Jack Monroe #601 Replican't

[ahkrin]

Save the boxes of your snack pizzas and just cut out the pictures from it to double the amount of pizza. If you want it to be just like Jack's home made just soak it in your washing up water for 10 minutes and eat straight from the bowl with one of your 373838 spoons.
---

That stocktake is an insult. How did she get away with it

Oh Red Snappers are constantly washing up on the shores of southend ready for smol pixies to forage for them

 

[SamFoxStuckinaCloak]

I’ve always hated Keira Knightley as I find her dead behind the eyes. But she’s not bad in Black Doves.

I’ve been laid up with norovirus and decided to go back to the first thread. Started almost five years ago and she’s just as insufferable as she was then. But happily, stealing slightly less money from people now.

 

[chizontiz]

I think guest has a hyperbole problem.

an evergreen youknowwhat if ever I did see one, congrats dearnaan

 

[Five hundred dogs]

I worked with Kiera Knightly a couple of times back at the height of her fame, she was very pleasant and low maintenance for such a big name. She came across more like a slightly shy uni student than a film star. I’ll never forget the day I wandered into our rather grotty crew room, saw a young woman sitting cross legged on the floor drinking beer out of the bottle (not an entirely unusual sight) then did a double take when I realised said young woman was actually Kira Knightly.

 

[Witchfinder Sargeant]

I think guest has a hyperbole problem. It's okay to just quite like some stuff without it always having to be epically amazing 10/10 no notes

Addictive personality, innit? Constantly chasing the "up up up", whether it comes from marching powder or booze or shopping or social media.

 

[Five hundred dogs]

She goes on at tedious and patronising length about the quarter hack (Christ that name gives me the cringe) in Grifty Kitchen.

Spoiler: Quarter hack

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

Also in more uninteresting, probably unrelated, lesbian news, OH and I saw some friends recently and their toddler calls them “mummy” and “mumma”. I think that’s quite common for same-sex families? Female anyway. It was also v sweet.

It did get me thinking if that could be the genesis of ‘mumma/momma’ whatever it is, but that still doesn’t make that much sense. Just some food for thought/munch to mither/slop to slop.

It is - sort of - Allegra and her ex-wife have a daughter who calls Allegra "Mama" and the ex "Mummy." Guest's son called her Mummy pre-Allegra as is evident from all her archived blog posts at the time, including Hunger Hurts - "more mummy, bread and jam please mummy." But when she got with Allegra she had to imitate "Mama" and now she insisted she was always Mama and he'd never called her anything else

 

[TheMiceInTheShed]

Well fraus, I enjoyed Black Doves - Ben Whishaw calling people darling, Sarah Lancaster chewing on every bit of scene she could get her hands on, spotting London locations (Daunt Books! Southwark Cathedral!), Curtis from Misfits being posh and camp. The plot, such that was, was utterly secondary to all of it.

On December 23rd, Tesco* had a basket at the front of their shops offering a carrot for Rudolph for free. Now there’s a grifty tip. I throughly enjoyed seeing several actual small boys and girls having a chomp on the carrot they’d been given to hold as their parent flew down the aisles wide eyed and panicky.

*its a supermarket, Guest, which isn’t Sainsbury's or Asda.

I also saw those "Rudolph carrots". I was going to get one but Mr Mice told me to behave myself.

As it was very near Christmas, and Santa was watching, I did.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Snack pizza? Why isn't she making her own by topping circles cut carefully from a cereal box (first draw around a tin with a pen or pencil, or a Chanel lipstick if you can't afford pens), then use a small sharp scalpel and a steady hand to cut them out since scissors are over £1 these days because Asda hates poor people. Yes you can fish the cereal box out if a neighbour's recycling bin, as I'm sure all your own ones have been turned inside out to make containers for bits of string

Where was I. Yes. Smear each circle generously with 1/8 TSP of tomato paste (2p, Sainsbury's basics) and 1/12 of a gram of Mild Basic Plastic Cheddar (4p, Asda Basics).Yes you do have to go to two shops. If you don't have a cheese grater simply use a woodworking plane or a hacksaw, duh. DO NOT PUT HACKSAWS IN THE MICROWAVE. I've seen too many fires. You should see how many fires I've seen.

Top with a grain of salt (1p) and a black pepper (2p) and toast under the grill you definitely have. The work of a moment.
Jack's Thrifty Tip
Simply save the juice you gather when rinsing some beans and use this in place of the tomato puree to bring the cost down further! Merely promptly decant the rinsed juice into a jar (a sort of container) and pop it in the fridge door until needed. If you've lost the jar lid, do what I do and tie a sock over the top, secured with bra elastic because bras give you trauma but also you love posing in them. Where was I again?

Completed it, mate. leftover bland slop Lentil Bolognese pizza

Spoiler: Also,

Black Mould Pizzas

Someone bring this genius a £5 book token for services to the English language, STAT!

 

[chizontiz]

But but but… what about The Quarterhack?

Spoiler

You know, where you spend about twenty minutes drawing up a stocktake of literally hundreds of pounds worth of larder, pantry, & freezer stock
View attachment 3339023
View attachment 3339036View attachment 3339025
View attachment 3339026
View attachment 3339028

A few weeks after posting this she’ll publish HH2 and when challenged will say “I never said I was still poor!” but here she is, pretending that she is constrained by her ridiculous £20/week budget.
View attachment 3339044

SHE EVEN WRITES SMALL LIKE SMOL?!?!

That’s not why we do it is it??

 

[bracrumbs]

She goes on at tedious and patronising length about the quarter hack (Christ that name gives me the cringe) in Grifty Kitchen.

Spoiler: Quarter hack

View attachment 3339202View attachment 3339203

 

[chizontiz]

Larder the size of Costco and she’s still buying shop bought tikka masala sauce, embarrassing

 

[secretsrsafe]

I actually saw Hunter's Richard III at the Globe about 100 years ago, it was pretty cool.

View attachment 3338917

so that's what she's been up to instead of making figgy puddings

View attachment 3338918
Oh my good god. Why is it surprising? Because she's pretty and was once Elizabeth Bennet and in Love Actually? I've not watched Black Doves yet. I want detailed analysis from guest of everything Keira has been in so far because this is a bold claim


View attachment 3338929

Rich and engaging like Allegra & Louisa lol

View attachment 3338932

I grudgingly suppose that admitting not to already have completed it is progress. I didn't care for the Coens' version of Macbeth but YMMV. I find guest's assumptions irritating nonetheless

Couldn’t possibly just look forward to something no must “combust with glee” at the thought of something. Get a life you sad sack.

 

[TheMiceInTheShed]

Snack pizza? Why isn't she making her own by topping circles cut carefully from a cereal box (first draw around a tin with a pen or pencil, or a Chanel lipstick if you can't afford pens), then use a small sharp scalpel and a steady hand to cut them out since scissors are over £1 these days because Asda hates poor people. Yes you can fish the cereal box out if a neighbour's recycling bin, as I'm sure all your own ones have been turned inside out to make containers for bits of string

Where was I. Yes. Smear each circle generously with 1/8 TSP of tomato paste (2p, Sainsbury's basics) and 1/12 of a gram of Mild Basic Plastic Cheddar (4p, Asda Basics).Yes you do have to go to two shops. If you don't have a cheese grater simply use a woodworking plane or a hacksaw, duh. DO NOT PUT HACKSAWS IN THE MICROWAVE. I've seen too many fires. You should see how many fires I've seen.

Top with a grain of salt (1p) and a black pepper (2p) and toast under the grill you definitely have. The work of a moment.
Jack's Thrifty Tip
Simply save the juice you gather when rinsing some beans and use this in place of the tomato puree to bring the cost down further! Merely promptly decant the rinsed juice into a jar (a sort of container) and pop it in the fridge door until needed. If you've lost the jar lid, do what I do and tie a sock over the top, secured with bra elastic because bras give you trauma but also you love posing in them. Where was I again?

Thank(space)you for all that you do.

 

[SouthendRealEstate]

Completed it, mate. leftover bland slop Lentil Bolognese pizza View attachment 3339237

Spoiler: Also,

Black Mould Pizzas View attachment 3339241

Someone bring this genius a £5 book token for services to the English language, STAT! View attachment 3339247

Hold up. I thought it was Mumma Jack’s chilli, not Mamma. She can’t keep track of the bollox, can she.

 

[Onestorytoomany]

She is so dull when she isnt lying, no wonder she does it so much. I am not condoning it, but honestly she is boring. I watch telly like everyone else, i also hate people who review everything they watch. Its either good or bad thats enough! I had a uni housesmate who gave you the rundown of everything they had ever watched, i always feigned an urgent assignment when they got going in the lounge and went up to my room.

 

[Claret]

So she might "combust with glee"

Looking forward to her spontaneous combustion be it with glee or anything else

....and you can add combust to the long list of words that Monroe has no clue how to use, and to think that she rates herself as a writer. The cabal could, and regularly does do better

 

[Carefree]

I worked with Kiera Knightly a couple of times back at the height of her fame, she was very pleasant and low maintenance for such a big name. She came across more like a slightly shy uni student than a film star. I’ll never forget the day I wandered into our rather grotty crew room, saw a young woman sitting cross legged on the floor drinking beer out of the bottle (not an entirely unusual sight) then did a double take when I realised said young woman was actually Kira Knightly.

My sister used to see her all the time (before KK got married and had kids, moved away, etc) and always said she was very nice. Very pretty in person. Got on the tube regularly.

She still winds me up but I realise that's a me problem, not her fault. She was a crap Elizabeth Bennett though and that P&P is rit.

 

[Lumpyspaceprincess]

I saw her at Glastonbury and she was genuinely having a good time, wandering about with everyone else and just being normal. I’ve liked her ever since

Was she wearing a stab vest?

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Hold up. I thought it was Mumma Jack’s chilli, not Mamma. She can’t keep track of the bollox, can she.

View attachment 3339260

Allow her to briefly explain.

February 2013: PRE-Leggy = Mumma

September 2014: WITH Leggy = Mamma (and an inexplicable egg apostrophe)