Winning title courtesy of a Twitter squig, posted by @Veronicaaa and nominated by @ishant . You each win a Viennetta on a stick .
Can someone cleverer than me do a proper summary please
Can someone cleverer than me do a proper summary please
Jack Monroe #518 “Let’s help fight the Tories by buying guest a mansion”
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Headline Summary: Jack is an absolute bell end, and is now getting dunked on by most of Twitter.
How the hell do you do a summary of that last thread?
Chaos, I guess.
Chaos, I guess.
I welcome our new duck overlords.
What’s Jack up to? Kicking herself in the head, mainly. Makes a change from kicking off on the internet.
Shes been shouting out into the hellscape that she donated a secret amount to a secret charity, and the slop for brains squigs have interpreted her donating Sue Lee money as her having…Sued Lee and taken his money. Anyway, she can’t stop, she’s separated from her family in her secret bunker living her best life abusing Lee Anderson MP on twitter.
She may have not been emailing CCJ squig, but a copy account who has very similar avatar and handle. How is old soctopus master Jack supposed to know what’s real or fake, hmm? How are we?
Lights status -
What’s Jack up to? Kicking herself in the head, mainly. Makes a change from kicking off on the internet.
Shes been shouting out into the hellscape that she donated a secret amount to a secret charity, and the slop for brains squigs have interpreted her donating Sue Lee money as her having…Sued Lee and taken his money. Anyway, she can’t stop, she’s separated from her family in her secret bunker living her best life abusing Lee Anderson MP on twitter.
She may have not been emailing CCJ squig, but a copy account who has very similar avatar and handle. How is old soctopus master Jack supposed to know what’s real or fake, hmm? How are we?
Lights status -
Jack has gone completely Toulouse La Plot on us and various people have been fooled into thinking she won a libel action against 30p Lee and his meanie friends.
I think that ship has sailed. Only the rage nans remain, even the neckbeards have distanced themselves.
Summary of last thread:
nah but now might be a good time to invest in solero stocks/shares x
Summary of the last thread
Recap: the fraus have identified someone less deserving of a place in the House of Lords than Charlotte Owens. Journalists might have reported the story, had they recognised her with her sleeves rolled down. Nevermind.
Recap - it's been snowing in Southend
Jack returned to the open hellsite after some time on private (I think? It's hot).
Some squigs thought the Sue Lee money was money awarded for suing Lee because they confused the CCJ non-appearance at court with the non-existent case to Sue Lee.
Jack seized this opportunity to DARVO it up claiming the usual ebil trolls split up my family/ rendered me homeless/ bad mentals/ sleeping on a sofa/ not my sofa a sofa that goes to another school/ four tins between me and starvation/ hunners of friends to gently softly whatevzzzzzz
Fewer squigs than ever are having it* and Sue Lee entered the chat.
*Offers of caravans and sub-audible tip jar rattles notwithstanding...
Some squigs thought the Sue Lee money was money awarded for suing Lee because they confused the CCJ non-appearance at court with the non-existent case to Sue Lee.
Jack seized this opportunity to DARVO it up claiming the usual ebil trolls split up my family/ rendered me homeless/ bad mentals/ sleeping on a sofa/ not my sofa a sofa that goes to another school/ four tins between me and starvation/ hunners of friends to gently softly whatevzzzzzz
Fewer squigs than ever are having it* and Sue Lee entered the chat.
*Offers of caravans and sub-audible tip jar rattles notwithstanding...
Among other things, I think Guest is currently scribbling her eleventy billionth move into a list, in an expensive notebook! 
E.TA.Every sofa, she's kipped on, ever, is on that list...
Just a guess, now do duck off pals
E.TA.Every sofa, she's kipped on, ever, is on that list...
Just a guess, now do duck off pals
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Recap: Rome is burning
Omg Fraus I’ve been here since 2020 on and off and this is my first thread title success I’m about to go absolutely feral 
So today Jack tweeted (in such a deranged manner that even the unshockable among us were shocked) that the libel case against 30p Lee was both a "dead cert" and she, out of the kindness of her heart, "let him off the hook" and didn't bother taking any legal action at all.
How she squares a "dead cert" case with a pro-bono or no-win no-fee lawyer and needing to crowdfund from squigs in a cost of living crisis, nobody knows. It's almost like she's a scammer and a lying liar who lies.
She said she "ring fenced" the donations but also didn't, and instead just "donated" everything in her PayPal from an undisclosed period to an unnamed food bank because she couldn't be fucked figuring out which grift was which. All totally transparent and above board. Some of her hard of thinking followers have (not accidentally on Jack's part) taken this to mean the money she won in a libel case against Lee Anderson has been donated. He's piped up once or twice but seems to be letting her dig her own hole...
She won't prove that she's made a donation, because we don't believe her anyway. Why would she want to give a local food bank any publicity? Charities notoriously hate publicity.
Turns out the unnamed foodbank is attached to a church with less than progressive views on LGBTQ+ issues, which is surprising since not only does she have integrity by the bucket load but more labels than a trust fund kid's suitcase after a gap year. Ahem.
She's apparently staying with a "friend" (rofl), separated from her son because some old-school Fleet Street journalists are peering down her Ring doorbell and making her fear for her life. The police are doing something, which is probably wondering how the duck to get rid of her so they can solve some crimes.
The CCJ palaver trundles on but honestly who the duck can keep up anymore?
Of course she's tried to pay eleventy billion times and produced some screenshots from six months after he asked for a refund to apparently evidence her efforts, because she thinks we're all as off our tits as she is...
How she squares a "dead cert" case with a pro-bono or no-win no-fee lawyer and needing to crowdfund from squigs in a cost of living crisis, nobody knows. It's almost like she's a scammer and a lying liar who lies.
She said she "ring fenced" the donations but also didn't, and instead just "donated" everything in her PayPal from an undisclosed period to an unnamed food bank because she couldn't be fucked figuring out which grift was which. All totally transparent and above board. Some of her hard of thinking followers have (not accidentally on Jack's part) taken this to mean the money she won in a libel case against Lee Anderson has been donated. He's piped up once or twice but seems to be letting her dig her own hole...
She won't prove that she's made a donation, because we don't believe her anyway. Why would she want to give a local food bank any publicity? Charities notoriously hate publicity.
Turns out the unnamed foodbank is attached to a church with less than progressive views on LGBTQ+ issues, which is surprising since not only does she have integrity by the bucket load but more labels than a trust fund kid's suitcase after a gap year. Ahem.
She's apparently staying with a "friend" (rofl), separated from her son because some old-school Fleet Street journalists are peering down her Ring doorbell and making her fear for her life. The police are doing something, which is probably wondering how the duck to get rid of her so they can solve some crimes.
The CCJ palaver trundles on but honestly who the duck can keep up anymore?
Of course she's tried to pay eleventy billion times and produced some screenshots from six months after he asked for a refund to apparently evidence her efforts, because she thinks we're all as off our tits as she is...
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OK I'll try and do a recap, although I've lost track of threads so I may summarise the last one too
Recap:
Wednesday: Jack didn't go to the CCJ related court hearing. Said the court had advised her not to.
Thursday: Act 1: Said she hasn't been at home for some time and has had to split her family up and won't people leave her alone to get well. Fleet Street's Finest are hanging off the Ring doorbell. The Police (capital P, not sure if it's the one that involves Sting) are involved and are taking it VERY seriously. She's sofa surfing but knows she's feeling better because she opened her friend's cupboard to find only four tins, and proceeded to make dinner out of them. Contents of resultant slop unknown.
Then a load of stuff about CCJ drama which is too boring to go into but she was slagging the claimant off.
Act 2: Then 'whilst we're clearing things up', the Sue Lee money has been donated in full to her old foodbank, having been ringfenced. She donated everything that came into her account 'within a period of time' because she couldn't sort it all out. (How that squares with ringfencing is anybody's guess)
She SHAN'T show receipts because nobody would believe her anyway (and she isn't legally obliged to do so, she checked). Why she opened that Jack-in-the-box is also anybody's guess; an addiction to chaos? A dopamine hit from all the squigs sending hugs and take cares in response to first thing? WFK.
Act 3: Because she said 'Lee Anderson libel money' a load of squigs took that to mean that she'd successfully sued him and meant damages, so ran crowing to Sue Lee to gloat about Guest's victory.
Enter Daubney and Anderson, asking for receipts.
Friday: Jack @s 30p Lee, "I let you off the hook once - walked away from a surefire win for me and an almost guaranteed obliteration for you and your cronies - but that doesn’t give you a free pass for life to continue to use Twitter to hound and harass me, or anyone else"
Then says 'I see Lee Anderson wants a second bite at the cherry this morning'
A load of Jack stans have been tweeting stuff at Sue Lee, including a fart based limerick.
TLDR: Elmo in front of flames
Recap:
Wednesday: Jack didn't go to the CCJ related court hearing. Said the court had advised her not to.
Thursday: Act 1: Said she hasn't been at home for some time and has had to split her family up and won't people leave her alone to get well. Fleet Street's Finest are hanging off the Ring doorbell. The Police (capital P, not sure if it's the one that involves Sting) are involved and are taking it VERY seriously. She's sofa surfing but knows she's feeling better because she opened her friend's cupboard to find only four tins, and proceeded to make dinner out of them. Contents of resultant slop unknown.
Then a load of stuff about CCJ drama which is too boring to go into but she was slagging the claimant off.
Act 2: Then 'whilst we're clearing things up', the Sue Lee money has been donated in full to her old foodbank, having been ringfenced. She donated everything that came into her account 'within a period of time' because she couldn't sort it all out. (How that squares with ringfencing is anybody's guess)
She SHAN'T show receipts because nobody would believe her anyway (and she isn't legally obliged to do so, she checked). Why she opened that Jack-in-the-box is also anybody's guess; an addiction to chaos? A dopamine hit from all the squigs sending hugs and take cares in response to first thing? WFK.
Act 3: Because she said 'Lee Anderson libel money' a load of squigs took that to mean that she'd successfully sued him and meant damages, so ran crowing to Sue Lee to gloat about Guest's victory.
Enter Daubney and Anderson, asking for receipts.
Friday: Jack @s 30p Lee, "I let you off the hook once - walked away from a surefire win for me and an almost guaranteed obliteration for you and your cronies - but that doesn’t give you a free pass for life to continue to use Twitter to hound and harass me, or anyone else"
Then says 'I see Lee Anderson wants a second bite at the cherry this morning'
A load of Jack stans have been tweeting stuff at Sue Lee, including a fart based limerick.
TLDR: Elmo in front of flames
Jack is NOT OKAY. She's been door stepped by fleet street press and persecuted by evil trolls, HOUNDED on the internet, had to leave the bungamansion and is now sofa surfing but she's used to that so all good. Despite TOOT TOOTING all over the place just a couple of weeks ago. 'All' of her family are now living separately and possibly considering witness protection.
Guest tells us she hasn't been living at the bungamansion for a very long time/since yesterday. She has been very unwell for a very long time (no kidding). This apparently includes all the times she was living her best life, but don't dwell on that. She tells us she doesn't live with any of her family (again, we know). She has donated an undisclosed "ringfenced" sum collected over an undisclosed period of time to an undisclosed food bank. She tells us this for the purposes of transparency. We don't need to know any further details.
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