(Amended) title nominated by @Salmonshirt
Wiki is the pink button
Recap needed as Jack has been a busy Barbie.
Wiki is the pink button
Recap needed as Jack has been a busy Barbie.
Jack Monroe #531 I hate it here, thanks
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Aaah, that was a satisfying chaos. I think the canal deserved that, after all that silence.
We have a public holiday here today, and I'm at work. Asked the kid before I left if she wanted anything from the shops when I've finished - "Can you get one of those roast chickens for us to just snack on?" I was shook I tell you.
We have a public holiday here today, and I'm at work. Asked the kid before I left if she wanted anything from the shops when I've finished - "Can you get one of those roast chickens for us to just snack on?" I was shook I tell you.
It's been a wild ride on the Monrollercoaster this week. Even though it's been the hottest July since records began and southern Europe is ablaze, it appears to have been 
snowing heavily in Southend.
Jack has been in excellent form, with her finger on the pulse of the nation, as usual. Her recent forensic investigations into rebranded sweets almost shaped into an Index of the best and worst, before going off on a trajectory involving who eats what colour. Jack is all about the sour and the tang of the green sweets; her unnamed bestie is happy to hoover up the reds and purples; and they argue over the orange. #TootFruit
While consuming a lot of sugar for research purposes is unwise, our Jack apparently persisted in sucking down those Rowntrees and her erratic antics on Twitter just escalated. Allegedly, someone silently handed her a half-packet of green sweets* at an AA meeting and Jack immediately took to Twitter to boast about how cool her fellow AA travellers are, how it's not at all weird for someone to follow you online and then surreptitiously gift you sweets from an open pack just because you mentioned it in a tweet.
This brought on a bi-directional shitstorm from both the hellsite and the canal as poor, innocent Jackie was accused of breaking the sacred confidentiality of her AA meeting by revealing this encounter online and potentially identifying her sweet co-conspirator. Natuallly she defended herself with dignity and some well-chosen words to disarm her critics in this matter.
The merde landing on all that snow and sugar was not pretty, however. The Twitterati are also inconveniently refusing to forget the Lee Anderson money and Jack's attempts to deflect the issue with vague screengrabs of monies paid to unnamed Southend recipients** are causing trolls with an investigative bent to dig deeper into certain evangelical organisations that may/may not be the church Jack's parents attend. Stand by for the most almighty shitstorm as this plays out.
Jack's mood rapidly became as sour as her greenest pastilles and she then suffered a recurrence of her chronic blistered mouth, which took her off down yet another side route as to what slops best suit someone with a massive hole in her massive hole***. Again, it was not pretty to witness the melange of inedible slops that Dr Dr Jack was prescribing, although she seems to think she might get a new book out of it****. Bravely, the canal stood by to document everything for the archive, even though most of us felt sick to our stomachs.
Things reached a new low when Jack opined on Twitter: "I hate it here, thanks." Poor little poppet.
Anyway, nobody has to worry because Happy Jack is back and she's been to the Barbie movie with a friend where she was the only audience member to get the joke and she laughed and laughed. She was there with a friend, did she mention that she was with a friend?
Born aloft by the giggles, she came home to a spot of online shopping where she managed to successfully bypass all the cheapest Barbie merch on Etsy and land on a horrible rainbow hoodie that costs £39. Very on brand for the world's best poverty princess to spend other people's donations on herself and accumulate more crap for her Barbie mansion.
That's about it. The one thing our Jack was completely silent about was the beginning of the school holidays, which leads the canal to believe that her son is away on a vaycay without her. Lucky, lucky chap, if true. All signs of his growing independence are welcomed with hoots and fizzes over here. #PetitFilsOnTour
Toot toot.
NOTES:
* Probably didn't happen. JM claimed again to be attending 9+ AA meetings a week but this seems dubioius and any signs of her actually working the 12 steps are invisible.
** Speculation abounds that Jack raised big bucks with that Lee Anderson beg and her comparatively modest donation to charity is a huge klaxon bringing lots of the wrong kind of attention her way.
*** The canal believes the only injuries Jack may have incurred to her mouth probably involve lip fillers. This hypothesis will be tested at the upcoming Edinburgh Fringe where her lips will be in full flap.
**** Also unlikely as the consensus is that JM's publishing career is in terminal decline.
snowing heavily in Southend.Jack has been in excellent form, with her finger on the pulse of the nation, as usual. Her recent forensic investigations into rebranded sweets almost shaped into an Index of the best and worst, before going off on a trajectory involving who eats what colour. Jack is all about the sour and the tang of the green sweets; her unnamed bestie is happy to hoover up the reds and purples; and they argue over the orange. #TootFruit
While consuming a lot of sugar for research purposes is unwise, our Jack apparently persisted in sucking down those Rowntrees and her erratic antics on Twitter just escalated. Allegedly, someone silently handed her a half-packet of green sweets* at an AA meeting and Jack immediately took to Twitter to boast about how cool her fellow AA travellers are, how it's not at all weird for someone to follow you online and then surreptitiously gift you sweets from an open pack just because you mentioned it in a tweet.
This brought on a bi-directional shitstorm from both the hellsite and the canal as poor, innocent Jackie was accused of breaking the sacred confidentiality of her AA meeting by revealing this encounter online and potentially identifying her sweet co-conspirator. Natuallly she defended herself with dignity and some well-chosen words to disarm her critics in this matter.
The merde landing on all that snow and sugar was not pretty, however. The Twitterati are also inconveniently refusing to forget the Lee Anderson money and Jack's attempts to deflect the issue with vague screengrabs of monies paid to unnamed Southend recipients** are causing trolls with an investigative bent to dig deeper into certain evangelical organisations that may/may not be the church Jack's parents attend. Stand by for the most almighty shitstorm as this plays out.
Jack's mood rapidly became as sour as her greenest pastilles and she then suffered a recurrence of her chronic blistered mouth, which took her off down yet another side route as to what slops best suit someone with a massive hole in her massive hole***. Again, it was not pretty to witness the melange of inedible slops that Dr Dr Jack was prescribing, although she seems to think she might get a new book out of it****. Bravely, the canal stood by to document everything for the archive, even though most of us felt sick to our stomachs.
Things reached a new low when Jack opined on Twitter: "I hate it here, thanks." Poor little poppet.
Anyway, nobody has to worry because Happy Jack is back and she's been to the Barbie movie with a friend where she was the only audience member to get the joke and she laughed and laughed. She was there with a friend, did she mention that she was with a friend?
Born aloft by the giggles, she came home to a spot of online shopping where she managed to successfully bypass all the cheapest Barbie merch on Etsy and land on a horrible rainbow hoodie that costs £39. Very on brand for the world's best poverty princess to spend other people's donations on herself and accumulate more crap for her Barbie mansion.
That's about it. The one thing our Jack was completely silent about was the beginning of the school holidays, which leads the canal to believe that her son is away on a vaycay without her. Lucky, lucky chap, if true. All signs of his growing independence are welcomed with hoots and fizzes over here. #PetitFilsOnTour
Toot toot.
NOTES:
* Probably didn't happen. JM claimed again to be attending 9+ AA meetings a week but this seems dubioius and any signs of her actually working the 12 steps are invisible.
** Speculation abounds that Jack raised big bucks with that Lee Anderson beg and her comparatively modest donation to charity is a huge klaxon bringing lots of the wrong kind of attention her way.
*** The canal believes the only injuries Jack may have incurred to her mouth probably involve lip fillers. This hypothesis will be tested at the upcoming Edinburgh Fringe where her lips will be in full flap.
**** Also unlikely as the consensus is that JM's publishing career is in terminal decline.
Nice to see the foul conwoman could take a moment from her busy schedule of hiding from her accusers to go to the cinema.
Superb recap and much appreciated, thank you @MurielSnark.
I really, really hope this is the case and he's away from the nasty old coke hag for the whole summer.
Four things.
1.
2. I don’t understand that Etsy hoodie. What’s with the “K” in front of the enough? I am kenough? Wasn’t Jeana Kenough a RHOC person? She had sporty sons and was friends with Vicki? WFK. Jack, you’re wearing a tit tie dhoodie with the surname of a RH person on it. Idiot.
3. Brace for Oppenheimer impact. Cillian spam incoming. Once Barbie is done and dusted, the next thing is surely Mr cheekbones himself. Groan. Jack wanging on about war and bombs is high on the list of “worst Jack ever”.
4.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-66330268
1.
They are a Middlesbrough/Teeside thing. I hadn’t really heard of them until I lived there (even though I had been in the NE for 10 years). However, my parents are coming up this weekend and the pub we are going to serve them. My mum (after looking at the menu online) was all “WTF?” to me. Given she only eats Gu pots and Nairn crackers, I told her it was probably best to choose something else. 
(
(2. I don’t understand that Etsy hoodie. What’s with the “K” in front of the enough? I am kenough? Wasn’t Jeana Kenough a RHOC person? She had sporty sons and was friends with Vicki? WFK. Jack, you’re wearing a tit tie dhoodie with the surname of a RH person on it. Idiot.
3. Brace for Oppenheimer impact. Cillian spam incoming. Once Barbie is done and dusted, the next thing is surely Mr cheekbones himself. Groan. Jack wanging on about war and bombs is high on the list of “worst Jack ever”.
4.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-66330268
Ken+enough. Portmanteau Jack is back in da house. Boom.Four things.
1.They are a Middlesbrough/Teeside thing. I hadn’t really heard of them until I lived there (even though I had been in the NE for 10 years). However, my parents are coming up this weekend and the pub we are going to serve them. My mum (after looking at the menu online) was all “WTF?” to me. Given she only eats Gu pots and Nairn crackers, I told her it was probably best to choose something else.
2. I don’t understand that Etsy hoodie. What’s with the “K” in front of the enough? I am kenough? Wasn’t Jeana Kenough a RHOC person? She had sporty sons and was friends with Vicki? WFK. Jack, you’re wearing a tit tie dhoodie with the surname of a RH person on it. Idiot.
3. Brace for Oppenheimer impact. Cillian spam incoming. Once Barbie is done and dusted, the next thing is surely Mr cheekbones himself. Groan. Jack wanging on about war and bombs is high on the list of “worst Jack ever”.
4.
I thought Oppenheimer was a film about those creepy tiny twin brothers from Selling Sunset, and thought it too low brow for Jack!
Oh. That’s me sold.
---
Brilliant. What with my RH take on the hoodie and this, you couldn’t make our thread up.I thought Oppenheimer was a film about those creepy tiny twin brothers from Selling Sunset, and thought it too low brow for Jack!
Going to the cinema and being the only one who truly understands reminds me of when I went to watch Lord of the Rings when I was 13 after reading the books. Grow up, Jack.
Big Fight Club vibes from the eleventybillion meetings a week claim:
And since you're incapable of interpreting things like a normal person Jack, when you read this, the point is both characters in that scenario are repugnant.
Big Fight Club vibes from the eleventybillion meetings a week claim:
And since you're incapable of interpreting things like a normal person Jack, when you read this, the point is both characters in that scenario are repugnant.
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Prediction: guest will go to see Oppenheimer and then tweet about how she too reads aloud from the Bhagavad Gita before shagathons.
Just grunking the previous thread. Good god.It's been a wild ride on the Monrollercoaster this week. Even though it's been the hottest July since records began and southern Europe is ablaze, it appears to have been
Jack has been in excellent form, with her finger on the pulse of the nation, as usual. Her recent forensic investigations into rebranded sweets almost shaped into an Index of the best and worst, before going off on a trajectory involving who eats what colour. Jack is all about the sour and the tang of the green sweets; her unnamed bestie is happy to hoover up the reds and purples; and they argue over the orange. #TootFruit
While consuming a lot of sugar for research purposes is unwise, our Jack apparently persisted in sucking down those Rowntrees and her erratic antics on Twitter just escalated. Allegedly, someone silently handed her a half-packet of green sweets* at an AA meeting and Jack immediately took to Twitter to boast about how cool her fellow AA travellers are, how it's not at all weird for someone to follow you online and then surreptitiously gift you sweets from an open pack just because you mentioned it in a tweet.
This brought on a bi-directional shitstorm from both the hellsite and the canal as poor, innocent Jackie was accused of breaking the sacred confidentiality of her AA meeting by revealing this encounter online and potentially identifying her sweet co-conspirator. Natuallly she defended herself with dignity and some well-chosen words to disarm her critics in this matter.
The merde landing on all that snow and sugar was not pretty, however. The Twitterati are also inconveniently refusing to forget the Lee Anderson money and Jack's attempts to deflect the issue with vague screengrabs of monies paid to unnamed Southend recipients** are causing trolls with an investigative bent to dig deeper into certain evangelical organisations that may/may not be the church Jack's parents attend. Stand by for the most almighty shitstorm as this plays out.
Jack's mood rapidly became as sour as her greenest pastilles and she then suffered a recurrence of her chronic blistered mouth, which took her off down yet another side route as to what slops best suit someone with a massive hole in her massive hole***. Again, it was not pretty to witness the melange of inedible slops that Dr Dr Jack was prescribing, although she seems to think she might get a new book out of it****. Bravely, the canal stood by to document everything for the archive, even though most of us felt sick to our stomachs.
Things reached a new low when Jack opined on Twitter: "I hate it here, thanks." Poor little poppet.
Anyway, nobody has to worry because Happy Jack is back and she's been to the Barbie movie with a friend where she was the only audience member to get the joke and she laughed and laughed. She was there with a friend, did she mention that she was with a friend?
Born aloft by the giggles, she came home to a spot of online shopping where she managed to successfully bypass all the cheapest Barbie merch on Etsy and land on a horrible rainbow hoodie that costs £39. Very on brand for the world's best poverty princess to spend other people's donations on herself and accumulate more crap for her Barbie mansion.
That's about it. The one thing our Jack was completely silent about was the beginning of the school holidays, which leads the canal to believe that her son is away on a vaycay without her. Lucky, lucky chap, if true. All signs of his growing independence are welcomed with hoots and fizzes over here. #PetitFilsOnTour
Toot toot.
NOTES:
* Probably didn't happen. JM claimed again to be attending 9+ AA meetings a week but this seems dubioius and any signs of her actually working the 12 steps are invisible.
** Speculation abounds that Jack raised big bucks with that Lee Anderson beg and her comparatively modest donation to charity is a huge klaxon bringing lots of the wrong kind of attention her way.
*** The canal believes the only injuries Jack may have incurred to her mouth probably involve lip fillers. This hypothesis will be tested at the upcoming Edinburgh Fringe where her lips will be in full flap.
**** Also unlikely as the consensus is that JM's publishing career is in terminal decline.
This adds weight to my theory that narcs are basically robots. They all act weirdly the same, to the point that you can identify them and even predict their behaviour.
When things go wrong for them, they temporarily fritz out and crash, but then reboot... and run the same programs all over again.
Please, someone, upgrade the Jackbot
I know this is off topic, but Cillian probably first became known to most in 28 days later, released in 2002. Jack was 14 then.
14.
Most 14 year olds (and I imagine Jack) are too busy thinking how awful their lives are (and how much they want to eat coronation chicken with their hands) to be bothered about films like that.
She’ll come on all “I’ve loved him since…” No you haven’t you epic moonboot. You are such a tryhard. Stop jumping on bandwagons and duck off. And if you really liked men with cheekbones, you would be obsessed with Jonathan Rhys Meyers in Gormenghast.
(I love watching Cillian and Nolan films, if she ruins him for me I’ll be v angry. Not as angry as if someone ruins the football for me before I get back from the shop.)
14.
Most 14 year olds (and I imagine Jack) are too busy thinking how awful their lives are (and how much they want to eat coronation chicken with their hands) to be bothered about films like that.
She’ll come on all “I’ve loved him since…” No you haven’t you epic moonboot. You are such a tryhard. Stop jumping on bandwagons and duck off. And if you really liked men with cheekbones, you would be obsessed with Jonathan Rhys Meyers in Gormenghast.
(I love watching Cillian and Nolan films, if she ruins him for me I’ll be v angry. Not as angry as if someone ruins the football for me before I get back from the shop.)
God not the barbie movie again. To be honest, despite its feminist and political lore, which i am here for i am sick of hearing about it. Its being way overhyped. I wonder if she went with her mate for the final showing if they were the only ones there, hence her cackling like mad madam mim.
Siiiiiiiiiilver!!! It's like Christmas morning 
Also, "28 days Later" is an 18 - surely Little Miss Nice Middleclass wouldn't break the rules by going to see an 18, would she? 🫢
Many thanks for this comprehensive recap, and to @Silver Linings for the threadIt's been a wild ride on the Monrollercoaster this week. Even though it's been the hottest July since records began and southern Europe is ablaze, it appears to have been
Jack has been in excellent form, with her finger on the pulse of the nation, as usual. Her recent forensic investigations into rebranded sweets almost shaped into an Index of the best and worst, before going off on a trajectory involving who eats what colour. Jack is all about the sour and the tang of the green sweets; her unnamed bestie is happy to hoover up the reds and purples; and they argue over the orange. #TootFruit
While consuming a lot of sugar for research purposes is unwise, our Jack apparently persisted in sucking down those Rowntrees and her erratic antics on Twitter just escalated. Allegedly, someone silently handed her a half-packet of green sweets* at an AA meeting and Jack immediately took to Twitter to boast about how cool her fellow AA travellers are, how it's not at all weird for someone to follow you online and then surreptitiously gift you sweets from an open pack just because you mentioned it in a tweet.
This brought on a bi-directional shitstorm from both the hellsite and the canal as poor, innocent Jackie was accused of breaking the sacred confidentiality of her AA meeting by revealing this encounter online and potentially identifying her sweet co-conspirator. Natuallly she defended herself with dignity and some well-chosen words to disarm her critics in this matter.
The merde landing on all that snow and sugar was not pretty, however. The Twitterati are also inconveniently refusing to forget the Lee Anderson money and Jack's attempts to deflect the issue with vague screengrabs of monies paid to unnamed Southend recipients** are causing trolls with an investigative bent to dig deeper into certain evangelical organisations that may/may not be the church Jack's parents attend. Stand by for the most almighty shitstorm as this plays out.
Jack's mood rapidly became as sour as her greenest pastilles and she then suffered a recurrence of her chronic blistered mouth, which took her off down yet another side route as to what slops best suit someone with a massive hole in her massive hole***. Again, it was not pretty to witness the melange of inedible slops that Dr Dr Jack was prescribing, although she seems to think she might get a new book out of it****. Bravely, the canal stood by to document everything for the archive, even though most of us felt sick to our stomachs.
Things reached a new low when Jack opined on Twitter: "I hate it here, thanks." Poor little poppet.
Anyway, nobody has to worry because Happy Jack is back and she's been to the Barbie movie with a friend where she was the only audience member to get the joke and she laughed and laughed. She was there with a friend, did she mention that she was with a friend?
Born aloft by the giggles, she came home to a spot of online shopping where she managed to successfully bypass all the cheapest Barbie merch on Etsy and land on a horrible rainbow hoodie that costs £39. Very on brand for the world's best poverty princess to spend other people's donations on herself and accumulate more crap for her Barbie mansion.
That's about it. The one thing our Jack was completely silent about was the beginning of the school holidays, which leads the canal to believe that her son is away on a vaycay without her. Lucky, lucky chap, if true. All signs of his growing independence are welcomed with hoots and fizzes over here. #PetitFilsOnTour
Toot toot.
NOTES:
* Probably didn't happen. JM claimed again to be attending 9+ AA meetings a week but this seems dubioius and any signs of her actually working the 12 steps are invisible.
** Speculation abounds that Jack raised big bucks with that Lee Anderson beg and her comparatively modest donation to charity is a huge klaxon bringing lots of the wrong kind of attention her way.
*** The canal believes the only injuries Jack may have incurred to her mouth probably involve lip fillers. This hypothesis will be tested at the upcoming Edinburgh Fringe where her lips will be in full flap.
**** Also unlikely as the consensus is that JM's publishing career is in terminal decline.
I am, however, heartily p*ssed that a chaos seems to have exploded upon the world while I was asleep. I did get up at bout 4.15, having sensed a Disturbance in the Force, but just assumed it was my old lady bladder, and after the dogs and I had had a wee, went back to bed and lay tossing and turning in an unaccustomed Terror, and drawing comfort from the repetition of the 23rd Psalm (King James version). I now know that my bladder was merely collateral damage and that unbeknown to me the
I had been waiting for it, and I missed it! (I wouldn't care, I had popcorn ready, too.
)
And we all got guest Barbies. Lovely to see you back SL!Siiiiiiiiiilver!!! It's like Christmas morning
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