Jack Monroe #441 Congratulations on dispatching items you sold

[Snotbuster]

I really can’t work out how she’s claiming her landlady’s costs haven’t gone up. I can tell her for a fact her boiler maintenance has gone up as my partner is a gas engineer with his own company. He didn’t want to, and he left it til he really had to, but he had to put prices up in the last year. Materials have gone up in price aswell as fuel. So there’s that load of balls debunked. And I’m sure it won’t be the only thing LL is effected by. I’d wager that any kind of tradesperson that has to attend the property has had to raise their prices even just based on the fuel prices.

In one of her Twitter exchanges, she said that the LL inherited the bungalow she rents and there was the implication that inherited property costs nothing to the recipient as time goes on.

 

[Captainmouse]

And if Patreon as a company goes bits up... ??

But she won’t declare that, I doubt very much she pays the tax due on that nor her tip jar

 

[OwlRightsReserved]

I dislike her holier than thou not like other girls schtick. Like women/mothers/partners are the ones creating Christmas magic and it takes weeks because that’s how long the bleeping season is? You’re not better than us you just don’t have the friends and family to warrant doing what we do. I’m also not taking smug gaffawing (sp?) over being soOo anti consumerist from someone that’s spent a one bed flat’s worth of cash on rit?

That's the most irritating bit, isn't it? That the effort other people put into their festive preparations is all "frippery", that only Jack knows how to make things uncomplicated and returning Christmas to its real meaning. Truly, she's like John the Baptist: she prepareth the way of the Lord by eating locusts and honey, and buying everyone identical pairs of bamboo socks from Boots.

 

[HotesTilaire]

Warm up your goose large, we’re headed for Griftmas Present, with a special guest celebrity cameo. Please enjoy A Griftmas Carol Part 4.

Spoiler: A Griftmas Carol Part 4

Slops’ fitful sleep was disturbed once again by the chiming of the clock. She sat up, wondering what on earth the next spirit would show her.

A deep and jolly laugh resounded from beyond the chamber door and, although Slops was still somewhat afraid, she could not help but allow a small smile to grace her lips as the laugh was so warm and joyous. Slops opened the chamber door and stared in wonder, for heaped up on the floor were turkeys, geese, game, poultry, brawn, great joints of meat, sucking-pigs, long wreaths of sausages, mince-pies, plum-puddings, barrels of oysters, red-hot chestnuts, cherry-cheeked apples, juicy oranges, luscious pears, immense twelfth-cakes, and seething bowls of punch, that made the chamber dim with their delicious steam. In amongst all this, to form a sort of throne were piles of perfectly roasted potatoes, each one glistening in its crisp skin.

Atop this potato throne sat a giant of a man in black and white checked trousers and a pristine white coat. His bald head gleamed, his round rosy cheeks glowed and his eyes sparkled as he beckoned Slops in with another resounding chuckle. “Come in, come in and know me better.”

Slops tentatively entered the room, awestruck at the feast before her. Never before had she seen food like it, neither sloppy like gruel, nor solid like an over cooked loaf, but succulent and crisp and filling the room with a thousand delectable scents.

“Come in,” repeated the spirit. “I am the Ghost of Griftmas Present, although those close to me may call me Fingers. Would you like a potato?”

“No, thank you,” replied Slops, admiring the spirit’s handsome clothing.

“Well,” said the spirit, placing his hands on his knees and rising to his full height which reached the very ceiling of Slop’s house, “we have much to see and the day grows short.”

“What shall we see?” asked Slops, eager to understand what the spirit would show her.

“Why, it is Christmas Day, of course. We shall see the celebrations of Christmas.”

Slops was unconvinced but uttered her, “Humbug. Toot toot,” quietly, under her breath, so that the spirit might not hear it.

The spirit led Slops outside into the snowy streets of Southend, where many a reveller was preparing for a Christmas spent with friends and family.

Inside a festive ale house, a small group of friends were celebrating. “Here’s to you,” one woman said to another, “And may the new year bring you peace.”

“Oh,” cried Slops. “That’s my old agent, Rosemary. And my landlady. And there’s CarolineWhoHasHands. I didn’t know they were friends.”

Slops watched the group exchange gifts and laugh together, wondering why she had never attended any of the Christmas drinks her agent had invited her to. They were having such a jolly time.

Rosemary raised her glass to make a toast and the others quietened down. “I would just like to say,” Rosemary began, “That the last few years have been hard toil, as we all know. But the future is looking brighter for us all now we have all cut ties — or almost done so —“ She looked at the landlady. “With Jackenezer Slops. May our years be long and our days free of Slops!”

Everyone cheered and clinked their glasses. Slops was silent for a moment.

“Perhaps we might see some other Christmas celebrations now,” Slops suggested to the spirit, who had produced a large roast potato from his pocket and was eating it like an apple. “This one has left a slightly sour taste in my mouth.”

“Indeed, indeed, my time grows short,” agreed the spirit through a mouthful of potato, and soon they were walking through a rather drearier part of town.

“What place is this?” asked Slops, shocked at the true poverty signified by the damp walls and meagre portions enjoyed by those within.

“This is Patrons’ Alley,” the spirit replied. “All who live here are your Patrons, although not all of your Patrons live here.”

Slops stared in wonderment for she did indeed have many Patrons who supplied a considerable stipend for her every month. She had never really considered who they were or what their own lives were like.

Slops and the spirit watched through the windows of one house where warmth and love and Christmas cheer filled every inch from the mismatched chairs to the threadbare carpets. “How can they be so cheerful when they have so little?” Slops remarked.

“To many, the true meaning of Christmas is time with loved ones and gifts of time and charity,” explained the spectre. “They do not have much, but what they do have they share.”

“I do not think I ever understood that,” said Slops, thoughtfully. “But their joy and companionship is clear, even though they want for so much.”

“My time here is almost at an end,” the spirit said. “One more ghost yet remains.”

The town clock began to strike midnight and a chill wind whipped through Slops’ hair as the figure before her grew fainter and fainter.

“Spirit, wait!” she cried. “I think I understand now.”

But the spirit was gone and Slops was alone

Absolute Banger, tender heart. It reminded me of happy memories of Jack pretending to be Caroline WhoHasHands and messaging us canal frau, who almost immediately caught a whiff of stinky feet, fish and lingering honk.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Weird choice of gif, I’ve only seen it used wrt trans women? That’s not me saying the slur just I’ve never seen it used in any other context?

 

[imBUSY]

It’s the most wonderful time of the year.

What--and I cannot stress this enough--the duck

 

[Snotbuster]

Anyone else suspect that that rent increase letter is fake?

I think it is terribly fake but I don't know LL/T law in the UK. In the US email is OK for some communication with residential tenants but not for all contacts.

Even if the letter is real, a rent increase is a great way to get rid of a tenant who is a pain in the ass. Doesn't need to be a huge increase. Also, 1,500 pounds per month is damn high for a poor gal like Jack ($2,050 per month as of Jan 2021)--despite her insistence that Leggy duped her into it. Also, the attached pic is a bleeping horrific dystopian hellscape. If I had that in my kitchen, I'd call in an exorcism-certified priest:

 

[LadyGarden]

To celebrate Jack's return to the Bird site, let's have a Singalonga Slopalonga Festive Jack Monroe time.

All together now, 1 2 3 4 .....

Spoiler: Have Yourself a Merry Little Griftmas

Have yourself a stone broke little Christmas
Let your wallet be light
From now on
Your money will be out of sight

Have myself a spendy little Griftmas
Make the squiggles pay
From now on
Patreon rewards will be miles away (Postal strike, guv - not my fault)

Here we are as in olden days
Miserable pov days of yore
Hunger Hurts 2 was dear to us
Chuck some cash to us once more

Through the years can't get my tit together
Cos the grifts allow
Hang a shining solar light upon the highest bough
And I'll have myself a merry little Griftmas now

Here we are as in olden days
Poverty cosplay days of yore
Faithful friends who were dear to us
Don't want to be near to us any more (Rosemary LEFT)

Through the years I will be wearing pleather
If the begs allow
So hang a boiled soap bar upon the highest bough
I can have myself a merry little Griftmas (s)now

 

[MavisBeacon]

Weird choice of gif, I’ve only seen it used wrt trans women? That’s not me saying the slur just I’ve never seen it used in any other context?

View attachment 1823342View attachment 1823343

Nah I've seen that used loads as a general meme

 

[Captainmouse]

I dislike her holier than thou not like other girls schtick. Like women/mothers/partners are the ones creating Christmas magic and it takes weeks because that’s how long the bleeping season is? You’re not better than us you just don’t have the friends and family to warrant doing what we do. I’m also not taking smug gaffawing (sp?) over being soOo anti consumerist from someone that’s spent a one bed flat’s worth of cash on rit?

Can you post the last bit (bib onwards) again in 30 odd pages?

 

[overdueanadventure]

A wee reminder that voting for The Sloppies is open.

The Sloppies Voting 2022

Place your votes for your favourite Chaoi

docs.google.com

Thank you for all you do.

Can I ask a cheeky but forensic edit? The microwaving fruit wasn't to warm it up, (although it did quite vigorously ), it was supposedly to ripen it. That's why it was such such such balls (apart from possibility of fiery doom, natch). You're a bleeping idiot, Jack.

 

[MavisBeacon]

I think it is terribly fake but I don't know LL/T law in the UK. In the US email is OK for some communication with residential tenants but not for all contacts.

Even if the letter is real, a rent increase is a great way to get rid of a tenant who is a pain in the ass. Doesn't need to be a huge increase. Also, 1,500 pounds per month is damn high for a poor gal like Jack ($2,050 per month as of Jan 2021)--despite her insistence that Leggy duped her into it. Also, the attached pic is a bleeping horrific dystopian hellscape. If I had that in my kitchen, I'd call in an exorcism-certified priest:

We were on WhatsApp contact with our previous landlady, but all formal comms from the letting agent about rent rises etc came through email.
Also.a point of order, it was LJC not Leggy that entrapped her in the crappy bungalow

 

[Captainmouse]

Well she only got 4.5 GCSE (or whatever ya'll on Salty Isle call them) and I bet Math wasn't one of those. You know how hard basic arithmetic is for our Jack--why adding up the cost of all her groceries takes her all week. Despite having several smartphones with calculator apps.

Don’t forget the wooden calculator

 

[SharkAttack]

1. If you are poor and on a regular wage, you absolutely cannot afford to do all your Christmas shopping in the same month ie pay packet. The only people I know who don't spread out the cost are absolutely minted to the extent they just have trust funds and so monthly budgeting is not a thing.

2. SB is NOT A TEENAGER. I thought she couldn't lie? I just don't get this compulsion to say he's older than he is. Why?

3. I LOATHE her superiority, painting a smug little picture of her laughing at everyone else rushing to get last minute presents while she rises above it.

CONCLUSION: She must have no-one to buy for beyond SB. That is the only way she could afford to do it all in one day, in a calm and superior state.

What a sad life she leads.

 

[MavisBeacon]

Also, what a missed promo opportunity! Why is she bragging about trawling the high street for bamboo socks when she could be showcasing thrifty gifting ideas from her book??
There are loads of ideas for thoughtful homemade gifts that don't break the bank, including food-based ones (given that she's a cookery writer....)

 

[HotesTilaire]

Christ i did all my shopping in one day at the beginning of the month because, ugh the amount of people this time of year, gives me rage.

Just started our christmas baking tonight with the kids. Gingerbread people and cupcakes.

Looks like everyone will be getting pre-loved gifts from Oxfam again!

 

[Captainmouse]

In one of her Twitter exchanges, she said that the LL inherited the bungalow she rents and there was the implication that inherited property costs nothing to the recipient as time goes on.

But maybe the landladies own home is mortgaged?

 

[blurstoftimes]

Weird choice of gif, I’ve only seen it used wrt trans women? That’s not me saying the slur just I’ve never seen it used in any other context?

View attachment 1823342View attachment 1823343

i'm a selfish bleep who resents buying stuff for people that aren't ME, har har har

 

[houseofhoop]

Weird choice of gif, I’ve only seen it used wrt trans women? That’s not me saying the slur just I’ve never seen it used in any other context?

View attachment 1823342View attachment 1823343

How the duck would she know! She’s never been married snigger

 

[Shimmering]

Yep, she expects lovingly curated gifts that can be displayed for twitter while everyone else will get some generic low effort crap.

I can't talk as I only make an effort for my kids but I don't make it an integral part of my personality.