Jake Quickenden #106 Foghorn Leghorn and Thomas Crook, desperate for attention look look look

[bluecups]

Just read it was the 15th June last year, they announced the official line up for ‘celebrity’ Masterchef, so don’t reckon we’ll have long to wait, for the worlds worst kept secret to be confirmed I bet his mood will pick up then, knowing he can use it for content and that he’ll be on primetime TV soon I wonder if he mentions his dead dad and brother in it? Pretty sure he’s never appeared on anything without bringing them up 🥱
Are we doing a bingo for Fathers Day?

I'm picturing the scene -

Greg Wallace to John Torode - *whispering* "Why's that dickhead taken his top off?"
John Torode - "Fuck knows, mate, but I can smell him from here"

GW - "Well, Jake, what have you made today and why did you choose this particular recipe?"
JQ - " I'm making herby creamy tomto chicken penne and..."
JT (interrupting) - "Is that an empty HelloFresh box in the bin?"
JQ (pouting) - "No. Anyway, mate, as I was saying, I made this peng dish today because my dad died and he really liked chicken. And pasta."
GW - "Oh I'm sorry to hear your father passed away, this must be a difficult time for you"
JQ - "To be honest bruv he died in 2008, I'm doing it for my dead brother mostly though"
JT - "Oh that's terrible, Jake, when did your brother pass?"
JQ - "Twelve years ago bruv. He liked chicken too. I think he liked pasta, can't really remember"

JT and GW exchange glances.

GW - "This is an interesting garnish, Jake, can you talk us through it?"
JQ - "They're CBD gummies bruv, so you chillax while you eat your chicken. Clever, ent it? Use my code JAKE50 for fifty percent off..."
JT - " Jake this is the BBC, advertising isn't allowed"
JQ - " Well that's pretty shit isn't it? Not fair, don't give me grief, I've even had fucking MASTERCHEF 2024 WINNER tattooed on me already, can't you make an exception for me bro?"
GW - "Please stop swearing!"

* some time later*

JT - "We're really impressed with what you've all created here but unfortunately someone will be going home today. That person is.....Jake"

*audible sigh of relief in studio from contestants and crew*

Cameraman to production runner *whispers* "Thank fuck for that, he fucking stinks and those turkey teef keep causing a glare when I'm filming"

JQ - "That's not fucking right, bruv! Why you booting me off? You paid me to do this, you gotta get your money's worth mate! What if I gave you all my HelloFresh discount codes? Or a blow job?"

Production Manager (on walkie talkie) - "Security to studio 5, please. Immediately"

 

[Cleopops]

Grief Wellington

 

[CrazyBaldhead]

Thread Suggestion #107

DJ Dicksplat's in da house. He's an absolute twat with a Beard for a spouse.

 

[VC10]

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

Fakeys assemble @CrazyBaldhead has returned

 

[plattyjoobs]

Dead and butter pudding

 

[CrazyBaldhead]

Hi you lovely lot. I'm back (been in Jamaica for three weeks).

I need to catch up but am finding it hysterical that he managed to go to Soccer Aid today looking like a spare part.

What a fucking desperate prick!

 

[Melaniejane79]

Thank me later (or not )

 

[bluecups]

Can't abide Zelda but credit where credit's due, she's good with NikNak. Buying him a little magnifying glass and teaching him about bugs rather than leaving him slack-jawed in front of a screen. She gets down on the floor and plays with him. When she asks him a question she waits for him to answer rather than firing off questions like a machine gun and not giving him time to process the question and answer it.

Still a rancid old cow though. She brought Fakey into the world which she can never be forgiven for

 

[Philimena cunk]

He’s definitely going to make his Dads favourite meal

Ashes and chips ....

 

[IamMyaJ]

Pie and Ash

 

[CrazyBaldhead]

Wonder what this week will bring . Meant to be Butlins this coming weekend so let’s see if this is the week Zelda is coming down to look after Spud or if that’s another trip away they’ve got planned in the future
He obviously didn’t comment on LI or the footy last night cos of his grief on FD. Well that will be the excuse he uses. If he’s jobless again all week, I can definitely see an anxiety post coming very soon. If nothing, he’s very predictable. Look at yesterday
Edited. He’s already replying on his last Tiktok this morning

"Like ur wig"

*"Thanks"
---
I've just seen this on another thread and instantly thought of Freddie and Leo. This is so powerful.

 

[StrictlyNoFakey]

 

[Emlou80]

Bros - when will I be famous

 

[CrazyBaldhead]

Not well bless her yeah didn't stop.you fucking off to the gym and leaving her with Gail though eh? But you always put them first yeah right! This is about the 3rd week she's been ill maybe drive her to the dr you soon go when your nose runs prick

I reckon she's depressed. I'd be suicidal if I had to live with that prick.

 

[Turmeric123]

Chris getting the recognition he deserves

 

[CrazyBaldhead]

I’m here for @CrazyBaldhead reaction to the 36 hour walk. I literally cannot wait

Thanks for showing the love guys. Just completely caught up!

I'm never gobsmacked but OMG the walk! What a selfish prick. Moaning all the time, not putting a link up to publicise it and what was it, 50 odd stories? Then lying about his feet and going to A&E. Jesus wept.

So glad to see that this prick is really on a downward spiral now and I'm loving it!

 

[TrACE22]

I’d be fuming if my kids snatched food off my plate, he’s so rude. All in front of son as well, his behaviour at his parent’s house is beyond childish, it’s rude obnoxious. I would be ashamed if my adult children behaved like him.

 

[VC10]

" DONT LOOK, ETHEL !!!!"



but it was too late ....
We'd already been MOONSHINED by his little Richmond chipolata

This is in another class.......

Flapz really dubbed out, there..... Eyal had a lucky escape!

 

[Katewinsletsknee]

Hello All,

I am currently in the Cannes (it’s work) but anyway, I am sat in a group of people (a few bore me) so I thought I’ll have a peak at my phone, took a mouthful of wine whilst reading the last few pages of the thread, started laughing, which caused me to have FUCKING NOSE bubble of snot, choked more & the whole table just were in a panic I was choking, a man on another table came over to assist me. (So embarrassing, this has happened before though).

I was choking laughing at Dead & Butter pudding but I couldn’t tell anyone that.

Needed to share this. Sooo funny.
Hugs to all you funny fuckers - made my day

(mortified though)