Things I have learned today -
- Jack sometimes wears a push up bra too small for her. When she bothers to wear one at all.
- she likely spends an awful lot of other people’s money to look like an alcoholic bag lady. Or…
- top deck is a thing and I dearly wish I’d tried lime & lager it sounds lovely. There’s no way she had vermouth at school, I wasn’t allowed shandy bass.
- I am a former pov now middle class wanker and I thought dolcelatte was coffee. Still, coffee pasta can’t be any worse than blue cheese & martini pasta can it?
- her mum took a month abroad every year and drove a Range Rover but made her get 9 buses to school or walk 27 miles a day in worn out shoes and refused to buy her coronation chicken meaning Jack had to buy it on the sly despite it being freely available in the fridge when her mum did buy it.
- despite knowing her mother was the poorest poor to ever drive a luxury 4x4 and could not afford ingredients the selfish cow still opted for GCSE food rather than say wood tech where she could have whittled an eating spoon from an old sideboard.
- School runs are no more, hooray, 14 hours a week back in Jack’s diary to plan their Easter wild camping jaunt!
- Asda now sell Everyday Essentials offal. Oh no, that’s the local butcher, well known to be a frugal choice, leaving her a good £7.50 for herself, a part time non teenager and invisible housemate (has he LEFT?).
- she did NOT spend donated money on crap, that was HER money (potato potato right) and she was sober but also off her face. The article was wildly inaccurate on timelines (what’s new) and yet she was very happy with it. Shattenstone Theroux you wily cad.
- she’s still got 2p and a drachma up her powder puff from the photoshoot.
- it was also the last time she was in a bath.
(despite tweeting incessantly the entire time)
), the oven time for a pie, the cooking time for dog food, the additional cooking time to make a brawn. 
