Jack Monroe #549 Two different one's in three's

[Florid Language]

Looking at the Patreon page it says 333 paid members. If the annual churn is in January it is going to be very interesting because of the silence from guest and the continuing COL crisis.
She's running out of excuses and can't post another "I'm sorry..." without drawing attention to the lack of content.

 

[BeardyBap]

I love it when we get so starved for chaoi we start hallucinating that someone has given her the go ahead to enter the jungle. Dream on Jack and dream on ninnies, she would never leave SB for that long (leaving SB is reserved only for all the other times she fecks off and leaves him)

Ok if we can't have the jungle I want Celebrity Drug Mules. Jack and whichever of Hale or Pace want to do it have to get as many half hundredweight bags of Moroccan Black across the Strait of Gibraltar as they can using only a pedalo with a busted rudder.

 

[nothanksbabes]

She has so much more of a clue about food doesn’t she. How gratifying would it be to see her get a slot on a tv show? When she was saying about frying the onions I was just like I know!! Why doesn’t guest know? I really feel like her mum does all the cooking and isn’t good at it, otherwise where do these odd notions come from? If you purée raw onion for curry paste for example you still have to fry it. It’s basic knowledge.

It's particularly bizarre because those ingredients could have made a way better meal with much less effort and washing up.

Finely dice the onions and garlic and fry on a low heat until softened. Add the wine and reduce a bit. Stick the steak in with the gravy, add the tomato puree, a stock cube, simmer until it's reduced into something resembling a sauce (the meat is probably going to be mush but it's tinned meat and I'm not a miracle worker ), check the seasoning, probably add a bit of sugar to temper the acidity of the wine and tomatoes, salt if the stock cube hasn't done it's bit, stick some herbs in, maybe a bit of worcestershire sauce or similar if it's lacking depth, put the carrots in at the end to warm through, pepper... and whatever you're left with is way closer to edible than whatever Jack's blended sloppy horror was.

 

[DinosaurSenior]

Could she go on Celebrity Race Around the World?

Might fall at first hurdle due to Med a Issues

 

[cokeyoakey]

Glorious. Well worth the watch

Crikey yes - "if I can't get it to taste nice I might pop up the shop to get some mushrooms . . ."

 

[ForgettyBetty]

I think I was lurking here at the time but did guest once say that most of her patreon supporters were only paying a pound a month or have I remembered it wrong?
I just wondered if there was a screenshotted record of that conversation.

She tried hard to imply it, but inadvertently used language that referred to one single subscriber on that (hidden and awkward to reach) option. I'm sorry I can't find the exact wording atm but it must be here somewhere

 

[griftalo]

It's particularly bizarre because those ingredients could have made a way better meal with much less effort and washing up.

Finely dice the onions and garlic and fry on a low heat until softened. Add the wine and reduce a bit. Stick the steak in with the gravy, add the tomato puree, a stock cube, simmer until it's reduced into something resembling a sauce (the meat is probably going to be mush but it's tinned meat and I'm not a miracle worker ), check the seasoning, probably add a bit of sugar to temper the acidity of the wine and tomatoes, salt if the stock cube hasn't done it's bit, stick some herbs in, maybe a bit of worcestershire sauce or similar if it's lacking depth, put the carrots in at the end to warm through, pepper... and whatever you're left with is way closer to edible than whatever Jack's blended sloppy horror was.

This is exactly what I thought!
---

Could she go on Celebrity Race Around the World?

Might fall at first hurdle due to Med a Issues

Is med a traditionally flat?

 

[ForgettyBetty]

Looking at the Patreon page it says 333 paid members. If the annual churn is in January it is going to be very interesting because of the silence from guest and the continuing COL crisis.
She's running out of excuses and can't post another "I'm sorry..." without drawing attention to the lack of content.

She lost 3 paying members since 5pm AND ONE FREE ONE.
Her patreon is apparently not even worth the 2watts of power it takes to look at the sorry pages.

 

[MaineCoonMama]

Glorious. Well worth the watch

I almost stopped after the smol dog saunters through the graveyard, how could that be topped?
I love how the test bunny lady keeps giving subtle snark then goes in for the kill. 10/10.

 

[MurielSnark]

Hi Fraus! I've been MIA as life is Not even grunked, sorry to say.
However couldn't resist sharing this YT video i stumbled across. A SlongAlong hero in the wild if you will. View from 8.55 onwards:

No idea who this lady is but she definitely needs a spot on the slopathon prizes wall. You have to admire her genuine willingness to give Jack the benefit of the doubt right up until the end.

What a stupid recipe. A waste of ingredients and time ... I wouldn't give that to my dog and he eats mouldy bread off the ground.

 

[RandomFishOils]

Come on then, Jack, let’s hear your totally well-informed and insightful take on the issues facing the agricultural sector:

Perhaps you discuss it at one of the many, many school talks that you do (going back to your old school to honk through an assembly once doesn’t count as plural):

Funny how all of these dozens of food organisations, NGOs and schools never once mention any of this work that you’ve done with them, isn’t it? Unless you’re counting Sainsbury’s, Hellman’s and Del Monte as “food organisations”.

 

[Lazarus]

The woman in the video was probably a rage nan at one point. She’s totally Jack’s intended reader: Not poor, no experience of being on the bones of her a, white, middle England, average.

Jack pretends these books and recipes are the saviour of those using foodbanks, but as the video and the Slopalong showed: the recipes are not tested, don’t work, are tasteless and are often more expensive than a tried and tested meal you make regularly; because your only options are either to bin it or add more ingredients to make it edible.

this brown misery-slop didn’t start out as a cheap recipe with the wine and beef. Imagine that was all you had? Imagine you didn’t have the luxury of nipping out to the shops for fresh courgette, mushrooms and whatever else she put in there? Imagine you didn’t have rice to eat along with it?

in a way it’s funny to watch someone else give an honest appraisal of her food whilst cooking one of her meals, but once you think about it, it’s sad and incredibly insulting that Jack and her publishers think this is good enough for people living in poverty. Shame on her and shame on them.

 

[FourSeasonSoupObsessive]

Hi Fraus! I've been MIA as life is Not even grunked, sorry to say.
However couldn't resist sharing this YT video i stumbled across. A SlongAlong hero in the wild if you will. View from 8.55 onwards:

“it’s never going to be anything more than OK”

Great find, @GladysMcHaggis! I really enjoyed this proto-Frau‘s increasing bafflement at the nonsensical slop she was creating, and her eventual realisation that the only way to salvage it is to make an entirely different recipe. She still credits Jack, though, she thinks the inedibility results from some sort of oversight and seems quite happy to tweak it to make it palatable. I did much the same in about 2015.

You can come and sit with us, Frugal Frau, and we’ll let you in on a secret- all of Jack‘s recipes are miserable, tasteless slop because she can’t cook.

 

[Flivver]

To quote Shoestring video woman -

‘I’m not going to lie but this is the oddest recipe I’ve ever read…’

Well, quite Shoestring woman. Welcome to the Monroe Slop. Inedible and wasteful - again, why is she feted as the saviour of the poor as she just cannot cook!!!!

 

[Cookiecookie]

Hi Fraus! I've been MIA as life is Not even grunked, sorry to say.
However couldn't resist sharing this YT video i stumbled across. A SlongAlong hero in the wild if you will. View from 8.55 onwards:

That's a brilliant find Gladys!

 

[BeardyBap]

Hi Fraus! I've been MIA as life is Not even grunked, sorry to say.
However couldn't resist sharing this YT video i stumbled across. A SlongAlong hero in the wild if you will. View from 8.55 onwards:

The way it starts with all those ingredients going into the blender really turns me. I'm a bit queasy about texture. I'm going to spoiler this, honestly don't open with a weak stomach (not joking).

Spoiler: Me-rail, dinner's in the liquidiser

Mum worked in a nursing home when I was a teenager. Some of the residents needed their meals liquidised, so they'd get the same dinner the cooks had prepared for everyone else but theirs would have gone through the blender (we called them liquidisers then - which also turns me ). She would occasionally bring a bag of those leftovers home for our labradors. Intellectually I knew it was just meat, spuds, carrots, & gravy and that I would have happily sat down to a plate of it, but even now picturing the bag sitting on the kitchen counter, the smell...

So anyway, after seeing the recipe start with the blender I skipped through. I got that she added a lot of veg, a lot of seasoning, and served it with rice but I'm still amazed that she managed to recover Jack's Beefyboozey to something deemed "edible" and that Mr Shoestring (Eddie? ) came back for a third bowl!
Shoestring Jane says she'll probably never have another can of stewed steak in her store cupboard. Way ahead of you there, Jane.

 

[Mrs Peel]

First it was spaghetti hoops, now stewed steak. Why does guest insist on rinsing everything except herself?

 

[SouthendRealEstate]

 

[Lazarus]

First it was Guardian readers, then it was spaghetti hoops, now stewed steak. Why does guest insist on rinsing everything except herself?

Updated that for you,

 

[AlwightDallin]

If her patreon vanishes, she’s doing reality TV (though I’m not convinced she’s known enough). It would be glorious to see her in the jungle, telling whoppers by day and worrying about the tattle and X fact checking cabal by night. Reckon her expose might end up in the Daily Star but it’s better than not at all.

Celeb bake off would be good (for SU2C, quite appropriate given her vast experience with oncologist begging online). Rinsed bean sponge cake, anyone? Three tin pavlova?