Jack Monroe #76 £300 mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the poorest of us all?

[Pocahontas]

Sentient mirror

Love the image she's created - poor lil ol' me trudging down to Asda in my holey shoes and a little rag on a stick to carry my pitiful haul of frozen sausages

While small boy waits in for the Ocado shop.

 

[MancBee]

It's bizarre to me that her first instinct was to "check her database" and accuse the poster of not being on the (no doubt meticulously kept!) list of people who bought the book.

She didn't think that Lara might be a partner of someone who paid for the book, or someone who uses a nickname online rather than her real one, or someone who has since changed their name "a la" Jack, or someone like my partner who uses both their first and second given name interchangeably (I know, I find it odd too, but he does it all the time.)

She starts her reply with an accusation, because she can not accept that a person that really had bought her book may have a negative view of it, ergo, she can't be a real purchaser.

 

[Scarletfever]

Oooh another sense talking squiggle!

 

[Username154]

I've been a casual lurker on and off whenever I get bored. However yesterday I had absolutely nothing to do and decided to read all of thread 75. I had a right good laugh (hoot?) and considered introducing myself but felt like I had nothing new to say. Also I was still catching up with the lingo, it took me longer than I'd like to admit to figure out that the triangle emojis mean triangualte . Well last night I had a dream and it was filled with those triangles. I think Vlad* might be trying to recruit me .

Also, one thing I find odd about Jack's twitter is that for a very woke PC lefty (no shade there, I consider myself a woke PC lefty) she doesn't have her pronouns in her twitter bio. It's becoming more normal for people to put them in profiles, even if you're not trans, and it's just struck me as odd considering how much she shouts about... well everything, that she hasn't extended that small courtesey.

Anyway, I'm off on a massive Grunka, might even start from thread 1 - wish me luck! Now fuck off x

*oh I also may have thought, without context, that the Vlad you were talking about was Vlad the Impaler

ETA: as a newbie, could someone please point me to if there's rules of the forum etc. I'm sure I've seen it mentioned before but I don't know where to find them

 

[BeautifulTrauma]

Fraus, fraus, fraus, she is now contemplating reopening her twitter account.

this is obv an act of public beneficence, because she’s started tweeting recipes

But but but......her safety?! Will she bastardise every slop meal by turning it into a cartoon filter again?

Safety is paramount for R Jackie fraus. Don’t worry Jackie, I’ve saved you a job!

 

[JoyceDivision]

Unbelievable isn't it, coming from 'Lingreenie' herself. Anyway, more importantly, a warm welcome to @Traazers from all the bullying ninnies. You a bird?

A newbie has called themselves @Traazers - my prayers have been answered, PRAISE BEANS!

 

[traumatised sideboard]

STOP THE PRESSES LADS. Jackie's invented a new milk which she will be pitching to hipster vegan startups on twitter in approx 37 seconds - CORN MILK

https://cookingonabootstrap.com/2020/09/22/instant-moonshine-mash-tiny-veg-sausages-58p/

Her 'corn milk' sounds perfectly repulsive but I promise you there is a Madhur Jaffrey recipe for corn cooked in milk that is sublime. I will not have Jack tarnishing the reputation of corn and milk. I laughed at her saying that using a mandolin and veg dicer is quicker than just using a knife - yeah I bet it is, we've seen your painful leek hacking you cack-handed pillock.

Those sausages need to be behind a NSFW spoiler.

 

[lilamay]

1. Ever the scathing essayist, Jack’s latest hill on which to die has arisen from the mire: the exact correct shade of Fortnum and Mason’s blue. And she threw duck-egg blue shade at JKR before running away and bidding to all a goodnight!

Jack scampering off to bed like:

Brilliant recap once again @Pocahontas !

 

[Alansbigplate]

Cut the fucking blackberry bush down?

What? With an AXE? it’s not a fucking For Sale sign

 

[crystaleyesd]

Apparently she took Cooper to the vet who recommended she keep him indoors, and then the minute she let him out again he went immediately to terrorise the fuckin Redwall mice again. Hence his nose looks EXACTLY the same as before.

This definitely happened.

 

[Atisketatasket]

She would have been 9 when Princess Di died. What 9 year old is squirrelling away tips on how to find out who has sold gossip about you?!

The same 9 year old that in 7 years would go on to invent healthy start vouchers

 

[Billybellend]

Fraus! Fucking hell. Haven’t been around much and thank Christ for @Pocahontas (bowing here at the Altar of Fabulousness) as I don’t have time for a full Grunka (BUSY. Now fuck off thankyou very Matt much). I think I’d have to furlough myself in order to fully Grunka, I’m doffing my cap to the brave Fraus and Herrs who manage it.

My SiL might be joining us here soon. She got properly dragged into the Mack Slippysloppyshittysausage thing and donated to her tip jar, before my wife declared her a ‘fucking idiot’ and pointed her in this direction (and sent her the Limegoss article). After she’d scraped her jaw off the floor at all the carefully stashed receipts, she agreed she’d been a bit of a wanker and cooked us a roast. Win win
@MrsOgre really hope your jaw feels better soon, and you manage to get some effective treatment x

 

[Pocahontas]

She’s always so weirdly late about things, isn’t she? It’s one of the oddest things.

She’ll be playing with a fidget spinner next and saying it’s so good for her concentration levels.

 

[colouredlines]

Hmm, we haven't heard much about Jack's crippling arthritis in a long time. If we mention it here in a few posts, she'll have a flare-up by the end of the week, right?

 

[Switchstreetz]

So she doesn't care about her safety anymore because people need her recipes urgently. What a hero, Jack. MBE for services to slop <3

The only MBE jack will ever be awarded is for "Most Blended Ephemera"

 

[Pocahontas]

I strongly suspect she's read "A Very Brief Introduction to Marx" and thinks that banging on about agency makes her sound clever.

What she's missing is that agents generally only act within the bounds of structures or systems, and the micro-system that she's created for SB is so fucked it doesn't matter whether he feels he has "agency" over his sandwich shape, the poor little sod is being brought up (up to 50% of the time, anyway) by a narcissist. That'll leave him disempowered no matter whether he's eating bollock sausages on square or rectangular bread.

I also wonder whether she's making a bit of a dig at her own parents by making out that she's so free and easy and allowing SB to make all these Very Important Choices. Can you imagine the rage when she was told no? Still simmering away two decades later.

I know what has its own agency in her household.
The mirror

 

[HarderFaster]

The absolute gall of her pretending that she grew up poor. Laughable. Get her dad on here to clarify. David, were you hitch-hiking to your well-paid job because there was a leak at one of the properties your dad left you, or just for shits and giggles?

The ex who constantly corrected her was definitely Allegra. That's what you get as a trade off for choosing a millionaire mummy figure, init. I'd have run with it, were I Jack: she'll never do better and she really does know fuck all.

 

[blurstoftimes]

Implied, yeah — but actually, looking back, she phrased it carefully

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If I ever received a raunchy photo from Jack I would consider it a cursed item that immediately needs to be doused in holy water, exorcised by a priest and thrown in a very large fire.

 

[HarderFaster]

Found this in the comments under her 'ultimate lasagne' recipe.

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Excuses, excuses.

It's bizarre to me that her first instinct was to "check her database" and accuse the poster of not being on the (no doubt meticulously kept!) list of people who bought the book. Nobody who is actually confident that they've done their job well gets on the defensive that fast.

Jack will always fall back on blaming it on years of trolling, and I appreciate she has received some abuse, but deep down it's because she knows that her recipes are plagiarised, poorly conceived or flat out untested.

I've been this person. I see it clear as day.

 

[lilamay]

I’m Northern Irish and I’ve never had instant mash — not keen (love champ though), but definitely agree. Surely actual potatoes are easier, cheaper, more nutritious, unless you’re living in the Space Station?

Hmm, maybe JM is an actual Space Cadet

I've often thought Jack's food looked like astronaut food.

top - actual space food, bottom - Jack's food