Jack Monroe #601 Replican't

[TheMiceInTheShed]

This popped up in my photo memories yesterday, was this the one with the pears?

Spoiler

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In the name of Christ!

WTF!?!?!?!?!?
---

Somehow in all the horror excitement over Grifty Kitchen, I missed the tip about making washing-up cloths.

If you hem the cloths with glue, even with a hot iron and a tea towel (equipment that all povs have on hand in working order) placed on top of the cloth, the glue is going to dissolve the very first time the cloth is placed in hot water, or washed. Guest also forgot to mention that the ironing should be done on top of another towel, or on an ironing board, unless you would like a nice scorch mark on your bungakitchen counter.

Hemming something like this is just about the simplest kind of sewing that anyone can do (except for cack-handed fools like guest). Or you could just cut the spare material into the right size square, and trim any loose ends as they happen.

Thank[space]you, rattle rattle.

Or you could just cut the spare material into the right size square, and trim any loose ends as they happen.

How DARE you inject a note of common sense and simplicity into guest's JACKHACK! Do you want her to STOP BREATHING?

 

[Five hundred dogs]

Black doves was rit. Honestly rit. All she ever seems to do this weather is watch and review awful programmes.

Megalopolis was Mark Kermode’s pick as worst film of 2024.

 

[CrackingOwlSanctuary]

Is she going to refer to all actors by their given names and not professional names going forward?

 

[TheMiceInTheShed]

View attachment 3338338

I am old, I have never met a broken can opener ever

I have. (Or maybe the tin was broken - either way it just turned sneeringly without cutting the top off.

We just ate something else. Or possibly had the toast sans* the beans** . I forget the riveting details of that traumatic time. Whatever happened we neither died of starvation nor ended up in A&E pouring our life's blood onto the tiles

*Yer actual Fronche

**or should that be φασόλια***(fasólia - pronounced "mither")

***Yer actual Greek

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

OI, KNIGHTLEYMATE! HADJIPATERASMATE!

 

[TrolleyParton]

Is she going to refer to all actors by their given names and not professional names going forward?

Only the Greek ones.

 

[Wooh]

I know this has been mithered (pronunciation: mithered) on before but what in the ever loving duck is this tip?

If you don't have a colander you can use the lid of a pan to strain pasta/rice/veg, or a slotted spoon or just a large spoon, or a plate or bowl held against the side of the pan, or you can hold it against the edge of a (clean) sink, all better, easier and cheaper than this bleeping nonsense.

I truly, truly dislike her for having the arrogance to present this bull as if it's useful to her inferiors. She's a bleeping idiot.

Don't forget, you can always use your best chef knife to strain your pasta, which is great because your sliced palm will really absorb the boiling water AND your best knife will become blunt quickly when you drop the lot on the floor. You're a winner! You're a winner! You utensils on the floor, you're winners, too!

Sorry, obviously done already. Jack time: late to the party

 

[Mr Jim]

The very very best bit of the GK launch and safety backlash was the neckbeards and rage nanas getting into some serious contortions to insist that #JackShacks are perfectly sensible thankyouverymuch right up to and beyond the point where the publishing house was issuing disclaimers and the Trussel Trust was trying to distance itself.

Spoiler: Some of the tin opener balls

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If not a blatant lie (FREQUENTLY?!?), squig at the very least has no idea what a boning knife is.
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Gold star for elaborate scenario
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Fuckinell two man job was it?
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Grylls advocates sucking the water out of elephant plops, maybe not a great comparison mate.
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Either batshit or taking the piss, can’t decide.
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Thankyou Professor.
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That’s the bar then is it, missis?
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OK there are more trolls than sycophants represented here, clearly.
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Don’t have a meldown, folks.
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Allow her to briefly explain:
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One of those neckbeards fought in two world wars. The ones starting in 1914 and 1939? Did ye, aye?

 

[MavisBeacon]

Tell me your kid is with his dad and you're bored without telling me etc etc...

 

[MancBee]

Noted television and film aficionado Jack Monroe has just discovered the actress Kathryn Hunter. Hunter has won an Olivier award, been in several franchise films and series, and has been around for decades, but now, at last, her talent can be recognized, for guest has pronounced her great

Hunter was born in NYC, guest, you insufferable gob. Do you still adore her?

Note: Either guest has nothing to do but watch television (with subscriptions she doesn't have; maybe she uses someone else's account?), or she leads her very full and busy life all day (working 80 hours weeks, having larks with her hundreds of friends and her son and her son's friends and surely taking Content for long yomps in the park) and stays up all night.

No Coops update. I know, because she told us so, that his special diet costs more than she pays to feed herself and the teen who definitely lives with her. Hopefully she can still afford Netflix and Amazon Prime and everything else. Kickyball Jack remains hidden. Strange, that.

View attachment 3338226

Why is she deadnaming someone?

We all know what Jack thinks of anyone that uses her former given name, but it's OK for Jack to do the same?

Kathryn Hunter may well not mind people referring to her former name, but that is not a decision for Jack to make.

Hypocrite.

ETA I knew a frau would have noticed Jack's total hypocrisy before I completed my grunk. @Stormageddon like minds rarely differ.

 

[drusy]

I'm sorry but this cannot be real

View attachment 3337544

It's a good job guest clarified that, or I would have used the handle for mashing

 

[Lumpyspaceprincess]

Last time my tin opener broke, I ordered one on Argos and popped down and picked it up.
If I hadn’t been able to do that I would have knocked on my neighbours door and borrowed one.
Is this odd?

 

[Lazarus]

Is she going to refer to all actors by their given names and not professional names going forward?

Have you ever seen Maurice Mickelwhite, aka Michael Caine in the Italian Job?

Can you IMAGINE how boring her life is? She probably never knew that herself until she googled the actor.

 

[TurnedUpInTipp]

Noted television and film aficionado Jack Monroe has just discovered the actress Kathryn Hunter. Hunter has won an Olivier award, been in several franchise films and series, and has been around for decades, but now, at last, her talent can be recognized, for guest has pronounced her great

Hunter was born in NYC, guest, you insufferable gob. Do you still adore her?

Note: Either guest has nothing to do but watch television (with subscriptions she doesn't have; maybe she uses someone else's account?), or she leads her very full and busy life all day (working 80 hours weeks, having larks with her hundreds of friends and her son and her son's friends and surely taking Content for long yomps in the park) and stays up all night.

No Coops update. I know, because she told us so, that his special diet costs more than she pays to feed herself and the teen who definitely lives with her. Hopefully she can still afford Netflix and Amazon Prime and everything else. Kickyball Jack remains hidden. Strange, that.

View attachment 3338226

Oi, Jack.
If you are going to dead name someone at least get it right.
She's Aikaterini NOT Aikaterina.
Is there any aspect of your life you aren't completely tit at? Like copying from Wikipedia?

 

[SouthendRealEstate]

Last time my tin opener broke, I ordered one on Argos and popped down and picked it up.
If I hadn’t been able to do that I would have knocked on my neighbours door and borrowed one.
Is this odd?

Do you know how far her nearest Argos is? Do you think it’s reasonable to expect her to spend a whole day yomping there just for a tin opener? With her ouchy joints? And crumbly bones? And she CAN’T go next door cos that’s where Schrödinger’s landlady lives who may be angry and wanting more rent for the crappy bungamansion and wanting her out (rather than the other option of lovely and accommodating) Do you want her to STOP BREATHING???

 

[Billybellend]

That is indeed the onion leek mussels pears vinegar mustard concoction. Sometimes she surprises herself!

Spoiler

View attachment 3338348

If anyone surprised me with that they’d be softly, gently asked to leave the premises

 

[BeardyBap]

I have. (Or maybe the tin was broken - either way it just turned sneeringly without cutting the top off.

We just ate something else. Or possibly had the toast sans* the beans** . I forget the riveting details of that traumatic time. Whatever happened we neither died of starvation nor ended up in A&E pouring our life's blood onto the tiles

*Yer actual Fronche

**or should that be φασόλια***(fasólia - pronounced "mither")

***Yer actual Greek

Similar, tenderMeeces. I don’t remember a tin opener ever breaking but I know I’ve owned more than one so I can only assume I’ve said to myself, “Oh, must remember to buy another tin opener”. No additional burden was placed on an already overstretched A&E Dept on those occasions - I would remember that.
She’s been on that one from the start though. This proto-Vimes rant from Cooking On A Bootstrap:

Yeah! You bourgeoisie guys with your superfluous tin openers and your ring-pull five-beans on toast! You’ll be the first against the wall!

 

[griftalo]

did anyone else grow up using one of these? They’re were dead cheap. Unless you just fled a house fire, who doesn’t have a tin opener?

 

[Witchfinder Sargeant]

If anyone surprised me with that they’d be softly, gently asked to leave the premises

Same. Even if I were a guest in their house.

 

[Onestorytoomany]

Regards to tin openers. I just spend the 3p difference on a ring pull tin and maybe not buy the mussels or the sardines to ruin it, to make up the difference. So mysyery solved shechaa spent the last week watching rit telly like the rest of the planet, won't someone hold the front page.