Jack Monroe #426 Slop in a shoebox

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People-huv-tae-know

Roll up, roll up, it's that time again. Another ride on the Monrollercoaster of chaos, get your tickets here!

I hope it's ok that I have modified the swear and length of the thread title by @Lucky Escape and nominated by @Lucy Aeroplane.
The original is a thing of beauty.


Jack is still being fairly quiet although she has updated her bio, profile pic (trout pout has gone swimming down the river) and tweet a couple of random snore bores.
I could copy and paste my last recap because she's been that boring but SHAN'T.

The Canal has been doing more stellar work to unearth lies and inconsistencies.

The Slopalong is going swimmingly unlike Jack who can't but don't worry, we'll toss her a life ring.

Slopalong #2 You can’t polish a turd, but you can cover it in parsley

Well, it had to happen eventually. Where do we reckon she stole it from? I'm gonna go with the tried and true BBC Good Food website.
tattle.life

If I've forgotten anything, much apologies, send me epistles in brown envelopes that I will never open because I am too traumatised.

https://giphy.com/l46CjKYy7rDzHtwwo
 
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hiyaaaacath

Her twitter follower count is dropping steadily.

The squigs are waking up and smelling the coffeeslop
 
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D

dramaqween

for anyone who doesn’t understand the new blue ticks on twitter, you can easily see who has been properly verified by twitter or who bought it by clicking on the tick. for anyone who is a celebrity/public figure/official or news accounts etc, it will show that they are verified by twitter and don’t pay. i’ve used bbc news and Nigella as an example. anyone who’s bought the tick (Jack) it will show they are subscribed to twitter blue meaning they pay £8 a month to be given the tick
 

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Nottonightbabe

JO's email this morning was promoting the campaign to extend the free school meals to those in need who currently fall through the net. Not a peep from the tireless poverty campaigner though is there? Seriously, what was the last thing she actually campaigned for? Im struggling.
 
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Mallerenga

I genuinely thought she was verified by Twitter because of how many followers she had, basically. Holy fishsticks.

ETA: Actually, when checking from Twitter web...

 
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AlwightDallin

I was confused by blue ticks because yesterday Martin Lewis had a ‘official’ tag on his name (it’s gone today), so it’s hard to work out what is what, it changes so often. Does this mean Ms ‘I’ve taken out my lightbulbs’ pays £8 a month for her special blue tick? Blimey. She must LOVE attention and feeling superior (I know, we know)

… I missed the last thread because I had Covid for the bloody third time but any updates on her new shitty flat? Is it rented or as I suspect, purchased with the Ill gotten gains fund? It must be a busy time as she didn’t even send £20 to the squig she swore she’d refund.

Nice to see her patreons dropping, we’re chipping away at it, she’ll never get back to the 700s never mind 800s. Good.
 
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hiyaaaacath

in the evening standard this week there was a whole spread on Tom Kerridge and his campaign for all vulnerable school kids to get a free meal. It mentioned he was last in an actual school talking to people on the ground only a couple of weeks prior.

When was the last time JM left the house that wasnt for the following:

1. attend glitzy award do
2. Free night stay in a 5 star hotel
3. Free vip tickets to a concert

She doesn’t do ANYTHING that’s not for her own benefit.
 
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Valiofthedolls

Time for another POEM! about herself (and, apparently @Doddery old dear who gets a shout out No word on whether there was musical accompaniment to this one. She can pop in and let us know when she catches up)

The Councillors are no longer her friends and she’s feeling ANGRY. AS. HELL.

This poem is brought to you by Shit Poetry Jack and the letters F. U. C. K.


PS if you’re in the mood for a palate cleansing PROPER and TALENTED creative interlude after that,

Slopalong #2 You can’t polish a turd, but you can cover it in parsley

Tender ones, I am stuck home with Covid and the slopalong is giving me life and brining me back to health. I am a very keen baker and I think I’m not bad at it. Alas I have no Jack recipe books anymore having dispensed of them long ago when I got wise to the grift. Would a kind Frau consider...
tattle.life
can I please direct you this way to the slopalong. Volumes UP please, ninnies and all hail the intrepid and talented @binkbonk
 
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Witchfinder Sargeant

Interesting. I checked Jack's account and got this. Honestly, twitter is in such flux at the moment that I'd be wary of anything on there at the moment.



Edit, it's this on the mobile app, the previous screenshot is from the web, so, yep, something is weird.
 

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heretoreaditall2019

This is brilliant thank you

https://giphy.com/9MFsKQ8A6HCN2
ETA - oh no, short lived evil cackle
 
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MavisBeacon

There's so much chaos behind the scenes at Twitter right now I would advise against reading anything into anything. there is all kinds of shenanigans and server lags. Ignore it for now, see where things are at in a week or so
 
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ClarenceBeakes

I'd call myself conservative with a very small 'c' and I have to say I am loving watching lefty twitter lose their shit over Elon Musks antics with his new toy.
 
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Elsie Ben Felyn

Just catching up on the last thread.

I don’t know why anyone is surprised at the furniture from the bin shop comment. Look what you can get in Southend puddles. The bin sheds must be like Chaplins.
 
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binkbonk

Thankyou dear heart

I would love to see her moleskins full of "poetry"/"song lyrics". The ones that she thought were good enough to post are already dire, the unpublished ones must be amazing
 
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Jelly Bean

AlwightDallin said:
Nice to see her patreons dropping, we’re chipping away at it, she’ll never get back to the 700s never mind 800s. Good.
Click to expand...
It's great isn't it?
The contempt she always had for her patrons was disgusting. Thanking Nigella for the 'small flurry' of new subscribers (over 400), insisting most of them were on the £1 tier, bleating on that it wasn't enough to pay her bills or rent and all the while providing FUCK ALL and blocking/deleting anyone asking about it.
The arrogance was astounding.
 
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overdueanadventure

Elsie Ben Felyn said:
Just catching up on the last thread.

I don’t know why anyone is surprised at the furniture from the bin shop comment. Look what you can get in Southend puddles. The bin sheds must be like Chaplins.
Click to expand...
Also from the last thread, it was his GODMOTHER who bought the shoes for SB, as she bemoans them being left behind at his dad's one day (have been reading some of the old blogs too).
 
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Lazarus

Imagine if you will, Jack paying £8 a month for a blue tick.
imagine then Elon Musk failing to add the blue tick she paid for.
If you could then imagine Jack emailing him tens of times asking what she paid for. She knows he’s online because he’s tweeting a load of shite all over his timeline.
She continues to pay because if she doesn’t she’ll fall into the forgotten pile.
2 years later, imagine Jack’s rage if Elon still hasn’t given her blue tick.
she tweets him, he says he’ll deal with it, says he’s sorry he couldn’t do it sooner but he had a sore shoulder.
weeks go past and she’s forced to ask again and he blocks her.
She’d be fuming.
 
Reactions: 127
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