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BeardyBap
VIP Member
I suspect that most of us would be a little less understanding of Chris Packham's social skills were we to hear that he had been begging a living on the internet, had no actual expertise and had been bullshitting his whole career, had been raising money for various causes with zero transparency, and was being funded by well-intentioned patrons whilst doing none of what they believed they were sponsoring.
I think that's the difference.
I think that's the difference.
Marmalade Atkins
VIP Member
This is what it would look like if some Jacks came round for a coffee.
(sofa from Google)
(sofa from Google)
rage naan
VIP Member
From @Valiofthedolls beautiful compilation at the end of the last thread, a rare Auntie Pat pic I've never seen before.
In the late 1980s Pat and her friends went on a coach trip to London to audition to be on Ready Steady Cook. When it was Pat's turn, she smiled and waved when the producer said smile and wave, but it turned out her cooking skills weren't quite what the show needed. When Ainsley said "here, you can chop an onion while I do literally everything else", Pat asked for a bullet blender and turned her back to the camera.
However, her cousin's best mate (known to you and me as Auntie Sandra, even though she's no relation) did get on the show. She was partnered with Anthony Worrall Thompson, and Pat sulked throughout the episode when it came on telly. "It should have been ME!" she yelled, ripping a can of hoops open with her bare hands like Popeye. "MY OWN NICHE GENRRRRE!"
Hoops splattered the wall. There's still an orange stain on the carpet ( told you you should rinse them!) Uncle Roy (Sandra's husband) had to be calmed down with a pint of "the black stuff". We don't talk about it now.
In the late 1980s Pat and her friends went on a coach trip to London to audition to be on Ready Steady Cook. When it was Pat's turn, she smiled and waved when the producer said smile and wave, but it turned out her cooking skills weren't quite what the show needed. When Ainsley said "here, you can chop an onion while I do literally everything else", Pat asked for a bullet blender and turned her back to the camera.
However, her cousin's best mate (known to you and me as Auntie Sandra, even though she's no relation) did get on the show. She was partnered with Anthony Worrall Thompson, and Pat sulked throughout the episode when it came on telly. "It should have been ME!" she yelled, ripping a can of hoops open with her bare hands like Popeye. "MY OWN NICHE GENRRRRE!"
Hoops splattered the wall. There's still an orange stain on the carpet ( told you you should rinse them!) Uncle Roy (Sandra's husband) had to be calmed down with a pint of "the black stuff". We don't talk about it now.
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SouthendRealEstate
Chatty Member
Guset at Greenbelt…
hereforthechaos
Well-known member
I was drunk inspired to write Sloptel California after the phrase popped I to my head. I could learn some impulse control but honestly Do you want me to stop breathing?
On a dark Southend highway
Cool wind in my box dye hair
Warm smell of soap boiling
Rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance
I saw a cheap solar light
My head grew ouchy and my sight grew dim
I had to stop for the night
There she limped in the doorway
I heard the mission bell
And I was thinking to myself
"This could be food Heaven or this could be Hell"
Then she lit up a tin can candle
And she showed me the way
There were voices down bungamasion corridor
I thought I heard them say
"Welcome to the Sloptel California
Such a lovely place (such a lovely place)
Model beautiful face(!)
Plenty of room at the Sloptel California
Any time of year (any time of year)
You can find it here"
Her mind is Tiffany-dupe twisted
She got the cotswald table endz
She got a lot of pretty, pretty burger boys
She calls friends
How they want to dance in the courtyard
Sweet summer sweat
Some dance to remember
Some dance to forget
So I called up the Captain
Please bring me my tea vinegar wine
He said, "We haven't had that spirit here
Since 1969"
And still those voices are honking from far away
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say
"Welcome to the Sloptel California
Such a lovely rented place (such a lovely place)
Model beautiful face
They livin' it up at the Sloptel California
What a nice surprise (what a nice surprise)
Bring your alibis"
Selfie mirrors on the ceiling
The pigs head on ice
And she said, "We are all just prisoners here
Of our agents device"
And in the mamspapas chambers
They gathered for the feast
They stab it with their many ebay knives
But they just can't kill the beast
Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To the grift I was running before
"Relax, " said the night guset
"We are programmed to receive
You can check-out any time you like
But you can never leave!"
On a dark Southend highway
Cool wind in my box dye hair
Warm smell of soap boiling
Rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance
I saw a cheap solar light
My head grew ouchy and my sight grew dim
I had to stop for the night
There she limped in the doorway
I heard the mission bell
And I was thinking to myself
"This could be food Heaven or this could be Hell"
Then she lit up a tin can candle
And she showed me the way
There were voices down bungamasion corridor
I thought I heard them say
"Welcome to the Sloptel California
Such a lovely place (such a lovely place)
Model beautiful face(!)
Plenty of room at the Sloptel California
Any time of year (any time of year)
You can find it here"
Her mind is Tiffany-dupe twisted
She got the cotswald table endz
She got a lot of pretty, pretty burger boys
She calls friends
How they want to dance in the courtyard
Sweet summer sweat
Some dance to remember
Some dance to forget
So I called up the Captain
Please bring me my tea vinegar wine
He said, "We haven't had that spirit here
Since 1969"
And still those voices are honking from far away
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say
"Welcome to the Sloptel California
Such a lovely rented place (such a lovely place)
Model beautiful face
They livin' it up at the Sloptel California
What a nice surprise (what a nice surprise)
Bring your alibis"
Selfie mirrors on the ceiling
The pigs head on ice
And she said, "We are all just prisoners here
Of our agents device"
And in the mamspapas chambers
They gathered for the feast
They stab it with their many ebay knives
But they just can't kill the beast
Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To the grift I was running before
"Relax, " said the night guset
"We are programmed to receive
You can check-out any time you like
But you can never leave!"
MistyWindows
VIP Member
Very behind, but I just spotted this in the ladies’ boggers at a bar and I couldn’t not post it
I love you tenderstems 🤍
I love you tenderstems 🤍
DianeAbbotsMojito
Chatty Member
Omg this.
I don't understand why we attach any more seriousness to her autism claims than we do her ODD claims/trans claims/crumbly arthritis claims.
The "I'm autistic, I literally can't lie" did it for me. It's like she read the Ladybird My Big Book of Autism once and took only the bits that would help her excuse her terrible behaviour and applied them to herself. Funny how none of the positive traits that can be attributes of autism made their way to her, such as an intolerance for unfairness or being accurate with facts. Only the traits that she can wield as excuses for being an utter cunt. Really odd.
Marmalade Atkins
VIP Member
There has been a lack of Summertime Jack content this year so here's some Jacks having a nice time on the beach x
Valiofthedolls
VIP Member
Aunty Pat used to be massively into rockin’ American stuff (like Harleys and Suzi Quatro) back in the day when the kids were small.
She set up an all ladies Motorcycle Club (MC) especially for ladies who couldn’t ride motorbikes (or drive) and they all got to come up with their own special tough “motorcycle club names”! Aunty Pat chose a “Motorcycle Club Name” inspired by a
film with motorbikes someone told her about.
The MC “Broads” all chipped in spare housekeeping money and got an old Harley with no engine they all could take turns to sit on. Pat kept pestering Uncle Dennis’s youngest brother Wayne for a lend of his leathers but he refused. Instead she had to make do with second-youngest brother Ronnie’s cast-offs (he was a big Shakin Stevens fan).
It lasted years, but got increasingly embarrassing for the kids to have everyone in Southend shouting “Oi Oi! Easy Rider!” (and various other innuendo-ladenfictional nonsense) at Pat everywhere they went. Finally when Janice was 15 and Derek was 14, exasperated they sat her down and explained what it all meant.
Aunty Pat doesn’t talk much about those Easy Rider days anymore. But she still gets a tear in her eye when she hears a Suzi Quatro song or, strolling down the street sees a daring Broad all decked out in double denim.
She set up an all ladies Motorcycle Club (MC) especially for ladies who couldn’t ride motorbikes (or drive) and they all got to come up with their own special tough “motorcycle club names”! Aunty Pat chose a “Motorcycle Club Name” inspired by a
film with motorbikes someone told her about.
The MC “Broads” all chipped in spare housekeeping money and got an old Harley with no engine they all could take turns to sit on. Pat kept pestering Uncle Dennis’s youngest brother Wayne for a lend of his leathers but he refused. Instead she had to make do with second-youngest brother Ronnie’s cast-offs (he was a big Shakin Stevens fan).
It lasted years, but got increasingly embarrassing for the kids to have everyone in Southend shouting “Oi Oi! Easy Rider!” (and various other innuendo-laden
Aunty Pat doesn’t talk much about those Easy Rider days anymore. But she still gets a tear in her eye when she hears a Suzi Quatro song or, strolling down the street sees a daring Broad all decked out in double denim.
FlowerOfTheEast
VIP Member
Sorry tenderstems, I know Jack as fungi is soooo last thread but I've been BUSY.
traumatised sideboard
VIP Member
Thread title by @WoolyMammoth nominated by both @HotesTilaire and @plentyofpepper you all get to enter your butch phase with 5kg of plaid shirts.
In the last thread, Jack made her long-awaited return to Twitter to lap up some praise for her Greenbelt appearance which meant we were treated to some candid photos where she looks suspiciously thumb-like. She has bought up the entire stock of checked shirts in the east of England and her son has turned into a striking graceful woman who shares trainers with her. Please post additional recap if I forgot anything.
When nominating a thread title please use the words 'thread title' and no swearing. Wiki is the pink button up top.
In the last thread, Jack made her long-awaited return to Twitter to lap up some praise for her Greenbelt appearance which meant we were treated to some candid photos where she looks suspiciously thumb-like. She has bought up the entire stock of checked shirts in the east of England and her son has turned into a striking graceful woman who shares trainers with her. Please post additional recap if I forgot anything.
When nominating a thread title please use the words 'thread title' and no swearing. Wiki is the pink button up top.
Marmalade Atkins
VIP Member
Here's some Jacks having a small gathering in the shitty bungalow garden.
SouthendRealEstate
Chatty Member
rage naan
VIP Member
I should be working so instead I'm looking back into Auntie Pat's life story. Of course . The deep cuts as it were. She's had a super interesting life! Did you know she'd had a job as a school dinner lady back in 2003?
Or how about the time she auditioned to play Anna in The King and I at the local am dram club? Rumour has it that it's just a cover for swingers, though, and uncle Dennis doesn't trust Uncle Roy after that business with the "glamour modelling" so less said about that the better.
And I'd forgotten all about the two months she spent at Pontin's doing the bingo calling! Bless her. Not her fault Auntie Janice got caught cheating, was it.
Or how about the time she auditioned to play Anna in The King and I at the local am dram club? Rumour has it that it's just a cover for swingers, though, and uncle Dennis doesn't trust Uncle Roy after that business with the "glamour modelling" so less said about that the better.
And I'd forgotten all about the two months she spent at Pontin's doing the bingo calling! Bless her. Not her fault Auntie Janice got caught cheating, was it.
Boogs
VIP Member
I agree, I think her awkwardness around people is more to do with her having no real sense of self, no real interest in anything other than herself and her needs/wants and having NPD than neurodiversity. Narcissistic people often act strange because they are always playing a role and people with empathy are always trying to understand them and give them more credit than they are due. I know I spent years trying to understand why my mums brain didn’t work properly before I realised that she’s not neurodiverse she’s just a cunt.
She is as autistic as she is trans or a lesbian. She uses her labels as a shield and acts like a caricature of how she thinks people would act.
Autism - I can’t lie and arrange everything in a zany colour coded way!
I lie constantly and arrange things in a colour coded way because I do fuck all else with my day and I’m bored and looking for attention.
Trans - you’re attacking me because you’re a TERF!
I’m obsessed with my massive boobs which are actually quite average and expect everyone to else to be. I spend a fortune on make up and am really quite girly when I can be arsed.
Lesbian - look I’m all butch wearing a checked shirt.
I’ve got an older femme woman with connections/money in my line of fire. The rest of the time I will throw myself at anyone who gives me any attention and will jump on any passing cock if it stays still long enough for me to mount it.
She is as autistic as she is trans or a lesbian. She uses her labels as a shield and acts like a caricature of how she thinks people would act.
Autism - I can’t lie and arrange everything in a zany colour coded way!
I lie constantly and arrange things in a colour coded way because I do fuck all else with my day and I’m bored and looking for attention.
Trans - you’re attacking me because you’re a TERF!
I’m obsessed with my massive boobs which are actually quite average and expect everyone to else to be. I spend a fortune on make up and am really quite girly when I can be arsed.
Lesbian - look I’m all butch wearing a checked shirt.
I’ve got an older femme woman with connections/money in my line of fire. The rest of the time I will throw myself at anyone who gives me any attention and will jump on any passing cock if it stays still long enough for me to mount it.
Winthropp Tuesday
VIP Member
Daily Mail, 30th August 2023:
“Jacqueline Petit-Cochon, wife of Harold Petit-Cochon, Minister for Spoons, pictured out and about in Westminster today as news broke that her husband was being investigated for irregularities in his taxes. When approached by reporters and asked for comment she said ‘do you want me to stop breathing?’before getting into a waiting car.
Mr Petit-Cochon is currently away on ministerial business in Dordrecht. His office has been contacted for right of reply and his spokesperson said ‘what happens in Dordrecht stays in Dordrecht’.
Mrs Petit-Cochon is believed to be staying with friends, among them a Nigerian, a Somalian and an Italian. One commented ‘she’s been wailing like a banshee all night, and is being softly, gently put back together by good friends and 17 twelve step meetings a day, with green fruit pastilles’ she is herself a former business woman, running her now failed bespoke craft emporium ‘Bread and Jam’, which racked up debts of £2.59 in 2013 and was wound down by KPMG the same year.
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SouthendRealEstate
Chatty Member
Florid Language
Chatty Member
Auntie Pat on hearing that there's gin in the custard at this cafe.