Jack Monroe #554 Homeopathic levels of spice

[witchofwestbyfleet]

Thread titled by @malinky, nominated by @Day3TShirt. You each win a plate of guest's special peach and chickpea curry, followed by the world's first cake with a USB port.

Recap: Guest has still been quiet as a Vineyard church mouse, and mitherings in the last thread included:

• Jacklemore and the Butch Shirts from the #ThriftStore
• When I, Daniel Blake was based on guest's life
• Shocking slops
• Grifty Kitchen still clogging up shelves
• Guest's fees for a public appearance
• When guest tackled xenophobia through pizza
• Yakult in the mini-bar

BUT! From the void, something is stirring! Guest's been blocking people and was on a dirty delete spree (of 200+ tweets) in the middle of the night. Is something coming down the pipes? The frauen und herren are watching.

Wiki on the pink button as always! ¡Muchas(espacio)gracias!

 

[Penelope_Ghent]

Et tu Frank? Not squiggled either as both have 10k plus followers.

 

[MaineCoonMama]

Et tu Frank? Not squiggled either as both have 10k plus followers.

We should start telling Squigs that Jack has a new job as a 5 star chef slash life coach to General Butt Naked, former Liberian warlord turned evangelical preacher.

 

[Day3TShirt]

I am speechless in the face of such a generous gift @witchofwestbyfleet

I’m looking forward to guest showing up on the socials and granting us a Christmas chaos. My money is on her tweeting something non-controversial, completely Matt Glossing over her absence until, no longer able to ignore the questions and jibes, she makes mention of her bad mentals and does another flounce. Rinse and repeat.

 

[MurielSnark]

It's both surprising and distressing that Jack seems to still be sequestered in the bungamansion and unable to raise her voice on so many vital issues. There's new evidence of Britain's terrible poverty rates being reported almost daily in the press so there's certainly plenty of work for an anti-poverty campaigner to be doing. So many lives to be uplifted and transformed.

In other news, the BBC food pages are full of interesting recipes and tips for Christmas cooking. Pages and pages, covering every possible festive scenario. Amazingly, none of Jack's recipes are featured in the budget and low-energy recipe collections.

BBC Food seems to have dispensed with her services altogether and most of the budget recipes are now written and costed by someone called Justine Pattison. In fairness, Justine is a trained and qualified chef with many years of professional experience but surely there's still a place for a maverick pixie with a bold approach to taste and texture?

Budget Christmas dinner recipes

Roast turkey and all the trimmings, alternative energy-saving meals and side dish ideas, plus plenty of easy sweet treats. There's nothing glum about these budget Christmas recipes.

www.bbc.co.uk

 

[Hollaaa]

Et tu Frank? Not squiggled either as both have 10k plus followers.

A quick glance through his CV and I guess this advice was on The Railway Man (2013)? Or maybe in the book Noah's Gold, said gold came from a lucky puddle? Could always be second-hand royal guidance on how to track who's got a hold of your nudes, I suppose.

 

[Florid Language]

Et tu Frank? Not squiggled either as both have 10k plus followers.

Ah, Sue, who was accused of a bit of murky fundraising for a laptop herself many years ago and was rewarded for her disability 'activism' with a job at Maximus whose reputation for assessing disabled claimants was one of cruelty and harshness. I stopped following her when she took the job and I'm not surprised that she's a fan of guest.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Why Jack’s never ever been invited on Saturday Kitchen Live.

They’ve prolly been begging and begging her to come on! But! Just like the mince pie aisle, it’s too boozy for the poor smol scampering deeply unpleasant human being, appalling cook and risibly incompetent TV presenter.

Spoiler: Mither

(Not happy that something’s clearly simmering. The world’s been yomping and bimbling along just fine without her attention seeking, scaremongering, incompetence at literally everything other than grifting, her lying, manipulative begging, wailing about TROLLZ, brain farting and showing off on Xwitter about her every shag, tit, and sideboard and her incessant LOOK AT MY TITS-ing.

That’ll do, Jack. That’ll do).

ss @panda-eyes quote by Mr. Bennet via Jane Austen.

 

[jordishaw]

Et tu Frank? Not squiggled either as both have 10k plus followers.

I believe Frank Cottrell-Boyce is probably a a good person who means well, but on the other hand I believe that a lot of Jack's erstwhile support on the hellsite came from people who believed that the opening ceremony of the 2012 Olympics was a documentary (he wrote the script for it).

 

[BeardyBap]

A quick glance through his CV and I guess this advice was on The Railway Man (2013)? Or maybe in the book Noah's Gold, said gold came from a lucky puddle? Could always be second-hand royal guidance on how to track who's got a hold of your nudes, I suppose.

Did the same but it seems A Cock And Bull Story and 24 Hour Party People are too early

 

[Florid Language]

If she is planning a comeback I suppose it would make sense to delete every brain fart that she's published to make her account look more professional.
If that is the new strategy I'd give it less than a day before the urge to snark overwhelms her.

 

[MurielSnark]

I believe Frank Cottrell-Boyce is probably a a good person who means well, but on the other hand I believe that a lot of Jack's erstwhile support on the hellsite came from people who believed that the opening ceremony of the 2012 Olympics was a documentary (he wrote the script for it).

I like Frank Cottrell-Boyce a lot. He's one of those practising Catholics who really understands and lives by the principles of "option for the poor" which is a theological teaching that doesn't get a lot of attention but draws a lot of activists within the Church.

His family does an annual week of living on £1 a day, which he tweets about, and they take it very seriously. They've just started this year's challenge and he's commenting on how the CoL is making it nigh impossible. Unlike other celebrities who do these things once as a stunt, Frank and his clan really do it properly.

So, I imagine he's interacted with Jack over food poverty at some stage.

From what I've seen of him, Frank is a genuinely nice, well-rounded and optimistic fellow. He's had a lot of professional success but has stayed close to his roots in Liverpool and is modest about his achievements. His failing wrt Jack is that he likely sees the best in people and is blinded to the possibility that not every social justice warrior is a true and honourable person.

 

[StatusWoe]

Hope you don't mind @Emmapism but this post was genius and we need to see it again.

I also just discovered that canal did JACK AS BOWLS. Have any of the newer fraus seen these?!

 

[Valiofthedolls]

A quick glance through his CV and I guess this advice was on The Railway Man (2013)? Or maybe in the book Noah's Gold, said gold came from a lucky puddle? Could always be second-hand royal guidance on how to track who's got a hold of your nudes, I suppose.

Or indeed whether to trust new acquaintances.

Nine year old Jack, inconsolable about the death of Diana but taking succour in the sage advice of her wise son.

Spoiler: It’s funny the things you remember

Like “remembering” you got the idea from Prince Harry decades ago in Ol Gladys’s big ol pile of Tattler magazines, instead of remembering you got it last year off Twitter.

It’s……..Coleen Rooney’s account.

Gladys ss from @Silver Linings
Coleen ss from @……..Coleen Rooney’s account

 

[Hollaaa]

Did the same but it seems A Cock And Bull Story and 24 Hour Party People are too early

The ghost of Alan Partridge is never far from these threads.

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

Did the same but it seems A Cock And Bull Story and 24 Hour Party People are too early

2 to 4 hour party people with guest if that story about her at the "sober rave" is to be believed

 

[malinky]

Ok I think I've narrowed it down to:
Announcement of long awaited Ken Loach biopic;
Registration opening for Monrogue's School For Scammers;
Christmas contract with the Eel Marketing Board;
Launch of Asda's Tuppeny Spice range: single fat garlic cloves, individual sachets of smoked paprika for more adventurous slopslingers.

Half a gram of Tuppenny Spice,
Half a pint of treacle,
Stick it in the air fryer-
Your house'll burn like diesel!
---

Or indeed whether to trust new acquaintances.

Nine year old Jack, inconsolable about the death of Diana but taking succour in the sage advice of her wise son.
View attachment 2623527

I think a better way to prevent your secrets ending up being leaked to journalists is to flood the internet with so many lies in blogs, on Twitter and in media appearances, that your real life appears incredibly boring...

 

[StatusWoe]

Sorry everyone, but I wanted to participate in Jack as Bowls.

Spoiler: The Claw

Spoiler: The Jaws

Spoiler: The Coins

 

[MaineCoonMama]

Half a gram of Tuppenny Spice,
Half a pint of treacle,
Stick it in the air fryer-
Your house'll burn like diesel!

Is that the recipe for Thrupenny Crumblenuts?

Question for the Canal, did Jack make that name up? I've never been clear on that because it does sound like a real English biscuit name.

I hope she's baking plenty of them for General Butt Naked and family.

 

[rage naan]

question, how does someone whose autism prevents them from ever lying use a social media strategy that involves lying?

as for the comeback scenario, how about

A) Religion Jack, but plot twist, she's now Muslim & wants to show us 5867 ways to style a hijab
B) Knocked up by Russell Brand
C) Actually employed by the Tory government so they can say they got their terrible policies designed by a "genuine poverty campaigner" so it's not their fault. Plot twist, knocked up by Boris Johnson
D) new career writing domestic thrillers. Plot twist, there are no plot twists