Jack Monroe #489 Come Sun Or Haze, You've Got CCJs

[People-huv-tae-know]

*Please read in Dave Lamb's voice*
Welcome to another thread, that brings us ever closer to the monumental 500 figure. Rumour has it this is how many sideboards Jack really has but WFK?

The gloriously apt title is by @BlendedSlop and nominated by @Valiofthedolls, Sterling work my fraus. Prizes of CCJs and Facetune vouchers are coming your way in a hamper that definitely wasn't bought from Fortnum and Mason's. I'll throw in some Tiffany's Eau de nil eggs too.

Jack has reappeared like a limp balloon in all her filtered glory. She is ignoring all attempts to resolve yet another CCJ and still hasn't closed her Patreon. She is back with twee tweets and a tiny smol t - shirt that only she as a smol pixie can fit into. But not even earnest tacky t - shirts and being an ickle smol can save her from her fate. Everyone knows she is a grifter. Have you been grifted? If so don't contact Jack about it as she doesn't read emails or open letters.
However if you pay £45.99 for her memoir you fill find all ills are cured. Here is a sneak peak of the cover.

 

[FlirtyThirty]

I used to buy kids T-shirts when I was a punky teen with flat abs. They were pretty obscene on me then, now would be an arresting offence Luckily I can actually buy kids shoes tho as despite being a taller than average Frau I really do have pixie feet!

 

[AnnRKey]

Has she actually added that crappy 80s eyeshadow on here post-photo? Also... craws feet. lols

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Has she actually added that crappy 80s eyeshadow on here post-photo? Also... craws feet. lols
View attachment 2075316

Has under her eyes been edited here or is this the original? If so it’s worse than expected. Worse than you’d think possible tbh.

Patreon update done guys btw will share by end of working day soz !!

 

[AnnRKey]

Has under her eyes been edited here or is this the original?

It's a screenshot of what she posted. If you look closely there's a really strange white light area at the edge of the eye on the left too.

 

[Witchfinder Sargeant]

Has she actually added that crappy 80s eyeshadow on here post-photo? Also... craws feet. lols
View attachment 2075316

I know everyone ages differently and all that, but I've just spent two minutes gurning at myself in the mirror and even being ten years older than her, and without benefit of facetune, my crows' feet aren't that bad.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Has she actually added that crappy 80s eyeshadow on here post-photo? Also... craws feet. lols
View attachment 2075316

Yeah that’s added post-photo. There’s no way she applied that “Glam Mam at a Pippa Dee party circa 1983” lewk herself.

Her efforts at eye makeup usually resemble my efforts to “style” my Girl’s World Styling Head from the 1970s. If 7 year old me had been wearing oven gloves and had my eyes shut when I drew her eyeshadow on, that is.

 

[Hold my beans]

It's a screenshot of what she posted. If you look closely there's a really strange white light area at the edge of the eye on the left too.

Is it just me or are the white dots she's added wonky too?

 

[Lucy Aeroplane]

I honestly think she’s Facetune-enhanced the crows’ feet, to prove to us that she doesn’t have Botox. As though we wouldn’t notice the creepily smooth forehead, nose, etc. And what is going on with the cheek line in that pic (no idea what it’s actually called, the one that goes north to south a bit away from her gob), it doesn’t align with what her face is supposedly doing there. Deluded.

 

[AnnRKey]

I honestly think she’s Facetune-enhanced the crows’ feet, to prove to us that she doesn’t have Botox.

Let's all be thankful she doesn't feel the need to evidence that she doesn't have unruly labia.

 

[stunrw]

Let's all be thankful she doesn't feel the need to evidence that she doesn't have unruly labia.

 

[blueorchid]

When did she turn all replies off on her Twitter account?! That echo chamber must be deafening by now
---
Excellent recap and meme-age

*Please read in Dave Lamb's voice*
Welcome to another thread, that brings us ever closer to the monumental 500 figure. Rumour has it this is how many sideboards Jack really has but WFK?

The gloriously apt title is by @BlendedSlop and nominated by @Valiofthedolls, Sterling work my fraus. Prizes of CCJs and Facetune vouchers are coming your way in a hamper that definitely wasn't bought from Fortnum and Mason's. I'll throw in some Tiffany's Eau de nil eggs too.

Jack has reappeared like a limp balloon in all her filtered glory. She is ignoring all attempts to resolve yet another CCJ and still hasn't closed her Patreon. She is back with twee tweets and a tiny smol t - shirt that only she as a smol pixie can fit into. But not even earnest tacky t - shirts and being an ickle smol can save her from her fate. Everyone knows she is a grifter. Have you been grifted? If so don't contact Jack about it as she doesn't read emails or open letters.
However if you pay £45.99 for her memoir you fill find all ills are cured. Here is a sneak peak of the cover.

View attachment 2075288

 

[Witchfinder Sargeant]

When did she turn all replies off on her Twitter account?! That echo chamber must be deafening by now

As soon as twitter brought in the functionality to limit replies, at a guess.

 

[stunrw]

When did she turn all replies off on her Twitter account?! That echo chamber must be deafening by now
---
Excellent recap and meme-age

Shes been doing it for a while. Only wants the undying adulation from those of a bearded pursuation

 

[Valiofthedolls]

I honestly think she’s Facetune-enhanced the crows’ feet, to prove to us that she doesn’t have Botox. As though we wouldn’t notice the creepily smooth forehead, nose, etc. And what is going on with the cheek line in that pic (no idea what it’s actually called, the one that goes north to south a bit away from her gob), it doesn’t align with what her face is supposedly doing there. Deluded.

It’s like that #TROLLCLAIMZ shot where she blatantly (badly) shaded in her forehead lines. What a berk.

That’s a sure sign of a life well lived innit? Filtering the fuckery out of your photos then drawing lines on them and posting them online to “own” anonymous strangers who already think you’re a complete bleeping idiot.

 

[House of Carbonara]

I honestly think she’s Facetune-enhanced the crows’ feet, to prove to us that she doesn’t have Botox. As though we wouldn’t notice the creepily smooth forehead, nose, etc. And what is going on with the cheek line in that pic (no idea what it’s actually called, the one that goes north to south a bit away from her gob), it doesn’t align with what her face is supposedly doing there. Deluded.

Yep.
Doesn't she realise that people know she looks different in real life?

 

[stunrw]

Yep.
Doesn't she realise that people know she looks different in real life?

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

Now, I know Jack is FAR too busy for the likes of lil old us, but should she still be debating what to title her memoir, I have a few suggestions:

A Girl Called Slop
The Grifters Girl
Days of Whine and Noses
Nice, Middle-Class Poor Person
Plucky Pixie's Poverty Porn Adventure
Jack Monroe: The Sideboard Years
Common People (Like Me)
I Don't Know Where to Draw the Line (Except On My Forehead)
My Hairiest Adventure
I DO Get a Kick Out of Cocaine! = Two days later Jack's editor points out it is being billed as a memoir about poverty, not addiction

 

[MancBee]

View attachment 2075400

That's not fair, I loved Zelda.

Used to watch Terrahawks on a Sunday morning after a night of excesses and before going out to the bars on Sunday lunch to get a hair of the dog.

Happy days.

 

[Emmapism]

It’s like that #TROLLCLAIMZ shot where she blatantly (badly) shaded in her forehead lines. What a berk.
View attachment 2075392View attachment 2075399

That’s a sure sign of a life well lived innit? Filtering the fuckery out of your photos then drawing lines on them and posting them online to “own” anonymous strangers who already think you’re a complete bleeping idiot.

Jack over egging it so much she looks like a Klingon will never not be funny to me.

Her desperation to be proven 'right' at any cost is hilarious once you clock it.

'I don't care if it contradicts what I've said before, I don't care that it's clearly photoshopped, I don't care that I lie so much I facetuned the sky one time, I WILL BE SEEN TO BE RIGHT '