Jack Monroe #549 Two different one's in three's

[Foxvint]

How come its half term and the tabloids haven't done a its a kid and Guest out pumpkin picking or sharing a pumpkin spiced drink... she is such a main character, you'd thiink she would make a fuss where ever she goes, dont you know who i am?' I mean she is the person who puts her name on DONATED tins of pineapple.

Apparently there's still ppl out there who think pumpkin picking involves going to a field where a ruddy faced kindly farmer has been nurturing his pumpkins all year and not just choosing 1 from the wholesaler order of 100 that's been lashed on the ground for the insta huns to drag little Maisey round to supply some likes for them.

 

[SharkAttack]

Bang on, Mabel. One has to wonder if testing wasn't deemed necessary given the intended audience.
All the same, they (all of them: agent, publishing house, supposed food writer) should be publicly shamed, because the 'recipes' are not fit for purpose.
Shame on all of them.

Agree with both of you. Remember the sloppy editing of her latest oeuvre? Even the editor who boasted on Twitter that she worked on it soon realised what a crap job she'd done and deleted her tweet. Dangerous tin can nonsense and all.
These people know nothing about genuinely poor people and care even less - it's all about the virtue signalling and the dollar for them.
That woman making the 'boozy'whatever it was (no booze left after 20 minutes' pointless cooking on the hob) showed up Jack and her publishing gang for the charlatans they are.

 

[Powershower]

Hi Fraus! I've been MIA as life is Not even grunked, sorry to say.
However couldn't resist sharing this YT video i stumbled across. A SlongAlong hero in the wild if you will. View from 8.55 onwards:

Can we have “it was never going to be anything better than ok” for thread title

 

[Seaford Haggington]

The cafe are a separate entry on Companies House. They want to help the long term unemployed, so perhaps there is a job for the guest?

 

[BeardyBap]

Ahahaha she's wearing half a polar bear in Sep in the southeast. Silly bint.

Whenever I see the sleeping rough post I think about how everything guest describes is freezing and/ or battered. I'm sure there's been a battered jacket for example but when I went looking for it I found THIS. I've never seen this before. Omg. It's from the holier than thou "I'm the most moral vegan" phase. Complete also with "scrawled" "promptly" and "resplendent" and also not really being a recipe but more of a serving suggestion
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ETA oh god there's more. I hadn't read the actual recipe. Two pages to say "bake a beetroot as if it was a potato".
The all purpose " put it in soupsstewscurries", lots of popping things gently and carefully, bottled lemon. Also lol at "beertroot" #professionalwriter

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I'm very disappointed TenderNaan. Beetroot's in the oven and I've started the twatziki but I don't know if the garlic clove required is a fat one or a skinny one. With no idea how to proceed I've put the lot in the bin. Probably for the best.

 

[MancBee]

Job ad for them is interesting: https://www.simplyhired.co.uk/job/Z8t1Brjh5QPEYlEZuBpoGP218t4FhIjAhFUPjIYv_fIhSlcq9De7MA paying minimum wage and the grammar is appalling. Maybe Jack's writing them? Must "of" used griddle fryers but presumably they're too niche for the pov?

"serendipity cafe is friendly busy local friendly cafe"

Do you think "serendipity cafe" might be friendly?

 

[Shimmering]

Well that puts a whole new slant on the pot of coronation chicken for the long, long walk home. View attachment 2538154

Pretty sure he’d prefer her calling him a thief on Twitter to calling him “hers” on Facebook.

Such a typical guest tale which sounds plausible until you actually look at the detail.

Guest - I walk to and from school to save bus fare for spending on sweets and pokemon cards like the plucky pov I am!

Also guest - On way to and from school, I spend more money than the bus fare on chips and coronation chicken, resulting in a net loss!

I see her expert money management skills started early.

 

[RandomFishOils]

Vlad, stop it.

 

[nothanksbabes]

I just think the average person doesn't crowd fund because a normal person, who isn't a terminally online, highly narcissistic attention seeker wouldn't have the weird, parasocial following needed to make it worthwhile.

I'm reasonably well liked, I guess, in that I have a solid group of good friends, but if I suddenly crowdfunded for something, I can't imagine anyone would donate if I suddenly said I need money for my MOT. And why should they when I can get the fucking bus to work until I've saved the money myself?

My friends, however, would lend me money at the drop of a hat, because they know they'll get it back, and they know I'd reciprocate.

There's a reason these people constantly on the beg don't have anyone in real life who'll lift a finger for them.

 

[RandomFishOils]

exactly that. i get not everyone wants to give to street beggars, but if you are able to give and you do, then it isn't for you to put a condition on what the money is spent on. either give or don't, but once you've given it, the choice is no longer yours.

I always like what the Aussie comic Steve Hughes says about giving money to beggars: “When people say why do you do that, they’ll only spend it on drink or drugs? So what? That’s what I was going to spend it on anyway.”

 

[nothanksbabes]

Ok firstly I bought some leather leggings earlier and I’m slightly worried I’m having a mid life crisis or I’m becoming Jack. Might air fry an ice lolly later, IDK.

Secondly I don’t have any LuLaGrift leggings but I do have some ‘buttery soft’ gym leggings (like £10 on Amazon) and OMG game changer they are SO comfortable. I am very tall so I wear leggings under jumper dresses to avoid flashing my neighbours, I’ve thrown out all my primarks now, once you go buttery soft you cannot go back

I’d forgotten about the Royal Quiche, I’m partial to an M&S tomato and broccoli but like everything in M&S it is stupidly unhealthy. It’s a treat quiche only (unlike Jack’s which looked like a punishment quiche).

Punishment Quiche is the name of my new death metal band.

 

[shugabug23]

After reading 4 pages about pink wees and thinking you’d all ruptured a kidney all I have to say is….
MAKE A JACKET FUCKING POTATO JACK LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN 🫨

 

[Landslide]

Hi Fraus! I've been MIA as life is Not even grunked, sorry to say.
However couldn't resist sharing this YT video i stumbled across. A SlongAlong hero in the wild if you will. View from 8.55 onwards:

Right come on. Fess up. Which one of you is this queen? Love the inability to find a more appropriate adjective to describe the recipe, the entire process, the ingredients, the lack of seasoning and the taste than ‘weird’. Hahaahahah. Brilliant. Also love to see how much better this lady is at presenting than Jack. Look how she prepared the ingredients in advance and placed the camera so we could see what she was doing. And gave a running commentary. Take note guest. Or not. We don’t want to see you attempt to present anything ever again.

Eta the rinsed steak looks like anemic cat food. Why would you rinse stewed steak? WHY?

If someone threatened me with rinsed stewed steak with puréed carrot and red wine sauce I’d run for the hills

 

[StewPots]

Now, it's about 30 Celsius here so I'm wearing a singlet and short shorts.
I sauntered up to the RSL Poppy sellers at the shopping centre and bought a poppy for my Harold. The two elderly ladies manning the booth absolutely loved my sleeves and leg tattoos. One wanted a photo of my Disney sleeve as her great-granddaughter loves the films.
This isn't the first time something like this has happened so I'm going to hazard a guess that Jack might be lying about being horribly, verbally shamed about her tattoos.

When I worked as a HCA, so many patients and residents were fascinated by my tattoos on my arms ( the rest aren’t visible but they would ask about them and I would describe what they were etc )

A few residents when I was a senior in a nursing home loved to trace my tattoos ( especially the star I have in my wrist ) and found it soothing. I must have looked after 100s of elderly people in the 10 years of my career and not one single person ever said a bad word about my tattoos.

Jack - as usual - is full of absolute shit.

 

[IcanSpellBéchamel]

“It was absolutely tasteless”

 

[MurielSnark]

Google reviews lets customers submit photos. Could guest produce this?

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No. She could not.

Spoiler: Not sure about this one

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These plates of food look just as I imagine they would in a cafe like Serendipity. It's not fine dining and I'm a food snob so am terribly prejudiced about that plate of porridge and the state of that hollandaise.

It's a strangely whimsical name for a military-around-the-edges setting that aims to preserve Shoebury's proud history of doing whatever it is wrt artillery. You'd think they'd go for something like The Officers' Mess or similar.

Perhaps one of the lady wives of the three Billy Big Bollocks Directors of the CIC running this joint came up with it and they thought it was okay to let the ladies have a tiny bit frippery. Ditto the flower boxes trying gamely to pretty up a rather stark and utilitarian space.

Here's the three Billy Big Bollocks Directors. Named on FB as:
"L-R
Brian Sandford - Managing Director - C&W shed
David Hadjicostas MBE - Company chair
John Budge - Director of Finance"

One thing I WILL say, even though everything about this enterprise makes we want to run fast in the opposite direction, is that Big Dave is actually contributing something of worth to his local community, unlike Jack. They've repurposed and brought into use a listed building, they're preserving historical stuff in the best tradition of every niche, local museum up and down the land, and they've created some jobs there too.

The model of a Community Interest Company is interesting because it's not-for-profit. This is appropriate, given the "public good" nature of the project. But it's also savvy because they can use their non-profit status to leverage public funds, which they clearly have done with the local council. AND the directors are also permitted to take dividends or fees for services out of the business so Big D will likely be earning nicely through this vehicle. There are statutory guidelines for how the directors should do this but it's a very useful model to make a bit of money and also do something useful for the world.

In summary, Big D has, from everything we know about him, made a good living out of working in the public sector (fire service, fostering etc) in an entrepreneurial sense. He's not just a wage slave -- he's actively used opportunities to boost his income along the way, all above board and seemingly honest, without any whiff of a grift.

It's notable that Jack, in her perennial resentment of her parents, hasn't learned any of this. She could've done similar, with all the many opportunities she's been gifted in the last decade and could've set herself up with a nice living that wouldn't demand every drop of her blood in a mundane 9-to-5 job.

Also, also, ALSO, we should definitely do our field trip to check them out next weekend. Look, frauen:

Anyway, here's Big D posing with his gun and his rather, ahem, phallic bullets.

Thanks to the Cart and Wagon Shed for serendipitously giving us some new content to mither over. We salute you.

(All pics lifted from the Cart and Wagon Shed public Facebook page.)

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Looks like coke bloat to me.

I presume she was wearing a shirt over this one that she was struggling to undo the sleeves on given she said it was tight round the biceps because she‘s vain.

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If anything she’s chasing Big Lin and dressing the part again. Excruciating.

Almosr as if she’s watched the TV she doesn’t have and asked “Netflix, what does a HEAVILY TATTOOED lesbian look like (just the haircut, I want my highlights and juicy couture tracksuit back if rich cock or sugarmamas who don’t do awards are imminent).

Louisa

Leggy

Harold

Freelance Cock, Autumn 2022

She knows what she’s doing - she’s just getting clunkier and more desperate

 

[MavisBeacon]

Let's be generous and imagine that all the fools kind people who are sending her money each month are £10 subscribers (even though they obviously aren't).

From the Shattenstone article:

"“A couple of things happened to get things as precarious as they were. My partner and I split up a couple of weeks after I had the lease on our house. It costs me £3,300 a month to run that house, and that is on a tight budget, without turning the heating on and a single lightbulb.” She breaks down the sums for me."

Guest's Patreon income alone isn't going to leave her a lot of spare cash for sideboards after paying for the bungamansion.*

*Assuming she's telling the truth.

What a shame.

I do not understand where her money is going, especially as we apparently know what her rent is.

1650 rent
150 ish on council tax (https://www.southend.gov.uk/council-tax-bands-charges/council-tax-calculated)
50 on water
200 on energy
100 on food (the famous 20 a week plus a bit extra)
Total: less than 2500

She says she doesn't have insurance or broadband (yeah right), but even then I don't understand where the rest of the money is going?

Well, the truth lies in the last sentence of the quote which dear Mrs P cut off..

This was a year ago, a long time after LJC LEFT and just a few months after HH2.

As I've mithered before, something really doesn't add up here.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

FFS thanks, I think!

What’s the wider context of “Just scampered nekkid into the background of a Zoom meeting and overheard my (influential ex-) fiancée discussing the program she’s making about Greenham Common, so I quickly googled it on Wikipedia and now I’m outside the local estate agent’s wondering how I can protest the fact I RENT and get LJC to televise it!”

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Pretty sure that was Fish Day.

 

[AlwightDallin]

Yay, it’s Halloween, the one day a year Jack can force SB to knock on the neighbours doors and beg. Bet she eats his sweets. Oh, who am I kidding, he’ll be out with his siblings and Dad back at his actual home.

I’ve been on holiday with my family this past week, I saw a copy of GFFBD in the 20p bin at the charity shop at the seaside, where it was being appropriately ignored. I’d have DMd Jack to come snap it up but she’s still wild camping off grid so I couldn’t.

Anyway I await her return to X with a Billy bulls*** story about how Matthew Perry reached out to her in the midst of their sobriety battles and said ‘I’ll be there for you’. She loves fibbing about the recently departed, lower than a snakes tit that she is.