Jack has offered some guidelines for promoting yourself and making money. I took the liberty of translating to account for reality:
Jack's Rules for Financial Success
1. Get famous off a blog that you eventually abandon. Promise to update it constantly. Do so rarely, and only when obligated to post a recipe related to another media piece or to beg for money.
2. Say you are an expert of some kind with lived experience of poverty. Repeat often until people believe it is true. It is not true. They don't care, and no one will do the research. Book appearances to lie about your past. Give the occasional interview. Be late or don't show if you have better things to do, like sleep. No worries. You've got passive income from your numerous tip jar rattles and the credulous subscribers to your Patreon.
3. Refer to your "100-hour weeks" of work although there is absolutely no evidence that you get off your ass to do anything for others unless you are contractually obligated. Tell people that their donations make your work possible. They won't ask "what work"? They'll just send you money "for all that you do."
4. Sue someone for libel because she mistakes you for someone else. Choose an idiot who won't back down or apologize. Use sock puppets and baiting, be admonished by the judge for doing so, but get your money anyway. Jackpot. Spend on yourself--you earned it with all your hard work!
5. Refer to and lie about your family and friends and insist that they are always with you, just out of frame, even though they never, ever, post to support you or back you up. Hint that you're going to commit s*ic*de on public accounts that your child can read. Claim to suffer from every ailment under the sun (people will identify with the ailments and send you money out of pity). Adopt every identity under the sun (people will call you an "ally" and give you awards and money). Insist that there is a well-paid troll farm dedicated to harassing you. Even though there is no evidence of any harassment, just keep saying there is. People will believe you. People love victims. The donations will roll in.
6. Write truly crappy books that always center yourself, are full of errors, and contain inedible and insulting recipes. Who cares if they don't sell. What matters is the advance. If you get tired of doing this, just be late to your publisher. What are they going to do about it?
7. Most importantly, get a top-level celeb to respond to your sycophantic posts by promoting your Patreon. KA-CHING! Don't worry about the promised rewards. Always remember: you aren't in this for other people. You're in it for you. How dare anyone expect you to apologize for taking money for nothing? What matters is YOU and your feelings.
8. Almost forgot! Solicit money for various grifts (t-shirts, legal funds, etc.) and have them all go straight into your account. Tell people you will "donate" said funds. They're idiots. They'll never ask where their money went. Time to go shopping!
THE START
for newcomers and lurkers.
who the mavens suspect is a man
ends and the snark begins to creep in
