Jack Monroe #336 Her writing style makes me wish I’d never learnt to read

[NellieBoo]

I can empathise. Had some friends over for dinner. They were telling us how well their parents were settling in France (fancy). That they'd joined a rambling group. I misheard that word as gambling and proceeded to chat along those lines.

Oh!

 

[Captainmouse]

Well we all know Jack will just tell squig calmly and intelligently her logical thought process over her u turn. She loves to 'engage and explain' after all.

Snark attack incoming

 

[Captainmouse]

Body like a melted church candle for me. It’s about as funny as an egg.

Inexplicable I hope?

 

[It’s The Truman Show]

When was her rheumatologist appointment?

 

[Captainmouse]

Cack's new tampon holder?!

Surely she won’t make the pineapple redundant?

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Squig, overblending will be the last of your worries if you actually eat this (am feeling nauseous just thinking of it).

ETA should say least but last works better for this little lysteria cocktail.

Quite.

 

[Captainmouse]

I had never noticed there was codeine in them before!

Product	Active Ingredient	How they work
Day Nurse	Paracetamol 1000 mg/30 ml	Pain relief and fever reduction
Pseudoephedrine hydrochloride 60 mg/30 ml	Decongestant
Pholcodine 10 mg/30 ml	Cough suppressant
Night Nurse	Paracetamol 1000 mg/20 ml	Pain relief and fever reduction
Promethazine hydrochloride 20 mg/20 ml	Antihistamine
Dextromethorphan hydrobromide 15 mg/20 ml	Cough suppressant
Day Nurse Capsules	Paracetamol 500 mg/cap	Pain relief and fever reduction
Pseudoephedrine hydrochloride 30 mg/cap	Decongestant
Pholcodine 5 mg/cap	Cough suppressant
Night Nurse Capsules	Paracetamol 500 mg/cap	Pain killer
Promethazine hydrochloride 10 mg/cap	Antihistamine
Dextromethorphan hydrobromide 7.5 mg/cap	Cough suppressant
Day & Night Nurse Capsules Day Time Capsules	Paracetamol 500 mg/cap	Pain killer and fever reduction
Pseudoephedrine hydrochloride 30 mg/cap	Decongestant
Pholcodine 5 mg/cap	Cough suppressant
Day & Night Nurse Capsules Night Time Capsules	Paracetamol 500 mg/cap	Pain relief and fever reduction
Promethazine hydrochloride 10 mg/cap	Antihistamine
Dextromethorphan hydrobromide 7.5 mg/cap	Cough suppressant

 

[L3moning]

It’s very odd. I watched some of the happy mum happy baby podcast and she talks about SB in a very unemotional way. She talks about how easy parenting is and it doesn’t sound like there is any love there.

Things like that make me believe that Jack does have some from of Autism Spectrum Disorder, tbh. Whether it's ever been professionally diagnosed I couldn't say, though.

 

[Brian Butterfield]

Day and night nurse liquids both have alcohol in them. I have a service user who is in recovery. He was ill with actual covid, took them both (not at the same time) without realising. It triggered a relapse, bless him.

Oh my goodness, that's awful

 

[Cucumberthunder]

Jack's Facebook. Co-operative, is it?
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Also, that's not my Jack. Her hair's too plastic.View attachment 1397494View attachment 1397495View attachment 1397496View attachment 1397497

What era was this?!

 

[Pimpinella]

Crikey those before and after photos have sent the budgie fleeing off the keyboard....

I feel "barely sentient ham" is an attempt for a thread title. Bad luck babe, way too soon.

Possibly a prog rock album - JACKawocky and the Night Meats....

 

[LennyBriscoe]

View attachment 1396609

Who dat?

 

[Captainmouse]

View attachment 1399450

But we got receipts

 

[Soup or Noodle]

I'm 50 and I've been to Nandos twice. Both times with my son. Both times it was quite lively . I'm a bit deaf in my right ear so I had no clue what was going on . I can't go to Subway for the same reason. There are many questions which I can't hear or understand . I've tried but just look at the serving staff.

I was pretty confused too, but more by the pricing. Everything seemed to cost extra. I had been out the night before so wasn't really firing on all cylinders but it just seemed such a rip-off I decided never to go back.

 

[YenE]

View attachment 1400552

Er…. What?

 

[Captainmouse]

I've never had Lurpak. I feel like I'm missing out on the revolution. I buy blocks of butter. Sometimes I even buy the Cornish seasalt one when I'm feeling fancy. I might start saving up so I can try some Lurpak one day. Or just steal one. Whatever.

Lurpak comes as blocks, the tubs are spreadable, and more expensive £11 per kilo, blocks are £10 Asda

 

[Elastoblast]

Why do they think something like this though?
View attachment 1397015

I assume some of them just look at the pictures but don't read her actual posts

 

[Lazarus]

Every time Jack bangs on about her “glands” it just makes me think about Ignatius Reilly and his valve.

In fact, that’s not the only thing Jack and Ignatius have in common. Let’s play a little game of “Who said it, Jack or Ignatius?”

“Our nation demands the scrutiny of a completely disengaged observer, and I already have a rather formidable collection of notes and jottings that evaluate and lend a perspective to the contemporary scene.”

“I am about to faint from anxiety and general depression. The film I saw last night was especially grueling, a teenage beach musical. I almost collapsed.”

“I am at the moment writing a lengthy indictment against our century. When my brain begins to reel from my literary labors, I make an occasional cheese dip.”

“Leaving New Orleans Thorpe Bay also frightened me considerably. Outside of the city limits the heart of darkness, the true wasteland begins.”

“Experience can give my writing a new dimension. Being actively engaged in the system which I criticize will be an interesting irony in itself.”

Ninnies, I give you Jack Monroe, an Ignatius J. Reilly for the 21st century. Although….

“Canned food is a perversion...it is ultimately very damaging to the soul.”

ETA Jack when you’re grunking through, though they’ll make you sound just as very clever as you usually do, don’t plagiarize any of these quotes from John Kennedy O’Toole who is DEAD.

One of my favourite books of all time, and one which always has me LOL’ing.
Jack probably worked at the Night of Joy.

 

[Captainmouse]

I find subway so stressful there's just too many choices and I get so anxious ordering.

I can’t bear the smell, never actually been in, just walking past puts me off.

 

[houseofhoop]

Pholcodine is an opioid in the same family as codeine and morphine x

View attachment 1399131

Ooo I did not know that, you learn something new every day