Jack Monroe #514 Linguine in the sheets, big meanie on the streets

[Pocahontas]

Thanks to @TrolleyParton for nominating @Livia Fantasy ’s words. You both win a goat curry. Made by Greek Jack.

Ok so, Carole Malone is NOT away, she’s here and is trash talking Jack’s bezzie mate Hazza for writing his witness statement with only two A-Levels under his belt. Therefore, Dr Dr Monroe had a few things to say about that. Snark.

Then she talked about SB being down with eating goats in curry because ‘they’re naughty’. Ur-kayyy. And she cannot enter her kitchen due to being tempted by cheese, but she wants second dinner. I think that’s it.

Awfully late to be tweeting. Gentrification of oxtail, I ask you.

 

[pumbilical cord]

Jack is also mithering about the 'gentrification of ox tail'.

Yeah, .

 

[HansThatDoDishes]

Just stop bleeping lying Jack. You grind every single one of my gears. I know you *want" these adorable exchanges to have happened, but we all know, and you know, that they didn't
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She definitely told a story about this before, I'm pretty confident. I could see how maybe, MAYBE, she would spring a goat surprise once but if the kid clapped in wonder at it the first time as she claimed, there'd be no need to hide it from them again.

 

[Yer_wha?!]

Jack with the "Greek Cypriot here"

One of my grandparents was Welsh, and not once in my entire life have I ever, ever said "Welsh here" or tried to claim any Welsh cuisine/culture as my own heritage, because it didn't make me Welsh (that's not a dig at Welsh people by the way, I'm just showing how bleeping ridiculous she is, claiming to be something she isn't)
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Jack is also mithering about the 'gentrification of ox tail'.

Yeah, .

Way, way, way too early!

 

[chizontiz]

Good to see she's still keeping her kid out the public eye.

Also she's hitting so many of the jackanory greatest hits she may as well tag @canal @mitheringninnes @mavensofmisery because this is ALL for tattle. God I feel like I'm in a codependent relationship, send therapy-os.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Now:

Then:

 

[HoopLaa]

Why is she obsessed with pretending to eat rotten food all the time? Does she think it makes her look hard?

 

[Fruitjack]

Yet again, I'm annoyed by Jack being completely on the right side of the argument with Carole Malone and STILL making me angry about how she does it.

 

[Jelly Bean]

All these lovely exchanges with SB were while he was puffing away on his vape I suppose.
These times when she pops up with inanities are infuriating. She has swindled thousands out of people, doxxed someone a couple of days ago and thinks these charming twee asides about offal offset all that tit?

 

[OrigamiEyes]

Why is she obsessed with pretending to eat rotten food all the time? Does she think it makes her look hard?

It proves (in her own mind at least) that she is the poorest person who has even poored .

 

[VeniVidiVicki]

First time she’s seen SB since before half term I expect. Good to see she’s demonstrating to her 1/2 million followers how bleeping boring she finds it

 

[pumbilical cord]

She has swindled thousands out of people, doxxed someone a couple of days ago and thinks these charming twee asides about offal offset all that tit?

She's bleeping offal.

 

[nothanksbabes]

Tweets like hers really are the domain of the friendless fucker, aren't they?

"Hey, listen to this fabricated story I imagine is the kind of cute exchange one might share if they weren't a high-conflict pathological liar who's alienated every friend and acquaintance they've ever had except these three neckbeards on Twitter who, frankly, would try and duck a week-old pumble if it glanced at them a moment too long "

 

[RinsingHoops]

Jumping in from a couple of threads ago to say Thankspaceyou to @Enwre for that clip of guest on QT. It’s my new favourite thing, must have watched it about 100 times. That oh tit moment when she processes what Fiona Bruce says is the absolute best

 

[hoopdedoo]

Ah, now I understand why guest was trying to throw shade at Carole Malone. Thank[space] you @Pocahontas.

 

[frankychester]

His taste buds are probably fucked from nicking his mum's vape every Tuesday and from catching her Covid

 

[chizontiz]

How bleeping weird, annoying and confusing must it be to be a teenage boy and have your mother tweet such inane drivel about you all the bleeping time?! Confusing because most of it probably never happened in the first place! He probably does go searching through her twitter for references to him, maybe he even likes some of them even if they're not real life, because it shows his mum is thinking of him - which makes me even sadder because she's actively enabling a really toxic, fucked up, parasocial relationship between the two of them that she's curating entirely to help her feel better about being such a crappy parent. He gains nothing from the way she uses him publicly. It's all so fucked up and weird. Just say you had a really lovely dinner/evening with your son Jack, if you do have to mention him at all!

Also '6pm dinners with the kid' is such a weird way to shoe-horn him in? I don't have kids but I imagine if you do... dinnertime is just dinnertime? Why does she have to specify it's 'dinner with the kid'. At 6pm. On a Tuesday. We don't need to know your child-sharing arrangements Jack!! Just feed the poor boy something he wants, and has consented to, eat for goodness sake.

Alright lads, that's me off to bed. THE END .

 

[HotesTilaire]

She definitely told a story about this before, I'm pretty confident. I could see how maybe, MAYBE, she would spring a goat surprise once but if the kid clapped in wonder at it the first time as she claimed, there'd be no need to hide it from them again.

I hate that the rhetoric of the reply is that goats are ”naughty” so it’s ok to eat them. Either accept that animals are raised, and killed, for your food OR don’t fxking eat them. Inventing a way to victim blame them is just weird.

Anyway, it didn’t happen
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Why is she obsessed with pretending to eat rotten food all the time? Does she think it makes her look hard?

Her dysfunctional relationship with food makes me feel sick.

 

[nothanksbabes]

How bleeping weird, annoying and confusing must it be to be a teenage boy and have your mother tweet such inane drivel about you all the bleeping time?! Confusing because most of it probably never happened in the first place! He probably does go searching through her twitter for references to him, maybe he even likes some of them even if they're not real life, because it shows his mum is thinking of him - which makes me even sadder because she's actively enabling a really toxic, fucked up, parasocial relationship between the two of them that she's curating entirely to help her feel better about being such a crappy parent. He gains nothing from the way she uses him publicly. It's all so fucked up and weird. Just say you had a really lovely dinner/evening with your son Jack, if you do have to mention him at all!

Also '6pm dinners with the kid' is such a weird way to shoe-horn him in? I don't have kids but I imagine if you do... dinnertime is just dinnertime? Why does she have to specify it's 'dinner with the kid'. At 6pm. On a Tuesday. We don't need to know your child-sharing arrangements Jack!! Just feed the poor boy something he wants, and has consented to, eat for goodness sake.

Alright lads, that's me off to bed. THE END .

Having seen the children of mothers like her this is spot on. They react to the pathetic social media crumbs their mother throws out about them, even though it's all performative so she can say she isn't a tit mother (although she can't refer to her children without some self-congratulatory comment or story about herself) because they're desperate for her approval, and to enourage the "nice" posts (since people like this are more interested in social media likes than they are their own offspring) and hopefully see fewer of the "nobody cares about me, I might as well off myself" unhinged nonsense. And thus a hideous cycle of tit performative Twitter parenting perpetuates itself.

Edited to add: sorry for the lack of punctuation, it's 2am and I'm probably as crackers as Jack at this point.

 

[Poula Pooka]

It proves (in her own mind at least) that she is the poorest person who has even poored .

I'd love to see how she can afford all that spenny cheese on £20 a week....