Jack Monroe #561 Me. I happened. You're welcome

[witchofwestbyfleet]

Winning thread title suggested by @Brian Butterfield after @rage naan brought up this old tweet of guest's:

You each win a designer full length mirror to look in and admire yourselves, paid for by the Patreon cash of donors who think you're desperately poor.

Recap: Still no guest but the heat on Xwitter has shifted away from her slightly and onto fellow Southend-based grifter Simon Harris. Mitherings in the last thread included "bread and jam gave me PTSD!" (leading to many amusing canal guesses as to what stories guest could sell to Take a Break magazine.) We also discussed her bungamansion, out of control spending, "I was a teenage skinhead" (spoilers: she wasn't) and unsettling attempts to imitate Allegra.

Excitingly, publishing frau @CleverUserNameGoesHere says the memememememoir may not be cancelled after all! Let's keep our eyes peeled!

Whakawhetai (wāhi) koe! Wiki on the pink button as always.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Here's something to cheer everyone up on this miserable Thursday morning. 79 seconds of the Del Monte live stream.

Feel free to use this as a showreel, Jack xoxo

 

[MadelineBassett]

Re: mithering about guest's purchases of 'investment pieces' in case of future poverty. This irritates me very much. Like, I'm sure there are things you could buy that would keep their value/increase in value over time (what? IDK, gold bars? Diamonds? Artwork by as-yet-undiscovered masters of their craft?) But surely designer clothing would have to be kept in absolutely perfect condition to even retain its value, let alone increase in worth? So regularly wearing your butter-soft leather leggings would probably stop them from being any kind of reasonable insurance against future poverty? Seems like such an insulting excuse for buying expensive things Ridiculous to justify luxury purchases (which you of course have every right to make, assuming you earned the money honestly) by pretending that it's cos you're just *so scared* of falling into poverty again.

 

[Lobster Johnson]

Re: mithering about guest's purchases of 'investment pieces' in case of future poverty. This irritates me very much. Like, I'm sure there are things you could buy that would keep their value/increase in value over time (what? IDK, gold bars? Diamonds? Artwork by as-yet-undiscovered masters of their craft?) But surely designer clothing would have to be kept in absolutely perfect condition to even retain its value, let alone increase in worth? So regularly wearing your butter-soft leather leggings would probably stop them from being any kind of reasonable insurance against future poverty? Seems like such an insulting excuse for buying expensive things Ridiculous to justify luxury purchases (which you of course have every right to make, assuming you earned the money honestly) by pretending that it's cos you're just *so scared* of falling into poverty again.

In the complex Jackonomy this depreciation is offset by the savings generated by owning and operating a large labradoodle.

 

[MadelineBassett]

In the complex Jackonomy this depreciation is offset by the savings generated by owning and operating a large labradoodle.

Of course. Thank you. I find maths very hard.

 

[Carefree]

As an intermittent povvo, depending on my mental health, Jack has always rubbed me up the wrong way so I've been paying more and more attention to her grift and fuming about how long she's been getting away with it.

These threads are fun though, especially the receipts and proof. Bonjour, by the way

 

[rage naan]

Here's something to cheer everyone up on this miserable Thursday morning. 79 seconds of the Del Monte live stream.

Feel free to use this as a showreel, Jack xoxo

View attachment 2681915

Her NOSE oh my god

Re: mithering about guest's purchases of 'investment pieces' in case of future poverty. This irritates me very much. Like, I'm sure there are things you could buy that would keep their value/increase in value over time (what? IDK, gold bars? Diamonds? Artwork by as-yet-undiscovered masters of their craft?) But surely designer clothing would have to be kept in absolutely perfect condition to even retain its value, let alone increase in worth? So regularly wearing your butter-soft leather leggings would probably stop them from being any kind of reasonable insurance against future poverty? Seems like such an insulting excuse for buying expensive things Ridiculous to justify luxury purchases (which you of course have every right to make, assuming you earned the money honestly) by pretending that it's cos you're just *so scared* of falling into poverty again.

Iirc she said that investment piece bollocks about some fugly designer bag that cost hundreds, and then went on to show off about spilling a bottle of whisky inside it and how her kid drew all over it in crayon and set fire to it or something
I think she thought it would become a collectors item because The Grand Saviour of the Povs Dr Dr Jack Monroe PhD PhD once owned it or something. People gathering round, gasping at how it's been chewed by an untrained dog, it must be authentic, here, let me give you £1000000 for it

 

[Seaford Haggington]

Her NOSE oh my god

Is that change of camera angle an attempt to conceal the carbuncle?

 

[Cookiecookie]

Here's something to cheer everyone up on this miserable Thursday morning. 79 seconds of the Del Monte live stream.

Feel free to use this as a showreel, Jack xoxo

View attachment 2681915

How much was she paid by Del Monte again? Geez, they sure got their money's worth, didn't they?

 

[BeardyBap]

The main function of the investment pieces was so Vengeful Flying Monkeys could tweet, "She's already said she buys one nice thing with every book advance, besides she sent me a packet of Tootie-Frooties (remember them) with the last advance and I posted her back the green ones as she is lovely and we are so close, OMFG you people are obsessed etc etc"

 

[SweetTransvestite]

Her NOSE oh my god

I've said it before, and I'll say it again...

...I can't unsee it.

 

[Katkat]

Here's something to cheer everyone up on this miserable Thursday morning. 79 seconds of the Del Monte live stream.

Feel free to use this as a showreel, Jack xoxo

View attachment 2681915

Is it too late to make a submission to the Oscars?
For editing of course x

 

[moglits]

Here's something to cheer everyone up on this miserable Thursday morning. 79 seconds of the Del Monte live stream.

Feel free to use this as a showreel, Jack xoxo

View attachment 2681915

Said it once and I’ll say it again, Gilbert and Jack have never been in the same room at the same time (incidentally, having not watched the Del Monte videos since 2020, the birds tweeting in the background gave me flashbacks to that bloody odd summer!).

The similarities are clear: the glasses, the leaping into shot, the disorganisation, blaming others for the poor tech…

 

[rage naan]

The main function of the investment pieces was so Vengeful Flying Monkeys could tweet, "She's already said she buys one nice thing with every book advance, besides she sent me a packet of Tootie-Frooties (remember them) with the last advance and I posted her back the green ones as she is lovely and we are so close, OMFG you people are obsessed etc etc"

Seven books
167864388 designer items
Jack maths!

Much investment, many resale value

That's a lot of stuff from five grand esp when it's all you're getting paid for a while

 

[MediumLoad]

Her NOSE oh my god

For me it's her eyes.

She looks utterly wasted.

Reminds me of my housemates back in the day when they'd fall in the door after a night's clubbing.

 

[nothanksbabes]

Seven books
167864388 designer items
Jack maths!

View attachment 2682005View attachment 2682007View attachment 2682008

Much investment, many resale value
View attachment 2682009

View attachment 2682016
That's a lot of stuff from five grand esp when it's all you're getting paid for a while
View attachment 2682012

Nothing more butch than a Kate Spade handbag eh.

 

[BeardyBap]

I've said it before, and I'll say it again...
View attachment 2681990
...I can't unsee it.

Might I interest you in the following:

 

[TurnedUpInTipp]

I know I shouldn't... But that is one hell of a bugle on her.

 

[BeardyBap]

Said it once and I’ll say it again, Gilbert and Jack have never been in the same room at the same time (incidentally, having not watched the Del Monte videos since 2020, the birds tweeting in the background gave me flashbacks to that bloody odd summer!).

The similarities are clear: the glasses, the leaping into shot, the disorganisation, blaming others for the poor tech…

#GilbertTruther
#rememberDVDs?

 

[RandomFishOils]

That Gilbert Show is amazing, and also uncanny. The cooking with bizarre ingredients, the crappy crafts, right down to them both hanging their clothes on the picture rail