Jack Monroe #513 Breitling on a Bootstrap

[Sideboard Bob]

Pedantic police here, but if squig loves him so much, surely they can spell his surname correctly. It's *Aykroyd*.

To be fair, I fancy the pants off him and still had to look up the spelling


Re Jack’s background, if she’d just been real no one would have minded! No one really minds that Nigella’s insanely privileged because she’s completely herself.

 

[noweverythingsucks]

This reminds me of the time I found out High Fearnley Whittingstall likes to wank in peoples hair. Never been able to look at him since.

Aaaanyway back to Jacks flaps.

Not just wanks into it. The person I know woke up and he had her hair wrapped round his knob and was wanking with it.

 

[Brian Butterfield]

In the close-up arm pic Vali posted, I've just noticed the initials MH in the skull. Does she really have her own initials tattooed on her? Tragic.

View attachment 2221751

 

[Sideboard Bob]

More inanities tonight:
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Both these tweets sound so much better if you shout “PARKLIFE!” at the end.

 

[zetta buttons]

Aileen Wuornos didn't have months of unfulfilled Patreon rewards

I know it’s early but this would make a banging title.

 

[Geetbo]

Its another thing I can add to the list of “Things I dont want to see Jacks hands wrapped around”

Babe, same x

My own penis being top of that list.

 

[BlendedSlop]

I thought it was festivals and talks season.

Will take anything right now.

Bored AF.

And I thought it was wild camping season.

We're now almost halfway through this Wild Year and there's no evidence she's taken that poor kid anywhere at all, let alone "one new place a week minimum."

Maybe it's gone the same way as the No Spend Year.

 

[Potatoes O’Houlihan]

Oh maaannnnn she’s off and ‘hnnghh’ plus goat (!!) makes an appearance
(I’m sure someone faster than me will screenshot)

ETA @Terrible did the biz but there’s also this now ffs:

 

[Nurseali]

I would like to thank guest today

Due to you being such a dramatic

Spoiler

cunt

I am now a VIP.

I applaud you for being such a muggy nobsack

 

[Foxvint]

Gregggg Wallace of Masterchef fame once disclosed he never wears pants.
Once you know that it is all that crosses your mind when you see him.
Believe me

Bad dickhead him

 

[Brian Butterfield]

Malicious doxxing is one of the things Patreon may get rid of you for. .

Please can people report her doxxing to Patreon?

I’m reaching my limit seeing her face no proper consequences despite her vile behaviour once again

 

[Livia Fantasy]

I’ve got an excellent TV show idea/pitch for guest. She moves into a house with no communication with the outside world, and…

…well, that’s it really.

 

[Livia Fantasy]

Gregggg Wallace of Masterchef fame once disclosed he never wears pants.
Once you know that it is all that crosses your mind when you see him.
Believe me

Masterchafe

 

[Reagent]

Mithering about estates etc, when me and OH split up(he left and left me with £65,000 debt that i didnt know about) I moved into a council house. In the years I lived there with my daughter I saw cannabis farms, drug dealers , an armed police raids & most horrific of all spoiler, upsetting the death of a tiny baby at a drugs party . If I rang the police when it kicked off they knew which houses to raid just by the street name. These are desperately poor people who were trying to claw a living from the crap life has thrown at them. But if I had gone to any one if them for help it would have been given in a heartbeat. Jack is clueless, she's an actress (not a very good one) playing a part for her very substantial reward. I despise her and the fact that it's never ever enough for her and as an adult she can't control her bitterness and spitefulness, even to her own poor son.

 

[Geetbo]

oh NO, we've been quite enjoying watching reruns of Inside the Factory where Commando Gregg goes round looking at how polos and canned rice pudding and such are made and now if my Harold puts it on I'm just going to be quietly appalled about that

This reminds me of the time I found out High Fearnley Whittingstall likes to wank in peoples hair. Never been able to look at him since.

Aaaanyway back to Jacks flaps.

 

[Foxvint]

Always found Come to Bed Parmigiana quite funny, cos what's the first thing one wants to do after a big heavy bowl of pasta? Shagging, that's what

Those cheeky wink wink seaside postcard names make me cringe. So try hard. Look at me having all of the sex, do you know i have sex WITH WOMEN TOO, think of me having sex, here's my Slag Soup recipe.

 

[HotesTilaire]

Jacks medicine schedule is the equivalent of

coffee
chamomile tea
coffee
chamomile tea
chamomile tea
horlicks

 

[Limey]

I'm embarrassed to reveal I am today years old when I realise that our hatdhback video guy, who went around our estate, was also doing it on the side.

See Jack, I am nowadays to all intents and purposes middle class. My kids have a middle class upbringing. However my childhood was most definitely not middle class. No range rovers or ballet lessons or karate lessons or indeed any lessons outside school. As @MancBee expressed so well earlier, I was raised in an environment where people looked out for each other, but not in an in your face way. A 'have your tea here tonight', etc. I frankly survived off other people's generosity. Even if it was being given a stack of old Beanos to read, or a country walk with that family.

I sometimes, when I'm morose (now)) feel I'm cosplaying my own life because it's so very far removed from my own formative years experience and I don't feel I'm equipped with the skills to know how to live it.

Kind of the opposite of Jackie.

I lived on a small new build development in the 1980s when the economy tanked - my Dad was the only one who held onto his job. We constantly had people over for meals, not for a fucking dinner party, but to make sure they ate.

(My parents went through similar in the early 70s, Dad got made redundant, two little kids and a brand new massive mortgage - we had a lodger to help pay the bills. They were definitely paying it forward, as they were in much better circumstances by the mid 80s).

 

[I'm not actually here]

I think we are about to get an enforced silence. There are many tweets about her BBCQT appearance and the difference only this last year in the weighting of for and against guest is remarkable. She has pissed off an awful lot of people now, and not for just one thing either. Seems to range across appalling treatment of pets, the doxing, no Sue Lee, the Patreon fail, the never-ending lies, the constantly changing stories, the Grauniad take-down/confession article, Grifty Kitchen danger/stupidity, recipes not working (the Slopalong must get many hits on Tattle!) and much more.

So, there isn't one single thing she could put right as she has now done so much wrong. I know she seems to be the Teflon Jacktivist at times, but I think we may just have passed the tipping point. And it is all her own work. Brava, guest, brava.

 

[Seaford Haggington]

Please (I beg of you) don't let the guest get to you. She is already a ruined person sad lurk liking tweets again because her personality is so toxic she can't go 24 hours without doing something that would cause a normal person to abandon public life altogether. Her existence is wretched.