think. I put my stuff down to mental illness and just being type a personality but I do wonder.Another classic example of adhd. This used to be me. Jessi please, babes, get assessed
Completely agree that disorganisation and messy home are typical for adhd, which is ironic because we work best, and prefer to be in, clean environments. But with the all or nothing mentality that comes with adhd, it can be really overwhelming to start cleaning a messy house as we see it as one big task to complete, whereas a neurotyoical person will just clean a room or two at a time. A classic example for Jessi is the 3 hour deep clean the other day, I can only assume she hyper focused. I will say though that some people, particularly women, appear very organised and have super tidy homes. That’s a learnt masking behaviour, I do that a lot. I’m super early to things, and prepare wah in advance, because I’ve learnt I need to otherwise I’m late and unorganised and let loved ones down. I also decluttered a lot and try to live minimally (as much as a young family can) so I have a better chance of staying on top of the housework and mess.
Also the motivating factors for people with adhd are external, which is why we do things at last minute, or might race around and clean up right before we are due to have guests over or our partner comes home from work. Jessi used to clean right before her cleaner came at the old house, or she packs bloom orders at the very end of an acceptable time frame to be dispatching them. She waits until the packaging for her Christmas albums run out, even if she did realise the Christmas party orders will make her run short, because she left it to the very last minute to complete that task of ordering more. She doesn’t have that internal motivation that neurotypical people have.
On her stories tonight before they leave for Bowies dinner, where she comments on Phil’s safari outfit, you can see piles of stuff everywhere. Again super typical for adhd to go to the effort of piling things up, put clutter in a drawer or bag, and then never completely follow through by then taking the next step of putting the things in the pile (or bag or drawer) away.
Binge eating is also typical, I feel like we see that in her constant intake of Coca Cola, maccas, takeaway. People with adhd with a lower baseline of dopamine so they are constantly seeking dopamine hits, one way to get a dopamine hit is through junk food / binge eating. On the topic of how much coke she drinks, undiagnosed adhd people usually unwittingly medicate themselves with caffeine - coke or coffee. It’s because it’s a stimulant, as is a prescribed adhd medication, so it’s actually having a different effect on her than a neurotypical . I used to have min 4 coffees a day before being diagnosed, if anything I’d be able to take a nap after a coffee. It completely explains her Coca Cola and coffee addiction.
Personal hygiene also typically lacks in adhd because of too many steps involved, or sensory issues. An example for Jessi was the lack of aftercare during her mummy makeover, and lack of care for her body even now after going to all that effort. She eats crap and doesn’t exercise.
Which then leads to the example of hyper focus and impulsivity for her, the way she cycles through hobbies like ice skating, the bike (I think?), projects around the house. She rarely follows through and finishes the project before starting another one - typical adhd. It’s also the all or nothing mentality of adhd. If she’s not good at something right away she doesn’t get a dopamine hit, then she gives up easily as her brain actually cannot muster up enough motivation to continue.
Oh i feel for you, depression and/or anxiety is often comorbid with adhd, especially undiagnosed adhd. And no wonder, it’s incredibly hard going through life thinking you’re lazy, not good enough no matter how hard you try, and feel as though you’re constantly letting others down. Wondering how your peers can achieve things while you can’t. The diagnosis was life changing for me, and I’m such a better mother because of it too.I relate so much to all that you said. The paralysis you described and the overwhelm of completing a task resonate especially. My psychologist of 16 years just thinks it's depression but I've gotten a referral from my GP for a psychiatrist who specialises in ADHD. Son's school also suspects my son has it.
funny you say that, and it does downs on what you say as super good as a child. My school reports were great, and my diagnosing psychiatrist viewed them all. Putting your hand up first, talking a lot, is actually impulsivity but in girls comes across as bright and “engaging in class discussion”. People with adhd can have incredibly high IQ’s. There’s no correlation between adhd and IQ, what it’s about is fulfilling your potential. I was a straight A student In primary school, in high school I hardly tried and did most assignments the night before (classic adhd, we need that urgency/crisis to motivate us). Yet when looking at what I’ve achieved post school/uni and looking at my school reports the psychiatrist could see I haven’t fulfilled my full potential and that indicated ADHD too.I know everyone bangs on about influencers and ADHD and everyone thinking they have it but what you have just described is me to a t. I’m pretty sure I don’t have it cos I didn’t struggle as a child, unless I was super super good at masking.. but it really makes you think. I put my stuff down to mental illness and just being type a personality but I do wonder.
Omg you just described my life before my recent ADHD diagnosis! I was also diagnosed Autistic so my psychologist who diagnosed me said that my autistic traits helped “even me out”Another classic example of adhd. This used to be me. Jessi please, babes, get assessed
Completely agree that disorganisation and messy home are typical for adhd, which is ironic because we work best, and prefer to be in, clean environments. But with the all or nothing mentality that comes with adhd, it can be really overwhelming to start cleaning a messy house as we see it as one big task to complete, whereas a neurotyoical person will just clean a room or two at a time. A classic example for Jessi is the 3 hour deep clean the other day, I can only assume she hyper focused. I will say though that some people, particularly women, appear very organised and have super tidy homes. That’s a learnt masking behaviour, I do that a lot. I’m super early to things, and prepare wah in advance, because I’ve learnt I need to otherwise I’m late and unorganised and let loved ones down. I also decluttered a lot and try to live minimally (as much as a young family can) so I have a better chance of staying on top of the housework and mess.
Also the motivating factors for people with adhd are external, which is why we do things at last minute, or might race around and clean up right before we are due to have guests over or our partner comes home from work. Jessi used to clean right before her cleaner came at the old house, or she packs bloom orders at the very end of an acceptable time frame to be dispatching them. She waits until the packaging for her Christmas albums run out, even if she did realise the Christmas party orders will make her run short, because she left it to the very last minute to complete that task of ordering more. She doesn’t have that internal motivation that neurotypical people have.
On her stories tonight before they leave for Bowies dinner, where she comments on Phil’s safari outfit, you can see piles of stuff everywhere. Again super typical for adhd to go to the effort of piling things up, put clutter in a drawer or bag, and then never completely follow through by then taking the next step of putting the things in the pile (or bag or drawer) away.
Binge eating is also typical, I feel like we see that in her constant intake of Coca Cola, maccas, takeaway. People with adhd with a lower baseline of dopamine so they are constantly seeking dopamine hits, one way to get a dopamine hit is through junk food / binge eating. On the topic of how much coke she drinks, undiagnosed adhd people usually unwittingly medicate themselves with caffeine - coke or coffee. It’s because it’s a stimulant, as is a prescribed adhd medication, so it’s actually having a different effect on her than a neurotypical . I used to have min 4 coffees a day before being diagnosed, if anything I’d be able to take a nap after a coffee. It completely explains her Coca Cola and coffee addiction.
Personal hygiene also typically lacks in adhd because of too many steps involved, or sensory issues. An example for Jessi was the lack of aftercare during her mummy makeover, and lack of care for her body even now after going to all that effort. She eats crap and doesn’t exercise.
Which then leads to the example of hyper focus and impulsivity for her, the way she cycles through hobbies like ice skating, the bike (I think?), projects around the house. She rarely follows through and finishes the project before starting another one - typical adhd. It’s also the all or nothing mentality of adhd. If she’s not good at something right away she doesn’t get a dopamine hit, then she gives up easily as her brain actually cannot muster up enough motivation to continue.
ADHD is so often misdiagnosed as depression or anxiety. I know, as this is what happened to me. I had to up my anti-depressants to see if that would help me but it didn’t. This happened even though my son was previously diagnosed with Autism and ADHD. So there is no “easy” way to get a diagnosis! So that’s why when I see all of the media reports about the rise of ADHD diagnosis and this being a fad or not real, I just shake my head and get so angry! I spent nearly 2 years seeking my diagnosis, $2k at least and I was diagnosed by both a psychologist for ADHD/Autism and psychiatrist for ADHD (as psychiatrists cannot diagnose autism). So I think that anyone who goes through this process knows that it’s tough, long, expensive and you are dealing with experts in their field who aren’t handing out these diagnosis like Oprah giving away cars.I relate so much to all that you said. The paralysis you described and the overwhelm of completing a task resonate especially. My psychologist of 16 years just thinks it's depression but I've gotten a referral from my GP for a psychiatrist who specialises in ADHD. Son's school also suspects my son has it.
I was like that in highschool. Straight A's until 11 and 12. Doing everything the night before and not studying didn't cut it in senior, and I failed and dropped out. Primary school I was the chatty little girl always talking on top of the teacher and putting my hand up to answer the question before it was finished being asked.Oh i feel for you, depression and/or anxiety is often comorbid with adhd, especially undiagnosed adhd. And no wonder, it’s incredibly hard going through life thinking you’re lazy, not good enough no matter how hard you try, and feel as though you’re constantly letting others down. Wondering how your peers can achieve things while you can’t. The diagnosis was life changing for me, and I’m such a better mother because of it too.
Adhd is also highly hereditary, a child has a 50% chance of having ADHD if one parent had it. As it often runs in families it’s actually sometimes really hard for an individual to pick up on. If you’ve grown up with one or two adhd parents then behaviour associated with that is in many ways normal for you. I honestly think that what jessi says about her upbringing chaos is quite normal for her, so she’s parenting from that schema. Another reason why I don’t think she picks up on how different life could be if she took action.
funny you say that, and it does downs on what you say as super good as a child. My school reports were great, and my diagnosing psychiatrist viewed them all. Putting your hand up first, talking a lot, is actually impulsivity but in girls comes across as bright and “engaging in class discussion”. People with adhd can have incredibly high IQ’s. There’s no correlation between adhd and IQ, what it’s about is fulfilling your potential. I was a straight A student In primary school, in high school I hardly tried and did most assignments the night before (classic adhd, we need that urgency/crisis to motivate us). Yet when looking at what I’ve achieved post school/uni and looking at my school reports the psychiatrist could see I haven’t fulfilled my full potential and that indicated ADHD too.
and yes, women and girls with adhd are incredibly good at learnt masking behaviour. Especially in social situations and with social skills
Thank you for taking the time to share all of this information in all of your posts and replies on the topic.. it is quite eye opening. I definitely haven’t fulfilled my potential. I might have to investigate a bit further, I was hesitant because I didn’t want to “jump on the bandwagon” so to speak.Oh i feel for you, depression and/or anxiety is often comorbid with adhd, especially undiagnosed adhd. And no wonder, it’s incredibly hard going through life thinking you’re lazy, not good enough no matter how hard you try, and feel as though you’re constantly letting others down. Wondering how your peers can achieve things while you can’t. The diagnosis was life changing for me, and I’m such a better mother because of it too.
Adhd is also highly hereditary, a child has a 50% chance of having ADHD if one parent had it. As it often runs in families it’s actually sometimes really hard for an individual to pick up on. If you’ve grown up with one or two adhd parents then behaviour associated with that is in many ways normal for you. I honestly think that what jessi says about her upbringing chaos is quite normal for her, so she’s parenting from that schema. Another reason why I don’t think she picks up on how different life could be if she took action.
funny you say that, and it does downs on what you say as super good as a child. My school reports were great, and my diagnosing psychiatrist viewed them all. Putting your hand up first, talking a lot, is actually impulsivity but in girls comes across as bright and “engaging in class discussion”. People with adhd can have incredibly high IQ’s. There’s no correlation between adhd and IQ, what it’s about is fulfilling your potential. I was a straight A student In primary school, in high school I hardly tried and did most assignments the night before (classic adhd, we need that urgency/crisis to motivate us). Yet when looking at what I’ve achieved post school/uni and looking at my school reports the psychiatrist could see I haven’t fulfilled my full potential and that indicated ADHD too.
and yes, women and girls with adhd are incredibly good at learnt masking behaviour. Especially in social situations and with social skills
Yes, gp referral to a psychiatrist or psychologist. It took me 9 months to get into the one I chose. Many (dare I say most) have their books closed to new patients or aren't taking on adhd assessments so ring around first. I was diagnosed by two different psychiatrists this year.Wow, this all sounds like me… so informative! What’s the first step to get a diagnosis? GP referral to a specialist? Xx
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