Jack Monroe #551 Careless Wispa

[BeardyBap]

I can see in the Mockingbird piece her feet/legs are tired/sore from walking, I assume because of inadequate public transport in the SE Essex area. It follows therefore that the bus in Unsung Songs was never going to turn up, hence giving her time to count all of the stars for her baby. Bit of local politics there, as a spangly suited man might say.
This powerful stuff knocks your poetry establishment into a cocked hat. Your Betjemans, your Audens, your Heaneys, not an ooh baby yeah between them. Mugs.

 

[rage naan]

It’s really difficult to tell what “it” actually was, isn’t it?

Just as to Jack owning a “forever home” is an end in itself, with no thought whatsoever for any of the myriad responsibilities and hassles that come with being a home owner once you’ve got the house, being famous (and “in the public eye”, as she was already calling it on her blog by May 2012) seems to have been the “it”/the end in itself.

I mean, it’s clear she’s been royally sabotaging things for herself since at least 2015 but it’s difficult to see other than attention seeking, “fame” and grifting a house what was her point or purpose in all (waves arms around at the last decade) this?!

Imagine Homeowner Jack. "Oh wow the roof needs fixing and I only have 12p. What is a smol pixie to doooooo " "I would love to HELP PEOPLE but my fridge is not top of the line so I can't do my WORK and I can't afford a new one"
and infinitum

 

[Onestorytoomany]

I went to my outlaws today, my step ML has a thing about old episodes of corries and Emmerdale. Today we had to endure hours of Emmerdale. I realised today that guest based her hair on Nicola from that era.( you know Bernice half sister,) its all hacked up.

 

[griftalo]

They are all bleeping hideous but some are truly wrong. What a complete lack of talent of any kind.

They’re awful aren’t they! Just proves people will buy any old tank if she sold some!
---

Strongly suspect this was an original
View attachment 2578748

Every time I see this I imagine she’s got a dog on a string and is off to see the levellers. It’s got such strong crusty vibes from my youth. There were loads where I’m from. Most of them were nice though

 

[GazpachoPolice]

It's giving 'edgy Btech photography coursework'. Who poses with a dead creature like this? Gotta look cute and mysterious while I use this deceased bird as a bleeping prop

Isn’t that the awful picture that she liked so much she had on her own wall? Can you imagine being that self obsessed?!

 

[TurnedUpInTipp]

this one is mercifully short
View attachment 2579090

Christ.
This makes me want to punch myself in the face.

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

Isn’t that the awful picture that she liked so much she had on her own wall? Can you imagine being that self obsessed?!

I couldn't inflict that in my family. All my nudes are stored safely, each marked with a special code which my good friend grieving ginger hazza taught me to do.

 

[TurnedUpInTipp]

That dead seagull picture will be the cover of her breakout album, "Songs In The Key of Beige"

 

[hereforthechaos]

I can see in the Mockingbird piece her feet/legs are tired/sore from walking, I assume because of inadequate public transport in the SE Essex area. It follows therefore that the bus in Unsung Songs was never going to turn up, hence giving her time to count all of the stars for her baby. Bit of local politics there, as a spangly suited man might say.
This powerful stuff knocks your poetry establishment into a cocked hat. Your Betjemans, your Audens, your Heaneys, not an ooh baby yeah between them. Mugs.

The amazing thing about art is we can all have our own interpretation. I thought it was about our plucky Smol heroine having to save her bus money to buy coronation chicken. I don't know if she'd take it to her beloved though.

 

[Tabitha D]

They’ve sold another one. Another 5p in the forever home fund. She’s on 12% 23 hours after we first noticed it was being sold at rock bottom price to shift stock the fantastic offer

Who on earth is buying these thing? Unless they are Secret Santa gifts for people at work you hate.

 

[lilykestrel]

how can an unmade bed be white and new and come

 

[griftalo]

View attachment 2579763

how can an unmade bed be white and new and come

I admit I’ve skimmed past most of her tit writing, so I hadn’t seen this, but bollocking hell. What a load of rit.
What’s white and new? Last sentence, grammatical disaster. 0/10

 

[SouthendRealEstate]

View attachment 2579763

how can an unmade bed be white and new and come

 

[hereforthechaos]

View attachment 2579763

how can an unmade bed be white and new and come

Horse gunk lasagne metaphor.
Hmm the truth is in the wine after all. Lads, I might be drunk

 

[Captainmouse]

Maybe they could launch it with the big thing Jack was doing for the papers, with 4 families who didn’t know how to go shopping on a limited budget. It seems a shame to have missed that article.
---

Writer. Photographer. Mother. Amateur. No friends yet. At all
If this isn’t the next thread title I’m going rogue.

FTFY
---

Strongly suspect this was an original
View attachment 2578748

Isn’t that comedian Maisie hairstyle?

 

[Jelly Bean]

Better In Time is an absolute atrocity (possibly even better than children with rickets and crumpled bus tickets), Thankyou x for digging it up. I found it really relatable, I too hate it when I order fresh ground coffee and the barista punches me when I ask for no milk.

Why you cry?
Sighs in eyes

But that's the thing with guest. Each poem or singing attempt or photo is so ghastly you think 'ah this is the worst' but then you revisit each foulness and think 'ah but this one is definitely the worst'. (Like her recipes obv).
My own personal nadir has got to be that poetry recital 'oh duck off I really am shy'. I've never watched it all the way through yet.

 

[StatusWoe]

this one is mercifully short
View attachment 2579090

I don't know who Jack's talking about, but it's clear that he/she doesn't want the heckin' coffee. Step away from the percolator you weirdo.
---

"The unsung songs lie strewn on unplayed pianos" ...

Noooo, so there's neither a Bouuuulevaaaarrrrd" nor a key hammering?
I'm sad about this

I'm sad about the unswung swings.

No yeahs I’m afraid but another oh baby for your reading pleasure. The second verse in this one is particularly difficult to parse. I recommend reading it aloud to really enjoy its complexity
View attachment 2579183

God it just drones on and on.

I don't want your Green & Blacks
You think you're all that
but you're just a prat.

 

[StewPots]

Hurry the hell up and order
In the coffee store
Stood there writing tit poetry
The queue is out the door


Why barista cry?
Seagull die

BIB - Too early

I’m wide awake again, always around this time of night but I’m mithering to myself about whether Jack hates the Canal’s mithering.

Like, does she properly bleeping HATE the fact that she’s on radio silence, and has been for a few months now, and STILL we carry on here. Being forensic about timelines and Jack’s general lies and bull. Making up Aunty Pat scenarios. Speculating about a pro chef WhatsApp group. Telling her to close her bleeping Patreon. Just constant, hilarious mithering because Jack has spent the last decade being an absolute melt and therefore, we have enough content to last us forever. And she can’t say tit about it. Especially since the Choccie Tea as well….

OR….Being a total narc, does she in fact love the fact she’s still getting some form of attention from us, even though it’s negative, when everyone else has deserted her?

I honestly can’t decide which it is. I have to say, I much prefer option A because that means in some way, she is paying for her fraudulent ways via our corner of the internet.

It all gets read - not only by Tattle members, but thousands of people who haven’t joined but are still getting educated about the grift and having a nose around the site. And we have a much bigger reach than her “Glastonbury sized” following.

Welcome, new members and anonymous scrollers…like me 6 months ago, you can dive deep into the grifting ways of the internet’s top celebrity chef and grifter, Mx ( occasionally) Jack Monroe, and spread the word that she’s an absolute horror. Although actually, most people won’t know who the duck you’re in about.

How’s having to sit on your hands for months working out for you Jack? All your own fault, you absolute tool. Have a slow hand clap
---

No yeahs I’m afraid but another oh baby for your reading pleasure. The second verse in this one is particularly difficult to parse. I recommend reading it aloud to really enjoy its complexity
View attachment 2579183

DIRE.

Or as MOTFA says, “Terrible”.

LJC what was she thinking writing this utter dirge?! I bet my SB can write something better than that. In fact, I think the Reception class could even have a crack at it and produce something better. Like a macaroni critique of how awful it is.

Well done Jack, now all the small kids are crying.

 

[StatusWoe]

Like a macaroni critique of how awful it is.

She'd 100% turn this into a Quirky Thing - writing 'poetry' with spaghetti hoops on the surface of her already-hideous smoothie bowls. Then it's only a matter of time until she produces some narcissist pasta abomination and names it Jackaroni.

 

[hoopdedoo]

The unmade bed is white because guest just washed the sheets in her bathtub with diluted detergent, and is now putting the sheets back on the bed. Do try to keep up.